SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseball-fever.com

 
Baseball's boozers

The game of baseball has had some legendary boozehounds. I found some great quotes from baseball people regarding drinking and those who drink.

Source: Baseball Babylon by Dan Gutman

"I was the biggest, most hopeless and most violent drunk in baseball." - Sam McDowell

"Either he was out very late or he was out very early." - Casey Stengel, commenting on legendary drunkard Don Larsen after he had wrecked his car at dawn during spring training in 1956.

"To say that Horace (Stoneham) can drink is like saying that Frank Sinatra can sing." - Leo Durocher

"It's not so bad. It's a great place to meet women." - Bob Welch, about The Meadows, the Arizona clinic where he underwent alcohol rehabilitation, 1980.

"As long as I could pitch a little, no one cared that I was getting drunk." - Don Newcombe

"How dare you belittle my drinking!" - Pitcher Red Evans to Leo Durocher, after the manager suggested that Evans was drunk after drinking six beers, 1939.

"Pure elixir of malt and hops, beats all the drugs and all the drops." - 'Smiling' Mickey Welch's formula for his pitching success, 1890s.

"Drink beer, like a real man, not any more of that milk!" - Boston pitcher Roger Clemens, heckling recovering alcoholics Bob Welch and Dennis Eckersley, 1988.

"Whenever the ball looks like this - ooo - take a chance on the middle one." - Advice to Reds players in a Cincinnati newspaper, 1903.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: timesonline.co.uk.com

The 50 sporting couples

From the curious courtship Sol Campbell enjoyed with Martina Hingis to the striking partnership Karren Brady has with Paul Peschisolido, sport has long inspired heart-melting love stories. Tom Dart profiles the most memorable

No 4: Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert

No 4: Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert

50 Alan Mullally and Chelsey Mardon
He was only medium pace, but the netballer was still bowled over by the former England left-armer and swapped life Down Under for a move to Leicestershire.

49 Thomas Grandi and Sara Renner
Grandi, the top technical skier in Canadian history, ended his 14-year career in March. His wife, of the cross-country flavour, won Olympic silver in Turin. They have a baby daughter, the sweetly-named Aria.

48 Jamie Delgado and Anne Keothavong
The British mixed doubles pair were loved-up when they entered Wimbledon but all out of love by the time they were knocked out in the first round. Since first-round losses are standard practice in British tennis, it's impossible to say whether the split contributed to their downfall.

47 Kirsty Gallagher and Paul Sampson
Another TV presenter, another ex-international rugby winger (see Gaby and Kenny, in the second part of the list). And she's the daughter of the former golfer, Bernard Gallagher.

46 Jill Douglas and Carl Hogg
And another rugby-media coupling. Douglas is a BBC Sport presenter and her husband used to play for Scotland and is now on the coaching staff at Gloucester.

45 Lin Dan and Xie Xingfang
Expect to hear more about these two in the run-up to the Beijing Olympics. Stars in China, they are the best male and female badminton players in the world. And celebrated victory in Birmingham earlier this year with a trip on the city's big wheel. Aww.

44 Bret Hedican and Kristi Yamaguchi
Ice maiden Yamaguchi met the man who would melt her heart at the opening ceremony of the 1992 Winter Olympics. He was an unremarkable ice hockey defenceman, while she won a figure-skating gold. Hedican now plays in the NHL for the Carolina Hurricanes and they have two ice, ice babies.

43 Colin Montgomerie and Ines Sastre
Ines, a keen amateur golfer and the face of Lancome, and Monty, the face of not winning Majors, met at the Dunhill Masters. As so often for the Scot, it began well but ended tamely.

42 Mark Bradtke and Nicole Provis
It's nice to have a husband to look up to. And Nicole Provis, who reached the French Open semi-finals as an 18-year-old in 1988, certainly did when she got hitched to a fellow Aussie: Bradtke, a former NBA basketball player, is 6ft 10in.

41 Chris Rawlinson and Jana Pittman
The Australian hurdler, a Commonwealth Games gold-medallist, divided public opinion Down Under after a spat with Tamsyn Lewis, her fellow athlete. Lewis criticised the publicity Pittman received after a knee injury and described their rivalry as a "bitchfight". Don't worry, Jana, Rawlinson loves you. The Brit, her coach, also a hurdler and now retired, married her last year and they have a baby, Cornelis.

40 LaVar Arrington and Serena Williams
According to the American press, it was LaVar at first sight for Williams, who reportedly dated the American footballer. It was also strongly rumoured that Williams was stepping out with the NFL star Keyshawn Johnson.

39 Laird Hamilton and Gabrielle Reece
This American pair are easy on the eye. She is a former professional volleyball champion and he is a legendary surfer. Both are 6ft 3in ex-models. They wed in 1997 and named their daughter Reece, like Mom's surname. Radical, dude.

