FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mooviees.com

Image: amazon.com
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AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes from the movie "The Longest Yard"
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To view the quotes, click here ===> THE LONGEST YARD
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesinternet.com

Image: brewskeeball.blogspot.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
-Wright, Steven
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I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules. Anyway you're on the same wavelength as the referees.
-Davies, Jonathan
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Officials are the only guys who can rob you and then get a police escort out of the stadium.
-Bolton, Ron
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Professional wrestling's most mysterious hold is on its audience.
-Neely, Luke
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The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.
-Morley, Robert
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If I lose at play, I blaspheme; if my fellow loses, he blasphemes. So, God is always the loser.
-Donne, John
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.sportal.com.au

Image: truthaboutit.net
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BASKETBALL QUOTES
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We'll see how the game goes. If they're scoring, keep feeding them. If they're missing, then I'll do me. That's talent. I'm multitalented. Like Bo Jackson!"
-- Gilbert Arenas answering a question about whether he would be a distributor or a scorer against the Bulls tonight.
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"There's always going to be criticism when your name is Jalen. You have to wear a bulletproof vest and be ready for it."
-- Jalen Rose
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"There's Fredo, there's Sonny and there's Michael. The Godfather handed it over to Michael. I have no problem handing it over to Dwyane."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on comparing Penny Hardaway and Kobe Bryant to Dwyane
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"I'm tellin' ya man, to be able to stroke it like that must be some kind of feeling"
-- Dick Vitale on J.J. Reddick's ability to hit 3s
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"I don't think he's going to have a lot of fun over the next 31 games... But it could be worse. He could be going to the Clippers."
-- Bill Fitch on interim Timberwolves coach Kevin McHale
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"I think it's a great city . I think it's a fabulous city. But in my young juvenile days, I was an idiot and I bought 30 cars. And I need to drive those cars and New York isn't really the place you can do that."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on why he never wants to play for the Knicks
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"I've got to stop this. My entourages are getting entourages."
-- Jalen Rose, on the trouble finding tickets for everyone when he returns to Detroit.
"I have never seen a fight like that in a game since I was in high school."
--Quentin Richardson on the Pacers-Pistons melee.
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"Yes it was unanimous, 1-0, and I won."
-- NBA commissioner David Stern, after being asked whether the vote to suspend Ron Artest for the season was unanimous
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"I think I'll get along real well with Brad. I can see us really going at it in practice every day, then going out and killing something to eat."
-- Greg Ostertag on new Kings teammate Brad Miller
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"Some days you are going to be some place. Some days you can be moved tomorrow."
-- Kelvin Cato
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"Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my mother for having me too soon!"
-Charles Barkley on the influx of high-schoolers into the NBA)
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"It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again 'cause that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith's house. "
-Charles Barkley
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"The mistakes I did with my first two kids, Penny and Kobe, I won't repeat with D-Wade"
-Shaq
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"Wouldn't. I would just go home. I'd fake an injury or something"
-Shaq a hypothetical question on how he would defend against himself
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Melbourne Reporter: Chuck what is the first thing you're going to try and do out there today.
Barkley: Score more points than them.
Barkley: We don't have a lot of plays here- most of them are just get the ball to me.
Barkley: Someone had to be me, might as well be me!!!!
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Shaq quotes:
“Phil took us to the finals three out of the five years and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man. That’s like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that’s 5-10, 480 (pounds).”
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“We’re focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it’s not good enough to get you fat. We’re trying to get fat.”
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“The stats win nothing. I’m still nasty. I’m still great.”
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“If you go 72-11 and don’t win (the championship), it doesn’t mean anything. Actually it does. It means you’ve cheated and played an extra regular-season game.”
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On why he barely acknowledged Kobe Bryant before a Lakers-Heat game:
“I didn’t say anything. Got nothing to say. I’m a married man; I don’t need a relationship with another man.”
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ryangiggs.org

SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes from a soccer forum
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Mar 10 2008
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THE best footballers let their feet do their talking. And when you hear them speak, you understand why.
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But soccer is lit up by hilarious or thought-provoking utterings as often as it is by moments of footballing magic.
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Phil Shaw’s new Book Of Football Quotations has gathered together thousands of them.
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Here is MARTIN PHILLIPS’ selection of some of the best.
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“People used to say that if I’d shot John Lennon, he’s still be alive today.”
-Garry Birtles, former England striker, on his long goalless run at Manchester United, 2004
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“Normally when you swap shirts they are soaked in sweat, but Beckham’s smelt only of perfume. Either he protects himself against BO or he sweats cologne.”
-Ronaldo, Brazil striker after the World Cup quarter-final win over England, 2002
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“Becks hasn’t changed since I’ve known him. He’s always been a flash Cockney git.”
-Ryan Giggs, United colleague, 2003
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“I’m so glad there will now be two good-looking guys at Real. I’ve felt so lonely in such an ugly team.”
-Roberto Carlos, Brazil and Real Madrid defender, 2003, on news that Beckham was joining the Spanish side
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“You score goals as a kid. Then you grow up stupid and become a goalkeeper.”
-Gianluigi Buffon, Juventus and Italy goalkeeper, 2004
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“He’s a smashing professional and a leader. He’s like Bobby Moore in that respect, though he wouldn’t have made it into Bobby’s drinking school.”
-Harry Redknapp, West Ham manager, 2000, on Paolo Di Canio
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“Drogba - the strength of a bull but the pain threshold of a lamb.”
-Clive Tyldesley, ITV commentator, on Didier Drogba’s tendency to fall over, 2007
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‘ I always had a reputation for going missing - Miss England, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World..’
-George Best, 1992
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“We were driving back from Birmingham when Kieron (Dyer) suddenly shouted, ‘Stop the bus! I’ve left my diamond earring in the dressing room.’ Can you imagine in my playing days a player telling Bill Shankly, ‘Stop the bus, Bill, I’ve left me earring in the dressing room.”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2003
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“You could put (Luis) Figo in a phone booth with 11 opponents and he would find his way to the door. He’d beat them all and dribble his way out.”
-Carlos Queiroz, Real Madrid coach, 2003
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“It’s not nice going into the supermarket and the woman at the till is thinking, ‘Dodgy keeper.’”
-David James, then playing erratically in goal for Liverpool, 1997
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“I’d been ill and hadn’t trained for a week. Plus I was out of the side for three weeks before that. So I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses.”
-Clinton Morrison, then with Birmingham, on his disappointing display at Crystal Palace, 2005
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“I reckon he tackles his girlfriend before they eat their tea. The lads tell me he met her in a nightclub, where he crunched her and liked the fact she got up so fast.”
-Ian Holloway, then Plymouth Argyle manager, on his club’s combative midfielder David Norris, 2007
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“You always say something good about players who leave. (Laurent) Robert is leaving. Good.”
-Freddy Shepherd, then Newcastle United chairman, on the French forward’s departure for Portsmouth, 2005
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“There have been a few players described as the new George Best over the years, but this is the first time it’s been a compliment to me.”
-George Best talking about Cristiano Ronaldo, 2004
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“(Wayne) Rooney has signed a deal to do five books. That’s an awful lot of crayons.”
-Johnnie Walker, Radio 2 DJ, 2002
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“If brains were chocolate, he wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie.”
-Former Leicester City striker Alan Birchenall, talking about Robbie Savage
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“Robbie had to come off with cramp - in his hair.”
-Steve Bruce, then Birmingham city manager, on Robbie Savage, 2003
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“We can’t replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?”
-Sir Bobby Robson, Newcastle manager, 2004
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“For Tony to admit he is an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle.”
-Ian Wright, Arsenal and England team-mate, 1996
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“At that moment I hated Gordon Banks more than any man in soccer. But when I cooled down I had to applaud him with my heart for the greatest save I had ever seen.”
-Pele after Gordon Banks had saved his header, Brazil v England, World Cup finals, 1970
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‘ My next guest has fulfilled every schoolboy’s dream. He’s won the Double, he’s captained England, and he’s driven a car into a wall at very high speed. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Adams! ’
-Sanjeev Bhaskar, comic actor, on the spoof TV chat show The Kumars at No 42, 2003
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“He’s the only player who, when he’s on the TV, Daleks hide behind the sofa.”
-Nick Hancock, compere on TV’s They think It’s All Over, talking about Peter Beardsley, 1995
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“Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don’t pay a million for a guy to hang around on defense.”
-New York Cosmos executive on the former West Germany captain Franz Beckenbauer’s deep-lying role, 1977
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Michael Parkinson: “What was the nearest to kick-off that you made love?”
George Best: “Er...I think it was half-time actually.”
-Exchange on Parkinson’s TV chat show, 1980s.
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‘ I’m a football fan now. In the papers this morning they said a nation’s thoughts were on Michael Owen’s groin. I thought, "Me too!" ’
-Graham Norton, gay talk-show host, during the World Cup finals, 2002
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“He carried us for so long. It was an honour to carry him.”
-Derek Dougan, Northern Ireland team-mate and a pall-bearer at George Best’s funeral, 2005
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“If Stan could pass a betting shop the way he can pass a ball, he’d have no worries.”
-Ernie Tagg, Crewe manager, who launched compulsive gambler and 70s England star Stan Bowles on his career
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“For my next film role, I would love to play a psychopath or an unpleasant person.”
-Eric Cantona, 2000
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“I’m very pleased for Paul, but it’s like watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car.”
-Terry Venables, then Tottenham manager, after Paul Gascoigne finally joined Lazio, 1992
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“I’m no hero. Doctors and nurses are heroes. Surgeons, people like that. We had a real hero born right here in Stoke-on-Trent: Reginald Mitchell, who designed the Spitfire. He saved Britain. Now that’s what I call a hero.”
-Sir Stanley Matthews, 1995.
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“Eyal is a professional and clearly wants to earn as much money as possible. But he is Jewish and I am Scottish so it will be difficult for us to reach a financial agreement.”
-Graeme Souness, then Blackburn manager, on the possibility of Israeli Eyal Berkovic, on loan crom Celtic, becoming as permanent transfer, 2001
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“He was a magician on the park. He could have put a size-five football in an egg cup.”
-Sir Alex Ferguson on the late Jim Baxter, 2006
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Q: “Most embarrassing moment?”A: “Trying to follow Craig Burley’s instructions on the park when he didn’t have his teeth in, and getting it hopelessly wrong.”
-Malky Mackay, Norwich defender, on his former Celtic colleague, 2001
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“When he sold you a dummy you had to pay to get back in the ground.”
-Jim Baxter, Scotland team-mate, on Chelsea winger Charlie Cooke, 1976
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“When he plays on snow he doesn’t leave any footprints.”
-Don Revie on the Leeds and Scotland midfielder Eddie Gray, 1970
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: goteamsgo.com

