FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: faniq.com

Image: cdn.faniq.com
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SPORTS HUMOR
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Vandals Fans Eliminate The Best Thing Going In Moscow
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Click here to view ===> HOT PANTS!!!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: newretirement.com

Image: cardmine.co.uk
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SPORTS TRIVIA
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Retirement? It seemed like a good idea at the time!
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Click here to view ===> AARP?
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References to:
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Ricky Williams
Bob Cousy
Wilt Chamberlain
Bjorn Borg
Pele
George Foreman
Charles Oakley
Jim Thorpe
Muhammad Ali
Martina Navratilova
Brett Favre
Floyd Mayweather Jr
Roger Clemens
Lance Armstrong
Michael Jordan
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes of the week (23 September 2008 edition)
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES
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References to:
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Robinho
Paul Fletcher
Phil Gould
Antoine Sibierski
Andy Murray
Marcus Trescothick
Simon Hackney
John Ward
Tony Pulis
Dave Whelan
Steve Bruce
Gabriel Agbonlahor
John Carew
Michael Chopra
Roy Keane
Sir Alex Ferguson
'Big Phil' Scolari
Stephen Hunt
Nigel Bannister
Aidy Boothroyd
Nick Faldo
Ryder Cup
Boo Weekley
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======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: 121s.com

Image: profile.myspace.com
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NBA QUOTES
Quotes by and about Bill Walton
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Click here to view ===> GRANDMAMA
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.co.uk

Image: trade-post.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES, 2003
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References to:
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Lennox Lewis
Tony Adams
Robin Reid
Dennis Wise
David Gill
Clive Woodward
Mike Tindall
Will Greenwood
Jonny Wilkinson
Muttiah Muralitharan
Paul Ridley
Nigel Worthington
Goran Eriksson
Hernan Crespo
Claudio Ranieri
Steve McManaman
Artim Sakiri
Chris Eubank
Martin Corry
Florentino Perez
Claude Makelele
David Leadbetter
Bill Sweetenham
Ray Harford
Paolo Di Canio
George Foreman
Neal McDonald
Frank Bruno
Clive Woodward
Justin Wilson
Robbie Williams
Peter Hill-Wood
Alex Best
Barbara Cassani
Ken Bates
Yuri Luzhov
Roman Abramovich
Henk Potts
David Felgate
Mathew Ellis
Audley Harrison
Bernie Ecclestone
Ryan Giggs
Jorge Valdano
Stephanie Beacham
Andy Caddick
Cherie Blair
Matthew Pinsent
Arsène Wenger
Martin Tyler
Florentino Perez
Hootie Johnson
Augusta National
Tiger Woods
Barry Geraghty
Wayne Rooney
George Best
Peter Ridsdale
Sanjeev Bhaskar
Alex Ferguson
Shane Warne
Dick Pound
Henry Olonga
Andy Flower
Margaret Johnston
Jean-Paul Gaultier
Djibril Cissé
Zong Bohong
Annika Sorenstam
Hal Sutton
Naseem Hamed
Barry McGuigan
Uri Geller
Bruno Cauvy
Hubert Auriol
Nathan Bunce
Margaret Court
Graham Westley
Nasser Hussain
Imran Khan
Jonathan Moyo
Jordan
Victoria Beckham
Dwight Yorke
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===========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: aaaugh.com

