FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: telegraph.co.uk

Olympic Quotes         "Mostly Track &  Field"

Compiled by Tony Jefferies

Last Updated: 3:58pm GMT 05/12/2000

 

 

 

 

I was madly in love with a fencer and I wanted to impress him

Hungary's Timea Nagy, gold medallist in the women's épée, on why she got into fencing

He gave me a little look like he was going to punch me and I gave it back to him

US boxer Clarence Vinson on a ringside appearance by Muhammad Ali

Whatever they feed those guys, I would like to know. I eat a lot of Chinese food. I should have fed it to my son. He's only six-foot four

US coach Rudy Tomjanovich on China's towering basketball players

Audley was on the big fry-up. We were on the muesli and bananas

Modern pentathlete Stephanie Cook, on sharing breakfast with superheavyweight boxer Audley Harrison yesterday, when both won Olympic gold

It was a professional job in the true sense of the word

Ian Irwin, coach to Harrison

There is no secret to running - run hard, have a beer, have a pizza. We make it too complicated

New Zealand's 1976 Olympic 1500 metres champion John Walker

We'd have done better with a bloody good Tarmac road to Peelwood

Outback sheep shearer Jimmy Steele's thought on Sydney's Games

A silver medal gets you as many free beers as a gold medal does

Australian Russell Mark, runner-up to Briton Richard Faulks in the double trap shooting

I'll show these bloody Americans. They can't swim. They do psychological things. They are stupid

Cees-Rein van den Hoogenband, a doctor with the Dutch swimming team and father of multiple gold winner Pieter, on American hints that his swimmers were using drugs

They're really keen on the strawberry flavoured ones

Australian basketball player Michelle Timms, on the Cubans' favourite condoms at the Athletes' Village

Sprints! Relays! Marathons!

Advertising campaign for a Sydney brothel during the Games

He hit me and he's a big puncher, but I've got a chin of stone, mate, so no worries

Australian light-heayweight boxer 'Dynamite' Dan Green after beating Brazilian Laudelino Barros

The drive for five is not alive

Marion Jones, whose bid for a nap hand of gold medals ended when she finished third in the long jump

This was a victory for Arab women. Europeans have sponsorship and facilities but we have courage and heart

Algeria's Nouria Merah-Benida on her surprise 1500 metres victory

I'm going to cry like a baby and I'm looking forward to it

Britain's Katharine Merry awaits the medals ceremony after claiming bronze in the 400 metres

I'm just a simple human being who gets annoyed when there's no toilet roll in the bathroom

Cathy Freeman plays down her 'Superwoman' status after winning the 400 metres

I'm just a normal Aussie guy who likes a smoke and a drink. I wish they'd had the final between 2am and 4am. I might have won

Jai Taurima, Australia's long jump silver medallist, on his non-athletic lifestyle

My race will last only four minutes but I think the difference it's going to make in other people's lives is more long-lasting

Registered blind runner Marla Runyan, 1500 metres finalist, on how she hopes to provide inspiration for other disabled athletes

I don't know what has happened and I don't know how it has happened. I promise everybody I'm going to find out

C J Hunter, world champion shot putter and husband of Marion Jones, after officials said he tested positive for steroids four times this year

Whether it's true or not, it has nothing to do with the Olympics. We don't want this to be the major story of the Olympics

Istvan Gyulai, of the IAAF, on hearing of Hunter's positive tests

Every day's history, isn't it? It's just another day that's passed

Five times gold medal winner Steve Redgrave, asked whether he felt a sense of history after his latest triumph

Pain is something you expect. You can't win an Olympic final waving at the crowd

Matthew Pinsent, who has won three gold medals with Redgrave

It was kind of weird for me to be asked. I mean - what do I do? I don't sing. I don't dance

Australian supermodel Elle Macpherson speculates on her role in the closing ceremony

She's not just going to stroll around the stadium in a bikini

David Atkins, director of the event. She strolled around in a near see-through body suit

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: florencegriffithjoyner.com

Track and Field Quotes by Flo Jo:

"People don't pay much attention to you when you are second best. I wanted to see what it felt like to be number one."

"When anyone tells me I can't do anything... I'm just not listening any more."

"I like being unconventional"

"We really couldn't afford new Barbie clothes, so my mother taught me how to sew and how to make my own dresses. That was such a joyful time for me -- doing something creative that we both loved."

"After she [my mother] separated from my father, my mother had no choice but to be independent, and I think I got that from her -- being able to stand on my own two feet. She taught us all that nothing is going to be handed to you. You have to make things happen."

"The ladder of success is never crowded at the top."

"I had always come in second, and when you've been second best for so long you can either accept it or try to become the best. I made the decision to try and be the best in 1988."

"I had a good start, a relaxed middle, and kept my knees up at the end. It was more or less a perfect race. When I saw that time, I couldn't believe it, but after the first race time I knew I could get into the 10.50's. It just made me realize that if I kept concentrating, I could go faster."
--On the day Florence officially became the fastest woman in history

"There is no substitute for hard work… I have the medals to prove it!"

"Nothing is going to be handed to you -- you have to make things happen."

