FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sistersnoopy.blogspot.com

Image: krakov.net
.
BASKETBALL QUOTES
.
Elvin Hayes, when asked if he was a basketball player he replied:
"No I clean giraffe ears."
.
Dr. James Naismith: "The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play "Drop the Handkerchief."
.
Charles Barkley: "I don't care what people think, people are stupid."
.
Shaquille O'Neal: "I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak."
.
Wilt Chamberlain, on why he never fouled out of an NBA game: "I've learned I can't help the team sitting on the bench."
.
Charles Barkley: "People say I enjoy being famous. I don't. But what choice do I have?"
.
Dan Anderson, USC guard in 1974, responding to coach Bob Boyd who remarked during halftime of a 47-13 thumping by UCLA that USC only had two assists in the first half: "But Coach, we only made four baskets."
.
Bret Lewis, of Los Angeles radio station KFWB, on Dennis Rodman's attempt to return to basketball by playing for the Long Beach Jam of the ABA: "He's 42 years old, but keep in mind, that's 126 in Dennis Rodman years."
.
Larry Bird, commenting at the ceremony when his Indiana State No. 33 jersey was retired: "We had a special team. We played together, played to win, and everyone knew their roles. ...Everyone knew I was going to take all the shots."
.
Jonathan Feigen, of the Houston Chronicle, commenting on the 2004 Orlando Magic plan to raise ticket prices $2.50 next season: "Your team is by far the worst in the NBA. Your star player has said he has trouble caring,. You fired your coach and demoted the general manager. Naturally, it's time to raise prices."
.
Latrell Sprewell, commenting on his seeking an extension on a contract that will pay him $14.8 million this year: "I've got a family to feed."
.
Mal Florence, The Times' Lakers beat writer, was told by his boss to come home after the Lakers 33-game win streak was stopped by the Milwaukee Bucks, in 1972. Upon leaving the hotel, Lakers coach Bill Sharman saw Florence leaving and asked, "Where are you going, Mal?" Florence replied: "I don't cover losers."
.
=============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pithypedia.com

SPORTS QUOTES

.

Football is a game designed to keep coalminers off the streets. --Jimmy Breslin

I just know I'm a better manager when I have Joe DiMaggio in center field. --Casey Stengel

The most serious doubt that has been thrown on the authenticity of the biblical miracles is the fact that most of the witnesses in regard to them were fishermen. --Arthur Binstead

Accidentally Shot
Colonel Gray, of Petaluma, came near losing his life a few days ago, in a singular manner. A gentleman with whom he was hunting attempted to bring down a dove, but instead of doing so put the load of shot through the Colonel's hat. One shot took effect in his forehead. --Sacramento Daily Union

The real problem with hunting elephants is carrying the decoys. --Anonymous

The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil. --Heywood Broun

Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo. --Anonymous

Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else. --Anonymous

I never met a man I didn't want to fight. --Lyle Alzado

Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really over- whelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang). --Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing

Life is a gamble at terrible odds, if it was a bet you wouldn't take it. --Tom Stoppard

Most people's favorite way to end a game is by winning. --Anonymous

If you do your best the rest of the way, that takes care ofeverything. When we get to October 2, we'll add up the wins, and thenwe'll either all go into the playoffs, or we'll all go home and play golf.Both those things sound pretty good to me. --Sparky Anderson

Life is a game. In order to have a game, something has to be more important than something else. If what already is, is more important than what isn't, the game is over. So, life is a game in which what isn't, is more important than what is. Let the good times roll. --Werner Erhard

If you're carrying a torch, put it down. The Olympics are over. --Anonymous

A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there, preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass. --Donald A. Metz

=============================

Image (Sam): jameslogancourier.org
Image (Breslin): wwwimage.cbsnews.com
Image (Gang): reverseshot.com

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: media2.msnbc.com

USAIN "LIGHTNING" BOLT

TRACK AND FIELD (RUNNING)

NEW YORK - Like lightning out of nowhere, Usain Bolt is now the world’s fastest man.

The Jamaican sprinter, who doesn’t even consider the 100 meters his best race, set the world record Saturday night with a time of 9.72 seconds at the Reebok Grand Prix, .02 seconds faster than the old mark held by his countryman, Asafa Powell.

