SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Sunday, January 20, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thismademelaugh.com

HOCKEY QUOTES:

Brett Hull: "I'm not dumb enough to be a goalie."
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Doug Larson: "Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept."
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Steve Rushin: "By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series."
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Jim Murray: "Hockey is murder on ice."
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Glen Sather: "You can have all the talent in the world, but if the pumper's not there, it doesn't matter."
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Jeremy Roenick, "Yeah, I'm cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person."
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Paul Coffey: "When we've got the puck, they can't score."
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Brad Park: "We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital."
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Conn Smythe: "Put the kids in with a few old pappy guys who still like to win and the combination is unbeatable."
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Ken Dryden: "There are two types of forwards. Scorers and bangers. Scorers score and bangers bang."
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Eric Lindros, commenting on Flyers GM Bob Clarke's inability to trade him. season: "When you ask for the house, car, cat, dog and all the fish when you're dealing with a player who's got questions about his health, no GM in his right mind is going to say yes and offer to clean the aquarium, too."
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Tony Amonte, on possessing the NHL's second-longest active playing streak: "It must be the body. It�s chiseled out of marshmallows."
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Teemu Selanne, on the importance of the All-Star game: "Winning is always fun, but the car is more important."
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Herb Brooks, 1980 US Olympic hockey coach: "You don't have enough talent to win on talent alone."
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Carolina owner Peter Karmanos, on his refusal to deal with Keith Primeau: "We refuse to pay a prima donna, a petulant, pouting player who had 30 goals last year the same money as Toronto is paying Mats Sundin or Pittsburgh is paying Jaromir Jagr."
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Jeremy Roenick, on the trade rumors around captain Keith Tkachuk: "The only difference between the Coyotes and Days of Our Lives is that nobody has been shot on our team yet."
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Phil Esposito, on his daughter Carrie getting engaged to Alexander Selivanov: "I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but, he's a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: "You want to what? I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time."
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Scott Wolf, of the TV show Party of Five after playing in a charity hockey game: "I'm not planning a career change - not unless they need someone who constantly falls on the ice and is out of breath all the time."
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Brendan Morrison's, agent Kurt Overhardt, on his contract negotiations with the Devils: "It's beyond money at this point. They're not even treating him as a member of their family, unless it's a dysfunctional family."
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Mike Modano, on Sergei Fedorov's breaking three sticks on Dallas players: " I don't know if Anna (Kournikova) told him to get tougher or what."
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Roy MacGregor, on Yashin's contract holdout: "Sources also confirm that there is no one left in Canada who can remember when hockey was a simple game, played for fun."
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Wade Redden, on Ottawa's come from behind 6-2 win over Toronto: "Some days, the sun even shines on a dog's butt."
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When Miroslav Satan puts his credit card out to pay bills, he says "They ask me, 'Is this really your name?'" His standard response: "Only in America."
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On the "Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn," Kilborn noted Monday was Anna Kournikova's 18th birthday. Kilborn: "Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'"
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Brian Skrudland, on the new two-referee system: "I think the game has gotten better. (The two-ref system) keeps players from taking cheap shots behind the play. I never thought I'd like it, considering the way I like to hack."
