SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
.
Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
.
The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
.
For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
.
At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
.
So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
.
As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
.
Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
.
Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
.
I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
.
In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
.
=====================

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: moneyplayer.typepad.com

Money Players Top 10 Biggest Sports Losers in 2007

"How did you go bankrupt?"
"Two Ways. Gradually, and then suddenly."
—Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises

Here is my list for the 10 Biggest Sports Losers in 2007...

10. The fallout from Alex Rodriguez It's hard to characterize someone who signed a $300+ million deal as a financial blunder, but even Rodriguez admits, "The whole thing was a mistake. It was a huge debacle." The tally:

  • The Yankees lost $21.3 million in subsidies from the Texas Rangers under the terms the trade which brought Rodriquez to the Yankees in 2004.
  • Rodriquez took a beating in the media, especially when the announced "opt-out" upstaged the 2007 World Series.
  • The move caused a major strain on Rodriguez's relationship with agent Scott Boras.
  • A-Rod's new contract pays A-Rod over $30 million per year, which is huge money by every standard except A-Rod's previous contact...the new contract is just an 8% increase over his previous mega-deal. No one will cry for A-Rod, but certainly the economics of baseball have improved at higher rate.

9. Conduct counts NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell took unprecedented action against NFL players Chris Henry, Adam "Pacman" Jones, and Tank Johnson. Jones lost $1.292 million in base salary. Henry lost half of his $435,000 base salary, or $217,500. After being cut by the Chicago Bears, Johnson signed with Cowboys for $255,000 to play 8 games, which is the prorated portion of a minimum contract. Based on Johnson's market value, his behavior cost him at least a few million. Jones also plead "no contest" for his role in a strip-club fight left a man paralyzed. [Related Money Players post: Character matters, revenue counts]

8. Taking on the champ Denver Broncos Travis Henry fathered 9 children by 9 different women, which ties him with Evander Holyfield as the once undisputed fathering champ. However, Evander's record deserves an asterisk: of the nine children Evander fathered by six different women, four were born in wedlock. Thankfully, Henry has a $25 million contract to fund a whole-lotta child support. Still when Henry fell behind with some of his payments a judge ordered him to pay $3000/month and set up $250,000 trust fund. Henry did win his appeal of a one-year suspension for a positive marijuana test.

7. Caffey files bankruptcy Former NBAer Jason Caffey, who played 10 years in the NBA and signed a $35 million free-agent contract with the Golden State Warriors, filed bankruptcy in October, claiming more than $1.9 million in debts against nearly $1.15 million in assets. Records show Caffey pays $7,000 month in alimony and child support. "Who wouldn't have trouble with that after retiring five years ago?" Caffey said. In reality, Caffey would have needed to bank approximately $1.6 million cover this expense. Caffey got divorced in 2006. More sperm banking: "Several other women have also sued Caffey for child support." 

6. Nene screwed by former business manager Denver Nuggets forward Nene claimed former business manager Joe Santos failed "to fulfill his duties as manager and personal assistant and to keep adequate financial records. He also has said Santos diverted funds for personal use." Nene learned in January 2006 that he was essentially broke, despite earning a $2 million salary. He then terminated his business relationship with Santos. Santos alleges that Nene agreed to "pay him 6 percent of his annual revenue over a seven-year span." With Nene's 6 year, $60 million contract, Santos would receive $600,000 a year, up from the $84,000 salary Santos was previously paid to be Nene's errand boy and interpreter. [Related Money Players post: Nene plays offense against weak defender of his money]

5. Marion Jones sprints out of control Not a good year for the former Olympic champion:

  • Admitted to lying to federal agents about her use of steroids prior to the 2000 Summer Olympics.
  • Plead guilty in U.S. District Court that she had made false statements regarding the BALCO case and a check-fraud case.
  • Filed bankruptcy.
  • Stripped of all five 5 Olympic medals she won at the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney.

On the bright side, all Olympic medals are not lost: In 2007 she married Obadele Thompson, who won an Olympic bronze medal at the 2000 Olympics. And Marion gave birth to a Olympic hopeful.

4. Michael Jordan's divorce  MJ's divorce from Juanita cost him a reported $168 million. Add another distinction to Michael's career: The most costly celebrity divorce settlement in United States history. Ever. Fortunately for MJ, he made a lot of money to make this distinction possible.

3. Kirk Wright wrongs a lot of pro athletes A quick refresher: Kirk Wright bilked investors, including many current and former NFL players out of at least at least $20 million. (He fraudulently provided investors with reports claiming his International Management Associates funds had over $180 million in assets. But when he was finally busted, there was less than $500,000 accounted for.) In February 2007, Wright was ordered to pay nearly $20 million as part of a default judgment by the U.S. District Court in Atlanta. In March 2007, six current and former players sued the NFL and its union, seeking to recoup $20 million they lost in this fraud scheme. (The NFLPA, in response to significant financial losses experienced by NFL players, began the Financial Advisor Program, a first-of-its-kind program aimed at protecting players against incompetent and fraudulent advisors.)

