FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes4sport.com

SKIING QUOTES

Skiing is the only sport where you can spend an arm and a leg to breatk an arm and a leg"
Henry Beard

"Skiing? why break my leg at 40 degrees below zero when I can fall downstairs at home"
Corey Ford

"I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill"
Erma Brombeck

"I used to be with 3 women until 5 a.m. Now i'm in training, it's five women until 3 a.m."
Alberta Tomba

"Coaching women isn't much different from coaching men - just as long as you remember they are women"
Hank Tuber

"If god had meant Texans to ski, He would have made bullshit white"
Anon

In the biathlon, a Russian puts on a pair of skis, picks up a rifle, slides around in the trees, and stops every so often to shoot a West German"
Dan Jenkin

 

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golfweek.com

 

A history of insensitive sports quotes

• April 1987, on ABC's "Nightline", then-Dodgers GM Al Campanis said blacks "may not have some of the necessities to be, let's say, a field manager, or perhaps a general manager." In the same interview, Campanis suggested blacks were not good swimmers because they "don't have the buoyancy."

• May 1987, Isiah Thomas on then-Boston Celtics star and three-time MVP Larry Bird: "If Bird was black, he'd be just another good guy."

• January 1988, CBS NFL analyst Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder said the black athlete is "bred to be the better athlete because, this goes all the way to the Civil War when . . . the slave owner would breed his big woman so that he would have a big black kid."

• April 1988, then-Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight: "I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it."

• In 1992, then-Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott called former Reds outfielders Eric Davis and Dave Parker "million-dollar niggers." She also kept a swastika arm band at home, she said, and noted that "Hitler was good in the beginning, but he went too far."

• September 1993, ABC "Monday Night Football" broadcaster Howard Cosell said: "Look at that little monkey go," when he referred to a play by black receiver Alvin Garrett of the Washington Redskins regarding a run after a reception.

• May 1995, Ben Wright said of the LPGA: "Let's face facts here. Lesbians in the sport hurts women's golf. When it gets to the corporate level, that's not going to fly. They're going to a butch game, and that furthers the bad image of the game."

• April 1997, after Tiger Woods won the Masters at age 21 to become its youngest champion, Fuzzy Zoeller (pictured) said: "That little boy is driving well and he's putting well. He's doing everything it takes to win. So, you know what you guys do when he gets in here? You pat him on the back and say congratulations and enjoy it and tell him not serve fried chicken next year. Got it? . . . or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve."

• January 1999, Martina Hingis on fellow tennis player Amelie Mauresmo, who is openly gay: "She travels with her girlfriend, she is half a man."

• December 1999, Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker on what it would be like to play full-time in New York for the Mets: "Imagine having to take the (No.) 7 train to (Shea Stadium) looking like you're (in) Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing. The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?"  

• May 2003, Mike Tyson said of the woman he was convicted of raping years earlier, Desiree Washington: "I just hate her guts. She put me in that state, where I don't know. I really wish I did now. But now I really do want to rape her."

• September 2003, Rush Limbaugh on ESPN's NFL Countdown on Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb: "I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve. The defense carried this team."

• July 2003, Cubs manager Dusty Baker, on why black and Latino players are more suited to play in the heat: "Personally, I like to play in the heat. You know, it's easy for me. I mean it's easy for most Latin guys and easy minority people as most of us come from heat. You know you don't find too many brothers from New Hampshire and Maine and upper peninsula in Michigan, right? I mean, you know, we're brought over here for the heat. Right? I mean ain't that – isn't that history? Weren't we brought over here because we could take the heat?"

• October 2003, golfer Jan Stephenson said of the growing number of Asian players on the LPGA:  "This is probably going to get me in trouble, but the Asians are killing our tour. Absolutely killing it. Their lack of emotion, their refusal to speak English when they can speak English. They rarely speak. We have two-day pro-ams where people are paying a lot of money to play with us, and they say hello and goodbye. Our tour is predominantly international and the majority of them are Asian. They've taken it over. If I were commissioner, I would have a quota on international players and that would include a quota on Asian players. As it is, they're taking American money. American sponsors are picking up the bill. There should be a qualifying school for Americans and a qualifying school for international players. I'm Australian, an international player, but I say America has to come first. Sixty percent of the tour should be American, 40 percent international."

• June 2006, Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, upset over a column written by the Chicago Sun-Times' Jay Mariotti, said of Mariotti:  "What a piece of (expletive) he is, (expletive) fag."

• April 2007, radio host Don Imus said of the Rutgers women's basketball team: "That's some rough girls from Rutgers. Man, they got tattoos. . . . That's some nappy-headed hos there."

– Compiled by Matt Severance

Posted: 1/10/2008

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsillustrated.cnn.com

SI columnist lists fan favorites from the world of sports quotes:

 

Brian Taylor, El Dorado Hills, Calif.: Pat Williams of the Orlando Magic on the value of a diploma from Florida State: "You can hang it from your rear view mirror and you get to park in the handicapped spaces."

Tom Kennedy, Bethpage, N.Y.: Oscar Gamble talking about how surprised Yankees free agents were about the reality of The Bronx Zoo: "They come here and they don't believe it be like it is, but it do."

Mike Toriello, New York City: Graig Nettles to Sparky Lyle after the Yankees acquired Goose Gossage: "You went from Cy Young to sayonara."

Brian Donohue, Brooklyn, N.Y.: Yankees catcher Ron Hassey: "Physically I'm fine, but mentally I'm day-to-day."

Travis Patterson, Summerville, S.C.: Tommy Lasorda marveling at the modern training room: "When I was playing we had one old guy called a trainer. All he had was a bottle of rubbing alcohol and he drank most of that by the seventh inning."

Ethan, Berkeley, Calif.: Abe Lemons, at the press conference announcing his hiring as basketball coach at Texas: "This year, we hope to run and shoot. Next year, we hope to run and score."

Justin, Somerville, Texas: Kruk's T-shirt at spring training after his battle with testicular cancer. The front read, "If you don't let me play..." and the back said, "I'll take my ball and go home."

Tess, Ft. Collins, Colo.: Patrick Roy responding through the media to comments made by Jeremy Roenick: "I can't hear what Jeremy says because my ears are blocked with my two Stanley Cup rings."

Glenn McCready, Bayside, N.Y.: John Madden doing a Redskins game during "The Hogs" days: "Look at that guy's helmet, it looks like a used car."

Paul Healy, Philadelphia: Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd, when a game in Cleveland was postponed due to heavy fog rolling in off of Lake Erie: "That's what you get for building a ballpark on the ocean."

Jim, Church Hill, Tenn.: Mike Ditka when he was negotiating a new contract with Chicago Bears owner George Halas: "Halas was throwing quarters around like they were manhole covers."

Kathleen, Minneapolis: Hockey coach Herb Brooks: "You play worse and worse every day and right now, you're playing like it's next month."

Paul Lacks, Minneapolis and Ryan, Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta: Twins manager Ron Gardenhire on his team's recent poor play: "We'll have different people in there tomorrow. We're going to give everybody a chance to look bad."

 

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.