FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: buzz.omgili.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
Sportscaster Hawk Harrelson Quotes
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Hawk's baseball catch phrases:
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"I tell you what" - used at beginning or end of any statement for emphasis
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"I am telling you what" - see above
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"I am going to tell you what" - see above
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"I am fixin' to tell you what" - see above
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"Boy I tell you what"- see above
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"Hiney Bird" - a bird that flies in perfectly executed concentric circles until it flies up his own behind and disappears forever (a reference to Jay Mariotti.)
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"Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it Down!" - when the pre-game analysis of the two teams ends
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"That's a can o' corn" - when any batter hits a lazy fly ball"
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"That ball hit deep. Waaaaaaaaaay back. He looks up, you can put it on the booooooooooooooaaaaaaard...YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"
(D.J. joins in) - when a Sox batter hits a home run
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"Mercy!" - usually after a great play, or when the White Sox are having a big inning
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"HE GONE!" - when a Sox pitcher strikes out an opposing batter
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"Right size, wrong shape." - when a ball with home run distance goes foul
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"Rack 'em up!" - when Sox defenders successfully execute a double play
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"Duck snort" - a short, hard fly ball that lands in the gap between an infielder and an outfielder
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"STRETCH!" - when a Sox batter hits a deep ball that has the potential to go over the wall for a home run
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"Souvenir right/left side" - when a player hits a ball foul into the stands on the left or right side
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"Hang whoop'um" - when a player hits a hard line drive right to an infielder
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"Zone 'em in, Reel 'em in, and light her up" - when a Sox player has a count with 3 balls, meaning to draw a walk
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"You can cancel the postgame show" - when a batter breaks up a pitcher's no-hit bid
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"Grab some bench!" - when a Sox pitcher strikes out an opposing batter
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"Gas" - when a Sox pitcher throws a fastball on which the batter whiffs
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"WAY BACK!" - when a Sox player hits a ball so far it is a no-doubt home run
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"Get foul!" - when an opposing player hits a ball that might go foul, and will be serious trouble for the Sox if it doesn't.
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"Stay fair..it will!" - when a Sox player hits a ball that might go foul, but doesn't
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"That ball was kilt" - when a Sox player hits a ball (usually a long homerun) with tremendous force
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"Sacks packed with Sox" - when the Sox are batting and have the bases loaded
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"That'll load 'em up" - a play (usually a base on balls) loading the bases while the Sox are batting
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"Time to cinch it up and hunker down" - when a batter has two strikes and is behind in the count
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"Chopper Two Hopper" - when a batter swings down on a pitch and hits a two hopper to an infielder
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"And here's (Player) He's Due" - When the player coming to the plate has no hits in the game
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"It's Sock it Thome time!" - whenever Sox slugger Jim Thome comes to bat in a crucial situation and Hawk has a strong feeling he will come through
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"Come on (Player's number, e.g. 24) One time" - when Hawk is hoping for clutch heroics from an unlikely source
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"That one had eyes on it" - referring to a sharp line drive hit by a player
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"Watch out" - when a player lines a foul ball into the stands
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"That'll get the job done" - when a Sox batter sacrifices a baserunner, often a fly ball, to bring him home
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"But the damage is done" - when the Sox end a productive inning
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"But a crooked number goes up on the board" - after a team scored two or more runs in an inning
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"Look at dis" - when the Sox get a timely hit or make a great defensive gem
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"Man, that is some B.S. right there" - when Hawk gets extremely angry at an umpire's call
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"He's got a chance to be something special" - when Hawk is optimistic about a young player's future (usually right after, "Boy I tell you what")
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"He just missed it" - when a Sox batter hits a deep fly ball, almost a home run
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"C'mon (Player), first and third him" - when there's a runner on first and Hawk wants a single to right field
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"Dreaded leadoff walk" - when a Sox player walks the first batter of an inning
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"Lance Johnson jump" - when a baserunner takes a nearly suicidal leadoff when attempting to steal a base (a reference to the great Sox base stealer Lance Johnson)
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"Get on back there, stretch, c'mon STRETCH!" - when a ball just barely makes it over the fence
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"Down to the last bullet" - when a team has two strikes and two outs in their final inning
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"Ball four base hit" - when a Sox hitter has a full count and Hawk wants either a walk or a hit on the next pitch
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"That's trouble" - when the opposing team gets a hit to score at least one run
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"Give 'em a thrill" - when a Sox player has a chance to make the crowd roar with excitement
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"Feisty" - Hawk's nickname for broadcast partner D.J.
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"Your what hurts?" - Hawk's response to any slightly homoerrotic comment by broadcast partner D.J.
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"Where was that pitch?" - when the umpire calls a ball that Hawk thinks was a strike
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"Before we show you our picks to click you at home select yours" - referring to the daily contest between anouncers which player will have the best game
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"I loooooove that duck." - when Hawk expresses his love for the duck that shows up on the graphic for the daily Aflac Trivia Question
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"Carmines" - the nickname Hawk has for the Red Sox (carmine is a shade of red)
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"Twinkies" - the nickname Hawk has for the Twins
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"And this ballgame...is OVA!!" - after the Sox earn a victory (especially emphatic if it is an exciting game)
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"That'll end the [inning number]. Good guys in trouble." - after the opposing team ends their half of the inning and the Sox are down a lot of runs
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"Did he? Yes he did!" - when an opposing batter strikes out on a close check-swing
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"There's a base hit up the middle right through the wickets." - after a base hit through the pitcher's legs
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"Pickett (Pick it) Wilson!" - after a Sox infielder makes a tough play on a ground ball
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"Carmine derriere" - Hawk's affectionate term for a fiercely competitive player
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"I love fireworks in the day time." - Hawk says when during a day game a Sox player hits a home run and the stadium shoots off fireworks.
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"Lookin' for it, got it, couldn't do nothing with it" - when a Sox player guesses correctly what/where the next pitch will be, and just misses hitting it well.
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"Suck'em up Joe" - when the opposing team hits a ball towards third baseman Joe Crede.