Bolt was using the 100 as “speed work” to get better for his favorite race, the 200, and also to avoid having to run the more grueling 400. Then, unexpectedly, he ran the world’s second-fastest time a few weeks ago at 9.76.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even with that, he said he wasn’t sure if he would switch out the 400 for the 100 at the Beijing Olympics.

“I think that will change today,” Bolt said. “It doesn’t matter if I have the world record if I don’t have the Olympic medal.”

Springing from the starting block and unfurling his lanky frame — listed at 6-foot-4, but probably more like 6-5 and, either way, considered too tall for this kind of speed work — he created a big-time gap between himself and Tyson Gay at about the halfway point, then routed America’s top sprinter to the finish line.

“I wasn’t really looking for a world record, but it was there for the taking,” Bolt said.

Gay finished in 9.85.
“Obviously, I have some work to do,” Gay said. “Right now, it’s hats off to Bolt. Today was his day.”

As he crossed the finish line, Bolt spread his arms out wide and let out a yell. A few moments later, the 21-year-old from Kingston was hoisting the Jamaican flag and a crowd with several hundreds of Jamaican fans was going wild. Then, he kneeled down and posed next to the scoreboard that recorded the fastest time ever — “9.72.”

“Just coming here, knowing a lot of Jamaicans were here giving me their support, it meant a lot,” Bolt said. “I just wanted to give them what they wanted.”
But who could have expected this?

Bolt has long been considered one of his country’s top, up-and-coming runners, but his height and running style seemed to make him much more fit for powering through turns in the 200, the distance he considers his best, and persevering in the 400, which he doesn’t love as much.

Like so many who compete in the 100, Bolt had lots of work to do with his push out of the blocks. In the leadup to the race, he said he doesn’t consider himself a true pro at that yet. And after a bad false start by the field — the second gun didn’t go off until the runners were 20 meters down the track — this simply didn’t seem like a night for world records.
Or was it?

“I was glad for the first false start,” Bolt said. “My first start wasn’t that good. I knew if I got Tyson on the start, I’d get him.”

Gay said he knew it was over after he saw Bolt push out.
“I honestly think we were on the same rhythm, except his stride pattern is a lot bigger,” Gay said. “He was covering a lot more ground than I was.”

“An awesome athlete,” said Shawn Crawford, who finished sixth and witnessed history from two lanes inside of Bolt. “The time shows it.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: en.wikiquote.org

Image: kashifalvi.files.wordpress.com
.

CRICKET QUOTES AND INSULTS

For six days, thou shall push up and down the line, but on the seventh day thou shall swipe. Doug Padgett, 1969

---------------

Of all the races in the Galaxy, only the English could possibly revive the memory of the most horrific wars ever to sunder the Universe and transform it into into what I'm afraid is generally regarded as an incomprehensibly dull and pointless game Douglas Adams, Life the Universe and Everything (1982).

----------------

In Affectionate Remembrance of ENGLISH CRICKET, which died at the Oval on 29th AUGUST, 1882, Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and acquaintances R.I.P.N.B. - The body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia. Reginald Shirley Brooks, published in The Sporting Times (1882). See wikipedia on The Ashes.

---------------

When you win the toss – bat. If you are in doubt, think about it, then bat. If you have very big doubts, consult a colleague – then bat. Attributed to W. G. Grace.

---------------

After years of patient study (and with cricket there can be no other kind), I have decided that there is nothing wrong with the game that the introduction of golf carts wouldn't fix in a hurry. Bill Bryson, Down Under (2000)

--------------

It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavours look interesting and lively; that was merely an unintended side effect. I don't wish to denigrate a sport that is enjoyed by millions, some of them awake and facing the right way, but it is an odd game. Bill Bryson, Down Under (2000)

-------------

Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always works in our picnic matches.Paul Hogan

