FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: equotes.wetpaint.com

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PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING QUOTES
Rowdy Roddy Piper Quotes
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"I'm so quick, I could spit in the wind, duck, and let it hit the old lady behind me!"
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"Real men wear kilts."
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"Rowdy Roddy cut his locks; but don't worry woman, he's still a fox."
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"Just when you think you know the answers, I change the questions."
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"Ric Flair, you once called me a woman. Well, what I want to know is, how does it feel to get beat by a woman?"

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stlmsbl.com

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BASEBALL QUOTES
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"Sending Marge Schott to sensitivity training is like sending a pickpocket to a Rolex convention." Reilly, Rick
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"Less than a foot made the difference between a hero and a bum." Alexander, Grover Cleveland - on Tony Lazzeri, who he struck out to save the seventh and deciding game of the 1926 World Series, after Lazzeri had hit a long foul into the stands the pitch before.
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"He's a Williams type player. He bats like Ted and fields like Esther." Anonymous Press Box quote, said of Dick Stuart
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"You guys are trying to stop Musial in fifteen minutes when the National League ain't stopped him in fifteen years." Berra, Yogi - his comment at an All-Star pregame meeting designed to analyze strengths of National League batters
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"All right, you guys, look horny." Bouton, Jim - on returning from a long road trip
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"By the end of the season, I feel like a used car." Brenly, Bob
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"If you don't catch the ball, you catch the bus." Bridges, Rocky - on an inept defensive player
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Bullpen conversations cover the gambit of male bullsessions. Sex, religion, politics, sex. Full circle. Ocassionally, the game - or business - of baseball intrudes." Brosnan, Jim
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"You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit ...." Brown, Joe
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"A curve ball that doesn't give a damn." Cannon, Jimmy - on his definition of a knuckleball
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"I knew something was wrong when the ground was moving faster than I was." Clark, Will - on the 1989 World Series earthquake
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"Elvis has a better chance of coming back than the Jays." Costas, Bob - from game 1 of the 1989 American League Championship Series
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"This guy is so old that the first time he had athlete's foot, he used Absorbine, Sr." Costas, Bob - on 45 year old Yankee pitcher Tommy John
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"That wouldn't be a Home Run in a phone booth." Caray, Harry, after a disappointing infield pop-up by a Cubs slugger
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"No umpire can see it, no batter can hit it, no pitcher would ever admit to throwing it. It is unwanted, unloved, unallowed, a UFO in horsehide, a slippery figment of the imagination. Yet, it [remains] the subject of more discussion than the miniskirt in major league dugouts." Weiskopf, Herman - after Burleigh Grimes threw the last legal spitball, September 20, 1934
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"Gene Garber is paid... for getting hitters like Pete Rose out the best way he can, and the best way Garber can is by throwing his best pitch, the change. Few players have pursued the crystallization of excellence more doggedly than Rose. He should recognize that pursuit when he sees it in others." Newman, Bruce - after Pete Rose fumes after striking out on a changeup to snap his 44-game hitting streak, August 1, 1978
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"A great catch is like watching girls go by - the last one you see is always the prettiest." Gibson, Bob
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"I don't want to throw him nothin'. Maybe he'll just get tired of waitin' and leave.." Gomez, Vernon "Lefty" - preparing to pitch to Jimmy Foxx, answering his catcher Bill Dickey's question: "What do you want to throw him?"
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"Yeah, and we're missing a little geography and arithmetic around here, too!" Herzog, Whitey - on poor "chemistry" in St Louis in 1980
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"It's a little like watching Mario Andretti park a car." Kiner, Ralph - as an announcer describing Phil Niekro's knuckleball
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"I used to be so bad my bat would close its eyes when I came up." Koosman, Jerry
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"People who write that spring training not being necessary have never tried to throw a baseball." Koufax, Sandy
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"According to the Sporting News, over the last four years, Wade Boggs hit .800 with women in scoring position." Letterman, David - on the Wade Boggs-Margo Adams affair
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"I'm going to Radio Shack to buy one of those headsets like the broadcasters use. It seems as soon as you put one on, you get 100 times smarter." Leyva, Nick - Phiiles manager, on becoming tired of criticism from the TV booth
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"See that? That cement head is thinking more about that girl than today's game. Remember, this son. One percent of ballplayers are leaders of men. The other 99 percent are followers of women." McGraw, Jon - to a rookie after spotting a player ogling a woman in the stands
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"You clowns can go on What's My Line in full uniforms and stump the panel." Meyer, Billy - manager of the Pirates, addressing his team after they had lost another of the 112 games they were to lose in 1952
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"It's ridiculous that we are gathered here tonight to honor a man who made more than 7,000 outs." Prince, Bob - the Pirate announcer at Stan Musial's retirement dinner
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"The batter still hits a grounder. But in this case the first bounce is 360 feet away." Quisinberry, Dan - as a Kansas City Royal on what happens when his sinker isn't working
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"Old-timers weekends and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful." Casey, Stengel, manager
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"Cardinal rule for all hitters with two strikes on them: Never trust the umpire!." Smith, Robert -Quoted by William Safire and Leonard Safir in Words of Wisdom

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bbc.co.uk

JOHN MCENROE

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TENNIS QUOTES

Quotes by and about John McEnroe

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Take a lot of deep breaths - and remember anything can happen. That's what sport is all about.- John McEnroe, Wimbledon 2000

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My mother made me promise her I'd always play for my country if I was asked.- John McEnroe

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I would question every line call, just for the tiniest chance that they [the umpires] would give me an overrule.- John McEnroe from When Tennis Ruled the World, BBC documentary

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He is the most vain, ill-tempered, petulant loudmouth that the game of tennis has ever known.- The Sun, a British tabloid, 1979

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What you might say about John is that he shoots from the hip through his mouth.- John McEnroe Sr

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I saw chalk! CHALK FLEW UP!- Disputing a line call

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Pits of the world!- His name for the umpire, Ted James

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You cannot be serious!- Still disputing the line call and failing to get an overrule.