38 Jennie Finch and Casey Daigle
Daigle, a pitcher, made the Major Leagues at 23 with the Arizona Diamondbacks. Since, he is back in the minor leagues, his career having (as Americans would say) "tanked". On the plus side, he is married to Finch, a 6ft blonde softball superstar who regularly strikes out Major League men on her television show. They have a young son called Ace.

37 Kelly Robbins and Karrie Webb
A 2002 biography of Webb, the private Australian who is one of golf's all-time greats, "outed" her by revealing she was in a long-term relationship with another leading LPGA pro, Robbins, an American.

36 Billie Jean Moffitt and Larry King
The pair married in 1965. In 1971, she began a relationship with her secretary, which became public a decade later when the woman sued the tennis star for support payments. She divorced her sports promoter husband in 1987 and now lives with Ilana Kloss, a former professional tennis player.

35 Don Drysdale and Ann Meyers
Meyers, the first American female basketball star, was signed by the Indiana Pacers – a men's team – for $50,000 in 1979. She was cut after three days but forged a career as a player, broadcaster, coach and now general manager. She met her husband, the late Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher, on a TV show. He proposed on their first date.

34 Matt Treanor and Misty May
Don't let the poetic name fool you, May is a serious athlete. After all, she won a gold medal for beach volleyball at the Athens Olympics. Her husband is a catcher with the Florida Marlins baseball team. "She plays in a bathing suit, so of course teammates say stuff," he has said.

33 Greg Norman and Chris Evert
The Great White Shark – no, not the one off the coast of Cornwall – is in the midst of a messy and very costly divorce which is holding up play with Evert, his new squeeze. She has been there and done that, most recently with Andy Mills, the former US skiing champion, with whom she was married for 18 years.

32 Jamie Murray and Jelena Jankovic
They say they're not dating, but the flirtatious Wimbledon mixed doubles champions have so much chemistry that they deserve to be on this list. Jankovic said she had promised Murray kisses to motivate him.

31 Mary Decker and Richard Slaney
The American was decked by Zola Budd's feet in the 3,000m final at the 1984 Olympics and Slaney, her British fiancé and a discus thrower, carried the sobbing athlete from the track. They married a year later.

30 Karren Brady and Paul Peschisolido
The Birmingham City managing director said she would never date a footballer because they are "only interested in drinking, clothes and the size of their willies". Naturally, she married one. And the relationship endured even after she sold him to Stoke City.

29 Marion Jones and Obadele Thompson
Once a millionaire, in June, Jones told a court that she is down to her last $2,000 after a series of legal battles since her name was linked to the Balco steroids scandal. Aged 31, she lives in Austin, Texas, with her new husband. Thompson, from Barbados, was a bronze medallist in the 100 metres in Sydney. They married in March.

28 Sol Campbell and Martina Hingis
The Swiss Miss is, we read, known as the "Black Widow" because her lovers get hurt or vanish. Sol: disappeared to Belgium not long after they split. Radek Stepanek: nerve injury, form collapsed. The same goes for Magnus Norman, Justin Gimselstob and Julian Alonso and Ivo Heuberger (who? Exactly). The coupling with the former Arsenal defender was love through Adidas: they met at a publicity launch in 2004. Alas, it did not last, whether because of their busy schedules or because Sol is about three foot taller than Hingis and she was suffering from neck-ache every time she looked up into his eyes.

27 Martina Hingis and Radek Stepanek
Breaking breaking-up news: on Monday the pair announced their engagement is off. Stepanek, the Czech player ranked 60th in the world, popped the question in December 2006. "They will remain good friends", a spokesman assures.

26 Paula Radcliffe and Gary Lough
The First Lady of British distance running married her coach, a former 1,500 metre runner. Their daughter, Isla, was born in January this year. Lough infamously carpeted his wife at the finish line for ignoring their race strategy after she had finished fourth in the 10,000 metres in the 2001 World Championships but, in her book, Radcliffe says he is "amazing".

25 Debra Searle and Andrew Veal
In 2001, the married couple set off to row their way 3,000 miles across the Atlantic. Unfortunately, Veal rapidly developed an irrational fear of the ocean – highly inconvenient, in the circumstances. He gave up, but she carried on alone and made it all the way in 111 days. They later divorced.

24 Jackie Joyner and Bob Kersee
Joyner-Kersee was coached to track glory by her husband, winning more athletics medals than any other American woman. "Her performances are like a great opera or concert," Kersee said. "I feel like I should be wearing a tux when I watch them."

23 Henri Leconte and Marie Sara
The wacky French tennis player tied the knot with Europe's top female bullfighter in 1995. "It's the greatest bullfight of my life," Sara said. Their marriage was speared to death after just four years.

22 Bart Conner and Nadia Comaneci
The gymnasts met at the American Cup at Madison Square Garden in 1976, where both won titles. She was 18, he was 14. They married 20 years later and live in Oklahoma. "Most guys brag that their wives are a 10," Conner said. "My wife IS the 10."