"I don't play around. I want to get on the track, get the job done and get off."

"I've been in track and field for more than 20 years, and out of all my races, I've lost more than I've won. But it's all been fun."

"I trained a lot harder -- maybe three times harder -- for the '88 Olympics. There is no substitute for hard work... I have the medals to prove it."

"For a long time I thought that being relaxed meant you were running slow, but it's the contrary. When you're fighting against your body instead of letting go. Relaxation was the key."

"I like designing clothes, and I wanted to bring something of myself into what I do. The one-legger? That was an accident. I was actually creating an even more radical style by cutting several holes in the stocking, and I happened to cut off the leg. I tried it on and though, 'Hmmm, this looks cute.'"

"Parents need to be role models for children and instill in them the fact that exercise and healthy eating should be lifelong habits"

"Your dreams deserve a try… the sky's the limit!"

"The youth of today are the citizens of tomorrow."

Quotes about Flo Jo:

"We were dazzled by her speed, humbled by her talent, and captivated by her style."
-- Former President Bill Clinton

"She's so sincere and sweet, but she's the most determined athlete I know besides by sister, Jackie."
-- Al Joyner, Florence's husband

"It's a great feeling as a coach to see your athlete run well, hearing the oohs and aahs as she picks people off."
-- Bob Kersee, Florence's former track coach

"For a long time, we've been thought of as 'jocks.' Florence brings in the glamour. She walks out on the track like she owns it."
-- Wilma Rudolph, 1960 Olympic gold medallist

"People are still trying to catch the records she set in '88. It's an amazing legacy. Many have tried and all have failed in terms of her records."
-- Carl Lewis, nine-time Olympic gold medallist

"The gods were with her... It was an unbelievable time."
-- Carl Lewis, who witnessed FloJo's record 100-meter run

"She was a role model for girls and young women in sports. She will be remembered among America's greatest Olympians, and she will be recalled with the legends, like Wilma Rudolph and Babe Didrikson Zaharias."
-- Bill Hybl, U.S. Olympic Committee president

"The beauty of her was that she never changed. She was the same Flo Jo before (she became a star) and she was the same Flo Jo after."
-- John Smith, track coach

"Florence brought a certain style to track, something so different, with her fashionable appearance and her stunning speed."
-- Patricia Rico, president, USA Track and Field

"Florence was a ground breaker, setting new standards in athletic achievement and in fashion."
-- Craig Masbac, CEO, USA Track and Field

"She showed so many young kids that sports was a real alternative to drugs and violence."
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportingo.com

RUGBY QUOTES

Rugby League World Cup Australia 2008

Rugby League Wigan RLFC Batley York Leigh

Game for a laugh: Featherstone celebrate their 1967 RL Cup success (Gettyimages.com)

Part Six of our series of sporting anecdotes from times gone by features some classics from the oval-ball boys up north. Watch out for some amusing Rugby Union tales next.

'The kicker squelched through his run-up, only to slip in the quagmire at the moment of contact...'

STICKY WAGER: It certainly wasn't the weather that took York Rugby League coach Bill Reilly and Aussie scout Arthur Clues to Batley. The Mount Pleasant ground was anything but pleasant as the wind howled, the rain sheeted down - and the teams made a forlorn attempt to play rugby in a mudbath. With scarcely a minute left to play, neither side had scored a single point. Then Batley, playing up the hill and into the gale, won a penalty way out on the touchline. As their fullback lined up an ambitious pot at goal, Yorkshireman Reilly turned to Clues and wagered: ''I bet you a dollar he kicks it.'' ''You're on,'' replied Clues. The kicker squelched through his run-up, only to slip in the quagmire at the moment of contact - and the ball trickled just a few inches forward as he plunged onto his back in the mud. ''I told you he'd kick it,'' said Reilly, holding out his hand for his winnings.

ARMS AND THE MAN: There was no question of injured Tommy Martin making his own way off the field. The Leigh and Great Britain second row needed a stretcher after taking a bad knock on his ankle - but the one and only St John Ambulance stretcher was already occupied by another player. As Martin lay writhing on the ground and the fans bayed for the action to restart, desperate officials grabbed an office chair from the clubhouse and dashed on to the pitch with it. Martin was lifted gingerly into the seat, and with one embarrassed committee man either side, the chair was hoisted into the air by its arms. With the crowd roaring their approval, Martin was steered tentatively towards the dressing room . Five seconds later, there was a huge crack and the committee men were left holding a chair arm each as the seat and legs tipped Martin out - straight onto his damaged ankle.

GRIN AT THE DEEP END: To celebrate Leigh's feat in avoiding relegation, coach Tom Grainey took his strugglers on holiday to Majorca. Some months later, his assistant Colin Clarke was reflecting on the break in the changing room at Hilton Park. ''Remember it, lads?'' he mused. ''All that sun and San Miguel…and old Grainey up on the top diving board doing a double somersault with pike?'' With that, prop forward Derek Pyke chirped up: ''Hey, it weren't me. I were out on a training run.''