Image: gardening.cornell.edu
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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from a sports forum
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Quotes by John McKay, football coach:
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"Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place."
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"They keep records like most times sliding into second base on a Tuesday."
(Comment about baseball statistics)
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On this significance of experience-- "If you have everyone back from a team that lost 10 games, experience isn't too important."
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"The only problem with doing the impossible is that everybody expects you to duplicate the impossible."
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Hey, how about this one from Terry Bradshaw's Hall of Fame Speech:
"What I'd give to put my hands under Mike Webster's butt one last time"...
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Tennis pro Ille Nastase, on not reporting a stolen credit card to the police-"Whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
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New York restaurant owner Toots Shor, sitting with Dr. Victor Fleming, who discovered penicillin, seeing Giants Hall of Fame slugger Mel Ott walk through the door- "Excuse me, somebody important just came in.
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Bucky Harris, giving advice to his woeful Senators team on how to hit Bob Feller-"Go up and hit what you see and if you can't see it, come on back."
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Joe McCarthy, Joe DiMaggio's Yankee manager, on if his star could bunt-"I will never find out."
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Sports writing immortal Jimmy Cannon, when the lights dimmed during a baseball writer's dinner-"Thank God, they electrocuted the chef."
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Baseball Hall of Famer Paul Waner-"They say money talks. The only thing it says to me is goodbye."
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Announcer Bill Curtis, hearing the 1974 San Diego Chargers were being investigated for drug abuse-"The way they play, it must have been formaldehyde."
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Baseball Hall of Famer Lou Brock-"When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. My dad solved the problem. He cut the legs off it."
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Jimmy Cannon on Howard Cosell-"He changed his name from Cohen to Cosell , puts on a toupee and tells it like it is?"
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: aphidscommunications.com

SPORTS QUOTES

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Health food makes me sick.

-- Calvin Trillin

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Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball.

-- Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand

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Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.

-- Russell Baker

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If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

-- Seen on a bumper sticker

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Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

-- Charles Pierce

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The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

-- Robert M. Pirsig

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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

-- Fran Lebowitz

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A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

-- Sidney Goff

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: futurehealth.org

SPORTS QUOTES
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A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are.
--Ara Parasheghian
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Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
--Eugene McCarthy
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When you don't know that you don't know, it's a lot different than when you do know that you don't know. He knows now that he doesn't know. Last year, he didn't know that."
-- New England Patriots head coach Bill Parcels, on 2nd year quarter-back Drew Bledsoe
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