21 Al Joyner and Florence Griffith
They met at the 1980 US Olympic trials and married in 1987, a year before the flamboyantly-fingernailed Flo-Jo broke the 100m and 200m world records at Seoul. Dogged by allegations of drug-taking, which were never proved, she died in her sleep in 1998, aged 38, suffocating after an epileptic seizure caused by a congenital brain defect.

20 Nick Faldo and Brenna Cepelak
In the mid-Nineties, Faldo's second wife, Gill, was miffed to discover that he was teeing off with an American college golfer, Brenna Cepelak. But the birdie was to turn bogey. When he ended the relationship in 1999, Cepelak attacked his Porsche with a nine-iron.

19 Suzanne Dando and Andy Gray
The Sky Sports analyst and former Everton and Scotland forward has scored off the pitch almost as many times as on it. He is the father of five children with four different women. Two of his sons are called Jamie. He met Dando, the former Olympic gymnast, when she landed a job with Sky Sports in 2000. "With age, I hope, comes maturity. I certainly do not see myself with anyone else," he said that year. He ended the relationship in 2005 and has since been the victim of "kiss and tell" tabloid exposes.

18 Gabby and Kenny Logan
Kenny, the former Scotland winger, chatted up the BBC presenter and Times writer in a London pub thinking she was the TV host Gaby Roslin. Gabby, a former Commonwealth gymnast and the daughter of Terry Yorath, the ex-Wales manager, let him off and they are happily married with twins.

17 Alyson Annan and Carol Thate
The world's best hockey player around the turn of the century, Annan scored 149 goals in 201 games for Australia's team. She captained them to gold at the Sydney Olympics, then left her husband – Maximiliano Caldas, an Argentinian hockey player – for Thate, the Dutch skipper of the bronze-medallists. She then retired and moved to Holland. "The culture in Holland is somewhat 'free of opinion' – I like that," Annan said.

16 Mildred "Babe" Didrikson Zaharias and Betty Dodd
You could say Zaharias was versatile: the American was brilliant at almost every sport. She qualified in five events for the 1932 Olympics. Three years later she took up golf and won 82 tournaments over 20 years. "Is there anything you don't play?" she was asked. "Yeah, dolls." She married George Zaharias, a former wrestler, in 1939 but then met Betty Dodd, a golfer two decades her junior. All three spent time together until Mildred died in 1956.

15 Zara Phillips and Richard Johnson
Sporting royalty and actual royalty. Phillips, the reigning BBC Sports Personality of the year for her eventing efforts, had a tumultuous three-year coupling with Johnson, the National Hunt star, before their relationship hit the wall. Fence. Whatever.

14 Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall
Phillips trotted on to England and Gloucester's 2003 World Cup-winning outside centre. There are suggestions they will marry, but hold your horses, it hasn't been announced yet.

13 Jose Mourinho and Jose Mourinho
The Chelsea manager/Special One oozes self-love. And he's handsome, rich, successful and brilliant, so why not?

12 CJ Hunter and Marion Jones
Jones, the American sprinter who won five medals – three gold – at Sydney. But she has since been tainted by a series of drugs allegations, which she denies. She married the, er, bulky, shot-putter in 1998. They divorced in 2001, after Hunter was kicked out of the 2000 Olympics for failing a drugs test.

11 Marion Jones and Tim Montgomery
After ditching Hunter Jones went for someone a bit quicker – Tim Montgomery, the former 100m world record holder. Montgomery missed the premature birth of Tim Junior in 2003. "We knew we'd have a fast baby, but I wasn't expecting him to be this fast," he said. Unfortunately, Montgomery then received a drugs ban and the relationship ended pretty rapidly as well.

10 Martina Hingis and Sergio Garcia
The playboy of plus-fours dated Hingis in 2002, when he was a temperamental 22-year-old. She was 21, and they were both ranked fourth in the world in their sports. The Spaniard has also stepped out with the actress Jessica Alba and the model Nikki Novak and is now on course with Greg Norman's daughter.

9 Kim Clijsters and Lleyton Hewitt
Kylie and Jason – but with balls! Wimbledon mixed-doubles finalists in 2001, these former world number ones got engaged in 2003 when the man possibly named after a drab East London suburb popped the question during a boat trip around Sydney harbour. Less than a year later, it was mysteriously off.

8 Anna Kournikova and Mark Philippoussis
"How do you tell a fit, eligible young man that it's probably not a good idea to spend the night with Anna Kournikova before a big match?" Pat Cash, the Aussie's former coach, wondered. The studly Scud was last seen on a US reality TV show, Age of Love, dating 14 women to find his perfect match.