*************************

Fact
While playing for the Athletics, Harrelson invented the batting glove by wearing a golf glove while batting, according to The Dickson Baseball Dictionary, by Paul Dickson.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: irishtimes.com

EURO 2008 SPORTS QUOTES
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"I am not superstitious - it brings bad luck."
- French coach Raymond Domenech before the Dutch game, during which his players walked under several ladders and ran over a dozen black cats.
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Bill O'Herlihy : "Right gentlemen, what do you make of Group B?
Graeme Souness : "It looks a bit like World War II, Bill." - Well, in fairness, with Germany, Austria and Poland .
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"They're useless . . . they're rubbish! Apart from Ballack they haven't got a single player playing for a top club in Europe, not one - they're all playing for Mickey Mouse teams. These guys will get hockeyed when they play one of the good sides . . . they'll get killed, Bill."
- So much for never writing off the Germans . . . Dunphy previews the final.
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"We have now given out yellow vests to all our staff who have to work on or cross the tracks in Basle."
- A Swiss railway spokesman after Dutch fans followed a worker - in an orange bib - on to the tracks after mistaking him for a fellow fan.
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"He's absolutely indispensable. But so are all the others."
- French coach Domenech on Karim Benzema.
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"Croatia were a little bit tippy tappy for me".
- From now we'll call him Graeme "Tippy Tappy" Souness.
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"He's like six foot four of blancmange . . . more Swiss Toni than Luca Toni."
- Mark Lawrenson on the hapless Italian striker.
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"He is the king of offside."
- Portuguese coach Luiz Felipe Scolari's tribute to Ruud van Nistelrooy.
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Eamon Dunphy : "The Dutch look good but they haven't played a proper team yet."
Liam Brady : "They beat Italy 3-0 and France 4-1, the World Cup finalists! What do you mean by a proper team?"
Dunphy : "Sweden!"
Brady : (Speechless).
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"They haven't a prayer of reaching the final."
- Dunphy cracks up a the notion of the Germans progressing to the final day.
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"I would rather have my prostate gland expand to the size of a pumpkin than watch France win Euro 2008."
- London Times columnist Rod Liddle provides us with a delightful image as he rules out supporting Les Bleus in the championships.
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"For each goal I'll present two beautiful chicks - watch the guys react."
- Moscow socialite Pyotr Listerman offering the Russian players a bit of a pre-tournament incentive. Having scored three Roman Pavlyuchenko, presumably, went home to six freshly hatched birds.
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"With the greatest respect to women, football is the most beautiful thing in the world."
- Croatia boss Slaven Bilic on the love of his life.
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"In 2004, a miracle happened, but maybe it happens once every 30 years. You can't have it every week or it wouldn't be a miracle."
- Greek coach Otto Rehhagel on his side's chances of retaining their European title. Zilch, as it proved.
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"I want to play for Real Madrid, but only if it is true they are eager to pay me and Manchester United what they have been saying they will. It is important to send a message."
- Cristiano Ronaldo, obviously fully focused on Portugal's campaign ahead.
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"The defender was literally - literally! - up his backside."
- ITV's Andy Townsend spots Jan Koller having an uncomfortable time of it against Turkey.
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"I have never been a referee and I am not likely to become one - especially if this is the sort of abuse they receive."
- Howard Webb - not the referee, the man who's in charge of street lighting for Rotherham Borough Council. This Webb received abusive phone calls and emails from Polish fans who confused him with his namesake.
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"He's a nothing player, he's like Paul McShane on steroids - costs more but just as likely to get you shot in the head."
- Eamon Dunphy paying tribute to Spain's Sergio Ramos.
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"Czechoslovakia . . . the Republic of Czechoslovakia . . . the former Republic of Czechoslovakia."
- David Pleat struggles to identify Portugal's opponents.
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"Disastro Donadoni!"
- We don't speak Italian but we're guessing the headline in Corriere dello Sport , after Italy lost 3-0 to the Dutch, wasn't a tribute to Roberto.
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"Kroatastrophe!"
- We don't speak German but . . . the headline in Bild , after Germany lost to Croatia.
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"I'm English, without a doubt. I will never ever say I'm not English. English born and bred. I'm Turkish, though."
- Colin Kazim-Richards, the English Turk.
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"If such people attend our matches I prefer to play in front of empty seats. Our beloved president also held the scarf upside down, maybe it was the first time he's ever been to a game? It was all very pathetic."
- Polish goalkeeper Artur Boruc after president Lech Kaczynski got his and team-mate Roger Guerreiro's names wrong in an interview.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: whoateallthepies.tv

