FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: shreveporttimes.com

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BASEBALL HUMOR
Minor League Baseball Promotions
July 8, 2008
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Kathy Petty took her dog out for an evening of entertainment on Monday — she and her 3-year-old rat terrier Sam watched the Sports game against St. Paul.
"I wanted him to see the other dogs," Petty said.
There were dogs to see at Fair Grounds Field on the second of four "Mutt Monday" promotions for the team.
The dog day games are just one example of the creative lengths minor league sports teams will go to draw fans.
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"It's something unique and something different," Sports general manager Terri Sipes said. "You wouldn't normally bring an animal to the ballpark. It might entice someone who normally wouldn't come out to the baseball game. They can bring out their favorite friend and spend a nice, warm evening outside along with their dogs."
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The promotion is a fairly common one around minor league sports. The Bossier-Shreveport Mudbugs have allowed fans to bring their dogs to the CenturyTel Center. The Sports, though, are having the promotion each of their four Monday night home games this season.
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The minor leagues have long been home to the wacky and creative.
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Almost five years ago, the Altoona Curve baseball team held an "Awful Night" promotion. The promotion was an attempt to produce the worst atmosphere ever at a baseball game.
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The Curve may have succeeded with music from William Shatner and Milli Vanilli as well as well as a pregame autograph session with non-celebrities.
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Pre-planned funeral nights have been a hit in the minors since the Hagerstown Suns gave away a full pre-paid funeral in 2003. The Grand Prairie AirHogs have done the same thing this season in the American Association.
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The Nashua Pride took advantage of the "Who wants to be a millionaire?" craze in 2002 and held a "Who wants to be a Turkish millionaire?" night. The team gave away a million Turkish lira, worth about $1.16, to fans who answered a variety of questions.
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"Part of it is to draw the fan that isn't necessarily the hard-core baseball fan," Sports assistant general manager Michael Beasley said. "But because they've got a dog and they think it might be fun to be at the ballpark, they might like it.
"The other part of it is just to have fun. There are very few hard-core baseball fans who will watch every single pitch intensely. I think everybody else has a desire to be entertained. You've got to do that in different ways. And I think that is where you come up with these zany and different type of promotions."
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Earlier this year in the af2, the Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings had a wedding at halftime of their game. The wedding was complete with a minister.
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Some of the promotions, though, take a harder edge.
Last August, the Savannah Sand Gnats had "Lindsay Lohan Drunk Driving Awareness Night."
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The promotion occurred on a regular "Thursday Thirsty" when beer was half-priced. A blood alcohol testing van was at the stadium along with a wrecked car from a drunken driving accident.
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Such promotions bring into question where the line is drawn by minor league sports teams.
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"The general rule of thumb that we have here at the Sports is legality and morality," Beasley said. "Keep it legal and keep it moral. Outside of that, we're just about willing to try anything.
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"That said, we try to reflect what the community might find entertaining. If I think someone is not going to understand 'Tribute to Toilet Paper' night, some of those are a little too far out. You have to keep in mind the core person we're trying to attract to the ballgame is Mom.
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"The reason we're trying to get Mom to come to the game is, by and large, Mom makes the decisions on what families do. Mom wants it be to safe and clean and affordable and kid-friendly. So we try to remind ourselves of those things.'

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

SPORTS QUOTES
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Outdoors & Sports
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Early to bed,
Early to rise,
Fish all day
...Tell big lies.
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Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. - Kahlil Gibran
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Fishing is much more than casting and retrieving and playing your catch. It's the wind in your face, and the sound of wakening birds as the sun peeks over the horizon. It's discovering the magic in each new place and unlocking the mysteries that lurk there.
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Skiing is like a dance with the mountain. You move with ease from side to side, suspended by a magical thread somewhere between heaven and earth.
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I hate golf; I hate golf; "Nice shot"; I love golf...

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

SPORTS POEM
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The Competitor's Creed
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The contest lasts for moments
though the training's taken years.
It wasn't the winning alone
that was worth the work and tears.
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The applause will be forgotten,
the prize misplaced.
But the long, hard hours
of practice will never be a waste!
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For in trying to win you build a skill;
you learn that winning depends on will.
You never grow by how much you win,
you only grow by how much you put in.
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So in any new challenge you've just begun,
put forth your best and you've already won!

