SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Thursday, July 31, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: zimbio.com

Image: vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com
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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about Bill Parcells
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Here are a few excerpts from an article in the NY Times from 2006 about BP, his philosophy and a few interesting tidbits.
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On his famed reluctance to talk to reporters:
“We’re in the business of collecting information,” Parcells likes to say. “We’re not in the business of exchanging information.”
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On the extent of his commitment to and passion for the game (after a loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars):
He woke up not long after he nodded off, choking on his own bile. “It only happens to me during the football season,” he says. “It happens no other time of the year. And it wasn’t something I ate.” After that, he couldn’t sleep at all. He found that his ex-wife, Judy — they divorced in 2002, after 40 years of marriage — had left a message on his answering machine. She saw the game on TV. “Please don’t let it affect your health,” she said.
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As to the widespread reports of him being furious with Jason Taylor, as 'obviously' evidenced by his continued silence towards him:
“Coach doesn’t say too much,” Newman says, “unless you do something bad. If he’s not saying anything to you, you must be doing something good.”
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On how he organizes strategy, practices and assesses success/failure:
His obsession is with space — creating it on offense and filling it on defense. Parcells is interested especially in the first step or two that players take, because that is when almost all of their critical mistakes are made. He’s looking for bad angles, missed assignments, confused play. He’ll watch the first one-third of a second of a play, stop the video in a fury and holler for an assistant coach.
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A few of the quotes he puts up in the locker room:
“Blame nobody, expect nothing, do something.”
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“Losers assemble in little groups and bitch about the coaches and the system and other players in other little groups. Winners assemble as a team.”
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“Losing may take a little from your credibility, but quitting will destroy it.”
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“There are many exit doors in pro football. Don’t take them.”
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“Don’t confuse routine with commitment.”
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On how he demands as much from his coaches as he does from his players (no favorites, no caste system):
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Rich Dalrymple, the Cowboys’ director of public relations, walks in and says, “Gibbs is saying Portis isn’t playing.”
“Get out of here!” His defense just spent the week focusing on Clinton Portis, a Redskins running back.
“It was on the wire,” Dalrymple says.
“That means Duckett’s playing,” says Parcells. That would be T. J. Duckett, acquired just three weeks earlier by Washington from Atlanta.
“I don’t know,” Dalrymple says.
“Find out!”
“How am I supposed to find out?” Dalrymple asks.
Parcells shakes his head: not my problem.
“Give a guy a morsel and he wants a fillet,” says Dalrymple, and Parcells laughs.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: whatquote.com

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Image: cdn.overstock.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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"Being number two sucks.” Andre Agassi
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“I feel old when I see mousse in my opponent's hair.” Andre Agassi
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"The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.” Bill Gullickson
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“Hell, if KY jelly went off the market, the whole California Angels pitching staff would be out of baseball.” Bill Lee
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"If it had been me out there, I'd had bitten him his ear off. I'd have Van Gogh'ed him.” Bill Lee
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I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button of our society. Straighten out baseball, and you straighten out the rest of the world.” Bill Lee
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"Boys, I'm one of those umpires that misses 'em every once in a while so if it's close, you'd better hit it.” Cal Hubbard
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“I didn't have evil intentions, but I guess I did have power.” Harmon Killebrew
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“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass"; "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys";” Harmon Killebrew
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"This taught me a lesson, but I'm not sure what it is.” John McEnroe
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"If, in a few months, I'm only number 8 or number 10 in the world, I'll have to look at what off-the-court work I can do. I will need to do something if I want to be number 1.” John McEnroe
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"I've seldom seen a horny player walk into a bar and not let out exactly what he did for a living.” Johnmy Bench
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"A catcher and his body are like the outlaw and his horse. He's got to ride that nag till it drops.” Johnny Bench
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“I'm the guy that made Joe DiMaggio famous.” Lefty Gomez
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"Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill.” Leo Durocher
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“In the olden days, the umpire didn't have to take any courses in mind reading. The pitcher told you he was going to throw at you.” Leo Durocher
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"God watches over drunks and third baseman.” Leo Durocher
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“Buy a steak for a player on another club after the game, but don't even speak to him on the field. Get out there and beat them to death.” Leo Durocher
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"I never met a man I didn't want to fight.” Lyle Alzado
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"I don't really trust a sane person.” Lyle Alzado
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"When you can whip any man in the world, you never know peace.”Muhammad Ali
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There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.” Muhammad Ali
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"I've come to accept that the life of a frontrunner is a hard one, that he will suffer more injuries than most men and that many of these injuries will not be accidental.” Pele
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“When badminton was accepted into the Barcelona Olympic Games it showed that there was an acceptance of my sport internationally.” Rhonda Cator
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“If you step on people in this life, you're going to come back as a cockroach.” Willie Davis
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“I think I have already signed some scrap of paper for every man, woman, and child in the United States. What do they do with all those scraps of paper with my signature on it?” Vida Blue
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.blogs2k.com

President Kennedy, Mrs. Kennedy, Caroline, and John, Jr.
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SPORTS QUOTE
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Materazzi quoting JFK?
SOCCER
June 6th. 2008
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The Italian defender lashed out to critics of his play with a gem:
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'I think it was Kennedy who said: 'Forgive what they have said but don't forget their names,' he told a news conference on Friday when asked about those who have derided his character or style of play.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pbnation.com