Image: joshipuroresu.blogspot.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Date: Wed, 21 Feb 96
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Amy Perinutter of Manchester (N.J.) high school after pinning Hawthorne's Catrina Carriales in the state's first all-female wrestling match:
"I was pumped up for this match. I didn't want to lose to a girl."
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The Star's Rick Fraser, in a story setting up a fight between heavily favoured Billy Irwin and outclassed opponent Lee Cargle, whose record read 29 wins and 46 losses:
"They might need to keep playing the national anthem to keep this guy on his feet."
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Dennis Rodman was sued by a former Atlanta Hawks cheerleader, who alleged the basketball star gave her herpes. During the trial, Rodman told the court:
"I'm very particular about who I sleep with."
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During the baseball strike Cleveland traded five replacement players to Cincinnati for future considerations. That prompted this response from then Reds manager Davey Johnson:
"Cleveland got the better of the deal. They didn't get anybody."
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Russian defenceman Viacheslav Fetisov took in his first major league baseball game in Arlington, Texas, this year but didn't stay long:
"Two innings. One hour. I leave."
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A similar story unfolded when another Russian, Alexei Zhamnov, took in a minor league ball game in Winnipeg. Midway through, Zhamnov asked incredulously:
"Do they shower after this?"
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A sign at the San Jose Arena near the end of the 1994-95 regular season:
"All the Kings' goalies and all the Kings' men couldn't get Wayne to the playoffs again."
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Pirates broadcaster Steve Blass on Pittsburgh replacement pitcher Jimmy Boudreau, who last played professionally in 1986:
"He should have been better, pitching on 3,195 days rest."
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New York Ranger forward Nick Kypreos was asked by customs officials if he had anything to declare upon re-entering the U.S. after the lockout ended. His response:
"No, the owners took it all."
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Figure skater Toller Cranston, 45, who broke an ankle in warmups, on why he won't let it end his career:
"I have no intention of retiring in such a modest, inconspicuous way. If I break my leg, it's gotta be at least in front of television cameras."
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Brent Gates of the Oakland A's heard his teammates talking before Dennis Eckersley recorded his 300th save and asked:
"Do you think they'll stop the game for it?"
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Orlando's Shaquille O'Neal responding to Dennis Rodman's charge that O'Neal doesn't rebound as well as he should:
"My responding to Rodman is like talking to a Bugs Bunny doll. I don't like to talk to Loony Tunes."
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Cedric Ceballos of the LA Lakers when asked about his chances of being voted a starter in the NBA all-star game:
I don't know. But I know my hands are tired, from stuffing the ballot box."
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Charles Barkley on why he wants to beat the Philadelphia 76ers by 100 points:
"Ex-teams are like ex-wives. Deep, deep down, you know you can't stand them."
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Someone asked replacement player Brian Ahern if he was the ace of the Blue Jays staff after Toronto named him to start their first pre-season game. Ahern's reply:
"I don't know. Maybe it's because my last name starts with A."
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George Foreman, when asked whether he worries about brain damage:
"Anybody going into boxing already has brain damage."
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Jim Riggleman, new manager of the Chicago Cubs:
"I try to have respect for people in general, whether it's baseball players or low lifes like the media."
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Former boxer Art Aragon, the original Golden Boy:
"I'll never forget my last time at Madison Square Garden. Hundreds of people were screaming for me. I must have sold 250 hot dogs."
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Comic Robin Williams after watching his first hockey game between Vancouver and San Jose:
"It's so quick and so brutal and I'm just in shock. I'm amazed that people don't keep screaming: `911!'"
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San Francisco 49ers linebacker Gary Plummer on his team's awesome offence in the Super Bowl:
"Most offenses take what the defence gives them. Ours takes what it wants."
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John Andretti, after finishing 492 gruelling laps at the tough North Carolina Speedway in Rockingham:
"Racing 492 laps (at Rockingham) is like going to a gang fight, and your gang doesn't show up."
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When New York Ranger defenceman Ulf Samuelsson was asked who he thought was the dirtiest player in the NHL, he responded:
"Can I vote for myself?"
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LPGA player Elaine Johnson, after her shot hit a tree and rebounded into her bra:
"I'll take a two-shot penalty, but I'll be damned if I'm going play the ball where it lies."
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The Brewers held a Jim Gantner day this year and someone remembered the former major league star once said:
"I hung around the house last winter, but I did take a hunting trip to one of those Canadian proverbs."
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Detroit Lions quarterback Scott Mitchell underwent tests after feeling lightheaded in a game against Minnesota and later reported:
"They checked my head out and found I had a brain. That was real encouraging."
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Tim McDonald, San Francisco 49er strong safety, on why he does not wear an earring:
"My mother said that's the first step to becoming a woman.
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Jane Fonda after the Atlanta Braves won the World Series:
"It's the most exciting day I've ever had with my clothes on."
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Pittsburgh coach Rich Donnelly, when asked if the Pirates were a young team:
"We had our father-son game the other day. Our guys thought they were supposed to call their fathers to come in for the game."
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Ruth Wysocki, 38, who finished seventh in the women's 500 metres at the world championships, once said of rival Mary Decker Slaney:
"I've beaten her under three different names -- Kleinsasser, Caldwell and Wysocki."
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Jack Nicklaus, on growing old:
"Trouble is, I want to play like me -- and I can't play like me any more.
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Chicago Bulls coach Phil Jackson, when told that parents were complaining about buying their kids No. 45 Michael Jordan jerseys only to have Jordan switch back to No. 23, replied:
"Buy them books."
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A public address announcer for a Jacksonville, Fla., hockey team had this advice for fans after two deceased octopuses sailed on to the ice:
"For the fans who are throwing the octopus, we have no problem with you doing that but before you bring them out please boil them ahead of time so they don't stick to the ice."
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Cleveland Browns broadcaster Doug Dieken, who played 14 years with the team, on the team's move to Baltimore:
"It's too sad to even be a country-western song."
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Toronto Maple Leaf coach Pat Burns had this to say on the flat terrain of Winnipeg:
"It's the only town where you can watch your dog run away for three days."
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Mickey Mantle, near death before receiving a liver transplant, said one person who called him was former Yankee teammate Yogi Berra:
"Yogi said he was gonna come to my funeral because he was afraid I wasn't going to come to his.
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When Mike Keane was traded to Colorado along with goalie Patrick Roy, someone remembered Keane's prophetic quip when he was named the Canadiens' captain last April:
"Around here the C stands for see ya later!"
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Martina Navratilova, on her exhibition match with Monica Seles, who was making her first appearance in a tennis event since being stabbed:
"She beat me, and I ain't no slouch potato."
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Josee Chouinard, who has a history of falling, had this to say after failing twice at Skate Canada in November:
"I felt like a Zamboni out there."
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Shortly after Mark Lamping was named president of the St. Louis Cardinals, he proudly told his 12-year-old son, Brian, about his new job. Brian's response:
"Dad, (the Cards) stink. All of the kids at school are going to make fun of me."
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Britain's Nick Faldo is back on the PGA Tour for the first time since 1989 and said he misses European beer.
"Drinking American beer is like making love in a boat. It's close to water."
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When author Bud Shrake suggested to Harvey Penick, the late, great golf teacher, that they collaborate on a book, Penick was sceptical. Later, Shrake called to say:
"Good news! They say they'll publish it! Seventy five thousand dollars!" Penick looked worried and said: "I don't think I can afford to pay that much."
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Manager Jim Leyland of the financially strapped Pittsburgh Pirates:"People ask me why we didn't sign (pitcher) David Cone.
"Heck, we can't even afford an ice cream cone."
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Dr. Phil Rizzuto, after the former Yankee shortstop was awarded an honorary degree by Hofstra University:
"This is out of my realm. My God, they speak the King's English I'm from Brooklyn."
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Former Blue Jay Todd Stottlemyre when he joined the Oakland A's:
"I'm amazed at how quick they've made me feel welcome. I mean, there's a lot of guys on this ball club I've probably hit."
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Maria Bottone on her finances as she trains for the U.S. Olympic fencing team:
"There's always too much month at the end of the money."
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Compiled byBob Finlay
====================



