FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

GOLF QUOTES
Selected quotes from list of 15
.
The Funny Side Of Golf: Top 15 Golf Quotes
by Thomas Leemon (Columnist), August 22, 2008
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15. "The difference between golf and tennis is that in tennis you want to kill the other player; in golf you just want to kill yourself."
- Anonymous
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14. "A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom."
- Henry Beard, humorist and author
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13. "Thou shalt not use profanity; thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's putter; thou shalt not steal thy neighbor's ball; thou shalt not bear false witness in the final tally."
- ground rules at a clergymen's tournament
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: barstoolsports.com

Image: blogs.rockymountainnews.com
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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about Emmitt Smith
.
July 30, 2008
Emmitt Smith's Greatest Quotes
by Jerry Thornton
.
A very, very, partial list of the wit and wisdom of Emmitt Smith:
.
"The NFC West is probably one of the weakest... CONFERENCES... in the whole NFC. These guys over here, you have the Cardinals, you have the 49ers, you have the Seahawks, and you also have the Rams..."
.
"They did a good job flying around the football field and carowzing the football carrier."
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"Eli Manning has been given the rice of passage."
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"Don't worry about the game you just won or the team that we just blew out... uhhh... blown... blown out... Let's think about what we need to do going forward, and they had... blown out."
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"He gets the ball over to their third read than most quarterback can."
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"The leadership definitely have to come from the leaders."
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"Wes Worker is a possession receiver that make things happen."
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"You cannot change the stripes of a leopard."
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"The hill represent another rushing title this year for the season. For others watching this thing who've worked out on hills, this is a opportunity to build strength within."
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"The percentages for teams that go into score before the first half is pretty high that they wins the game."
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"...Go to Arizona, sharp as a whistle, and do some finishing touches"
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"That offense does... do look good." (Note: this is one of my favorites because he was going to say it correctly but corrected himself to say it incorrectly.)
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"The one thing that derail a team is a thing called the injury bugs."
(Note: Injury bugs = one thing.)
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"Not only does he have the NFC East record for touchdowns, but also the team record."
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"Norv Turner have a lot of experience in the playoff."
(Note: at the time, Norv was a career 1-1)
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"I'm concerned about a guy who fall down before get hits."
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"Let's not judge the Giants until we're in the bottom half of the season... The bottom half of the schedule get much tougher."
.
"The loss tonight... And the loss today is gonna hurt for a long time."
(Note: It's always tough anytime an NFL team gets swept in a doubleheader.)
.
"That would definitely be a slowed down."
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"He was coming through line to make a move and got blind sided by Al Wi... Al Wi... Al Jackson." (Note: There is no one named Al Jackson in the NFL)
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"He's giving them all the confidences they need... he giving them the confidence that he need."
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"I think it's his self-confidence in himself that make him so confident when it get down into the crunch time."
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"Now the Colts are probably playing with more confidence than they ever have played since they been with the Indianapolis Colts."
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"That can be a swing their way eventually. I just hate to be the team that they winned it against."
.
"The strength of the Patriots, their offense, got... DEBACLED."
======================
Editor's note:
Finally, Emmitt, after football and dancing,
you've met your match in life's little games! ;-)
This is a new challenge for a champion - WORK IT!!!

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: funnypoetry.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Quotes from 2006

.

“Drowning has always been my biggest fear.”

- Janina Peters, lifeguard.

.

“We wanted to keep him off the bases.”

- manager Charlie Manuel (Phillies) explains Jose Reyes' (Mets) three home runs in one game.

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Q: “You’re the player. We like to hear it from the horse's mouth.”

A: (Roddick): "Go buy a horse.”

.

Tennis star Roddick about playing the retiring Agassi:

Q: “Do you feel relief that [it] is not going to happen?”

A: (Roddick): “Obviously you want to play against your idols, but then again you don’t want to be the guy who shot Bambi.”

.

“Russian women are not very good for figure skating. They are good for building rail tracks in Siberia, for example.”

- Alexei Mishin, champion Evgeni Plushenko's coach.

.

“I got to party and socialize at an Olympic level.”

- Bode Miller, the U.S. Olympic skier who went zero for five on Olympic gold.

.

“You can always get new teeth.”

- Teemu Selanne, a Finnish hockey player who sacrificed three whites during a quarterfinal with the US.

.

“Years ago, you used to get out and fight and run around and chase each other with a jackhammer and stuff like that. Those were the good old days.”

- Dale Earnhardt Jr., on track etiquette in the days before NASCAR's sponsors began to fuss about driver conduct.

.

Q: “How different was it holding up that plate today than in Australia?”

Amelie Mauresmo: “It's a different trophy. It's round; it's smaller.”

.

“I told the producers I'd give my left nut to host this thing.”

- Lance Armstrong, opening the 2006 ESPY Awards

.

“She's pretty aggressive in our cars. Especially if you catch her at the right time of the month; she might be trading plenty of paint out there.”