7 Ronaldo and Milene Domingues
Aged 17, the former model broke the world keepy-uppy record. But the pair couldn't keep up their love. A superb player in her own right, Milene turned out for Atletico Madrid ladies while hubby did his stuff for Real Madrid. They married in 1999 and had baby Ronald in 2000. "My wife Milene and I eat a lot at McDonald's and there you have Ronald McDonald so we chose Ronald," Ronaldo explained. In 2003 the marriage ended and in 2005 he split from his new fiancée, Daniela Cicarelli. He had exchanged vows with the MTV presenter just three months earlier, on Valentine's Day, but the ceremony held no legal status because he hadn't yet divorced Milene. Doh!

6 John Lloyd and Chris Evert
The rising star of British tennis and the American glamour girl. In 1980 they played a charity mixed-doubles match against Bjorn Borg and his fiancée, Mariana Simionescu, a Romanian player. And won. But in 1987 they swapped tennis courts for the divorce courts.

5 Nomar Garciaparra and Mia Hamm
The baseball star, once an elite hitter with the Boston Red Sox, now struggling with the Los Angeles Dodgers, met the biggest superstar in women's football at a charity event in 1998. Finding plenty in common, it wasn't long before they got beyond first base. After Hamm divorced her college sweetheart, she married Garciaparra in 2004 and twin girls were born in March this year.

4 Chris Evert and Jimmy Connors
It seemed like the ultimate love match. They became engaged in 1974, the year both won Wimbledon singles titles, and danced to "The Girl That I Marry" at the champions' ball. "It was the happiest time of my life," Evert said. Beep! Double-fault! They split a few months later, shortly before their planned wedding.

3 Faria Alam and Sven-Goran Eriksson and Mark Palios
She, the sultry secretary; he, the stack-heeled Swede. And then there was Mark Palios, the FA chief executive. Revelations in the summer of 2004 that Alam had affairs with both triggered an earthquake within English football's governing body. Palios was forced to resign. Sven? Cleared of any wrongdoing by the FA, who obviously weren't taking the England team's record in major tournaments into account.

2 Pavel Bure and Anna Kournikova and Sergei Federov
A Russian love triangle made in America. Two NHL stars, one woman, plenty of mystery. Kournikova allegedly accepted a marriage proposal from Bure while she was engaged to Federov, who later said that they had wed – and divorced – in secret. Apparently, the wedding was during Wimbledon fortnight; strangely, Kournikova had a window in her diary. Federov claimed that her flirting with Bure and Enrique Iglesias doomed the union. "This love was worse than a bout of flu," he said. "It lasted longer and hit me harder."

1 Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi
The pair began courting after each won the French Open in 1999, though it was a case of different strokes for different folks: "She would practise from 8 to 10 in the morning and … I wouldn't wake up till noon," Agassi said. Yet with the help of her love he averted his decline and became world number one. They wed in Las Vegas in 2001, a week before Graf gave birth to their first child, Jaden Gil. Their other kid is called Jaz.




FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: timesonline.co.uk.com

 
From
December 11, 2007

Top 50 greatest sporting animals

No 1. Red Rum. The only horse in history to win the Grand National three times

 

No 1. Red Rum. The only horse in history to win the Grand National three times

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We pride ourselves as a nation of animal lovers and many creatures have captured our imaginations on the field of sport. Often the animal is seen merely as a beast of burden. Sadly, on many occasions they are victims - live pigeons were even used as targets at the 1900 Olympic Games.

However, sometimes it is the horse or dog that grabs the headlines, the bull that wins the fight, the bird that claims the plaudits - and here is a celebration of some of those animals that have grabbed the limelight and pushed the humans into the shadows.

I have tried to avoid too many obviously cruel sports and although horses dominate looked for as much variety from the animal kingdom as possible. You may have some of your own favourites - let us know.

50. BRYN (dog)

This police dog saved Torquay United's league status in 1987 when he bit player John McNichol and stopped the game for four minutes. By the time the game restarted, the Devon side knew they needed a goal to stay up which they duly scored to send Lincoln City into the Conference on goal difference. Bryn became a local hero and Torquay gave him a season ticket for life. When he died the club had him stuffed and he now stands in the boardroom.

49. HERBIE (duck)

This pet Aylesbury duck was featured skateboarding on the BBC's magazine show Nationwide on May 24 1978. The clip became a firm favourite and has been repeated many times. The term "skateboarding duck" is often used to describe the kind of quirky item at the end of a broadcast.

48. CANADA'S DOG-SLED TEAM (huskies)

A demonstration dog-sled race was contested at the 1932 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid, United States, with five teams from Canada taking on seven from the home nation. Emile St Goddard's team of six were triumphant after the two runs on a 40.5km course.

47. BENITO (horse)

The Palio races have been held in the Italian town of Siena every year since 1701 on an earth and sand track laid in the Piazza del Campo. Benito set the record of 1 min 14 secs for the three-lap course, measuring 1,070 metres, on August 16, 1987 when he won with jockey Cianchino on board.

