FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: askmen.com

SPORTS HUMOR
Top 10: Funny Nicknames In Sports Listed by Askmen.com
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Click here to view ===> NICKNAMES
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References to:
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Jared Lorenzen
Mel Turpin
Pervis Ellison
Andre Racicot
Mike Sillinger
Antonio Alfonseca
Steve Buzinski
Armen Gilliam
Dave Winfield
A.C. Green
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.benharper.net

Image: vosibilities.com
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AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by coach John McKay
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On fan mail he received as a Tampa Bay coach:
``It was about three-to-one that I was not an SOB. But there were a lot of ones.''
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On why coaching an expansion team is a religious experience:
``You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is `No.' ''
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On blocking strategy:
``Hold when you're at home and don't hold when you're on the road.''
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On intensity:
Intensity is a lot of guys who run fast.
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When USC kick returner Mike Hunter fell flat on his face on the opening kickoff of the 1965 game at Notre Dame (a 28-7 USC loss):
My God. They shot him.
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Halftime Speech, trailing Notre Dame 17-0 in 1964 (USC came back to win 20-17):
If you don't score more than 17 points, you'll lose.
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On losing:
Boy, do I hate to see that scene in the dressing room where a player gets up with tears in his eyes and says, `We'll get `em next year.' `Damn it,' I think, `why didn't we get them this year? Don't worry about the next one. Next year may come and we may all be dead.'
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On why he rarely had bed checks:
``You usually wind up staying up all night, or until your best player comes in.''
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On opening days:
``Opening games make me nervous. To tell the truth, I'd rather open with our second game.''
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Asked if Lynn Cain of the Atlanta Falcons was ready to play against the Bucs:
``Let me know if Cain is able.''
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Reporter: Coach, would you rather have a big and slow team or a small and fast team?
Pause
McKay: Big and Fast.
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In 1965 in 39 degree weather, USC had to wait on the field-sharing it with screaming Notre Dame students-for 20 minutes before the Irish came out of the locker room prior to the opening kickoff. In his next trip to South Bend in 1967, McKay told the referee that he wasn't coming out before Notre Dame this time, but the ref warned him that in that case the Irish would win by forfeit, 2-0. That would be the best deal we've ever gotten in this stadium, he said.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballbabble.com

COLLEGE FOOTBALL HUMOR
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The Top Ten Strangest College Mascots
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Click here to view ===> STRANGEST!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballbabble.com