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Patrick Roy, on his attempt at the Edmonton Oilers empty net: "I guess they respect my shot because they were all ready at the blue line."
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Steve Smith: "Part of the learning curve in Edmonton is learning to hate Calgary."
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Buffalo tough guy Rob Ray, to a reporter after Ray was pounded by Edmonton's Georges Laraque: "What are you, the fight doctor now or something? You've never been in a fight in your life, so what are you talking about?"
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Edmonton's Boris Mironov, on playing with a sore ankle: "I just tape four Tylenols to it."
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Glenn Healy, on his IHL time: "One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus."
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Glenn Healy, on playing in the minors: "I was three-quarters down the list of guys I would be facing in my first game when I realized I was looking at our own roster.
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Roger Newton, Nassau Coliseum general manager joked when a sewage line backed up and leaked into the Islanders dressing room: "Actually we're trying to get it to flood both locker rooms, just to be fair."
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Kevin Hodson, goalie, on Al MacInnis: "You try to squeeze a little more Charmin in the pads when you face him."
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Mike Milbury, on former Islander Travis Green and his hit on Kenny Jonsson: "He's a gutless puke, that's what Travis Green is. That's why he doesn't wear an Islander uniform any more."
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Bobby Clarke, on signing Kjell Samuelsson: "There's no reason why a player is done at 33, 34. They train better, they eat better, they drink better. This isn't the old days when everybody sat around and drank beer."
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New York Islander General Manager Don Maloney: "I know I'm not very popular on Long Island. I don't know who's less popular, me or Joey Buttafuoco."
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In Chicago, Bob Probert crashed his motorcycle into a car. According to police reports, his blood-alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit and he told officers: "Just charge me with the usual."
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Edmonton's Tyler Wright, on being clubbed by Joe Murphy, "It felt like a golf swing and my head was on the tee."
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The St. Louis Blues Media Guide was recalled to the tune of a $70,000 loss as the result of a listing in the team record section. It related to the amount of 'Oral Satisfaction' that the team got in one game.
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Ron Francis, asked teammate Mario Lemieux what he did to stay in shape in the off season. Lemieux's response: "I don't order fries with my club sandwich."
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Serge Savard, on his firing from Montreal, "I have to thank the guy who fired me because he was also the guy who hired me."
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Dean Lombardi: "At the end of each year I make a list of my mistakes and it's pretty friggin' long."
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TB Coach Terry Crisp, on rookie Alex Selivanov, "Yes the guy can score you 40 goals. Yes I love it. What I don't want is him causing 60."
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Bobby Hull: "I was a multi-millionaire from playing hockey. Then I got divorced, and now I am a millionaire."
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Pat Burns, New Jersey Devil's Coach, after referees negated a line change that led to Tampa Bay's winning goal in the Stanley Cup Playoffs: "After all these years in the league, am I that stupid that I would put four forwards and one defenseman in a 3-3 tie, in the third period? I think everybody that knows me here knows I'm not that stupid. I might be halfway stupid, but not that stupid."
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Steven Tyler, Aerosmith's lead singer, after admiring the Stanley Cup: "This is the only thing that has seen more parties than us."
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Al Michaels, describing Americans' knowledge of hockey prior to the "Miracle on Ice": "People didn't know the difference between a blue line and a clothes line."
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Herb Brooks, 1980 US Olympic hockey coach: "You're playing worse every day and right now you're playing like the middle of next week."