SOCCER QUOTES
Sportscaster Quotes by John Motson
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The BBC has cottoned on to what the rest of us have known for some time: John Motson has lost his marbles. Motty is being pensioned off after tonight's Euro 2008 final. As he hangs up the famous sheepskin coat, Pies recalls some of his finest moments.
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1. "And I suppose Spurs are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than at any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway."
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2. "Actually, none of the players are wearing earrings. Kjeldberg, with his contact lenses is the closest we can get."
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3. "If David Beckham claims that goal, it will be only the second goal he has scored for England... well, no, it won't be... it'll be the fourth or fifth free kick, I think... but certainly the one in Sapporo is the one we remember most in recent times... but how often has he changed the direction of the game for England?"
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4. "And Seaman, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction."
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5. "What a time to score... 27 minutes!"
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6. "The Czech Republic are coming from behind in more than one way now."
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7. "Apparently, Clint Dempsey is a freestyle rapper - whatever that means."
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8. "For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip."
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9. "The World Cup is a truly international event."
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10. "The referee is wearing the same yellow-coloured top as the Slovakian goalkeeper. I'd have thought the Uefa official would have spotted that - but perhaps he's been deafened by the noise of this crowd."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: usopen.org

Image: irvinehousingblog.com

TENNIS QUOTES
U. S. Open 2007 Quotes
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Maria Sharapova on what she did while she was nursing a left shin injury:
“Two days. Told you. The next day was pretty bad. It was very disappointing because I had a few friends coming into town to watch me play if I was in the final, and all of them decided to go bowling, which was perfect with a bad shin.”
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John Isner on his nicknames at the University of Georgia:
“Yeah. One was "Grandpa." I'm so slow with everything I do, I don't get much accomplished. Off the tennis court, I just sit around, don't do anything. And "Lloyd," the new one was "Lloyd." I got this awful, awful haircut one time. Remember Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber. You know he had this straight across, it was exactly what my hair was like. Only thing missing was the chipped tooth.”
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Ana Ivanovic on requests from her devoted fans:
“Yeah, actually yesterday when I was signing autographs after practice, the guy asked me to sign his forehead. I was like, Are you kidding?”
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Marat Safin on Pete Sampras’ claim that Safin was “able to be No. 1 in the world for as long a time as he wanted to:”
“See, even the geniuses make the mistakes. He was wrong.”
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Tim Henman on his favorite moments in tennis:
“I think the best overall is Paris, the Masters Series, when I won. I think for the consistent level of tennis. You know, Basel I played some I remember one year only dropping my serve once the whole week, making Roger cry in the final. That was pretty special. I have to remind him of that every once in a while just to keep his feet on the ground.”
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Asha Rolle on what she’s planning to do with her US Open earnings:
“Got to go pay some bills.”
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Alun Jones on a former occupation of his:
“Real shovel. I was just digging a lot of holes. That's what I was doing.”
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Agnes Szavay on her hobbies:
“I love horses. I like to ride horses. I love every sport which one has a ball. I don't like running or stuff like that, but I like everything what has a ball.”