46. RED RAM, GOLDEN FLEECE, SHEARGAR, LITTLE PULLOVER, WOOLLY JUMPER, ALDERKNITTI (sheep)

Sheep racing is not big business but in Bideford, Devon, it's about all they've got. The racers, who participate with knitted jockeys on their backs, negotiate Shepherd's Brook, Bo Peep's Bend and Ewe Turn on the track at the Big Sheep, a theme park dedicated to the ruminant quadrupeds. How come I know so much about them? Sadly, I've been there.

45. MINORU (racehorse)

Became the first horse to win the Derby when owned by a reigning monarch with success in the 1909 race for King Edward VII. However, it was not the King's first taste of glory - he had already won the Derby as Prince of Wales with Persimmon (1896) and Diamond Jubilee (1900).

44. DEVON LOCH (racehorse)

Not such good news for royalty. The steeplechaser looked a certain and popular winner for the Queen Mother as he galloped towards the finishing post in the 1956 Grand National. Just 45 metres from the line he inexplicably seemed to half-jump and half-collapse, allowing ESB to romp to victory. The Queen Mum's stiff upper lip was tested to its limit as she said: "Oh that's racing." Dick Francis, the unlucky jockey, became a bestselling novelist.

43. BESSIE (cow)

We've all been there - cricket match stalling into a stalemate, so what can you do to break the monotony? Bessie took matters into her own mouth in 1955 by eating the ball when it rolled into her field, which was adjacent to Pentenstall CC in Bedfordshire. It was the only one they had and the match had to be abandoned.

42. ALDANITI (racehorse)

If the story of Aladaniti's 1981 Grand National victory had been submitted as a movie script nobody would have believed it. Not only was the horse a hero, returning from a career-threatening injury, but his jockey was back on board after recovering from cancer. They won and the film was duly made, Aldaniti starring as himself with John Hurt appearing as Bob Champion.

41. UMBRA (dog)

This black labrador has smashed records around the world as a pioneer of canine swimming. With an ability to paddle four miles in 73 minutes, Umbra would place in the top 25 per cent in human long-distance competition. In 1997, she competed in an annual Turkish race and finished 40th out of a human field of 200.

40. BLACKIE (rodeo horse)

Blackie's claim to fame was doing absolutely nothing. After a sporting career as a cutting horse in the rodeo, he retired to a field in Tiburon, California. He then stood in the same spot, rarely moving and always facing in the same direction, for some 14 years, becoming a local landmark. There is now a life-size statue of the swaybacked horse in what is now known as Blackie's Pasture.

39. GOLDEN MILLER (racehorse)

A champion steeplechaser who is the only horse to win the Cheltenham Gold Cup and Grand National in the same season - 1934 - when he set a record for the Aintree course. His 1934 Gold Cup triumph was part of five consecutive victories, a record for the race. He died in 1957, aged 30.

38. DOMINO (sparrow)

Domino became a cause celebre after flying into the Frisian Expo Centre in Leeuwarden, Holland. The little bird was shot and killed during preparations for Domino Day 2005 causing a backlash from animal rights organisations. Domino's crime? He had landed on a domino and sparked an avalanche of some 23,000 of the four million laid out for the benefit of the televised record attempt.

37. BRIGADIER GERARD (racehorse)

A popular British horse who won 17 of his 18 starts in a golden era for the sport. He beat Mill Reef in the 1971 2000 Guineas before securing victories in the St James's Palace Stakes, Sussex Stakes, Goodwood Mile, Queen Elizabeth II Stakes and Champion Stakes. He continued to thrill the crowds and collect the silverware as a four-year-old, becoming the British Horse of the Year in 1972. However, he was not a success at stud and died in 1989.

36. CHARLIE-O (mule)

Charles Oscar Finley was dubbed the "PT Barnum of Baseball" when he bought the Kansas City Athletics in 1960. One of his first acts was to buy a mule which he named after himself and made him the official mascot. Finley also installed a mechanical rabbit at the stadium, opened a children's zoo and put multi-coloured sheep in the outfield to help keep the grass short.

35. THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (racehorses)

The mounts of Frankie Dettori on the day he went through the card at Ascot on September 28, 1996. The 25,091-1 accumulator was the first time any jockey had won all the races on a seven-race card. The animal heroes on that special day were Wall Street, Diffident, Mark Of Esteem, Decorated Hero, Fatefully, Lochangel and Fujiyama Crest.

34. TWIGGY (squirrel)

What do you do with a baby squirrel after it has been blown from its nest in a hurricane? It's obvious, teach it to water-ski. Twiggy took to the sport like a squirrel to water-skiing and has performed around the world for 27 years as well as appearing in a commercial for Dunkin' Donuts. She even has her own website.

33. SEABISCUIT (racehorse)

Seabiscuit became an unlikely hero and symbol of hope for Americans during the Great Depression. After a poor start to his racing career, the bay stallion slowly became a winner, culminating with victory over the great War Admiral at a packed Pimlico track in 1938. Seabiscuit's story has been made into two films with the 2003 version being nominated for seven Oscars.

