FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

GOLF QUOTES
Quotes by Mr. & Mrs. Reagan in the movie
"Shoot Yourself Some Golf ", 1942
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Jane Wyman: You know, all golf is a matter of perfect form.
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Ronald Reagan: [ogling her] That all? You're doin' all right then, aren't yuh?
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Jane Wyman: No, seriously, Ronnie, maybe your stance isn't correct or maybe you bend your elbows too much.
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Ronald Reagan: I haven't had a drink since last New Year's.-----------------------------------------
Jack Redmond: Well, Jane, driving a golf ball is just as easy as driving a car.
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Jane Wyman: Well, that's funny. Every time I drive a golf ball, I hit absolutely nothing, but when I drive a car, - Uh-Oh!------------------------------------------
Ronald Reagan: [angrily as a golfer rudely plays a ball near him] Hey, what's the big idea?
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Golfer playing through: I hope you don't mind my playing through. I just received word my house was on fire!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

Image: seemon.net

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SOCCER QUOTES

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Big Phil's best quotes
By Chris Charles
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New Chelsea manager Luiz Felipe Scolari is not the kind of guy to call a spade a soil-redistibution implement.
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'Big Phil' won't be afraid to say what he thinks and you can guarantee a few feathers will be ruffled when he takes up residence in the Premier League on 1 July.
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Until then, here's a little reminder of the fiery Brazilian's past gems...
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"Jesus said we should turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, Figo is not Jesus Christ." After Portugal captain Figo headbutted the Netherlands' Mark van Bommel at the last World Cup.
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"There were 20 reporters in front of my house - that was too much and I didn't like it." When linked to the England job before Germany 2006.
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"That hypocrisy that someone who's born here is a saint and someone born on the other side of the Atlantic is a devil, that doesn't exist. It's time to stop that clown show. I'm just like anybody else, I've got two legs, two arms and a head."
Upon being grilled by Her Majesty's press about the England position.
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"I'm allowed to have meetings with who I want. I can have meetings with the Pope but to make a deal with the English FA is something else." Hitting back at criticism from within Portugal for talking to the FA.
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"I can go to a ball at a dancing hall with these guys every day but I won't make an agreement." Insisting he wouldn't be signing any contracts with England until after the World Cup. And true to his word, he didn't.
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"I think Pele knows nothing about soccer. He's done nothing as a coach and his analysis turns out to be always wrong. If you plan on winning a title, you do the opposite to what Pele says." After leading Brazil to their fifth World Cup triumph.
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"If someone talks about my private life, for example, I'll give them a good punching. I'm not interested in suing. I like to sort things out my way."
After one of his players at Palmeiras was abused by fans over his private life.
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"This is war, and I have to kill and not be killed." On football at the highest level.
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"I believe firmly in astrology. Since I was a kid, the stars told me I was a winner." On being football's answer to Russell Grant.
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"The most important thing is to have a unified group. The national team should be like a family."
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International football.
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"I once played in a marvellous team, Caxias. But one player took the place of a defender we liked a lot. The central defender who played alongside me told me: 'I'm not going to cover for him. I don't like him. He goes up to join the attack and doesn't come back; I'm not doing his work for him.' We lost the next game 5-1." On the importance of team unity.
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"You play with joy when you get the right result. How can you play with joy if you lose? Imagine if we go to the World Cup and play three wonderful games, all out of this world - and we don't qualify. What's the point in that? If we have to play ugly to reach the objective, we will play ugly." Scolari's approach to the game with Portugal at the 2006 World Cup. Just what Roman Abramovich didn't want to hear.
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"South American coaches, especially Brazilians and Argentinians, have a certain mystique about them. We make everything enjoyable, and that's what football's all about - having fun!" On the joy of being Brazilian.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: usatoday.com

TENNIS QUOTES

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WTA's Ashley Harkleroad talks Playboy shoot with ESPN The Magazine Ashley Harkleroad, ranked 65th on the women's tennis tour, is about to get a lot more publicity when the shoot she did for Playboy Magazine appears on the newsstands Friday.

