FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: misterrharold.net

Sporting Quotes From the Media

"If you'd offered me a 69 at the start this morning I'd have been all over you."
Sam Torrance (Golfer), BBC2

"Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street."
Radio 1 Newsbeat

"It was the fastest-ever swim over that distance on American soil."
Greg Phillips, Portsmouth News

"...fears that the balloon may be forced to ditch in the Pacific. Mr Branson, however, remains buoyant and hopes to reach America..."
Radio 4 News

"Well, you could count them on the fingers of less than one hand..."
Jack Elder, New Zealand Police Minister

"And Nakano tries to avoid being passed by his teammate Trulli, which should in fact be quite easy, because Trulli is going more slowly than his teammate Nakano"
Murray Walker, ITV

"A fascinating duel between 3 men..."
David Coleman, Hammer Throw, World Athletics, BBC

"There are the boys, their balls between their legs"
Amanda Redington, GMTV

"Ian Mackie is here to prove his back injury is behind him"
Commentator at Spar Athletics

"Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink 'tea-cosy' hat"
Renton Laidlaw

"The advantage of the rain is, that if you have a quick bike, there's no advantage"
Barry Sheene

"Her legs are kept tightly together: she's giving nothing away"
Gymnastics commentator, BBC1

"Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard"
Ron Atkinson

"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman"
Brian Moore

"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish"
Ian St John

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored"
Terry Venables

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball"
Barry Venison

"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders"
Kevin Keegan

"Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose"
Kevin Keegan

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different"
Kevin Keegan

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind"
Ron Atkinson

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it : you can see it all over their faces"
Ron Atkinson

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders"
Ron Atkinson

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw"
Ron Atkinson

"The swimmers are swimming out of their socks."
Sharron Davies

"In cycling, you can put all your money on one horse."
Stephen Roche, Eurosport

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
Barry Venison, ITV

"In life he was a living legend; in death, nothing has changed."
Live TV

"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright, ITV

"It's amazing how, in this part of the world, history has been part of its past."
David Duffy, Eurosport

"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball"
Ian St John

"They (Leeds) used to be a bit like Arsenal, winning by one goal to nil - or even less."
Nasser Hussain, Channel 5

"So, this movie you star in, The Life Story of George Best, tell us what it's about."
George Gavin, Sky Sport

"And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago"
David Coleman

"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs"
David Coleman

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"
Murray Walker

"After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought"
Bobby Robson

"And with an alphabetical irony, Nigeria follows New Zealand"
David Coleman

"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised"
Ian McNail

"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes."
David Coleman

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
David Coleman

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical"
Murray Walker

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
Stuart Pearce

"Watch the time -it gives you an indication of how fast they are running"
Ron Pickering

"Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers"
Murray Walker

"Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales"
Ron Greenwood

"A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin"
Jo Sheldon

"The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation"
Ron Pickering

"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect"
Ted Lowe

"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him"
Stuart Pearson

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
Terry Venables

"I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge"
John Snagge - Boat Race

"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - is absolutely round."

Tony Cozier

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: misterharold.net

Racing Car Quotes

Gaffs by Racing Car Commentator Murray Walker

"And now excuse me while I interrupt myself..."

"Either the car is stationary or it's on the move."

"Tambay's hopes, which were previously nil, are now absolutely zero."

"I've just stopped my startwatch."

"That was exactly the same place where Senna overtook Nannini that he didn't overtake Alain Prost."

"A mediocre season for Nelson Piquet, as he is now known, and always has been."

"Martin Schanche's car is absolutely unique except for the one behind, which is identical."

"Two laps to go, then the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is."

"The young Ralf Schumacher has been upstaged by the teenager Jenson Button, who is 20."

"It's a sad ending albeit a happy one here at Montreal for today's grand prix."

"The first four cars are both on the same tyres."

"Unless I'm very much mistaken... yes, I AM very much mistaken."

"There's nothing wrong with the car except it's on fire."

"With the race half gone there is half the race still to go."

"I imagine the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable."

"The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump."

"Prost can see Mansell in his earphones."

"And now the boot is on the other Schumacher."

"Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna's car sounding a bit rough?"

"Damon Hill is leading. Behind him are the second and third men."

"There's only a second between them. One. That's how long a second is."

"There is no doubt in my mind that if the race had been 46 laps instead of 45 it would have been a McLaren first and second. But it didn't so it wasn't."

"And it's Mansell, Mansell, Mansell... Nigel Mansell." [it was actually Alain Prost]

"He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't see it."

"Anything happens in grand prix racing and it usually does."

"Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place."

"He is shedding buckets of adrenaline in that car."

Murray: "What's that? There's a body on the track!"
James Hunt: "Um, I think that that is a piece of bodywork from someone's car."

Murray: "There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari."
James Hunt: "No Murray, that's his rear safety light."

"And the first five places are filled by five different cars."

"You can't see a digital clock because there isn't one."

"And we've had five races so far this year - Brazil, Argentina, Imola, Schumacher and Monaco."

"And Damon Hill is coming into the pit lane, yes it's Damon Hill coming into the Williams pit and Damon Hill is in the pit, no it's Michael Schumacher."

"As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth."

"I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem."

"And this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car."

Murray: "So Bernie, in the seventeen years since you bought McLaren, which of your many achievements do you think was the most memorable?"
Bernie Ecclestone: "Well I don't remember buying McLaren."

"Andrea de Cesaris... The man who has won more grand prix than anyone else without actually winning one of them."