32. ISLERO (bull)

The Miura bull shot to fame when he killed the leading bullfighter Manolete on August 28, 1947 in Andalusia, Spain. The bullfighter had already stabbed Islero with a sword but the giant bull responded by fatally goring Manolete in the thigh.

31. NORTHERN DANCER (racehorse)

Born in Ontario, Canada in 1961, he became the 20th century's greatest sire. As a three-year-old, Northern Dancer became the first Canadian-bred colt to win the Kentucky Derby but it was in retirement that he really made his mark. He excelled at stud and in 1981 was worth more than $40m. His bloodlines are now estimated to extend to more than half of all thoroughbreds. He died in 1990.

30. CHALLENGER (bald eagle)

Challenger has been a regular at sport stadiums throughout the United States since 1993. He is the first bald eagle to be trained to free-fly during the national anthem at games and has graced five MLB World Series and three NFL Pro-Bowls, as well as appearing on the David Letterman Show.

29. GODOLPHIN ARABIAN, BYERLY TURK, DARLEY ARABIAN (Arabian horses)

The three stallions who were the founders of the modern thoroughbred racing bloodstock were brought to England in the early 18th century. In 2005, research showed that in 95 per cent of modern racehorses the Y-chromosone could be traced back to Darley Arabian.

28. CETANE (cheetah)

The arrogance of man in his relations with the animal kingdom knows few boundaries as demonstrated by Bryan Habana, speed junkie and rugby union wing. The Springbok challenged the fastest land mammal on earth to a race and despite a 30-metre head start was easily beaten by the three-year-old unknown. Chasing a leg of lamb tied to a teddy bear, Cetane passed Habana in a blur but the World Cup star demanded a rematch and surprise, surprise lost again. The cheetah was heard to mutter: "Forget the kebab, one more race and I'll eat the little so-and-so."

27. SHERGAR (racehorse)

The bay colt with a distinctive white blaze was famous enough as the champion of the 1981 Derby, his ten-length winning margin the greatest in the race's 226-year history. He became a front-page story two years later when he disappeared from the Ballymany Stud, near The Curragh in County Kildare, Ireland. He was never found but many believe he had been kidnapped and killed by the IRA. His story has been told in several books, documentaries and even a film.

26. RALLY MONKEY (capuchin monkey)

The monkey is the mascot of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim major league baseball team and appears only on a video screen played by Katie, who shot to fame as Ross's pet in the TV series Friends. There are strict rules on the use of Rally Monkey - a clip can only be shown when the Angels are tied or trailing by three runs or less in the seventh inning or later, with a runner on base.

25. HERCULES (bear)

Hercules became a firm favourite on the UK wrestling circuit during the late 1970s and 1980s, matching up to the likes of Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks at a time when 15 million grapple fans tuned in to World of Sport on ITV. The bear, bought as a cub from a wildlife park in Scotland, went on to play numerous cameo roles on TV and even wrestled with Roger Moore in the Bond movie Octopussy in 1983.

24. ASHLEY (whippet)

Ashley not only starred in her sport, she invented it. Ashley and owner Alex Stein, a college student from Ohio, jumped the fence at a Los Angeles Dodgers v Cincinnati Reds baseball game in 1974, stopping the action for eight minutes as they played with a frisbee. Ashley's antics so entertained the crowd and TV audience that the Frisbee Dog World Championships were born soon after and still flourish today.

23. JOHN L SULLIVAN (elephant)

Named after the former world bare knuckle champion, the male Asian elephant performed a boxing act with his trainer, Eph Thompson, by wearing a glove on the end of his trunk. He was believed to be more than 70 when he died in Sarasota, Florida in 1932.

22. BILLIE (horse)

The FA Cup final is littered with folklore and legend but there are few more enduring images than the white horse at the first Wembley match in 1923. With crowd control negligible, thousands poured into the new ground until the pitch was covered with people and it seemed the match would have to be abandoned. However, a few mounted policeman, with PC George Scorey and his giant grey leading the way, managed to clear the pitch to allow Bolton to beat West Ham 2-0. The crowd was estimated to be anywhere between 200,000 and 300,000 and the match has become known as the White Horse Final. Billie got further recognition when the White Horse Bridge was named after him at the new stadium, just pipping Sir Alf Ramsey in the vote.

21. HUASO (horse)

Set the world high jump record of 2.47m in Vina del Mar, Chile, on February 5, 1949 to establish one of the longest-running unbroken sports records in history. The chestnut stallion's mark is two centimetres higher than Javier Sotomayor's human equivalent - and the Cuban did not have a Chilean army captain sitting on his back.

20. PETER (cat)

He became a firm favourite at Lord's in the late 1950s and early 1960s to such an extent that on his death in 1964 he became the first cat to have his obituary appear in Wisden. There was even a solemn tribute from Billy Griffith, the secretary of the MCC.