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Jimmy Connors, in a disagreement with one let call on his serve, then said to that court official:
I'm not going to f*****g run away from you like that f**kface McEnroe!

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One advertising agency president said of him:
When I see McEnroe, I see 'bad sport'. I wouldn't want him identified with my product.

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I play four or five times a week. I'd still rather win than lose. I'm more competitive than the average bear.- When asked how life was on the Seniors Tour

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I've never been there before - I never thought they'd let me in.- On going to Buckingham Palace

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I know somebody said it in the past, but chalk flew up.- A disputed line call in Lleyton Hewitt's first round exit prompts a familiar response; Wimbledon 2000

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Hey, that's how I was. My kid brother Patrick always got the ice-cream. That was OK, though. I got the title.- After hearing Venus Williams' comment that younger siblings got everything they wanted; Wimbledon 2000

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It depends on what your definition of playing is. Put it this way, you won't be seeing them at Wimbledon - unless they come to visit.- When asked whether any of his six children would follow him into professional tennis

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David Mercer: The one mistake I made was that I said it was the third set when it was the second.

McEnroe: I find it hard to believe that was the only mistake, but we'll leave it at that.- David Mercer, the umpire at the 1984 final of McEnroe versus Connors is subject to yet more viperous verbal abuse 6 years later; Wimbledon 2000

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He's playing so lazily he looks like he's about to ask for a chair and play sitting down.- On Arnaud Clement versus Tim Henman; Wimbledon 2000

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That doesn't matter because I think he likes a few of the other things she's shown him as well.- When informed that Andre Agassi disliked the new forehand that his girlfriend, Steffi Graf, had shown him; Wimbledon 2000(in disbelief)

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That is such a British comment!- When fellow commentator John Lloyd is making excuses for Rusedski, who is getting duly pasted by Ivanisevic, Wimbledon 2001

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Yeah, maybe he's phoning for a better return.- When a player asks for the trainer to be called; Wimbledon 2001

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: corsinet.com

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SPORTS INSULTS

Insults by and about Sports Celebrities

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Beyond the hair, tattoos and earrings, he's just like you and me.- - - Bob Hill (about Dennis Rodman, 1995)

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He's phony, using his blackness to get his way.- - - Joe Frazier (about Muhammad Ali)

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I'm not having points taken off me by an incompetent old fool. You're the pits of the world.- - - John McEnroe (to tennis judge Edward James)

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You can't see as well as these fucking flowers - and they're fucking plastic.- - - John McEnroe (to a line judge)

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McEnroe was as charming as always, which means that he was as charming as a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.- - - Clive James (about John McEnroe)

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Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a condom full of walnuts.- - - Clive James

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Stars The Rock, but The Wood might be a better description of his performance.- - - Peter Rainer (about wrestler turned actor, The Rock, in the movie, Walking Tall)

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The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.- - - David Feherty (about Nick Faldo)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsillustrated.cnn.com

PHIL JACKSON,
HEAD COACH,
LOS ANGELES
LAKERS
(PICTURED TOP LEFT)
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JEFF VAN GUNDY,
EX-NBA HEAD COACH
(PICTURED LEFT)


SPORTS INSULTS


Trash Talking, Round 1: Phil Jackson vs. Jeff Van Gundy:
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Their potshots began in the '90s when Jackson was with the Bulls and Van Gundy coached the Knicks.
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Jackson dismissed his rival as "Jeff Van Gumby" and decried his fondness for overly physical defense. Van Gundy sneeringly called Jackson "Big Chief Triangle."
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Their festivities continued in the first round of the 2004 Western Conference playoffs. After Jackson's Lakers survived a 72-71 Game 1 win, he felt Van Gundy's Rockets had gotten away with murder, calling the game a "mud-wrestling match.
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I don't think it's benefiting to the NBA to have that style" - that style being "Jeff Van Gundy brutality."
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Van Gundy shot back: "I don't have to look at the calendar to know it's spring going on summer with Phil complaining about the officiating. It's like a rite of passage."
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Trash Talking, Round 2: Mike Milbury vs. Ziggy Palffy:
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The ex-Isles GM/coach was a reliable source of colorful venom. During a protracted contract dispute with his star winger in 1998, Milbury remarked it was too bad that Palffy's agent lived in a city because "he's depriving some small village of a pretty good idiot. We hope that Ziggy will come to his senses. We have no hope Paul Kraus will."
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Trash Talking, Round 3: George Steinbrenner vs. Jerry Reinsdorf:
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The '80s were The Boss's golden age. Witness his "Mr. May" moniker for slugger Dave Winfield and his assault on the quirky Metrodome ("If I wanted my players to be ping-pong players, I would send them to China. What takes place in the Metrodome is not a ballgame, it's a circus.")
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Among his sparring partners were White Sox co-owners Reinsdorf and Eddie Einhorn, whom The Boss called "a couple of pumpkins" and "the Katzenjammer Kids."
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Reinsdorf got his licks in with a classic at the '83 All-Star Game: "How do you know when George Steinbrenner is lying? When his lips are moving."