SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: membres.lycos.fr

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MARTIAL ARTS HUMOR
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Murphy's Martial Arts Laws
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The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
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The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
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You will have trouble with the ties on your gi pants when members of the opposite sex are in class.
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The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.
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The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking and sweeping techniques.
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If you have to use your training in self-defence, your assailant's father will be a lawyer.
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After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
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After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt grading.
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In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
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No matter how many times you take care of it before your grading, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: poemhunter.com

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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes by "Red" Smith
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You don't want to be lousy during the World Series. If you've got to be lousy, let it be June. And believe me, I was very lousy yesterday. I had nothing to say, and, by God, I said it.
("Sportswriting's Poet Laureate," p. 63, Sport (March 1978). Article by Harry Stein.)
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I think it's the real world. The people we're writing about in professional sports, they're suffering and living and dying and loving and trying to make their way through life just as the brick layers and politicians are. (Quoted in Ira Berkow's column, p. 18, The New York Times (January 16, 1982).)
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If this bureau had a prayer for use around horse parks, it would go something like this: Lead us not among bleeding-hearts to whom horses are cute or sweet or adorable, and deliver us from horse-lovers. Amen.... With that established, let's talk about the death of Seabiscuit the other night. It isn't mawkish to say, there was a racehorse, a horse that gave race fans as much pleasure as any that ever lived and one that will be remembered as long and as warmly.
("A Horse You Had to Like," The New York Times (May 20, 1947).)
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I've always had the notion that people go to spectator sports to have fun and then they grab the paper to read about it and have fun again.
(A personal recollection that originally appeared in No Cheering in the Press Box by Jerome Holtzman. The Red Smith Reader, "I'd Like to Be Called a Good Reporter," Random House (1982).)
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A bibulation of sports writers, a yammer of radio announcers, a guilt of umpires, an indigence of writers.
("A Bouquet for Red Smith," p. 137, Mademoiselle (May 1957).)
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For 350 years we have been taught that reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man and writing an exact man. Football's place is to add a patina of character, a deference to the rules and a respect for authority.
( "Bowls of Boodle," The New York Times (January 1, 1982).)
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It's no accident that of all the monuments left of the Greco- Roman culture the biggest is the ballpark, the Colosseum, the Yankee Stadium of ancient times.
(Walter Wellesley (Red) Smith (1905-1982), U.S. author, sports cQuoted in Ira Berkow's column, p. 18, The New York Times (January 16, 1982).)
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In the eighth, Hermanski smashed a drive to the scoreboard. Henrich backed against the board and leaped either four or fourteen feet into the air. He stayed aloft so long he looked like an empty uniform hanging in its locker. When he came down he had the ball.
( "Next to Godliness" (October 3, 1947). The Red Smith Reader, ch. 4, Random House (1982). Gene Hermanski played for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Tommy Henrich played for the New York Yankees. Smith was writing about the 1947 World Series games that the Yankees won 4 games to 3.)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: poemhunter.com

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SWIMMING QUOTES
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... marathon swimming is the most difficult physical, intellectual and emotional battleground I have encountered, and each time I win, each time I touch the other shore, I feel worthy of any other challenge life has to offer.
(Diana Nyad (b. 1949), U.S. long-distance swimmer. Other Shores, ch. 8 (1978). The champion marathon swimmer had swum extremely difficult and even dangerous courses, some taking dozens of hours to complete.)
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The swimming hole is still in use. It has the same mudbank. It is still impossible to dress without carrying mud home in one's inner garments. As an engineer I could devise improvements for that swimming hole. But I doubt if the decrease in mother's grief at the homecoming of muddy boys would compensate the inherent joys of getting muddy.
(Herbert Hoover (1874-1964), U.S. president. The New Day: Campaign Speeches of Herbert Hoover, 1928, p. 48, Stanford University (1928).)
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Whenever parents become overly invested in a particular skill or accomplishment, a child's fear of failure multiplies. This is why some children refuse to get into the pool for a swimming lesson, or turn their back on Daddy's favorite sport.
(Cathy Rindner Tempelsman (20th century), U.S. journalist. Child-Wise, ch. 2 (1994).)
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I would not that death should take me asleep. I would not have him meerly seise me, and onely declare me to be dead, but win me, and overcome me. When I must shipwrack, I would do it in a sea, where mine impotencie might have some excuse; not in a sullen weedy lake, where I could not have so much as exercise for my swimming.
(John Donne (c. 1572-1631), British divine and metaphysical poet. letter, Sept. 1608. Complete Poetry and Selected Prose, ed. John Hayward (1929).)
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I may be smelly and I may be old,
Rough in my pebbles, reedy in my pools,
But where my fish float by I bless their swimming
And I like the people to bathe in me, especially women.
(Stevie Smith (1902-1971), British poet, novelist. The River God (l. 1-4). . . Faber Book of Nonsense Verse, The. Geoffrey Grigson, ed. (1979) Faber and Faber.)
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All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath.
(F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896-1940), U.S. author. Letter (undated) to his daughter Frances Scott Fitzgerald. The Crack-Up, ed. Edmund Wilson (1945).)
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The seventh day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming.
(Unknown. The Twelve Days of Christmas (l. 34-36). . . Oxford Nursery Rhyme Book, The. Iona Opie and Peter Opie, comps. (1955) Oxford University Press.)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailycelebrations.com

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BASEBALL QUOTES
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I had to will my way through that game. Sometimes, it takes more than talent or more than a 95-mile-an-hour fastball. You have to will it.
~ Roger Clemens
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I hate all hitters. I start a game mad and I stay that way until it's over.
~ Don Drysdale
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Purists maintain that if you go to a baseball game you will almost always see something you have never seen before. Unfortunately, it usually takes place in the stands.
~ Joe Queenan, True Believers
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"They throw the ball, I hit it. They hit the ball, I catch it."
~ Willie Mays
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I hit big or I miss big, I like to live as big as I can.
~ Babe Ruth
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I can't recall a day this year or last when I did not hear the name of Babe Ruth.
~ Hank Aaron
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Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire.
~ Casey Stengel
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailycelebrations.com

CYCLING QUOTES
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It's ironic; I used to ride my bike to make a living. Now I just want to live so that I can ride."
~ Lance Armstrong
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Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.
~ Charles M. Schulz
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Cyclists worship legs.
~ Nelson Pena
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Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop pedaling.
~ Claude Pepper
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jewishsightseeing.com

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BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about Jewish baseball players
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ARTICLE:
Jewish players have provided humor to baseball from the NL's beginning
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Click here to view =====> BASEBALL HUMOR
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