19. FOINAVON (racehorse)

Foinavon was a plodder but like the tortoise that beat the hare, he kept on going and pulled off one of the most unlikely Grand National victories in 1967. The leaders ran into stray horses at Aintree's innocuous 23rd fence and soon there was carnage with the majority of the field fallen, stopped or refused. Foinavon, the 100-1 shot, was so far behind he managed to weave through the destruction and scraped round ahead of 17 remounted horses hot on his heels.

18. BOB and ROY (border collies)

Two superb sheepdogs who helped Welshman Aled Owen become the International Sheepdog Society Supreme Champion in 1999, 2000 and 2007, the first handler to achieve the feat with different dogs. Roy was also crowned world champion in 2002.

17. BIRD WITH NO NAME (sparrow)

The little bird played a small part in the history of cricket by being killed by a ball from Jehangir Khan in the MCC v Cambridge University match at Lord's in 1936. The sparrow was stuffed, mounted and now forms part of the displays at the MCC Museum, seen by some 50,000 visitors each year.

16. SCOTLAND ELEPHANT POLO TEAM (elephants)

The Duke of Argyll's team earned some unlikely success for Scotland by winning back-to-back world championships in 2004 and 2005 in Nepal. It is a four-a-side game with the larger elephants used as defenders and smaller, nippier ones forming the attack. It is an offence to let an elepahnt lie down and block the goal.

15. BANDOG DREAD (American pit bull terrier)

With a fearsome name and even more terrifying look, Dread has helped change the perception of his notorious breed by becoming the most decorated dog in history. He has won more titles by any dog of any breed in a wide variety of skills, including conformation, competition obedience, Schutzhund, weightpull and herding.

14. BODACIOUS (bull)

The 1800lb Charbray rodeo bull threw 129 of the 135 cowboys who rode him competitively, earning him the title of the World's Most Dangerous Bull. Bodacious retired in 1995 and was inducted into the Pro Rodeo Hall of Fame, acquired his own agent, starred in beer commercials and released his own line of belt buckles and accessories.

13. PHAR LAP (racehorse)

The New Zealand-born horse became an Australian legend because of the manner of his performances on the track and the nature of his mysterious death. Phar Lap enjoyed a stunning career with victories in the Melbourne Cup, AJC Derby, Victoria Derby and WS Cox Plate but went in search of even greater rewards with a trip to the US. He won his first race by two lengths but died suddenly in California, fuelling rumours that he had been poisoned by gangsters. His amazing story was made into a 1983 film and his stuffed and mounted hide is a popular attraction at the National Museum of Melbourne.

12. MILL REEF (racehorse)

One of the outstanding middle-distance horses of his or any other generation. The American-owned and bred horse made his mark in the UK with a superlative three-year-old season that saw him triumph in the Derby, Eclipse Stakes, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Stakes, and Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe, with second place in the 2,000 Guineas for good measure. He died in 1986 and a statue commemorates his outstanding career at the National Stud in Newmarket.

11. MURCIELAGO (bull)

Murcielago survived 24 sword strokes during a battle at a Cordoba arena in Spain in 1879 and fought with such passion and spirit that the matador took the extremely rare option of sparing his life. The legend of Murcielago lives on in the name of a Lamborghini car.

10. PICKLES (dog)

The real hero of England's World Cup in 1966 was a little black and white mongrel - without him Bobby Moore would not have been able to lift the Jules Rimet trophy. The gold-plated statuette was stolen on March 20 during a public exhibition at Westminster Central Hall but seven days later, Pickles saved the nation's blushes by sniffing it out from a garden hedge in Upper Norwood, south London. Sadly, Pickles choked to death when his lead snagged on a fallen tree while chasing a cat.

9. PADDY (pigeon)

Paddy was a real speed-endurance hero who flew 230 miles across the English channel in just four hours and five minutes, becoming the first pigeon to arrive back in England with news of the success of the D-Day invasion on September 1, 1944. It was the fastest recording of the distance and earned Pigeon number NPS.43.9451 the Dickin Medal, which was sold at auction in 1999 for £7,000.

8. STROLLER (pony)

The 1968 silver medal for showjumping was hung around the neck of Britain's Marion Coakes. Most people liked Marion, but everyone loved little Stroller, a Connemara who stood only 14 hands high and remains the only pony to compete in the Olympics. In 1965, the pair had won the women's world championship and picked up the Hickstead title in 1967 and 1970. Stroller enjoyed 15 years of retirement before dying in 1986 at the grand age of 36, and is buried at Barton-on-Sea golf club in New Milton, Hampshire.

7. ARKLE (racehorse)

The Irish-bred bay gelding became the first superstar of steeplechasing in the mid-1960s when he won the Cheltenham Gold Cup three times in succession in 1964-66. Arkle was such a freak of nature that the Irish authorities invented special weights rules for races in which he participated. It didn't stop him winning the 1964 Irish Grand National despite carrying two-and-a-half stones more than his rivals. Injury cut short his illustrious career and he died aged just 13 in 1970.

