FISHING QUOTES
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“If all politicians fished instead of spoke publicly, we would be at peace with the world.” - Will Rogers
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The only thing bad about winning the pennant is that you have to manage the All-Star Game the next year. I'd rather go fishing for three days. - Whitey Herzog
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I only make movies to finance my fishing - Lee Marvin
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Hell, if I'd jumped on all the dames I'm supposed to have jumped on, I'd have no time to go fishing.
Clark Gable
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: workinghumor.com
HUNTING AND FISHING QUOTES
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What Buck didn’t know about hunting dogs you could fit in the eye of a needle and still poke a camel through.
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The average hunter doesn’t have time to work out at a gym. Instead, he must slave away at two or three jobs in order to pay for all the expensive paraphernalia that makes serious hunting possible – jewelry, furs, fancy dresses, and the like. Otherwise, there’s no way his spouse is going to let him spend all his spare time out hunting.
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As a youngster I was never without a fishing rod or shotgun in hand, which was awkward at church and while taking baths, but otherwise a great way of life.
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At the tender age of twenty-five, I was struck down by the necessity of having to take a regular job. As a result of this catastrophe, my hunting and fishing were limited to weekends and sick leave, the latter so frequent that my boss would have fired me if he hadn’t thought I was terminally ill and would be leaving soon anyway.
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What Buck didn’t know about hunting dogs you could fit in the eye of a needle and still poke a camel through.
.
The average hunter doesn’t have time to work out at a gym. Instead, he must slave away at two or three jobs in order to pay for all the expensive paraphernalia that makes serious hunting possible – jewelry, furs, fancy dresses, and the like. Otherwise, there’s no way his spouse is going to let him spend all his spare time out hunting.
.
As a youngster I was never without a fishing rod or shotgun in hand, which was awkward at church and while taking baths, but otherwise a great way of life.
.
At the tender age of twenty-five, I was struck down by the necessity of having to take a regular job. As a result of this catastrophe, my hunting and fishing were limited to weekends and sick leave, the latter so frequent that my boss would have fired me if he hadn’t thought I was terminally ill and would be leaving soon anyway.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesdaddy.com
Image: baseball-almanac.com.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Bobby Bragan
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“Both Dixie and I told Mr. Rickey we wanted to be traded, ... After just one road trip, I saw the quality of Jackie the man and the player. From that point on, I was one of many guys fighting to sit next to Jackie whenever I had the opportunity. I told Mr. Rickey I had changed my mind and I was honored to be a teammate of Jackie Robinson.”
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“I've been in this game since 1937. My biggest thrill was when I was in Milwaukee and I told them I was leaving. It was the loudest ovation I ever got.”
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“I told him, 'I want you to call them right. Don't call them like you see them,' ”
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"When I finished telling that story, the master of ceremonies said Howard Green enjoyed the story, but you named the wrong commissioner.”
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“Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and one foot in an ice bucket. According to the percentage people, you would be perfectly comfortable.”
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wiltfan.tripod.com
Image: volleyball.org.
BASKETBALL QUOTES
A Wilt Chamberlain Fan's Tribute Web Site to Wilt "the Stilt"
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Click here to view ======> 100 POINTS IN ONE GAME!
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: phinfever.com
Image: denalispizza.com.
NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
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Roy Williams (Detroit Lions WR, in the final year of a 15 Million-dollar contract); "The pizza man knows, when he's coming to my house, he's coming for free. There's no such thing as a tip. But I am really polite, and I say Thank You, sir."
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Art Shell (former Oakland Raiders HC after the Randy Moss trade to New England) "They'll find out Randy can't run consistently anymore. He'll drive Brady and Belichick crazy. He teases people because every now and then you see something, but he can't keep it up consistently anymore...he's losing his legs. He's becoming an old man fast."
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Mike McCormack (former Baltimore Colt HOF OTackle, on cheating in the NFL), "I remember when we hired a professor from Gallaudet [a school for the deaf] to sit in the press box and read a coach's lips. That's when you started to see coaches put their clipboard over their microphone."
An 23-yr-old assistant coach-apprentice on that team was named Bill Belichick.
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Jared Allen (Minnesota Vikings DTackle advising a rookie on how to stop a blocker from holding {when he was with KC})."Just kick him in the (man area). He'll stop."
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Emmit Smith (former Cowboy HOF RB on whether Randy Moss can become a leader), "You can't change the stripes of a leopard."
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Dan Marino: "Sometimes, I wish we were all amateurs again. I'd play for nothing. Ab-so-lute-ly free."
