FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.teamxbox.com

Image: thesportshernia.typepad.com
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BASKETBALL QUOTES
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"So, which one of you guys is going to come in second?"--Larry Bird, in the locker room before the first three point contest.
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I’m a GM in fantasy basketball and I’m a GM on PlayStation, so on PlayStation I probably would have got a little more, but this is real life, so I don’t know.” – Jalen on the Vince Carter trade
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"But can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. I've still got a good 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left."--Shaq
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Reporter- " How do you feel abou the T's the refs put on you tonight?"
Shaq-"Teach the damn refs how to call a **** game"
Reporter- " Shaq! We're live on TV"
Shaq- " I dont give a ****!"
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"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" -fan to MJ after dunking on John Stockton
"Is he big enough?" -MJ after dunking on Utah's 7 foot center
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Bob Costas announcing a St. Louis game, "You can bet the last thing Coach Bob McKinnon wants is a repeat of last Friday night's blow job" (followed by 2 minutes of radio silence I'll bet)
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Horry: I din't touch him!!! I didn't touch him!!! (unbelieving face) REF: Then who was it?? Will Smith???
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"Unstoppable, baby!" -Warrior rookie Marc Jackson to the Mavericks' bench, after hitting a lay-up during a 29-point loss.
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Barkley, to then rookie Cuttino Mobley : "Say, Cuttino. What are those Godawful clothes you're wearing? Man, this ain't Rhode Island anymore. You're in the NBA. The girls have teeth here."
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Me shooting 40% at the foul line it's just God's way to say nobody's perfect" -Shaq
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"that guy is an idiot, i-d-i-u-t" -shaq
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I will miss him a lot. He was a good friend. And he owes me $80." - Yao Ming, on Bostjan Nachbar getting traded
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My favourite American song? Star Splanged Banner, I listen it 82 times every year. - Yao Ming
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"This is one o' my most rememorable...did I say that right? Rememorable? Whatever, man, y'all know what I'm talkin' 'bout. I'm gonna remember this game." - Allen Iverson
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William Gates in his Marquette University dorm room: "People always say to me, 'When you get to the NBA, don't forget me.' Well, if I don't get to the NBA, you don't forget about me."
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"The thigh bone is not connected to the free-throw bone" - Shaq after hitting 6-7 FTs in the 4th quarter of Game 4 against Detroit.
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One of my favorites also came from Shaq. A few seasons ago he had to have surgery during the season that Phil Jackson had said he should have taken care of during the off season. Next year, Phil Jackson had to have some kind of minor procedure (kidney stones?). When asked about it Shaq said "He should of had it taken care of in the off season".
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We try to treat the road like it's a home game. We ain't got no fans at home, neither." -- Dion Glover, on the Hawks.
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Charles Barkley- On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."
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After cops pull him and some of his fellow Trail Blazers over (i think it was DA and stoudamire) and asks him if they have any more weed (cuz he smelled weed) "nope we smoked it all up" -Sheed
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forums.usms.org

Gym in Dodgeball, the Movie

Image: wearyourbeer.com

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SPORTS HUMOR

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(Sports references can be found in the image above and in the commentary below. Enjoy!)

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Good Laugh: Joke from a female swim coach
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I got this joke via email from my female coach. If you are easily offended, please go straight to another thread. This is just a joke. It is not an opinion, theory or religion.

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Why men are never depressed

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Men are just happier people -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white t-shirt to a water park. You can wear no t-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world and the pool is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a bolt. You never ask for directions. You never ask for permission to go to practice.

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Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. Having a chest does not eliminate backstroke. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

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Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

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Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You use great big paddles and no fins. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't know what "chlorine damage" means. You only have to shave your face and neck unless it's taper time.

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You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your hips. Your bodyskin sucks in your belly and covers gray chest hair. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

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You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nflcheerleader.blogspot.com

Eagles Calendar Cover Cheerleader Contestants

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Image: polarbearrepublic.com

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NFL CHEERLEADERS BLOG

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To view NFL Cheerleaders Blog,

click here ========> BLOG

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: 108mag.typepad.com

Image: divisionstreet.wordpress.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Joe Schultz, ex-Seattle Mariners Manager
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10. To Mike Hegan, after he got hit on the arm by a pitch:"Where'd you get it, on the elbow?"Hegan: "No. On the meat of the arm, the biceps.""Oh, shit, you'll be okay. Just spit on it and rub some dirt on it."
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9 . "Attaway to stomp 'em. Stomp the piss out of 'em. Stomp 'em when they're down. Kick 'em and stomp 'em. Attaway to go boys. Pound that old Budweiser into you and go get them tomorrow."
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8. On pitching to Frank Howard:"Look, whatever you do, don't let him beat you. Don't give him anything good to hit. throw it outside to him. Christ, I don't mean on the corner, either. He'll hit that pitch right out of here. Throw it a foot outside. Hell, he'll swing at those. Somebody's been getting him out. The bastard's only hitting.305."
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7. "Attaway to stomp on 'em, men. Pound that Budweiser into you and go get 'em tomorrow." Shultz spots John Gelnar. "For crissakes, Gelnar. You'll never get them out drinking Dr. Pepper."
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6. John Gelnar during a Shultz mound visit: "Any particular way you want me to pitch him, Joe?"Schultz: "Nah, fuck him. Give him some low smoke and we'll go in and pound some Budweiser."
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5. Bouton to Schultz: "I sure could use a workout."Schultz: "If you need a workout go down to a whorehouse."
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4. During bunting practice:"Boys, bunting is like jacking off. Once you learn how you never forget."
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3. After an argument with an umpire, returning to the dugout, to a woman in the front row: "Hi ya, Blondie. How's your old tomato?"
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2. Schultz: "Nice going out there today, Jim."Bouton: "Joe, I had a fantastic knuckleball today. Just fantastic."Schultz: "Did you? Did you have the feel of it?"Bouton: "I sure did."Schultz (grabbing crotch): "Well, feel this!"
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1. "Well, boys, it's a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit it square."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: runningredskins.blogspot.com