-o-

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pr.tennessee.edu

SPORTS QUOTES

Quotes by sportscaster Lindsey Nelson

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How he began at NBC:

"I was hired by Gallery [Tom, NBC sports director] as an administrator, not as an announcer. I stayed at NBC 10 years and never had a contract as an announcer. I never even had an agent; I didn't need one because I was hiring myself to announce the weekend events. When Gallery would say 'Who do you think we ought to use on this event?',

I would say, 'Me.' "

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On his trademark flashy jackets:

"We (the New York Mets) were going to be televising 120 games in color . . . . I walked into a New York clothing store and told the clerk, 'Let me see all the jackets you can't sell.' He brought out seven, and I bought all of them.

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"People don't always recognize me but they know my outfit."

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On the early New York Mets:

"It was my job to set the broadcast policy. I told our broadcast team, 'This is a very inept group of players, and we're not going to try to hide their ineptness. We're also not going to make fun of them.' We simply described what they did, and what they did was hilarious."

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The last time I saw him, he was served lunch at the assisted living facility where he was residing. The main dish was roast beef.
Lindsey had very little strength left, and using his hands was difficult because of the Parkinson's. He attacked the meat as vigorously as he could with knife and fork, but it remained intact. After two or three minutes he leaned back in his chair and said:
"This looks like a tie game to me."
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======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: msu.edu

HOCKEY HUMOR
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TOP TEN REASONS HOCKEY IS BETTER THAN SEX:
(author unknown)
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10. It's legal to play hockey professionally
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9. The puck is always hard.
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8. The protective equipment is reusable, and you don't even have to wash it.
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7. It lasts a full hour.
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6. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
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5. Your parents cheer when you score.
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4. A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon.
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3. Periods last only 20 min.
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2. You can count on it at least twice a week.
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1. You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
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=====================