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Novak Djokovic on the one player he can’t impersonate:
“Well, the untouchable one, Roger. Well, he's too perfect for my style. I cannot. Plus, I don't have a long hair. I hope he doesn't hear this.”
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Carlos Moya on Novak Djokovic’s promising future as a comedian:
“But for sure he can do it very well. That's a gift and he does it very well. So if he doesn't succeed in tennis, maybe he has a good career in that. I guess he's pretty successful in tennis though.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: newsmax.com

GOLF QUOTES

Paul Goydos recently made a name for himself by finishing second at The Players Championship as well as for his humorous and insightful quotes to the press that week.

On his high ranking on Internet searches: “Yeah, fifth on Saturday and ninth on Sunday. I'm trying to figure out what this nation is thinking about.”

After being asked if he was “mobbed” at the airport following The Players: “If you mob at the airport, I think they arrest you.”

On why he had no endorsements entering the season: “To me, you know, we're playing for $275 million. Somebody offers me $100,000 to switch my equipment; I'm going to look at them like they're insane. I play golf for a living, I don't sell golf clubs for a living.”

======================

Annika Sorenstam’s announcement that she will quit golf at the end of this season caught many by surprise, but once she explained her decision, it made more sense.

First of all, Sorenstam said she didn’t want to limp or hobble into the twilight of her career an injured mess.

“Now I'm leaving on my terms. This is the way I played for all these years. That's the way I want to remember my career out here,” she said.

=========================

Richard Finch made his second and third big splash on the European Tour recently. His first came in December in New Zealand when the Englishman took home his first tour title.

The next came on the final day of the Irish Open, when he fell into a river and then won the tournament.

Standing on the bank of the River Maigue that bordered the par-5, 18th hole of Adare Manor, Finch’s momentum on his third shot carried him onto the water, reminiscent of Woody Austin’s dunking at last year’s Presidents Cup.

“I never gave a thought to falling in,” Finch said. “Making decent contact was the only thing I was bothered about.

"But the momentum of the shot took me in and once I got out again, I thought ‘God, I'm going to take a while to live this one down.’ I was absolutely dumbstruck, but I had swimming lessons as a kid, so I wasn't fearing for my safety.”

====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: kickstartgolf.com

GOLF QUOTES
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Bobby Jones’s thoughts on Golf
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No-one will ever have golf under his thumb. No round ever will be so good it could not have been better. Perhaps this is why golf is the greatest of games. You are not playing a human adversary; you a playing a game. You are playing old man par.
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On the golf course, a man may be the dogged victim of inexorable fate, be struck down by an appalling stroke of tragedy, become the hero of unbelievable melodrama, or the clown in a side-splitting comedy.
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The difference between a sand trap and water hazard is the difference between a car crash and an airplane crash. You have a chance of recovering from a car crash.
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Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies.
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Considered objectively, it is quite obviously a very simple matter to propel a ball with a stick across some specially prepared ground and into a hole which is of sufficient size to accommodate it by a good margin. Simple that is, provided there is no limit upon the time or the number of strokes required.
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Golf is the only game I know of that actually becomes harder the longer you play it.
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Doesn't it show us all that we are silly little boys or fatuous asses to think that we can play golf without making a lot of bad shots?

