FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

 

SPORTS QUOTE:

 

Unknown:  "The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball.  The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.  The sport of choice for front-line workers is football.  The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.  The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.  The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.  Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become."

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

1. GOLF QUOTES:

1. Harry Vardon:  "If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes.  It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head."

2. Huxtable Pippey:  "Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver.  The sand wedge is far more effective."

3. Winston Churchill:  "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." 

5. Don Carter:  "One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball."

6. Lee Trevino:  "I'm a golfaholic, no question about that.  Counseling wouldn't help me.  They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play."

7. Henry Longhurst:  "If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf."

8. George Deukmejian:  "The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie."

9. Unknown:  "It is good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."

10. Tommy Armour:  "Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result."

11. Ben Hogan:  "Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing."

12. President Woodrow Wilson:  "Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose."

13. Seve Ballesteros:  "I look into their eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, 'I am going to bury you."

14. Bruce McCall:  "No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul."

15. Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball so high:  "Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt."

16. b:   "Golf is not a game, it's bondage.  It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins."

17. Gardner Dickinson:  "They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. golf is more complicated than that."

18. Sam Snead, about golf :  "I figure practice puts your brains in your muscles."

19. Lee Trevino:  "Columbus went around the world in 1492.  That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."

20. Will Rogers:  "Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."

21. Roger Simon:  "The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

22. Henry Beard:  "Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf.  The other is "Wear it if it clashes." 

23. Bob Hope, about his golfing :  "I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there."

24. Larry Nelson:  "If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?"

25. Adlai Stevenson:  "Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses."

26. Unknown:  "When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit."

27. Martha Beckman:  "Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one."  

28.  

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.com.au

GOLF QUOTES

"I wanted to be his child. If I was a child I wouldn't play golf anymore, I'd be sitting in a boat somewhere spending all dad's money. I've been trying to get him to adopt me for the last five years, but he wouldn't do it."        John Daly when asked his thoughts on Tiger Woods becoming a father.

"I think when I made the turn on the front nine I thought it had to be pretty close to setting a record somewhere. The only time I've been 9 under through nine has been playing Tiger Woods on Play Station." Brandt Snedeker after his blistering opening nine holes at the Buick Invitational.

"I laid my head on the pillow last night and had four alarm clocks set, and I had somebody call from my office. I was scared to death. I had this vision of running down No. 3 going 'I'm here, I'm here' and missing that 7:30 tee time."     Car dealer Skipper Beck recalling his emotions on the eve of playing in a pro-am alongside Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan.

"She must know I'm a pretty good tennis player."    Adam Scott joking with reporters on tennis beauty Maria Sharapova listing the 26-year-old Aussie - who noted that he has a girlfriend - among her top 10 desired mixed doubles partners. On her website, Sharapova had Scott listed at No. 6, with a comment in parenthesis "night match, please?"

"If anybody laughs when I hit it, they're dead - we've got Secret Service here."      Former US President George H.W. Bush joking with the gallery at the opening ceremony of the AT&T National.

"Hell of a host."     A tongue-in-cheek Jim Furyk referring to Tiger Woods' success at his own tournament, the Target World Challenge.

"You would think I would be smart enough to figure it out myself after about three years, but I wasn't quite clever enough."        Darren Clarke after belatedly discovering his poor form was down to having the wrong length of shafts in his irons.

"Like an octopus falling out of a tree."     Former Irish golfer David Feherty passes comment on Jim Furyk's swing.

"Nicklaus' courses are like Jack himself - grim and humourless with sharp edges."        Peter Thomson on the Golden Bear's course designs.

"Everything was fine until I walked on to the first tee."        Seve Ballesteros after hitting a shot into the trees at the first hole of his opening round in the Madrid Open.

"I tried but every time I worked out I threw up, and I thought to myself that you can get drunk and throw up, so it's just not for me. I'd rather smoke, drink Diet Cokes and eat."       John Daly opts to continue with his fatness regime after Woods claimed his rivals were not fit enough to challenge him.

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.