 

 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thismademelaugh.com

SOCCER QUOTES:

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
- Ian Rush

Interviewer: 'Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?'
David Beckham: 'Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.'

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
- Mitchell Thomas

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - David Beckham

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
- Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
- Johnny Giles

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
- Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George Ndah had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.' - Stuart Pearce

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
- David Beckham

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.'
- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.'
- Gary Lineker

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - Vinny Jones

 





Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thismademelaugh.com

 TENNIS QUOTES:

"I think the tour should come up with something where they don't let players over 6-foot-6 inches play."
-- Tommy Haas joking after losing to big-serving American rookie John Isner at Washington.

"I would so like to be Lenny Kravitz."
-- Roger Federer.

"I'm not a fan of it. I hate it, but I may as well utilize it. I think it takes away from the integrity of tennis."
-- Serena Williams on the WTA Tour's on-court coaching experiment.

"Sometimes, actually, I see myself a little bit in him sometimes, you know, talking to his coach, you know, yelling a couple of negative words towards the box, which it's good to see I'm not the only one."
-- Tommy Haas on rising star Andy Murray.

"I would honestly rather lose to the same guy twice than lose to two different guys. I think if I lost to two different players I would think I wasn't playing well, but with one guy I can think 'OK, this guy is on a roll'. It's just easier to digest."
-- Roger Federer on his losses to Guillermo Canas this year at Indian Wells and Miami.

"For me it's something that doesn't quite fit into the schedule. It's going to be real tough to go from Houston all the way over to Monte Carlo, then come back just for a week or two to train for Rome. For the Americans, that tournament has never been exactly the easiest one in the schedule. I'm not going to be able to make it to that one."
-- James Blake on skipping the Masters Series Monte Carlo.

"I wore that to a sixth-grade dance."
-- Robby Ginepri on Vince Spadea's outfit in Miami.

"My player box is going to be full of celebrities, too; my dad, this guy Jose Hidalgo, his guest, my buddy from SC [University of Southern California]. That's about it. I'll probably get an autograph from Tiger in between sets. I'll bring a golf ball with me."
-- Sam Querrey on Tiger Woods sitting in Roger Federer's box for their match in Miami.

"I might have had a little fun last night and then I woke up. I'd like to thank Mr. Grey Goose. I won't do that again, but I thought I had zero shot of getting in."
-- Robert Kendrick on unexpectedly getting into Miami as a lucky loser and winning a round before losing handily to Andy Murray.

"He hasn't even started to use a lot of his game."
-- Coach Tony Roche on protege Roger Federer.

"This is probably my most dominant grand slam victory and it's already my 10th in such a short period of time. I amazed myself."
-- Roger Federer on his Australian Open win.

"I saw Andy in the locker room, running around playing cards and he was loose. If you don't get on Federer early, it's trouble because no one comes back on him. Once he starts hitting those sweet shots, he took a little belief out of Andy. I saw Andy's face and I said 'Oh s***.'"
-- Bob Bryan on Andy Roddick's dismantling at the hands of Roger Federer at the Australian Open.

"Yeah, there's a lot of strategy talk. It's not so much like, If you're down 6-4, 6-0, 2-0. We didn't really talk about that. Oops."
-- Andy Roddick on his strategy with coach Jimmy Connors after losing to Roger Federer in the Australian Open semifinals.

"You can't expect yourself to be already peaking like crazy in an exhibition tournament."
-- Roger Federer on losing to Andy Roddick in the Kooyong Classic final.

"I listen to him most of the time, some of the time I switch off."
-- Andy Murray on coach Brad Gilbert.

"Venus and I would really like to thank the jury again because they really were able to see the truth in this matter."
-- Venus Williams after her father Richard Williams was found guilty of representing them as a manager or a multi-million dollar exhibition but did not have to pay any financial restitution.

"I'm not sure it will help. I already tried it and it's really confusing. I'm there thinking and worrying, 'Should I call my coach for help or not?' I need to play a couple of tournaments like this."
-- Svetlana Kuznetsova on the WTA's on-court coaching experiment.

"As I was walking off the court, the models were waiting to go on for Ferrero's match. It's a little disappointing. Maybe I'm concentrating better in my matches than I would have later on. Tomorrow I think I'm playing on the outside court, so I'm not going to have them again. I think if I win my next one, there's a good chance that I'll be on the court with them."
-- Andy Murray on the models-as-ball-girls in Madrid.

"He has a more complete game than Sampras. Sampras had a bigger first and second serve. In the conditions Pete was playing, it was easier to be more aggressive all the time. Now with the courts and the balls much slower, Roger is so effective because he has so many attributes to his game."
-- Tim Henman on Roger Federer.

"He told me he got pelted with coins and the umpire had to stop the match at one stage. We are expecting the worst and if that doesn't happen, well, that's a bonus."
-- Wayne Arthurs speaking to SMH.com on Dominik Hrbaty reminiscing on the Slovak Republic's Davis Cup victory over Argentina in Buenos Aires in 1998 in the fifth rubber. Australia will travel to Argentina for the 2006 semifinals.