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Ted Bauer of ESPN the Magazine interviewed Harkleroad about her decision to pose and of course about tennis.

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"My boyfriend and my agents negotiated the deal for me,'' she told Bauer. "It's something entirely different than playing tennis, and I enjoy being in front of a camera. It's just a different avenue and I wanted to see where it could take me, so I accepted it."

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Harkleroad said she has not heard anything negative from the players on tour and as for posing she added "I'm not a very modest person, so I was really feeling it. I was having a good time and trying to feel sexy in my own body; I think it worked. The pictures and the layout came out very classy."

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If case you are interested she said the Williams sisters are her toughest opponents and Serena and Steffi Graf the two best players ever.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportingnews.com

Image: bad-credit-advisor.com

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BASEBALL QUOTES
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* "Look, we play The National Anthem before every game. You want us to pay taxes too?" -- baseball team owner Bill Veeck
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* When asked for a comment by a San Francisco reporter about the then-recent assassination of longtime Dominican dictator Rafael Trujillo, one of the Alou brothers on the Giants reportedly said, (through a translator), "We didn't do it."
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* "I've given Mike Cuellar more chances than my first wife." -- Earl Weaver
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* "The only thing Earl knows about pitching is that he couldn't hit any."-- Jim Palmer
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* This was in the "They Said It" part of Sports Illustrated in the late 1980s (which I can't find precisely where now so I'm going from memory), said by an Atlanta Braves coach who went out to talk to the pitcher during a game in Cincinnati after the pitcher had given up three straight home runs, resulting in three straight fireworks displays, "I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to give them a chance to reload their cannon."
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*"Well, a couple of grand slammers and the Brewers are right back in this one."—Uecker during the 8th inning of a game the Brewers were losing 8–0

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nlbpa.com

Image: nlbpa.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

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TONI STONE

aka Marcenia Lyle Alberga (real name)
Born: July 17, 1931

Died: Nov. 2, 1996
Second Baseman

1953 - Indianapolis Clowns

1954 - Kansas City Monarchs

1993 - Inducted to Women’s Sports Hall of Fame, Long Island, N.Y.

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Toni Stone's most memorable baseball moment came when she played against the lenendary Satchel Paige in 1953

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" He was so good," she remembered, " That he'd ask batters where they wanted it, just so they'd have a chance.

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He'd ask '"You want it high? You want it low? You want it right in the middle?

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Just say. People still couldn't get a hit against him. So I get up there and he say,

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"Hey, T, how do you like it? And I said, It doesn't matter just don't hurt me".

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When he wound up--he had these big old feet--all you could see was his shoe. I stood there shaking, but I got a hit. Right out over second base. Happiest moment in my life.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: themmapost.com

Image: stretchlimochicago.com

MIXED MARTIAL ARTS QUOTES

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MMA Forum Member's Top 10 Quotes

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10. Mauro Ranallo Talking about Minotauro- "He's takin an unbelievable amount of punishment over the years, but the question is will he pay the price later on in life"

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9. Wanderlei Silva- "I want to Fuck Chuck"- Those english classes werent going well apparently, as Wandy was trying to say I want to fight Chuck.

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8. Rampage- "Is that Heath's nut hangin out"- Quinton was announcing the second fight between Nogueira and Heath Herring, when he noticed how short Heath's shorts were.

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7. Ken Shamrock- "I will beat you into a living death"- Ken's quotes could have their own article too.

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6. Forrest Griffin- "He did exactly what I wanted him to do and he knocked me the fuck out"- Forrest after getting KTFO by Keith Jardine.

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5. Anything that comes out of Bill Goldberg's Mouth- Funny in a sad way.

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4. Bas Rutten- "Maybe he smokes"- Basito responding to Rampage talking about Fujita's yellow teeth after being choked out by Fedor.