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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES

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There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a pain in the ass. ~~ Dan Devine, former Notre Dame football coach

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We gotta stop that Buddy ball. Hit everyone you see. Hit that running back. Then run up in the stands and slap their mamas. ~ NY Giants player as quoted on NFL Films

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If you ain’t holding, you ain’t trying. ~~ Lyle Alzado

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Every time you lose you die a little; not all of your organs, a portion of you; maybe just your liver. ~~ George Allen

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I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back. ~~ David Morecambe

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Just remember the words of Patrick Henry, kill me or let me live. ~ Bill Peterson
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The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer. ~ John Madden

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: funkinsockmonkey.com

Image: antiqbook.co.uk
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SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes by Ron Atkinson
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'It was that boring I switched over to watch Porridge on the other side.'
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'I would not say that he (David Ginola) is one of the best left wingers in the Premiership, but there are none better.'
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'They've come out at half time and gone bang.'
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'[Phil Neville] was treading on dangerous water there...'
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'I've had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it's there to be won...'
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'I would also think that the replay showed it to be worse than it actually was.'
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'I think that was a moment of cool panic there.'
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'Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs.'
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'If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half time, it was concentration and focus.'
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'They must go for it now as they have nothing to lose but the match.'
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'Woodcock would have scored, but his shot was too perfect.'
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'He's not only a good player, but he's spiteful in the nicest sense of the word.'
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'Tony Adams - he's the rock that the team has grown from.'
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'...and he [Peter Schmeichel] extends and grows even bigger than he is.'
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'They've picked their heads up off the ground, and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders.'
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'I'm afraid they've left their legs at home.'
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mixmakers.net

SOCCER QUOTES
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I cried in my pillow and couldn't sleep last night
~Arsene Wenger when Murinho didnt shake hand
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When Madrid bought Beckham and sold Makelele; "Why put another layer of gold paint on the Bently when your losing the entire engine."
(Don't know who said this)
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When Gordan Strachens team got beaten and where horribly outplayed a reporter said "It looked like you were outplayed in certain area's of the field in todays game."
~Strachen replied "Yes, we were outplayed in certain parts of the field today, the big green area of it..."
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There's no in between you're either good or bad.. We were in between.
~Gary Lineker
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They had a couple of - what's a nice word for lumps? - big players up front. Lumps is too rude.
~Spurs boss Martin Jol tries to find words to describe Liverpool strike pair Peter Crouch and Fernando Morientes.
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"I didn't intend stripping off that much, but they were yelling for more and I threw everything."
~John Arne Riise after beating Chelsea
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"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league" ~Mark Viduka
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~Beckham after missing penalty against Portugal in Euro 04 :
"there was mud coming out & there was no way you cud have kicked the ball properly, other guys were lucky"
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'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.'
~ Jonathan Woodgate
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~Francesco Totti, when asked by a journalist what he thinks of the phrase "Carpe Diem". "What's this crap? I don't speak English!"
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"I dedicate that goal in particular to everyone"
~ (Schillaci)
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"I like the bullys, the good guys are made only for marrying our daughters"
~(Corrado Orrico referred to Lothar Matthaeus)
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At the restaurant: "Waiter, this ham tastes of fish!! (it was salmon)
~(Antonio Scibilia old president of Avellino)
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"Disqualification problem is a problem that we will learn to live together, like we learnt to live together our wives"
~(Vavassori, coach)
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"There are two things I like. The second one is playing soccer"
~(Totti)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ave-it.net

Image: austintown.k12.oh.us
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SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes by Soccer Team Managers
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'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl, except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.' - Graham Taylor
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'When a player gets to 30, so does his body.' - Glen Hoddle
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'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary
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'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.' - Graham Taylor
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'In a year's time, he's a year older.' - Bobby Robson
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'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.' - Graham Taylor
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'As I've said before and I've said it in the past...' - Kenny Dalglish
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'He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.' - Glenn Hoddle
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'I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.' - Jack Charlton
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'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson
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'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.' - Bryan Robson
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'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton
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'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.' - Ray Wilkins
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'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle
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'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson
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