2. Cirque de Isiah Thomas and James Dolan Mismanagement, horrible judgment, bad lawyering, bad PR, and stupid comments added up to a $11.6 million jury award. NBA commissioner David Stern was smart to strongly  recommend settling the case for $11.5 million, rather than risk further embarrassment by appealing.

And the # 1 Biggest Sports Loser in 2007

1. Say it ain't right, Mike? Michael Vick lost the most in 2007. He lost his NFL career and his freedom for the next two years. The Falcons also demanding Vick repay $20 million of his signing bonus. And in less than one year he went from NFL hero to villain of dog lovers everywhere.

Note: An argument could be made that those people and leagues who suffered from the steroid fallout be placed high on the list. Then on second thought, I decided that steroids has had a negligible to positive financial impact on sports. Chicks -- and everyone else -- dig the long ball!! From a PR standpoint the $20-30 million MLB spent to conduct the Mitchell Report was money well spent.

--Marc Isenberg

Marc's book, Money Players now available here. And on amazon.com.


 
 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: armchairgm.com

Pro Sports Quote and Cliche' Reference Library: The Dog Ate My Homework
 

by Ron Sen, MD

How can we not believe in evolution when we see the evolution of "dog ate my homework" quotes and excuses available to professional athletes? They probably belong on the excuse Wheel of Misfortune.

  • "How did those drugs get into my system?"
  • "I didn't know I had a gun in my carry-on bag."
  • "I'm just carrying this bag for my cousin."
  • "How do I know what's in the supplements?"
  • "Of course I have a bullet proof car."
  • "I wasn't trying to choke the coach, I was adjusting his necktie."
  • "I was taking it for the team."
  • "It's not about the money."
  • "If I said that, it's not what I meant."
  • "Of course I want to play for Hooterville. I've always wanted to play for Hooterville."
  • "You insult me with that contract offer."
  • "He's a great player; he's always been a great player."
  • "I have great respect for him. We've always had a great relationship. There is no jealousy here."
  • "It's not about me; it's about the team."
  • "The name of the front of the jersey is more important than the name on the back."
  • "They're a quality team who can beat you a lot of ways."
  • "Yesterday doesn't matter. Only what happens today matters."
  • "Without a doubt."
  • "We skate hard today; we skate harder tomorrow."
  • "No comment."
  • "I'm not going to answer that question."
  • "It's just about respect."

I'm sure that you have your favorite quote/cliche'/excuse. Mine is, "I wish that I didn't know now what I didn't know then."





Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: soundoflife.net

QUOTES BY AND ABOUT BOBBY FISHER:

The Famous American Chess Grand Master Bobby Fischer is dead. A small eulogy:
"Chess," Bobby Fischer once said, "is life." It was the chess master's tragedy that the messy, tawdry details of his life often overshadowed the sublime genius of his game. Fischer, who has died at the age of 64, was a child prodigy, a teenage grandmaster and — before age 30 — a world champion who triumphed in a Cold War showdown with Soviet champion Boris Spassky.[more]

On his death, I would like to present some of Bobby Fischer Quotes. Some of the quotes are by Bobby Fischer and some quotes are about bobby Fischer.

The most famous being "Chess is life." by Bobby Fischer

"Chess is war over the board. The object is to crush the opponent's mind." - Bobby Fischer

"Yeah, there are too many Jews in chess. They seem to have taken away the class of the game. They don't seem to dress so nicely, you know. That's what I don't like. "~ Bobby Fischer

"Chess demands total concentration and a love for the game."~ Bobby Fischer

"I don't believe in psychology. I believe in good moves."~ Bobby Fischer

"People have been playing against me below their strength for fifteen years. "~ Bobby Fischer

"All I want to do, ever, is just play chess." ~ Bobby Fischer

"I am the best player in the world and I am here to prove it." ~ Bobby Fischer

"You know, I can beat all those guys."~ Bobby Fischer

"All that matters on the chessboard is good moves." ~ Bobby Fischer

"It's just you and your opponent at the board and you're trying to prove something. "~ Bobby Fischer

"It's just a matter of throwing in a few sacrifices, then checkmate! "~ Bobby Fischer

"There's no one alive I can't beat."~ Bobby Fischer

"Let's play. I'm willing to play anywhere." ~ Bobby Fischer

Quotes About Bobby Fischer:

"I regard Bobby Fischer as a mythological combination of sorts, a centaur if you will, a synthesis between man and chess." - Garry Kasparov

"You know you're going to lose. Even when I was ahead I knew I was going to lose." - Andrew Soltis

"When I played Bobby Fischer, my opponent fought against organizations - the television producers and the match organizers. But he never fought against me personally. I lost to Bobby before the match because he was already stronger than I. He won normally." - Boris Spassky

