AUTO RACING
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Related topics: Motor sports, car racing
Patrick Wins First IndyCar Race
By JIM ARMSTRONG,
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.aol.com
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: madkane.com
BOWLING POEM
======================
The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I'm not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.)
I'm Not Bowled Over By Bowling
By Madeleine Begun Kane
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don't ask me to bowl. I'm the worst.
When I try to, I'm bound to be cursed.
Other bowlers complain:
"You must aim for your lane!"
No more bowling, unless I'm coerced.
When I try to, I'm bound to be cursed.
Other bowlers complain:
"You must aim for your lane!"
No more bowling, unless I'm coerced.
======================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wikiquote.com
SPORTS QUOTE
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give it up. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football. And I have 20-20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee. ~Jay Leno
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: poemofquotes.com
TRACK AND FIELD \ RUNNING QUOTES
It hurts up to a point and then it doesn't get any worse.
Ann Trason
Frank Shorter
Sebastian Coe
Will Rogers
Jesse Owens
Neil Armstrong
Peter Maher
Ann Trason
You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming.
Frank Shorter
I've always felt that long, slow distance produces long, slow runners.
Sebastian Coe
We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Will Rogers
I always loved running - it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs.
Jesse Owens
I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
Neil Armstrong
Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?
Peter Maher
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: poemofquotes.com
FISHING QUOTES
...this planet is covered with sordid men who demand that he who spends time fishing shall show returns in fish.
Leonidas Hubbard, Jr.
Ernest Hemingway
John Steinbeck
Charles Haas
Ed Zern
Herbert Hoover
Patrick F. McManus
Leonidas Hubbard, Jr.
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl.
Ernest Hemingway
It has always been my private conviction that any man who pits his intelligence against a fish and loses has it coming.
John Steinbeck
Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. But teach a man how to fish, and he'll be dead of mercury poisoning inside of three years.
Charles Haas
Fly fishermen are born honest, but they get over it.
Ed Zern
Lots of people committed crimes during the year who would not have done so if they had been fishing. The increase of crime is among those deprived of the regenerations that impregnate the mind and character of the fisherman.
Herbert Hoover
What a tourist terms a plague of insects, the fly fisher calls a great hatch.
Patrick F. McManus
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: poemofquotes.com
MOTORCYCLING QUOTES
Faster, faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death...
Hunter S. Thompson
Justin Skalka
Anonymous
Anonymous
Dave Barry
Anonymous
Ever since the young men have owned motorcycles, incest has been dying out.
Max Frisch
James Dickey
Hunter S. Thompson
Why are motorcycle dealers closed on Sundays? Because Sunday is for worship... Catholics go to church, Motorcyclists go to the track.
Justin Skalka
98% of all Harleys ever sold are still on the road. The other 2% made it home.
Anonymous
I'd rather be riding my motorcycle thinking about God than sitting in church thinking about my motorcycle.
Anonymous
I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their motorcycles.
Dave Barry
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Anonymous
Ever since the young men have owned motorcycles, incest has been dying out.
Max Frisch
And I to my motorcycle Parked like the soul of the junkyard Restored, a bicycle fleshed With power, and tore off Up Highway 106 continually Drunk on the wind in my mouth Wringing the handlebar for speed Wild to be wreckage forever.
James Dickey
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wikiquote.com
GOLF QUOTE
[In a Scottish Accent]
Here's my idea for a f**king sport... I knock a ball into a gopher hole... *Oh you mean like pool?*...F**k off pool! Not with a straight stick with a little f**ked up stick. I whack the ball it goes in a gopher hole... *Oh like croquet*... No f**k croquet! I put the hole hundreds of yards away. oh yeah whack the ball and it goes in the little f**king hole... *Oh so it's a straight line?*... F**k no! Not straight, I put sh*t in the way! Like trees and bushes and high grass! So you can lose your f**king ball and go whackin' away with a f**king tire iron. Whackin away and each time you miss you feel like you're going to have a stroke. F**k! That's what we'll call it! A stroke, cause every time you miss you feel like you're going to f**king die. Oh great and here's the best part-oh f**king great, oh f**k this is brilliant! Right near the end I'll put a little flat piece with a little tiny flag to give you f**king hope! But then I'll put a pool and a sandbox next to it! You'll have to drown to get your ball then a**hole! That's a game!... *And you do this one time*... F**K NO! 18 F**king times!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wikiquote.com
SPORTS QUOTES
by Robin Williams
ATHLETES
And now you've got athletes on cocaine. You have baseball players having to go in front of grand juries saying, "Yeah! I did cocaine. But can you blame me, though? It's a slow goddamn game, jack! Third base coach is doing this sh*t all the time. I don't know whether to slide or do a line, you know what I'm sayin'? And then there's that music. That (intro to CHARGE!)
LUGE
There's the luge, for which I have only one question: What drunken, German gynecologist invented that sport? What guy said: You know what? I want to dress like a sperm, shove an ice skate in my ass, and go balls first down an ice chute. Ja, that would be fun!
BOXING
Boxing took a weird turn when Mike Tyson bit somebody. LETS GET READY TO NIBBLE! And all these old guy were like "He bit him oh dear Christ he bit him." You're lucky he just bit him! Mike just got out of prison, you're lucky he didn't f**k him! Come on! You know biting is foreplay in prison. Mike would be going "Break it up!" "When I'm finished." Mike's on Zoloft too. He said "I'm on Zoloft so I don't kill you mother-f**kers." I'm going "Up the dosage, Mike!". PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP!
BOWLING
Unless you're passing a bowling ball, I don't think so. Unless you're trying to circumsize yourself with a chainsaw, I don't think so. Unless you're opening an umbrella up your ass, I don't think so!
- On husbands sharing their wives' childbearing experience
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