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesjunction.com

BASKETBALL QUOTES

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Fans never fall asleep at our games, because they’re afraid they might get hit by a pass. George Raveling

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People say I enjoy being famous. I don’t. But what choice do I have? Charles Barkley

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When I dunk, I put something on it. I want the ball to hit the floor before I do. Darryl Dawkins

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The idea is not to block every shot. The idea is to make your opponent believe that you might block every shot. Bill Russell

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To win, you’ve got to put the ball in the macrame. Terry McGuire

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: northsidebaseball.com

Image: photos-e.ak.facebook.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
Mostly Chicago Cubs \ Wrigley Field Quotes
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Chicago Cubs fans are 90% scar tissue -- George Will
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"Greg Maddux could put a baseball through a life saver if you asked him." - Joe Morgan
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"He makes it look easy[Maddux]. You wish there was another league he could get called up to." - Dwight Gooden
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Ben Sheets, Cubs pitcher:
About trading for OF Carlos Lee
"Well, it will be really good to finally have someone hitting behind me for protection."
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They showed him his one hit he had in 2005 I belive in Colorado(a weak grounder that got by the 1st baseman) and this is what he said:

"Well its Coors field and thats a tough place to hit, the suns in your eyes and the air's pretty thick so you got to be ready for something nasty. I was just really locked in that day, I got a good piece of the ball I thought it had a chance to go out of the park..... But the ball was not carrying to 2nd base that day"
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During the 1st broadcast of 2007 Brian Anderson (Brewers PBP)
"Ben's just happy to have a batting average"
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Momentum? Momentum is the next day's starting pitcher. - Earl Weaver
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"A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time." -William C. Feather
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"Putting lights in Wrigley Field is like putting aluminum siding on the Sistine Chapel." -Roger Simon
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"The place was always cold, and I got the feeling that the fans would have enjoyed baseball more if it had been played with a hockey puck." -Andre Dawson, on Montreal
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"The strongest thing that baseball has going for it today are its yesterdays." -Lawrence Ritter
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"I don't care how long you've been around, you'll never see it all." -Bob Lemon
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There is a clock in other sports. There's no clock in baseball. If you can keep on hitting, if you can keep getting on base, if you can keep that rally going, you can play until ... a week from now. There is no parameter that makes it impossible for you to perform still more excellently.
-Mario Cuomo
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It's just like fishing. You're going striped bass fishing. You've got birds on top and you follow the birds. Where the birds are, the bait fish are below that. Below the bait fish are the striped bass. That's what you want to do. That's how you want to do your lineup. That way they can't escape. That's how I try to make my lineup out so the opposition can't pitch around this guy or that guy and that guy and can't escape. You try to get them in the crossfire.--- Dusty Baker.
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"All my friends became Cardinal fans and grew up happy and liberal. I became a Cub fan and grew up embittered and conservative." - George Will
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"The way to get a ball past Honus is to hit it eight feet over his head." - John McGraw
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"I'd play for half my salary if I could hit in this dump all the time." - Babe Ruth on Wrigley Field.
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"No matter what I talk about, I always get back to baseball." - Connie Mack
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"When a [samurai] warrior killed himself, he needed an assistant who would finish the job by cutting his head off. The task was always left to a trusted and highly skilled swordsman, because this had to be done with one clean, perfect stroke. If the stroke was not perfect, the result would be a horrible mess. I approached the task of hitting a baseball in the same manner."
- Sadaharu Oh
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"When I began playing the game, baseball was about as gentlemanly as a kick in the crotch." --Ty Cobb
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"I never could stand losing. Second place didn't interest me. I had a fire in my belly." --Ty Cobb

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fantasybaseballgenerals.com

Image: 49ertickets4sale.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES

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Lenn Sakata, after a game winning hit, was asked by a reporter “what were you looking for in that situation.” Answered Sakata, “Something white, coming through.”
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You know it’s summertime at Candlestick when the fog rolls in, the wind kicks up, and you see the center fielder slicing open a caribou to survive the ninth inning.” –Bob Sarlette.
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“This team’s idea of a rally is a two-out walk.”–Stump Merrill (sadly I recall this one from my younger days. Ugh.)
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Johnny Broaca was in the ninth in a 1-0 game, and walks Cronin on four pitches. Foxx comes up and hits one to dead center in Yankee Stadium 450 feet away, and DiMaggio make a circus catch to preserve the win. He said “Cronin worried me, but I knew I could get Foxx.”
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“Its a long fly to left field. And there it goes. Ahhh crap.”–Harry Caray, in his usual unbiased manner.
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“I asked the cab driver to show me the sights. He drove me around the block and dropped me back off at my hotel.”–Tim McCarver on the great night life in Cleveland.