------------

That cricket is going to stay in India there cannot be a shadow of a doubt; it has taken hold all over the country, and chokras can be seen playing in every village with any sort of old bat and ball that they can lay hands on. I should hope that it will do something to get over any racial antipathy; for instance, it must, I think, bring the several races together more and more, in a spirit of harmony that should be the spirit in which cricket is played. Unquestionably, it arouses excitement and enthusiasm, and extreme ambition that one's own side should succeed, bit it also ought to lead to friendliness, and that is what is needed in India. East will always be East, and West, West, but the crease is not a very broad line of demarcation – so narrow, indeed, that it ought to help bring about friendly relations. Lord Harris, A Few Short Runs (1921)

---------------------

Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always works in our picnic matches. Paul Hogan

---------------------

Cricket had plunged me into politics long before I was aware of it. When I did turn into politics I did not have too much to learn. C. L. R. James, Beyond a Boundary (1963)

------------------

Cricket is battle and service and sport and art. Douglas Jardine, captain of England, 1931-34. When's the game itself going to begin? Groucho Marx, watching a match at Lord's, attributed in Colin Jarman, The Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

-------------------

Cricket civilises people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen. Robert Mugabe, attributed in Helen Exley, Cricket Quotations (1992)

-----------------------

"If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (1996) Amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: meaningfulnicesayings.com/

Kyle Rote, Jr.

Kyle Rote,

Sr.

SOCCER QUOTES
I loathed the game, and since I could see no pleasure or usefulness in it, it was very difficult for me to show courage at it. Football, it seemed to me, is not really played for the pleasure of kicking a ball about, but is a species of fighting. ~ by George Orwell

Football is the opera of the people. ~ by Stafford Heginbotham, 1985

The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does~ by Phil Woosnam, 1974
Soccer is a game in which everyone does a lot of running around. Twenty-one guys stand around and one guy does a tap dance with the ball. ~ by Jim Murray, 1967

All that proves is that most of the world is too poor to build bowling alleys, golf courses, tennis courts and baseball fields. There's hundreds of millions of poor people out there who still ain't got indoor plumbing, but that don't mean there's something great about an outhouse. Soccer is boring. I've never seen a more boring sport. ~ by Mike Royko, 1994

The rest of the world loves soccer. Surely we must be missing something. Uh, isn't that what the Russians told us about communism? There's a good reason why you don't care about soccer - it's because you are an American and hating soccer is more American than mom's apple pie, driving a pick-up and spending Saturday afternoon channel-surfing with the remote control. ~ by Tom Weir

The Glaswegian definition of an atheist: a bloke who goes to a Rangers-Celtic match to watch the football. ~ by Sandy Strang

Soccer is not about justice. It's a drama - and criminally wrong decisions against you are part and parcel of that. ~ by Pete Davies

In Latin America the border between soccer and politics is vague. There is a long list of governments that have fallen or been overthrown after the defeat of the national team. ~ by Luis Suarez

Why is there only one ball for 22 players? If you gave a ball to each of them, they'd stop fighting for it. ~ by Author Unknown

I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back. ~ by Eric Morecambe

The roots of our Soccer Tribe lie deep in our primeval past. ~ by Desmond Morris

To the aesthete it is an art form, an athletic ballet. To the spiritually inclined it is a religion. ~ by Paul Gardner

To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink. ~ by J.B. Priestley, The Good Companions, 1928

Up to five goals is journalism. After that, it becomes statistics. ~ by Author Unknown

Concerning football playing, I protest to you it may rather be called a friendly kind of fighting, rather than recreation. ~ by Author Unknown

If this can be termed the century of the common man, then soccer, of all sports, is surely his game.... In a world haunted by the hydrogen and napalm bomb, the football field is a place where sanity and hope are still left unmolested. ~ by Stanley Rous, 1952

Whenever the ball flew toward our goal and a score seemed inevitable, Jesus reached his foot out and cleared the ball. ~ by Author unknown, from an article in Rio de Janeiro's Jornal dos Sports

If you're attacking, you don't get as tired as when you're chasing. ~ by Kyle Rote, Jr.

Five days shalt thou labour, as the Bible says. The seventh day is the Lord thy God's. The sixth day is for football. ~ by Anthony Burgess

Other countries have their history. Uruguay has its football. ~ by Ondino Viera

========================

Image (Jr.): hickoksports.com

Image:(Sr.): checkoutmycards.com