Image: 4.bp.blogspot.com
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GOLF QUOTES
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If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop. The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf. --Donald A. Metz
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The place of the father in the modern family is a very small one, especially if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell
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Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand.
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College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity. --H. L. Mencken
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Sunday, August 3, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: megaquotes.info
FISHING QUOTES
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Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley. ~Author Unknown
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People who fish for food, and sport be damned, are called pot-fishermen. The more expert ones are called crack pot-fishermen. All other fishermen are called crackpot fishermen. This is confusing. ~Ed Zern, 1947
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There he stands, draped in more equipment than a telephone lineman, trying to outwit an organism with a brain no bigger than a breadcrumb, and getting licked in the process. ~Paul O’Neil, 1965
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All the romance of trout fishing exists in the mind of the angler and is in no way shared by the fish. ~Harold F. Blaisdell, The Philosophical Fisherman, 1969
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Trout that doesn’t think two jumps and several runs ahead of the average fisherman is mighty apt to get fried. ~Beatrice Cook, Till Fish Do Us Part, 1949
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Bass fishermen watch Monday night football, drink beer, drive pickup trucks and prefer noisy women with big breasts. Trout fishermen watch MacNeil-Lehrer, drink white wine, drive foreign cars with passenger-side air bags and hardly think about women at all. This last characteristic may have something to do with the fact that trout fishermen spend most of the time immersed up to the thighs in ice-cold water. ~Author Unknown
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Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. ~Ernest Hemingway
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All fishermen are liars; it’s an occupational disease with them like housemaid’s knee or editor’s ulcers. ~Beatrice Cook, Till Fish Do Us Part, 1949
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Of all the liars among mankind, the fisherman is the most trustworthy. ~William Sherwood Fox, Silken Lines and Silver Hooks, 1954
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We ask a simple question
And that is all we wish:
Are fishermen all liars?
Or do only liars fish?
~William Sherwood Fox, Silken Lines and Silver Hooks, 1954
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My biggest worry is that my wife (when I’m dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it. ~Koos Brandt
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There is no greater fan of fly fishing than the worm. ~Patrick F. McManus, Never Sniff a Gift Fish, 1979
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If you’ve got short, stubby fingers and wear reading glasses, any relaxation you would normally derive from fly fishing is completely eliminated when you try to tie on a fly. ~Jack Ohman, Fear of Fly Fishing, 1988
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Reading about baseball is a lot more interesting than reading about chess, but you have to wonder: Don’t any of these guys ever go fishing? ~Dave Shiflett, quoted in Houston Chronicle, 29 April 1990
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Three-fourths of the Earth’s surface is water, and one-fourth is land. It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn. ~Chuck Clark
========================
.
Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley. ~Author Unknown
.
People who fish for food, and sport be damned, are called pot-fishermen. The more expert ones are called crack pot-fishermen. All other fishermen are called crackpot fishermen. This is confusing. ~Ed Zern, 1947
.
There he stands, draped in more equipment than a telephone lineman, trying to outwit an organism with a brain no bigger than a breadcrumb, and getting licked in the process. ~Paul O’Neil, 1965
.
All the romance of trout fishing exists in the mind of the angler and is in no way shared by the fish. ~Harold F. Blaisdell, The Philosophical Fisherman, 1969
.
Trout that doesn’t think two jumps and several runs ahead of the average fisherman is mighty apt to get fried. ~Beatrice Cook, Till Fish Do Us Part, 1949
.
Bass fishermen watch Monday night football, drink beer, drive pickup trucks and prefer noisy women with big breasts. Trout fishermen watch MacNeil-Lehrer, drink white wine, drive foreign cars with passenger-side air bags and hardly think about women at all. This last characteristic may have something to do with the fact that trout fishermen spend most of the time immersed up to the thighs in ice-cold water. ~Author Unknown
.
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. ~Ernest Hemingway
.
All fishermen are liars; it’s an occupational disease with them like housemaid’s knee or editor’s ulcers. ~Beatrice Cook, Till Fish Do Us Part, 1949
.
Of all the liars among mankind, the fisherman is the most trustworthy. ~William Sherwood Fox, Silken Lines and Silver Hooks, 1954
.
We ask a simple question
And that is all we wish:
Are fishermen all liars?
Or do only liars fish?
~William Sherwood Fox, Silken Lines and Silver Hooks, 1954
.
My biggest worry is that my wife (when I’m dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it. ~Koos Brandt
.
There is no greater fan of fly fishing than the worm. ~Patrick F. McManus, Never Sniff a Gift Fish, 1979
.
If you’ve got short, stubby fingers and wear reading glasses, any relaxation you would normally derive from fly fishing is completely eliminated when you try to tie on a fly. ~Jack Ohman, Fear of Fly Fishing, 1988
.
Reading about baseball is a lot more interesting than reading about chess, but you have to wonder: Don’t any of these guys ever go fishing? ~Dave Shiflett, quoted in Houston Chronicle, 29 April 1990
.
Three-fourths of the Earth’s surface is water, and one-fourth is land. It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn. ~Chuck Clark
========================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: megaquotes.info
Image: lol101.com
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HOCKEY QUOTES
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Give blood. Play hockey. ~Author Unknown
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Red ice sells hockey tickets. ~Bob Stewart
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By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series. ~Steve Rushin
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High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing… everything else is just figure skating. ~Author Unknown
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Hockey is figure skating in a war zone. ~Author Unknown
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We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don’t even have to go to the hospital. ~Brad Park
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Hockey players wear numbers because you can’t always identify the body with dental records. ~Author Unknown
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballeconomy.com
SOCCER QUOTES
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Famous Footballing Philosophers
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Sam Allardyce:
"There are scientists who will tell you that spirit, because it can't be measured, doesn't exist. Bollocks. It does exist" - Bolton Wanderers manager discusses metaphysics.