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: digitaldreamdoor.nutsie.com
SPORTS HUMOR
Sports-related Jokes
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Mitch Hedberg:
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I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy in one. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore." But I was too busy mumbling, "there ain't no way that's gonna hit him."
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I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
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I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up."
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I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
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Emo Philips:
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"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
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Mark Russell:
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I'm shocked, shocked. Virtues czar, William Bennett, admits to having lost $8 million in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. Virtue is its own reward - unless you roll snake eyes.
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Bennett says that gambling is not a sin. As it says in the Bible, love thy neighbor, but first cut the cards.
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W.C. Fields:
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(Invited to play golf by someone he didn't like, Fields responded:) "When I want to play with a prick, I'll play with my own."
Sports-related Jokes
.
Mitch Hedberg:
.
I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy in one. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore." But I was too busy mumbling, "there ain't no way that's gonna hit him."
.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
.
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up."
.
I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
.
Emo Philips:
.
"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
.
Mark Russell:
.
I'm shocked, shocked. Virtues czar, William Bennett, admits to having lost $8 million in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. Virtue is its own reward - unless you roll snake eyes.
.
Bennett says that gambling is not a sin. As it says in the Bible, love thy neighbor, but first cut the cards.
.
W.C. Fields:
.
(Invited to play golf by someone he didn't like, Fields responded:) "When I want to play with a prick, I'll play with my own."
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: newsblogs.chicagotribune.com
TRACK AND FIELD QUOTES
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The Fall Guy
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EUGENE, Ore. -- Jon Drummond, a 2000 U.S. Olympic sprint relay gold medalist, called himself an advisor or technical consultant or whatever before the U.S. Olympic trials.
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Sunday, he admitted to the title, "coach.''
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"This has been an emotional week for me,'' Drummond said after enduring his first trials as a coach.
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One of his athletes, Tyson Gay, set a U.S. record in the 100 quarterfinals, then ran faster than anyone ever had (although wind-aided) to win the 100 final, then tumbled to the track with a leg cramp in the 200, knocking him out of the Olympics in that event.
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Another of his athletes, Marshevet Hooker, missed a place in the Olympic 100 by one place and 3/100ths of a second. Then she dove across the finish line of the 200 to get third -- and an Olympic place by 1/100th of a second.
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"Tyson is fine,'' Drummond said. "Tyson ran six (actually 5 1/4) races, and I don't think it's anything more than natural soreness. He fell, and when you fall, the body goes into shock. I think the shock was he fell, and it scared everybody, because he went down pretty hard.
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"The good thing is that initial injuries usually happen when athletes try to stop. The fact he just fell was the saving grace on all of this.''
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Drummond was beside himself with excitement over Hooker's finish in the 200.
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"She made this Olympic team on a dive,'' Drummond said. "I thought that was pretty phenomenal.''
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Drummond, never at a loss for a quip, noted that Hooker had followed the example of Christian Smith, who got into the Summer Games with a headlong lunge to take third in the men's 800 last week.
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"That kid in the 800 starts a little domino effect,'' Drummond said. "It's like this is the Fall Olympics.''
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The Fall Guy
.
EUGENE, Ore. -- Jon Drummond, a 2000 U.S. Olympic sprint relay gold medalist, called himself an advisor or technical consultant or whatever before the U.S. Olympic trials.
.
Sunday, he admitted to the title, "coach.''
.
"This has been an emotional week for me,'' Drummond said after enduring his first trials as a coach.
.
One of his athletes, Tyson Gay, set a U.S. record in the 100 quarterfinals, then ran faster than anyone ever had (although wind-aided) to win the 100 final, then tumbled to the track with a leg cramp in the 200, knocking him out of the Olympics in that event.
.
Another of his athletes, Marshevet Hooker, missed a place in the Olympic 100 by one place and 3/100ths of a second. Then she dove across the finish line of the 200 to get third -- and an Olympic place by 1/100th of a second.
.
"Tyson is fine,'' Drummond said. "Tyson ran six (actually 5 1/4) races, and I don't think it's anything more than natural soreness. He fell, and when you fall, the body goes into shock. I think the shock was he fell, and it scared everybody, because he went down pretty hard.
.
"The good thing is that initial injuries usually happen when athletes try to stop. The fact he just fell was the saving grace on all of this.''
.
Drummond was beside himself with excitement over Hooker's finish in the 200.
.
"She made this Olympic team on a dive,'' Drummond said. "I thought that was pretty phenomenal.''
.
Drummond, never at a loss for a quip, noted that Hooker had followed the example of Christian Smith, who got into the Summer Games with a headlong lunge to take third in the men's 800 last week.
.
"That kid in the 800 starts a little domino effect,'' Drummond said. "It's like this is the Fall Olympics.''
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