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3. Tim Sylvia- "Bring on Fedor"- Funny because if that fight were to happen he'd probably be out cold or submitted in the first round.

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2. Stephen Quadros- "The touching of gloves may be the only punch Fujita lands"- Before the Fedor/Fujita fight, little did he know what would transpire.

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1. Rampage- "You can make a mistake and get caught in a submission, but Chuck made a mistake and he got caught in an ass whoopin'."- Quinton after knocking out Liddell.

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Well thats my list, if anyone has some good ones leave a comment.

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Comments:

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Anonymous said... One of the funniest quotes has to be during GSP's post fight interview after defeating Sean Sherk. I think it was after being asked if there was a time during the fight where he knew he hurt Sherk, GSP responded in his pepe le pu like accent "I knew he was hurt when I hit him in the nose and he went AHHHHH..." That was absolutely priceless.

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crap said... Rampage before the Arona fight. Announcer asks him what's his strategy against Arona, Rampage says "there no strategy, I'm just gonna whoop his ass... that's my strategy, the whoop ass strategy"

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Thomas said... my favorite is where Diaz says weed smoking isnt getting in the way of his fight career, but on the contrary his fight career is getting in the way of his weed smoking.

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Anonymous said... Another laugher from Rampage, on Forrest Griffen ... "He has a glass jaw ... he punches like a crack head"

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Anonymous said... Rampage talking about Forrest Griffin as a coach in the Ultimate Fighter. "Forrest is the type of guy, when he wipes his butt, he don't get it all."
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GSP: "Matt Hughes beat me fair and square...I'm sorry, I'm still learning English; 'fairly squarely.'"

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Anonymous said... Rampage before one of the Pride HW Championship tournament matches, "I hope this match doesn't take long cause I have to take a shit!
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Anonymous said... Joe Rogan talking shit to a heckler in one of his stand ups. "I'll wrap my dick around your neck and start you up like a lawn mower!"

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Anonymous said... The best quote ever was when GSP was on sherdog radio trying to clarify his reasoning for writing off matt serra and instead of saying i'm not trying to kiss anyone's ass he said "I'm not trying to lick any butts"

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Bart B said... I've always loved the exchange:
Joe Rogan: "If you put Phil Baroni's brain in Pedro Rizzo's body, he would not lose."
Mike Goldberg: "and he would speak better english too".

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forums.sportingnews.com

HOCKEY QUOTES

Player Ovechkin Quotes

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Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:33 am
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Saw this on Canucks' forum, thought I'd copy and paste this here... it just shows how easy it is to like and root for Ovechkin, the kid's got a great personality along with his skills as a hockey player.
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Reporter: So who do you like to watch on the highlights?

Ovechkin: "Me"

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"I play for team. If I score, I'm glad. If we win, I'm glad, too. We lose all games. We must win something. This game we win. We're happy."

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"I saw the rebound and when the puck came to me, I said, 'Oh my God, puck,' " said Ovechkin. "I must shoot."

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"The [ice] was no good and I just shot it and I score."

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"Did you see when I ended up in the penalty box? I haven't even done anything."

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Reporter ~ "What's the greatest thing about playing in the NHL?'

Ovechkin ~ "NHL."

Reporter ~"The NHL?"

Ovechkin ~ Nods head, walks away.

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"I've been waiting for this day, ... I wanted to play in Carolina and Buffalo, but Coach said your first game, you must play it at home."

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"Everybody in Toronto loves hockey," Ovechkin said. "Every time the game is sold out. . .I like to play when everybody watches me."

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Interviewer: (Is talking about how good Crosby has it because he's with star players, Lemieux, Palffy, etc....)

Ovechkin : So? I've got Halpern(then lists off five other teammates)

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"I must thank my [teammates] for giving me two excellent passes. It was just a shot. I must only shoot and I score two goals.