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Alan Brown:
"Soccer is the biggest thing that's happened in creation. It's bigger than any 'ism' you can name."
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Brian Clough:
"It only takes a second to score a goal."
"Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes."
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Johann Cruyff:
"Toeval is logisch." ("Coincidence is logical.")
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Paul Gardner:
"To the aesthete it (football) is an art form, an athletic ballet. To the spiritually inclined it is a religion."
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Thierry Henry:
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
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Ian Holloway:
"My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't give us a point."
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John Motson:
"The World Cup is a truly international event."
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Sir Alf Ramsey:
"The missing of chances is one of the mysteries of life."
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Gordon Strachan:
"The world looks a totally different place after two wins."
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Neville Southall:
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day."
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Mike Summerbee:
"Next thing we'll be giving our handbags to the linesmen as we skip onto the field." - commenting on new rules interpretations by referees
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Peter Taylor:
"When I said even my Missus could save Derby from relegation, I was exaggerating."
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Famous Footballing Players
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Michael Owen
"He's got the legs of a salmon." - Craig Brown (ex-Scotland coach)
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Michel Platini
"Even his feet are intelligent." - Michel Hildago
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Patrick Vieira
"You weren’t world-class when Arsenal signed you." - Arsene Wenger's reply, according to The Sun newspaper, when Vieira complained to him that Arsenal had failed to sign any world-class players.
========================
.
Famous Footballing Philosophers
.
Sam Allardyce:
"There are scientists who will tell you that spirit, because it can't be measured, doesn't exist. Bollocks. It does exist" - Bolton Wanderers manager discusses metaphysics.
.
Alan Brown:
"Soccer is the biggest thing that's happened in creation. It's bigger than any 'ism' you can name."
.
Brian Clough:
"It only takes a second to score a goal."
"Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes."
.
Johann Cruyff:
"Toeval is logisch." ("Coincidence is logical.")
.
Paul Gardner:
"To the aesthete it (football) is an art form, an athletic ballet. To the spiritually inclined it is a religion."
.
Thierry Henry:
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
.
Ian Holloway:
"My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't give us a point."
.
John Motson:
"The World Cup is a truly international event."
.
Sir Alf Ramsey:
"The missing of chances is one of the mysteries of life."
.
Gordon Strachan:
"The world looks a totally different place after two wins."
.
Neville Southall:
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day."
.
Mike Summerbee:
"Next thing we'll be giving our handbags to the linesmen as we skip onto the field." - commenting on new rules interpretations by referees
.
Peter Taylor:
"When I said even my Missus could save Derby from relegation, I was exaggerating."
.
Famous Footballing Players
.
Michael Owen
"He's got the legs of a salmon." - Craig Brown (ex-Scotland coach)
.
Michel Platini
"Even his feet are intelligent." - Michel Hildago
.
Patrick Vieira
"You weren’t world-class when Arsenal signed you." - Arsene Wenger's reply, according to The Sun newspaper, when Vieira complained to him that Arsenal had failed to sign any world-class players.
========================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com
Image: nascar-baby.funnypart.com
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RACE CAR HUMOR
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You Might be a Race Car Fanatic if....
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You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentleman start your engines!"....
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You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary....
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You've ever written Richard Petty's name on a presidential ballot....
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You think heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida....
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You have the word NASCAR in your wedding vows....
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You go to a stock car race and don't need a program....
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Your favorite NASCAR souvenir was a direct result of a crash in turn three....
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You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights....
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You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are....
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You think the most effective form of advertising is on the side of a car going 200 mph.....round and round and round....
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You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to look at the pictures....
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Your wife's nickname is "Lugnut"
====================
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RACE CAR HUMOR
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You Might be a Race Car Fanatic if....
.
You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentleman start your engines!"....
.
You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary....
.
You've ever written Richard Petty's name on a presidential ballot....
.
You think heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida....
.
You have the word NASCAR in your wedding vows....
.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program....
.
Your favorite NASCAR souvenir was a direct result of a crash in turn three....
.
You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights....
.
You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are....
.
You think the most effective form of advertising is on the side of a car going 200 mph.....round and round and round....
.
You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to look at the pictures....
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Your wife's nickname is "Lugnut"
====================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com
Fishing Gear 101
Image: scienceblogs.com
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FISHING HUMOR
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You Might Be A Fisherman If .......
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You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
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Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
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You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
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You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
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Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
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You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
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You name your dog "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
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You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
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You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
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You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
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You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
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You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
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You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
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You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
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Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
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You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
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Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boat's gone.
Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boat's gone.
====================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseballssteroidera.com
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes about the Baseball Steroid Era
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Major league baseball has received the Mitchell Report
and has chosen to accept the report's recommendations
reducing MLB's anticipated response to baseball's
steroids era.
.
Since the steroids era is still addressed by MLB and the
sports media in a more subdued manner, it is crucial to
retain a historical perspective of the era for research and
analysis purposes.
.
Accordingly, for those wishing to view quotes from
baseball's steroids era, please click here > STEROIDS.
====================
Quotes about the Baseball Steroid Era
.
Major league baseball has received the Mitchell Report
and has chosen to accept the report's recommendations
reducing MLB's anticipated response to baseball's
steroids era.
.
Since the steroids era is still addressed by MLB and the
sports media in a more subdued manner, it is crucial to
retain a historical perspective of the era for research and
analysis purposes.
.
Accordingly, for those wishing to view quotes from
baseball's steroids era, please click here > STEROIDS.
====================
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