FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: tennisquotes.com

TENNIS QUOTES

You want smack talk? How about Maria Sharapova brushing aside an intended compliment with "I'm not the next Kournikova—I want to win matches!"

Wonder why Jimmy Connors was such a cutthroat? According to his mother, "Jimmy was taught to be a tiger on the court. When he was young, if I had a shot I could hit down his throat, I did. And I'd say, 'See, Jimmy, even your mother will do that to you.'"

Fein even delves into the gritty detail of players' personal lives. Witness Andre Agassi's explanation that "sex doesn't interfere with your tennis; it's staying out all night trying to find it that affects your tennis."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hockeybrain.com

HOCKEY QUOTES

To a reporter after Ray was pounded by Edmonton's Georges Laraque: "What are you, the fight doctor now or something? You've never been in a fight in your life, so what are you talking about?"
~Rob Ray

On playing with a sore ankle: "I just tape four Tylenols to it."
~Boris Mironov

On his IHL time: "One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus."
~Glenn Healy

"Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive."
~Stephen Leacock

In Chicago, having crashed his motorcycle into a car. According to police reports, his blood-alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit and he told officers: "Just charge me with the usual."
~Bob Probert

On being clubbed by Joe Murphy, "It felt like a golf swing and my head was on the tee."
~Tyler Wright

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: skateparkoftampa.com

SPORTS QUOTES

"When you're up to your neck in alligators, everybody starts swimming."

- Jake Phelps explaining how skateboarding is dying once again.

"I was thirsty and there was nothing to drink."

- Mike Derewenko's answer to Ryan Clements' question, "Why do you have a beer?" at like 9am.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: world-std.com

GOLF QUOTES

"Tiger is like John Daly but with total control. If that's not a scary prospect for the rest of us, I don't know what is." Paul Goydos

"There was a time, when Woods first turned professional, when people wondered if he had the game to win an Open, whether he had enough accuracy off the tee, or enough control with his short irons, or enough patience. Those questions have been silenced. Woods can win on any golf course that has tee boxes, fairways and greens." Clifton Brown

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: boxing-memorabilia.com

BOXING QUOTES

Quotes by Muhammad Ali

"Sonny Liston is nothing. The man can't talk. The man can't fight. The man needs talking lessons. The man needs boxing lessons. And since he's gonna fight me, he needs falling lessons"

Prior to his fight with Liston in February 1964.

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"I'm not the greatest. I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round. I'm the boldest, the prettiest, the most superior, most scientific, most skilfullest fighter in the ring today"

Ali speaking after his first fight against Britain's Henry Cooper in 1963

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"I said I was the greatest, not the smartest"

Muhammad Ali on failing the US army aptitude test in 1964.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: basketball-plays-and-tips.com

BASKETBALL QUOTES

Charles Barkley Quotes

"What does politically correct mean? If you're fat, don't ask me if you're fat, because I'm gonna tell you the truth. You're fat."

"When I speak to kids I tell them, "Hey, you think your parents are a pain in the ass now, but they're going to get smarter as you get older."

"The main thing to do is relax and let your talent do the work."

"Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train."

"We don't need refs, but I guess white guys need something to do."

"If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming."

"I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five."

"Kids are great. That's one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It's a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names."

"I like to help poor people who got no chance. If rich people don't, who will? Not other poor people, that's for sure."

"I got pulled over when I was behind the wheel of a Porsche in Philly once for what we call DWB - Driving While Black."

"I don't create controversies. They're there long before I open my mouth. I just bring them to your attention."

"I know a lot of people did a lot of heavy lifting to make me successful and I do everything in my power not to screw it up."

"I don't how anybody taller than 6-4 can sit in those seats. And the airline executives don't give a damn 'cause they never walk back there in the first place. I don't fly first class because I have a lot of money. I do it because I need the room."

"Any time a little midget does something like this, you gotta give him a 10 (regarding a Nate Robinson dunk at All-Star weekend)!."

"Thank God for Jerry Springer's show. I thought only black folks were that screwed up until I watched Jerry Springer."

"I came to the realization a couple months ago that I am fat. If you get tired from walking - and that's all that golf is - then you are officially fat."

"People say I eat a lot. I really don't. More or less I just eat all the time."

"Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: coachnick0.tripod.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

"The Wisdom of Casey Stengel"

"I broke in with four hits and the writers promptly
declared they had seen the new Ty Cobb. It took me only a
few days to correct that impression."

"I made up my mind, but I made it up both ways."

"Being with a woman never hurt no professional baseball player.
It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in."

"Good pitching will always stop good hitting, and vice versa."

"The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from
the guys who are undecided."

On players who did not drink:
"It only helps them if they can play."

On being asked how the Mets were doing:
"Well, we've got this Johnny Lewis in the outfield.
They hit a ball to him yesterday, and he turned left, then he
turned right, then he went straight back and caught the ball.
He made three good plays in one.

And Greg Goossen, he's only twenty
and with a good chance in ten years of being thirty."

To his excuse-prone Mets:
"You make your own luck. Some people have bad
luck all their lives."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: lifeisajoke.com

FOOTBALL HUMOR

NFL Team Lame Names

When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

AFC West:

Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys

Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs

Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders

San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers

Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

AFC Central:

Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels

Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns

Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers

Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

AFC East:

Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils

Buffalo Spills

Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts

Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins

Miami Soft Ones

New England Patriots - New England Patsys

New York Jets - New York Pets

New York Not Yets

NFC West:

Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellcons

New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aint's

Los Angeles Rams - Los Angeles Lambs

San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners

NFC Central:

Chicago Bears - Chicago Fairs

Detroit Lions - Detroit Cryin's

Detroit Kittens

Green Bay Packers - Green Bay Fudgepackers

Green Bay Slackers

Green Bay Whackers

Minnesota Vikings - Minnesota Tykes

Minnesota ViQueens

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

NFC East:

Arizona Cardinals - Arizona Tardynals

Dallas Cowboys - Dallas Cowgirls

Dallas Cowpie

New York Giants - New York Midgets

Philadelphia Eagles - Philadelphia Beagles

Washington Redskins - Washington Deadskins

Expansion Teams:

Carolina Panthers - Carolina Can't-thers

Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville Saguars

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: lifeisajoke.com

SPORTS QUOTES

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. (Emo Philips)

Modern rugby players like to get their retaliation in first. (Kim Fletcher)

Last time we got a penalty away from home, Christ was still a carpenter. (Lennie Lawrence

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