"I just won a Grand Slam. The last thing I'm going to talk about is some fingers or a banana, alright? I hope you got that one, thanks."
-- The cheating Maria Sharapova when asked about being coached with signals from the stands by Michael Joyce during the US Open final.

 

 
 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: theroar.com

Sports Quotes:
 
"You have a long handle with a small net. You obtain your ball through the net and then you push it into the neck of the rifle. That's all I know about cricket." - APEC visitor PEGGY CHANG, Washington correspondent for the Chinese edition of Voice of America, comes to grips with Australia's national game.

"I've heard a lot of footballers and people in the sporting codes say it's unfair the scrutiny we're getting. Well, the average bloke probably thinks it's unfair that a footballer can earn a million a year for passing a bit of pigskin around. That's life, get on with it." - Australian swimming legend KIEREN PERKINS, calling for bans on sportspeople taking illicit drugs.

"I'm stoked at the outcome. I'm pumped. We ran the gauntlet and came up trumps." - Bulldogs superstar Sonny Bill Williams after his striking charge was downgraded by the NRL judiciary, meaning he will only miss his side's first final should it progress beyond Week 1.

"They can't run the hospitals, they can't run the transport and they definitely can't run racing. They are the three major industries in the state and they've f***ed them all up." - Trainer JOHN O'SHEA on the NSW Government's handling of the equine influenza outbreak and plans for next year's Papal visit at Randwick.

"I just think she made a lot of lucky shots and I made a lot of errors." - A less than gracious SERENA WILLIAMS accuses world number one Justine Henin of being "lucky" after losing their quarter final at the US Open.

"I don't know what he was saying, but it just got under my skin. I was nearly out of control. Luckily the chair umpire calmed me down a little bit." - Australia's PAUL HANLEY after being fined $US3000 ($A3,648) for "unsportsmanlike conduct" following a foul-mouthed attack on a Polish-speaking heckler during a testing third-round doubles encounter at the US Open.

"That's all right, he can still walk. As long as he can play." - Wallabies coach JOHN CONNOLLY, commenting on some argy-bargy during training which resulted in Drew Mitchell putting a tooth through his bottom lip.

"They brought me in to change British swimming but when it got tough, British swimming wanted to change me. It was heart-breaking." - Australian swimming coach BILL SWEETENHAM, who has resigned his position as Britain's performance director less than a year before the Beijing Olympics.

That afternoon, the ABs trailled the Wallabies 7-22 at halftime. Late in the game, they were still behind 22-25, with the Wallabies desperate to cause a boilover. An almost last-minute try gave the ABs a remarkable 32-25 win. At the post match interview, when asked his thoughts of how the game unfolded, Fitzpatrick replied, "At halftime we felt like Perkins in his heat swim. At fulltime we feel like Perkins after his final win".

'The sky has fallen on our heads' - Bernard Laport, coach of France, after the stunning defeat at the hands of Argentina in the first match of the 2007 RWC tournament.

'Laurence Dallalgio was, as ever, oozing passion on Saturday against the USA. His eyes bulged, and he constantly thumped himself in the chest, but it's during the game that England need all of this - not while he's singing the national anthem' - Martin Johnston, The Daily Telegraph (UK)

'We will keep backing ourselves despite what the critics say - they can go stuff themselves' - Morgan Williams giving it to the journalists a bit more effectively than he and his fellow Wales playerts gave it to Canada in their opening game of the 2007 RWC tournament.

'England speak of things going well in training then they deliver a performance of such ineptitude you wonder ig they aredeluding themselves. On the evidence of this display in their opening match of the 2007 RWC tournament, they have as much chance of finding gold at the end of the rainbow of this World Cup, as the USA Eagles' - Mick Cleary, The Daily Telegraph (UK) putting the boot into England.

'Don't me, I'm not a pychiatrist' - Oliver Magne's response when asked why France sometimes turns up, as in the opening match of the 2007 RWC, and doesn't seem to want to play.

 




Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.