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"This is the best league in the world," he said, "and I feel that I should play in the best league in the world. Money is not an issue and you cannot buy happiness."

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"When I wake up now, I don't have breakfast. I try to make something, but it's no good. I just go to Starbucks and eat chocolate."

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I want to win the Stanley Cup," he said in English, which he has been practicing only a year. "I want to be the best, just the best. I must work. I must learn. Help my team. Play hockey, that's all. Hockey is my life, you know. If I do not play hockey, I do not know what I do."

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"Here you see 65 (mph) and you can go 80. In Russia, you see 65 and you can go 100 or whatever you want. Just give the police some money."

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"Zubie helps me with everything," Ovechkin said. "I don't know something, I just say, 'Hey Zubie, help me.' If I want to go somewhere, I just call him and ask him where [to] go and he tells me."

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"I like attention. I like when everybody wants my signature," he said.

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"We've got lots of games. Sometimes he's best. Sometimes I'm best. We must play how we can. No thinking, 'Oh my God, I must do something special.' We must play for the team."

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"I understand pretty much everything, but I can't talk yet," he said in Russian.

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"Too many mistakes. So, I still need to work on my English."

Reporter: Don't you have an interpreter?

Ovechkin: Nope. Actually, I don't need one.

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Is it hard for you to get used to American life-style?

A. Ovechkin: Well, I have to get used to it no matter what. I should adapt myself to their pattern. As I understand, you tried to ask me how often I go to McDonald's? Sometimes. Tonight we are going to a restaurant with Zubrus and a couple of other guys. Actually, I like meals at George's house. His family asks me: "What would you like, Sasha?" - "Doesn't matter. I'd eat what you guys eat."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportingnews.com

Image: allposters.com

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SPORTS QUOTES
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"I never said I wanted to be traded." Baltimore Orioles SS Miguel Tejada, two days after saying "I've been with the Orioles for two years and things haven't gone in the direction that we were expecting, so I think the best thing will be a change of scenery." (12/12/05)
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"Sometimes even Superman gets a chink in his armor." Orlando Magic G Steve Francis, on being injured (12/6/05)
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''Randy Moss is like a beautiful woman who can't cook, doesn't want to clean and doesn't want to take care of kids. You really don't want her, but she's so beautiful that you can't let her go. That'show Randy is. You have to take the good with the bad." Deion Sanders, during an appearance on Sporting News Radio (1/13/04)
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"Last year, when I had surgery on my hand, I came back in 10 days. Nobody is ever back fromsurgery in 10 days and playing and producing. I think I'm one of the few guys who gets better every year. I'm on my way to being an MVP and champion." - Indiana Pacers' Ron Artest, commenting on whether he can play Friday (11/12/04)
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"I can't help it if the alarm clock doesn't go off. Stuff like that happens." - Portland Trailblazers' Zach Randolph, on missing the team plane Saturday (11/6/04)
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"I would like to extend a hunting trip to him deep in the woods somewhere." Colorado Rockies Todd Helton, on broadcaster Wayne Hagin, who suggested the All-Star first baseman used steroids in the 1990s (3/21/05)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

BASKETBALL QUOTES
Quotes from the Spike Lee movie
"He Got Game", 1998
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Jesus Shuttlesworth: Basketball is like poetry in motion, cross the guy to the left, take him back to the right, he's fallin' back, then just J right in his face. Then you look at him and say, "What?"
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Jake Shuttlesworth: I pray you understand why I pushed you so hard! It was only to get you to that next level, Son. I mean, you's the first Shuttlesworth that's ever gonna make it out of these projects, and I was the one who put the ball in your hand, Son! I put the ball in your crib!-------------------------------------------------
Jake Shuttlesworth: I want you to go to Big State, Son.
Jesus Shuttlesworth: Aw, Man, you just like everybody else.
Jake Shuttlesworth: No I'm not like everyone else, Son. Everyone else ain't your father.