- Ed Carpenter, IRL racing driver describes Danica Patrick.

.

“I'm glad he's showing some personality.”

- Danica Patrick about Ed Carpenter, later that same day.

.

“Your child, at birth, already has a deeply complicated relationship with his mother, so for the first year you are only a curiosity. As the years go by you will become an amusement-park ride. Then, a referee. And finally, a bank.”

- Things a Man Should Know About Fatherhood, Esquire magazine

.

“When you're inviting people, you don't have to tell them this is a cold place.”

- Canada's BC Premier Gordon Campbell, trying to tone down 2010 Olympic promotions.

.

“He scares our German shepherd to death when we are at home; so we come here.”

- Sue Mihalyi, explaining why she and her husband Mark watch Steeler games at a local Pittsburgh restaurant. The Steelers won the Superbowl in 2006 without her rug suffering.

.

“Of course, some of it could be cops just watching the game and not responding.”

- Geoffrey Alpert, University of South Carolina criminologist, about (his) research showing a decline in crimes during the Super Bowl.

.

Last but not least, the non-sports-related 2006 quote by Jessica Alba (see image above):

“Thanks to all the perverts who voted for me.”

- Jessica Alba, accepting MTV's award for the Sexiest Performance in a Movie (Sin City.)

======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.espn.go.com

Image: fabulousevents.info
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SPORTS TRIVIA
.
101 things every sports fan should do before they die
---------------------------------------------
ESPN Page 2 - Caple: A sports fan's checklist

If you've completed all 101, ESPN WANTS YOU!!!
To view the checklist, click here ===> 101
============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: londonrunner.ca

Image: img.textbookx.com
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TRACK AND FIELD \ RUNNING QUOTES
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"Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it."
–Oprah Winfrey
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"There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never divulge everything you know."
.
“It’s like banging your head against a wall; you feel better once you stop.”
–Dave Dorman
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"Workouts are like brushing my teeth; I don't think about them, I just do them. The decision has already been made."
-Patti Sue Plumer, U.S. Olympian
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Anybody in shorts is my competition."
–Meseret Defar
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“I just want to make sure it’s a living hell out there for anyone who’s going to beat me.”
–Noureddine Morceli
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All I did was win some foot races."
-Fanny Blankers-Koen (who won 4 golds at the 1948 Olympics)
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"All it takes is all you've got"
-Marc Davis
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"It was like she stole my grandma's purse or something, I was just chasing after her, just reeling her in."
–Brigham Young-Hawai'i sophomore Chelsea Smith (NCAA DII x-c champ)
.
This is nuts! What happened to everyone else?"
-spectator at 2003 OFSAA Cross Country Championships waiting to see who was 2nd to Lechebo at the 6k mark
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If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
-P.Z. Pearce
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All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why."
-James Thurber (1894 - 1961)
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"The marathon is a charismatic event. It has everything. It has drama. It has competition. It has camaraderie. It has heroism. Every jogger can't dream of being an Olympic champion, but he can dream of finishing a marathon."
- Fred Lebow
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Will you please cancel the intercollegiate football season in 1983 so that I can have the centre spread in The Gazette for my cross country team. I’m sick and tired of seeing those big and ugly football players every Homecoming Issue.”
-Bob Vigars
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"I just raced away. I figured, I'll either die and run fast, or I'll win and run fast."
–Alan Webb, on running a 3:32.73pb in Ostrava
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"I like running because it's a challenge...You know, lately it seems all you hear is 'Don't overdo it' and 'Don't push yourself.' Well, I think that's a lot of bull. If you push the human body, it will respond."
-Bob Clarke
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"The fear of running a long race can come from the fact that you know it's going to be physically painful. And unless you are a masochist, nobody likes pain. And if you dwell on this, it can make you nervous."
-Ron Hill, 1970 Boston Marathon Champ
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A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
-Channing Pollock
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: crowrunning.com

MERLENE OTTEY, JAMAICA

Image: terra.com.br

TRACK AND FIELD \ RUNNING QUOTES

Quotes about Olympics and distance running

To view the quotes, click here ===> RUNNING

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: voices.washingtonpost.com

Image: news.com.au
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OLYMPICS SPORTS QUOTES
Track and field quotes by and about "Thunder" Bolt
.
For the latest record-breaking achievements and related quotes
associated with Jamaica"s "Thunder" Bolt at the Beijing Olympics,
click here ====> BOLT.
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

SPORTS QUOTES
Excerpts from The 20 Funniest (Or Dumbest) Athlete Quotes
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"I enjoyed The Luge."—Michael Jordan on the Paris museum
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Shaquille O'Neal: "I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak."
.
"Like they say, it ain't over til the fat guy swings."—Phillies catcher Darren Daulton on stocky first baseman John Kruk.
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"I've been dunked on by (Vitaly) Potapenko and now (Zan) Tabak. The good part is that they don't make posters of those guys"—Houston Rockets’ Walt Williams
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"I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."— Muhammad Ali
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