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.jrank.org

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BASKETBALL QUOTES
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Meadowlark Lemon - Becomes 'clown Prince' Of Basketball
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Lemon left the Army after two years and was invited to join the Kansas City All-Stars, one of the opposition teams that toured with the Globetrotters. Within time, Lemon worked his way to the other side, and by 1955, was a bona fide Globetrotter.
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With his zany, on-court persona, the six-foot-three Lemon soon established himself as the Globetrotters' most prolific court jester, earning the title "Clown Prince of Basketball." By the 1958-59 season, Lemon was the lead clown and held that position for the next 20 years. The team's lead clown oversees the game by managing the pace, along with the comedy routines.
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Lemon's injury act was one of the crowd's favorites. The act began with Lemon dropping to the floor "in pain" after just the slightest contact with an opponent. When Wilt Chamberlain was on the team, he'd seize Lemon like a rag doll and cart him off the court, ball in hand. That's when Lemon would substitute a new ball-one with an elastic string. Lemon would step to the free-throw line and build the suspense by bouncing the ball. Naturally, when he shot the ball, it would soar upward, then snap back like a boomerang. Lemon would try to get rid of the ball by tossing it at the referee, but of course, it came right back. When the referee told Lemon to get rid of the ball, he'd return with a weighted ball that wobbled around. Or he'd hand the referee a ball so
Meadowlark Lemon full of holes it would deflate almost immediately.
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Lemon was a born actor, and the court became his stage. Game after game, year after year, the crowds laughed over this routine.
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Over the years, Lemon refined his skills along with his comedy. Once, when the opposing team guarded Lemon so heavily he couldn't shoot, he shot the ball underhanded through the opponent's legs to score. The move garnered immediate laughs and was added to the routine.
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Another trademark of Lemon's was his non-stop yakking. Throughout the game, he talked in a highpitched voice that had even the fans in the upper seats laughing.
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While his antics held a crowd's attention, Lemon's skills awed them. Game after game, Lemon amazed crowds with his uncanny ability to sink hook shots. He'd walk away from the basket, not even looking, and flip the ball over his head for two points.
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In his autobiography, A View from Above, Wilt Chamberlain writes that he would be happy to make that shot just once. "You can't practice those things," he wrote. "How do you practice a once-ina-lifetime shot, even though you're asked to make it every night? It's like practicing drowning."
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Besides his antics and ball-handling skills, Lemon's other secret weapon was his wide smile. The more he smiled, the more the crowd laughed, and the laughter sustained him. "I couldn't believe the applause, the laughter. It was almost physical, lifting me, inspiring me, warming me,"
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Lemon noted in his autobiography. "I couldn't get enough of it. Every night I could hardly wait to charge from the locker room into the gym to get another fix of crowd reaction."
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Lemon's antics made him so popular that a 1978 nationwide poll named him the fourth most popular personality in the United States, behind John Wayne, Alan Alda, and Bob Hope.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsaddiction.us

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TRACK AND FIELD QUOTES
Running Quotes
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"Just keep the mileage up. The first 2 weeks you'll feel like a zombie and won't want to do anything, but then by the 3rd week your legs will get sooooo tired that they won't feel tired anymore! Pretty freaky but it's what happens!" -Steve Magness
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“…You see, the actual thing itself is so competitive and serious, I don’t think anybody really has a good time right while they are competing. Oh, they like it all right, they like going to the meets, and they like being on a team and the general hullaballoo of being a jock. But when you get right down to it, right while you’re doing the thing itself, it ain’t much fun. I can’t remember a mile in my life that was even mildly amusing” -Once A Runner
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Talent is a curse. You discover you have a talent for something, and suddenly, you are burdened with that awful obligation, "potential." Unfulfilled potential seems to be the highest crime known to humankind, easily outranking murder, assault and petty theft in the annoying persistence of its punishment.
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"I don't train to absorb the pain, I train to break the pain." --Henry Rono
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“When you put yourself on the line in a race and expose yourself to the unknown, you learn things about yourself that are very exciting.” -Doris Brown Heritage
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“For me, running is a lifestyle and an art. I’m far more interested in the magic of it than the mechanics.” -Lorraine Moller
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"You're running on guts. On fumes. Your muscles twitch. You throw up. You're delirious. But you keep running because there's no way out of this hell you're in, because there's no way you're not crossing the finish line. It's a misery that non-runners don't understand." -Martine Costello
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"The pride you gain is worth the pain." -Dennis Ogilvie
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"Cross-Country, finally, a good use of golf courses!"
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"If Cross Country were easy, it would be called football

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ezinearticles.com

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL QUOTES
Knute Rockne Quotes
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"Four years of football are calculated to breed in the average man more of the ingredients of success in life than almost any academic course he takes."
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"At home we're the hosts, and I never liked the idea of being embarrassed in front of our friends."
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"On the road we're somebody else's guests - and we play in a way that they're not going to forget we visited them."
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"We count on winning. And if we lose, don't beef. And the best way to prevent beefing is - don't lose."
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"Let's win one for the Gipper."
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"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
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"One loss is good for the soul, too many losses is not good for the coach."
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"Most men, when they think they are thinking, are merely rearranging their prejudices."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ootpdevelopments.com

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BOXING QUOTES
Randall "Tex" Cobb Quotes
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"All I do is hit somebody in the mouth. It's a whole lot easier than working for a living. Don't make anything noble out of what I do." When asked how he viewed his boxing career.
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"Sure, I'd love to fight him. But I have my price, twenty-five cents and a loose woman." On if he'd like to fight Gerry Cooney.
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"You run for 45 minutes, you train for an hour and a half, and the rest of the time you just hang out and talk tough." On the typical day of a pro boxer.
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"This fight will be the nastiest thing you'll ever see. I've been sober for six weeks, and that makes me vicious." On his upcoming fight with Michael Dokes.
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"I miss having bottle fatigue. Abstinence is for monks - not for me. This kind of life is really over-rated. I mean, I'm actually getting to sleep before I have breakfast." On keeping sober during training.
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"I've always thought the greatest crime a man can do is take himself too seriously. I mean, something like fighting is pretty ridiculous to take seriously. What I do is hit people, I'm not promoting anything that is real or valuable." On how he looks at fighting for a living.
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"I wasn't talking to Holmes in there. Every time I felt like saying something to him I found it hard because he kept putting his left hand in my mouth."
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"Hey, you're a white guy, do something about this!" To the ref in the Holmes fight.
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"I'd have been more active in there, if only I'd been a little more sober."
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"Let's party!" To Holmes as they touched gloves for round 15.
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"I don't think his hands could take the abuse." On a possible rematch with Holmes.
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"Boxing writers are the only people out there who have less constructive jobs than what I do. I don't do nothing but hit people, and those mothers don't do nothing but write about what I do!"