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL QUOTES
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"The only bowl Rutgers is going to is the one I just got off of."
(Boston College QB Glenn Foley)
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“When in doubt, punt!”
(John Heisman)
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“There are two things every man in America thinks he can do: work a grill and coach football.”
(Greg Schiano)
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“When I get the ball, for some reason I see holes. I’m not really sure how.”
(Mike Bass of the University of Hawaii)
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“Don't cuss. Don't argue with the officials. And don't lose the game.”
(John Heisman)
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“You know what's sad about this? Not the gambling, but the best way to reach college athletes is the Cartoon Network.”
(Jay Leno, commenting on the NCAA plans to reach college athletes by launching an anti-gambling campaign on the Cartoon Network)
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“I've decided that if we play our very best and make no mistakes what-so-ever, we will definitely make a first down!”
(John McKay)
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“If me and King Kong went into an alley, only one of us would come out. And it wouldn't be the monkey.“
(Lyle Alzado of Yankton College)
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“All those who need showers, take them.”
(John McKay’s postgame message to his team following a 51-0 loss)
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“I haven’t heard from Elvis since his daughter married Michael Jackson. I think it killed him.”
(Jerry Glanville)
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“I guess I'll retire someday if I live that long.”
(Bobby Bowden)
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“Physically, he's a world-beater. Mentally, he's an egg-beater.”
(Matt Elliot describing Ohio State linebacker Alonzo Spellman)
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“When I look in the mirror in the morning, I want to take a swing at me.“
(Woody Hayes)
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“Hey, we're like soldiers. Would you go to the Roman army and ask them if they thought they were going to win the battle? If I didn't think we could win, I wouldn't be here. I'd stay home and get fat.”
(OSU tailback Ken Simonton)
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“We were sitting around figuring out how this team came together and we realized that we are a collection of southern California rejects and Oregon white trash.”
(OSU quarterback Jonathan Smith)
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“I recruited a Czech kicker, and during the eye exam, when asked to read the bottom line, the kicker replied, ‘Read it? I know him.’”
(Woody Hayes)
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“I have yet to be in a game where luck was involved.“
(Urban Meyer)
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“You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.”
(Paul Dietzel of LSU)
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“When people used to see Wake Forest on the schedule, they used a pen to mark down a `W.' We're at the point now where we at least make them use a pencil.”
(Jim Grobe)
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“Here's a twenty, bury two.“
(Bear Bryant after being asked to contribute ten dollars to help bury a sportswriter)
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“I don’t hire anybody not brighter than I am. If they’re not brighter than I am, I don’t need them.“
(Bear Bryant)
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“He's a leading leader on this football team.”
(Bill Curry)
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“The secret to a happy life is to run out of cash and air at the same time.”
(Bobby Layne)
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“We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.”
(Darrell Royal)
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“Take this, Pepe!”
(Texas Tech coach Mike Leach recounting urinating on a neighborhood dog which tormented him as a child)
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“It’s a good thing Brian was a 3rd child, or he would have been the only one.“
(Kathy Bosworth)
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“Most players don’t mind drug testing once they realize they don’t have to study for it.”
(Mack Brown)
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“He’s as quick as a hiccup.”
(Darrell Royal)
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“We’re as average as everyday’s wash.”
(Darrell Royal)
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“On game day, I'm as nervous as a pig in a packing plant.“
(Darrell Royal of Texas)
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“If you don't make a total commitment to whatever you're doing, then you start looking to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking. It's tough enough getting that boat to shore with everybody rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his jacket on.”
(Lou Holtz)
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“Broadcasting is easy; you just talk until you think of something to say.“
(Lou Holtz)
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“I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions.”
(Lou Holtz)
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“If what you did yesterday seems big, you haven't done anything today.”
(Lou Holtz)
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“Absolutely. There are a 1000 better coaches in the cities, but I’m the best in the country.“
(Lou Holtz, when asked if he was the best coach in the country)
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“To my wife…I told you I was sick.“
(Lou Holtz, when asked what he would want carved on his tombstone)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pwwew.net

Image: hollywoodsuccess.com
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WRESTLING INSULTS
Insults by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
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"You don't have to yell at me! I'm not blind!"
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(After saying something smart)"Do you think this brain thing is a gimmick?"
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(Talking about the Narcissist Lex Luger's elbow)"He's had more hits than Elvis."
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"You know what slows down Typhoon? Twinkies--Hostess Cupcakes."
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(Talking about Typhoon)"He uses his weight advantage at dinner."
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"North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?
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"Stu Hart trained all his kids--only three of them use the litter box."
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(Talking about the Guerrero family)"Their family is watching this at home wondering if the wheels are going to get stolen off their house.
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(Talking about Chris Jericho)Lee Marshall: "He is an ego maniac."Bobby Heenan: "But he's good at it!"
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"If it wasn't for Mrs. Gurrero's chili they wouldn't have invented Rolaids."
Bobby Heenan: "That's not the first time he's been on the ground holding his stomach."Tony Schiavone: "Huh?"Bobby Heenan: "Obviously you've never had any of Mrs. Gurrero's chili."
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Gorilla Monsoon: "The Pendulum swings."
Bobby Heenan: "Like a pendulum do."
Gorilla Monsoon: "is that a tune?"
Bobby Heenan: "Why do you hear music?"
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"That shirt: It's like sinus infection green."
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Tony Schiavone "I'm sure a liar has to make a living like everyone else."
Bobby Heenan "That's why we're here."
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"You should just get beat up for having a last name Whipneck."
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(Talking about Tony Schiavone)"Next week I'll be on the Cartoon Network with pictures of your last date."
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(Talking about Jim Duggan)"He's has a disadvantage when he wakes up."
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"And for those of you that dropped out of high school, remember the famous phrase: 'Do you want fries with that?' "
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Gorilla Monsoon: "The corner of the steps hit him in the trapezius."
Bobby Heenan: "That's what they use in the circus."
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