FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hfboards.com

HOCKEY SLANG
Terms for offensive maneuvers in hockey
(Entries submitted by hockey forum members)
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"He beat him like a rented mule" ??? That's a classic
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"Top shelf, where your dad keeps the good stuff!"
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Putting it where Mom puts the cookie jar.
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"Upstairs with the peanut butter"
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"He put some mustard on that one" - hard shot
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"He's givin' him the business" - scuffle in the corner, or a one-sided scrap
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SKATING & STICKHANDLING:
to "split the D"
to "turn someone inside-out"
to "crash the crease"
a "(Savardian) spin-o-rama"
to "dangle with the puck"
to "have the puck on a string"
to "leave someone with their jock-strap on the ice"
a "break-away" or "in all alone"
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PASSING:
"thread the pass"
"no-look pass"
"blind pass"
"drop pass"
"feather pass"
"a floater"
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SHOOTING & SHOTS:
"wire a shot"
"fire the puck"
"hammer the puck"
"that puck had eyes on it"
"a knuckle-baller"
"a floater"
"a rocket"
"a blast"
"a cannon"
"a laser"
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GOALS:
a marker
a tally
a strike
to "put the puck away", or to "put the game away"
an "insurance goal"
a "garbage goal"
a "highlight reel" goal
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: goalnetforum.proboards22.com

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SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes from a soccer forum
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“You drank beer, you played golf, you watched football - WE EVOLVED!”
Frank Zappa (ok, he meant gridiron!)
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When I first met him I didn't know whether to shake his hand or lick his face."
Robbie Williams, on David Beckham
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In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team.” Jean-Paul Sartre
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“Penalties do not deter men when their conscience is aroused.”
Nelson Mandela
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Not sure who said it, but:'how can i be expected to soar like an eagle when i am flying with ducks'
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as a manager you always have a gun at your head, its a question of if there is a bullet in the barrel"
K.Keagan
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The story goes that when Sir Alf Ramsey was giving one of his notoriously straight-faced England team talks in the early 70s, he told Rodney Marsh that if the forward’s workrate was not up to scratch, he would be “pulled off” at half-time. Marsh smirked and replied “Crikey, Alf, at Manchester City all we get is an orange and a cup of tea.”
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U15's Dulwich Hill Coach in a trail game this year in a pre game talk to his players:
"I don't care about the result as long as we don't lose"
.... same game in the second half, calls off a player (substition) as the player runs to the coach, the coach says:
"Good game son, I pulled you off so we have a better chance of winning.."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blakjak.demon.co.uk

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SOCCER QUOTES
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Dean Holdsworth, Wimbledon:
The only way we will be going to Europe is if the club splash out and take us all to Eurodisney.
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Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia:
Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams
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Chris Turner, Peterborough manager:
Before LC QF, 1992 I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones.
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Andy Gray, Sky Sport:
I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs.
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Richard Keys:
Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?
Roy Evans: You have to finish above everyone to win the league, Richard
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Radio 5 Live:
It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.
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Newcastle United Fan, Radio 5 Live Football:
Today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money.
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Tom Ferrie:
Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead
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Brian Moore:
Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins.
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Gerry Francis:
What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio.
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Mick Lyons:
If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers.
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Derek Johnstone, BBC TV Scotland, 1994:
He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head.
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Ron Atkinson lauds Gordon Strachan, 39:
There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch
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Wendy Toms, the first female referee to officiate in a professional game:
If the players want to make it hard for me, I am happy to make it twice as hard for them.
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Ian Wright on the Arsenal captain's confession to alcoholism:
It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: weblogs.baltimoresun.com

SWIMMING QUOTES
Quotes about Michael Phelps
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Eight things you might not know about Michael Phelps
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1. HE WEARS TWO SWIM CAPS TO SMOOTH OUT THE WRINKLES FROM THE FIRST.
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2. ERIK VENDT, NOT RYAN LOCHTE, IS PROBABLY HIS CLOSEST FRIEND IN SWIMMING.
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3. HE WEARS DIFFERENT SUITS FOR DIFFERENT EVENTS BECAUSE SOME SUITS ARE DESIGNED FOR CERTAIN STROKES.
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4. HE ALMOST NEVER READS ANYTHING WRITTEN ABOUT HIM.
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5. IT'S MOSTLY HIP HOP ON HIS IPOD BEFORE RACES, BUT NOT ALWAYS.
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6. HE SPENDS A LOT OF HIS FREE TIME AT HOME PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
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7. HE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW MANY STROKES IT TAKES FOR HIM TO GET FROM ONE END OF THE POOL TO THE OTHER.
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8. HE LIKES TO FALL ASLEEP WITH THE TELEVISION ON.
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To view full article, click here ====> PHELPS.
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