"Geniuses like Beethoven, Leonardo da Vinci, Shakespeare, and Fischer come out of the head of Zeus, seem to be genetically programmed, know before instructed." - John Collin

"The Unknown remains, probably forever inexplicable, regardless of how many yellowed game scores, cracked newspaper clippings, and curled and faded old photos are uncovered. My appreciation, even awe at his chess talent aside, the nicest thing I can say about Bobby Fischer is that he's a genuine enigma." - Paul Kollar





Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bbistro.blogspot.com

DC Sports Quotes of the Year

10. "We want to win all games. When you win, you have good feelings. When you lose, it feels like someone died." – Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin


9. "What a bad pitch it was." – Nationals pitcher Mike Bacsik, asked if anything struck him while watching replays of Barry Bonds's record-setting homer


8. "No man, a kicker is nobody I even pay attention to on the field. Waste of my time." – Redskins cornerback Carlos Rogers, when asked if he had ever fought a kicker


7. "This year will be different because I won't be caught up looking at all the stars in the stands. Well, unless I see Beyonce out there." – Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas on the NBA All-Star Game in Las Vegas


6. "He's chasing history. Whoop-dee-doo." – Dmitri Young on the Nationals' impending date with Barry Bonds

 5. "I drink beers before the game, and then I go to play hockey. That's why I do some crazy moves, because I'm drunk." – Capitals forward Alex Ovechkin, joking (presumably) about his pregame rituals


4. "It's Valentine's Day. We're in love with each other." - Wizards Coach Eddie Jordan on the team's mood


3. "If he says, 'Clinton, I need you to run through that brick wall,' and that brick wall, it's hard to run through a brick wall, I've got to find a way to get as close as I can and dive over the top of this brick wall and tell him, '[Bleep], I made it over.'" – Redskins running back Clinton Portis on offensive coordinator Al Saunders ... I think?


2. "My swag was phenomenal." – Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas on shooting a game-winner from 32 feet as time expired.


1. "It was a pretty serious situation. I pray for his buttocks and his family." – Nationals GM Jim Bowden on Jesus Colome's injury

Courtesy of Lindsay Applebaum, The Washington Post, 12.27.07

 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: humorsphere.com

BASEBALL QUOTES:
 
I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling for him. -- Hank Aaron

I never doubted my ability, but when you hear all your life you're inferior, it makes you wonder if the other guys have something you've never seen before. -- Hank Aaron

The pitcher has got only a ball. I've got a bat. So the percentage in weapons is in my favor and I let the fellow with the ball do the fretting. -- Hank Aaron
 
Baseball has been called the National Pastime. It's just the kind of game anyone deserves who has nothing better to do than try to pass his time. -- Andrew Rooney

After fifteen years of facing pitchers you don't really get over them. They're devious. They're the only players in the game allowed to cheat. They throw illegal pitches and they sneak foreign substances on the ball. They can inflict pain whenever they wish. And, they're the only ones on the diamond who have high ground. That's symbolic. You know what they tell you in a war - 'take the high ground first.' -- Richie Ashburn





Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: funnyjunkz.com

MARTIAL ARTS QUOTES:

The ultimate aim of karate-do lies not in victory or defeat,
but in the perfection of the character of its participants."
- Gichin Funakoshi

A black belt is nothing more than a belt that goes around your waist. Being a black belt is a state of mind and attitude."
- Rick English

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
- Dave Barry





Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: funnyjunkz.com

FENCING QUOTES:

Using a sword is like sex. You can't get good by practicing by yourself or with your relatives.
- Jack Sparrow

The essence of fencing is to give, but by no means to receive.
- Moliere

Hold your sword as if you were holding a bird in your hand: not too lightly to prevent his escape and not too tightly to prevent him choking.
- Justin Lafauger

 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: funnyjunkz.com

CRICKET QUOTES:

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
- Robin Williams

Sachin Tendulkar is the hardest batsman I've ever had to bowl to because he judges the length a lot quicker than anyone else.
- Shane Warne

That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.
- Sidhu

I bowl my best when I'm fittest and the best way to get fit is to bowl. That's how you get your rhythm. You can't really find a rhythm by bowling in the nets.
- Brett Lee

 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: guy-sports.com

SOCCER:

Amusing quotes from football managers

Ivor Powell
Ivor a Welshman, who successfully managed Bradford City and Carlisle allegedly uttered these words after a good season on the field, 'Without doubt, one of the secrets of our successful season was the harmonium in the dressing room.'

After a celebratory dinner he was heard to say, 'We had a lovely meal. Lovely. We had a big steak with all the tarnishings.'

Ron Saunders
Big Ron, of Aston Villa and Birmingham fame, when asked about unrest in the dressing room and behind the scenes supposedly replied, 'Allegations are all very well but I would like to know who these alligators are.'

When asked to explain how a 2-0 lead became a 3-2 defeat Saunders uttered the immortal words, 'As I see it, if you're going to commit suicide, you don't do it yourself.'

 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.