6. BALLYREGAN BOB (greyhound)

Born in 1983, Bob is possibly the greatest greyhound in history. After losing his first four races, he went on to triumph in 41 of his next 43, breaking 15 track records on the way and never being handed odds greater than 4-9. He needed to win his final race at his home track in Hove on December 9, 1986 to notch up a world record 32 consecutive victories and duly bounded home in the 695-metre 9.19pm to end a glorious racing career on top. The next morning after a hearty breakfast, he began life as a stud dog with the same gusto he had shown on the track. Bob's stuffed body is now housed in the Walter Rothschild Museum in Tring, Hertfordshire.

5. NIJINSKY (racehorse)

This Canadian-bred son of Northern Dancer stunned the racing world with his three-year-old season in 1970 that saw him win the 2000 Guineas, the Derby, the Irish Derby, the King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Stakes, and the St Leger. With Lester Piggott on board, he became Europe's leading horse and one of the world's greatest ever flat racers. In 1970, a film was made about his career narrated by Orson Welles and his connections won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year team award. After retiring to stud, Nijinsky sired 155 group winners before dying in 1992.

4. DESERT ORCHID (racehorse)

Unmissable on the course, this dashing grey became a true legend of the sport despite unpromising performances in his early races. He improved rapidly as a two-mile steeplechaser and won the King George VI Chase at Kempton four times in 1986, 1988, 1989 and 1990. But his finest hour came at Cheltenham in 1989 when he bounded to Gold Cup victory despite the extra distance, the heavy going and the left-hand course all counting against him. Simon Sherwood, his jockey that day, said: "I've never known a horse so brave." Dessie died in 2006 and his ashes were buried at Kempton Park close to his statue.

3. FOXHUNTER (showjumping horse)

It's the final day of the 1952 Olympics and the Great Britain team have failed to pick up a single gold medal. Success in the showjumping team event is our last chance but after a disastrous first round in which Harry Llewellyn and Foxhunter have knocked down three fences, refused once and incurred one-and-a-quarter time faults, things look bleak. The team scrambles back to third place but when Foxhunter enters the Helsinki arena for the final round nothing short of a clear will do. A nation held its breath and when the mighty Foxhunter's hooves touched down for the final time all the fences were intact and Britain had another golden equine hero. Winston Churchill and the new queen sent telegrams of congratulations and Foxhunter remains a legend. He died in 1959.

2. MICK THE MILLER (greyhound)

The Irish-born phenomonem is seen as greyhound racing's greatest champion who despite his short racing career helped to popularise the sport in the UK. From 1929-31, he won five classic races becoming on the way the first dog to capture the English Derby twice. But it wasn't just the gongs that captured the nation's imagination, Mick the Miller had a verve and spirit that packed stadiums all over the country. After his death in 1939, Mick was stuffed and displayed for many years in the Natural History Museum in London. He now stands alongside Ballyregan Bob at the Walter Rothschild Museum in Tring.

1. RED RUM (racehorse)

Another animal who was so much more than mere statistics, Red Rum tops this poll by a good few lengths. The only horse in history to win the Grand National three times (1973, 1974 and 1977), he also finished second twice in 1975 and 1976. Nobody remembers his jockeys, few his colourful trainer. Everybody remembers Rummy. He showed his courage and tenacity in more than 100 races, winning 21 steeplechases, three over hurdles and three on the flat but always saved his best for Aintree. After retiring in 1979, he continued to thrill his admirers by making appearances at charity events, opening supermarkets and betting shops, and receiving coachloads of visitors to his stable. He died in 1995 and was buried at the winning post on his favourite course where there is also a life-size statue of the great horse.


 



FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: industry report.mountainnews.com

 February 05, 2007
Ski Quotes

"I would think the Sierra Nevada is going to be faced with the transition to golf and mountain biking sooner than other areas."

California geologist Lisa Sloan.

"Its a ski area arms race. The whole thing is a giant scam. People are trying to get as much money from real estate and then it's 'who cares about what happens.'"

Film maker and conservationist Hunter Sykes, on ongoing overdevelopment of U.S. ski towns.

"Yesterday I got to ski real snow in the Midwest. Not that other man-made snow that's everywhere, masquerading around like The Real Stuff(TM). I'm talking fresh, God-given snow. And it was beautiful...exactly the way it should be..."

OnTheSnow blogger "FonixMunkee" after a day on the slopes of Michigan's Upper Peninsula.

"There is a Swedish saying that if you want snow, schedule a downhill race. But if you really want a lot of snow schedule a world championship."

Race director Jan-Erik Hedstrom after stormy weather delayed the Alpine Skiing World Championships in Are, Sweden, for the second day in a row.