WIGAN'S BIG 'UN: The groupie girl outside Wigan's Riverside Club eyed up the town's new Rugby League hero - and liked what she saw. ''Hiya, big boy,'' she said to burly South African Nick Du Toit, her eyes settling on the most personal part of the 6ft 3in forward's anatomy. ''Tell me, are you built in proportion all over?'' ''Listen, lady,'' replied Du Toit in his clipped Afrikaans tones. ''If I was built in proportion, I'd be 12ft 10!''

AN ED FULL OF NOTHING: Tough-guy Eddie Szymala was in the wars again. And after the beefy but intellectually-challenged Barrow forward broke his jaw in a match against Oldham, coach Frank Foster was quick to pay tribute to the wounded hero. ''Eddie doesn't know the meaning of the word fear,'' Foster told the assembled press. ''Mind you, there are a million other words he doesn't know the meaning of, either.''

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportingnews.com

 

COLLEGE FOOTBALL ONE-LINERS

 

"They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces."
Darrell Royal/Texas

"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure." Knute Rockne/Notre Dame

"They whipped us like a tied up goat." Spike Dykes/Texas Tech

"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: "Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good." Walt Garrison/Oklahoma State

"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel." Bobby Bowden/Florida State

After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post game message to his team:
"All those who need showers, take them." John McKay/USC

"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education." MurrayWarmath/Minnesota

"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb." Knute Rockne/Notre Dame

"Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon."
Spike Dykes/Texas Tech

"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it." Knute Rockne/Notre Dame

"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches." Darrell Royal/Texas

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.filbalad.com

Football Quotes of the Year Tue, 1 Jan 2008 - 15:13 By: Omar AbdulAziz   Zaki FilGoal.com presents the best quotes of 2007 on both local and international scenes. Egypt "I came to Middlesbrough because I like shopping," Ahmed Hossam 'Mido' reveals the significant reason behind his decision to join Boro. "All I can say is that Prison is for real men," the first words of former Zamalek president Mortada Mansour after he was released from jail. "We will not win the league, we will not win anything with this team, please let me go….I will not attend training again and if Zamalek don't let me go I will quit football!" its a miracle Zamalek kept Amr Zaki after these outrageous comments. "Amr Zaki reminds me of Wayne Rooney, I think he has got the same qualities," maybe that's why Zamalek chairman Mamdouh Abbas decided to keep Zaki! "I am desperate to join Ahli, actually I've been in contact with a club official recently and I hope I could learn my fate soon or else I may quit the game," unfortunately for Ibrahim Saied, this one didn't work with Ahli! "I am astonished, this request is disrespectful to Strasbourg," Strasbourg chairman Philippe Ginestet was astonished at Ismaili chairman Yehia Al-Koumi's bizarre request to pay the due 500,000 Euros to acquire Hosni Abd-Rabou on yearly installments! "The more money you pay the coach, the more games you play," Ittihad's Hesham Hanafi revealed a new technique for former coaching staff. "We won 10 titles out of 10. My success is a good reason for our enemies to show their envy," It's no surprise that Ahli coach Manuel 'Jose' is Portuguese. "The second-choice role cost me a place in the Egyptian national team," Ismaili deputy goalkeeper Mohamed Sobhi, who has ZERO caps for Egypt. "Honestly, I admit that sometimes I become selfish, I just cant control it when I see the net in front of me!" that's why Alaa Ibrahim is the league's top scorer…maybe his teammates could hide the net in order to get a pass out of him! International "I don't have a problem with anyone, my problem is my head and I'm changing that a little bit. I need to improve mentally, otherwise I'm a disaster." Temperamental Sampdoria forward Antonio Cassano two days before he suddenly headed to the dressing room in rage during a Serie A game with Fiorentina in October.   Mourinho "I feel OK. The only difference is in training you have the press - and they want to come back home and sleep with you." Thierry Henry explains the new lifestyle in Barcelona. "If you want to win, you have to pay up to £100,000 a week to a player who can hardly read or write and he earns four or five million pounds. It's crazy," Fulham chairman Mohamed Al Fayed. "At the end of the day, he scored three goals. Other than that, I kept him pretty quiet," Reading defender Michael Duberry explains how he managed to mark Fernando Torres during the 4-2 defeat. "When I told my wife that we might move elsewhere she said I could go alone – she likes it here in Madrid," former Real Madrid winger Cicinho must have moved to Roma without his wife. "I'm worried about having more chances on goal. I don't blame my defenders for anything. I think we have more problems in attack." Real Madrid coach Bernd Schuster was probably speaking about another game after his side scored three and conceded five in the 5-3 defeat to Sevilla! "My mum sometimes says to me 'why do you never score a hat-trick?!'' Cristiano Ronaldo, who scored seven doubles this year, reveals his mother's boredom with his two-goal habit! "When we were 6-0 up, one of their players said 'don't do any more dribbles', almost begging," If only Cristiano Ronaldo could tell who was that Roma player. "The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem." We picked out that one from tens of Jose Mourinho's 'special' quotes. "If Chelsea are naive and pure then I'm Little Red Riding Hood," Rafa Benitez responds to former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho's claims that his team is naïve.

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