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Image: msnbcmedia4.msn.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from a Sports Forum
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There is no pain. Pain is a state of mind. But you wanna know whats permanent? The score at the end of the game."
My football coach to me after i had sprained my ankle, and they had nobody to send in for me. Needless to say, the pain went away, and we won the game.
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More from high school coaches:
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my lax coach: "they suck, lets go beat their *** and this way you guys can impress their bitches while your at it, At***D you better share!"
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"They are going to come out with their shiny helmets, flashy jerseys, and new shows, but highschool football isnt about looking cool, its about knockin the **** out of someone"-Chris Haddock (one of my HS coaches)
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"It's not over until I win!"
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or my friends high school football coach:"your tenacious, like a baby in a dumpster, you can play special teams."
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BLOCK You sissy pissing banana faggots!"
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**** if we include HS coaches heres what mine say
Youre pissin me the **** off. Get it up right now! All I need is 11 swingin dicks to play football. Now ****ing play!
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We are gonna go to their stadium, steal their bitches, win the game, steal their bitches in their cars, key their cars and then call it a day.
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XXXXXXX (lineman) you are spread out like a goddamn 8 year old prostitute.
***End of high school quotes
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"Athletes row. Everyone else just plays games."
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This ------ game is over!"
- Chuck Bednarik
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Q: How many times have you and Tie Domi fought?
Probie: Not enough
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If you've never had a beer, dropped the mitts, or packed a lip, you're probably not a hockey player, and if you are, your probably not very good."-Todd Bertuzzi
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"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up."
Vince Lombardi
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Steve Prefontaine quotes:
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"Some people create with words or with music or with a brush and paints. I like to make something beautiful when I run. I like to make people stop and say, 'I've never seen anyone run like that before.' It's more than just a race, it's a style. It's doing something better than anyone else. It's being creative."
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"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift."
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"From now on, I’m going to be a dirty son of a bitch. I’m going to foul a lot of people. I’ll get thrown out of a few races, but it's time we Americans learned to run like the Europeans." Steve Prefontaine in an interview with Bert Nelson of Track & Field News, following his courageous run at a gold medal at the 1972 Olympics, after being cut off twice by Mohamed Gamoudi of Tunisia in the 5000 meter final, who edged an exhausted Pre in the last five meters for the bronze medal.
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"Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it."
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OFF TOPIC HUMOR FROM DICK GREGORY:
On Comics Unleashed, Gregory said he's so old
now that when his wife asked him to run
upstairs to have sex, he replied,
"Make up your mind, I can't do both!"
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stop-the-shanks.com

GOLF QUOTES
Quotes by Sports Figures about Golf
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Walter Camp
In golf as in life, the attempt to do something in one stroke that needs two is apt to result in taking three.
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John Madden
There are certain things you don’t do in public, and for me it’s playing golf.
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Dan Marino
Swing hard in case you hit it.
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Babe Ruth
How about a little noise. How do you expect a man to putt?
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Steve Sax
You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stop-the-shanks.com

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Image: amazon.com
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GOLF QUOTES
Quotes by Jim Murray, Sportswriter
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If your caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it down the left side with a little draw,' ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddie.
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Actually, the only time I ever took out a one iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a seven to do that.
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Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
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Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
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Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.
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Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: articles.latimes.com


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Image: starclustermusic.de
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SPORTS MASCOTS \ FANATICS
Dancing Barry of the NBA (Lakers, Rockets)
January 08, 2007
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A transplanted New Yorker carved a special niche for himself in the Lakers’ Showtime era of the 1980s, his kinetic energy and unbridled flair repeatedly sending the oft-placid Forum faithful into a frenzy. Though neither a scorer, playmaker nor lockdown defender, he nevertheless retained an uncanny ability to bring dormant fans out of their seats and ignite game-changing rallies.
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But then Dancing Barry just stopped showing up. Sixteen years ago this month, he says, he walked away, never to shimmy down an aisle for the Lakers again.
“It stopped being fun,” he says.
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Two years ago, when the Lakers played host to a 20-year reunion of their 1985 championship team, he declined an invitation to attend.
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"Now using the stage name Magic Barry – “I’m a professional magician,” he says, “but I couldn’t be Magic Barry in Los Angeles because they already had Magic Johnson” – he lives outside Charlotte, N.C., and danced for a short time at Hornets games before the team moved to New Orleans four years ago.
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He works as a territorial manager and trainer for a veterinary laboratory, selling lab services and training vets on how to promote their businesses.
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Very little of his time, he says, is devoted to performing.
“Charlotte is not a great show business city,” he says.
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He is married and, based on his comments, probably in his mid-50s. “That, I can’t reveal,” he says of his exact age. “I can’t disappoint my fans.”
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He is still spooked, he says, by an altercation with a “crazy fan” from 21 years ago. Performing at an NBA Finals game between the Houston Rockets and Boston Celtics at Houston in 1986, he says he was accosted by a fan who grabbed him, shook him and shouted, “You traitor, you traitor. I’m going to get you.”
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Barry’s alter ego was created in April 1975 in Houston, where Barry went to college, and was based on a man who called himself Dancin’ Harry and performed at games, including the New York Knicks matchups at Madison Square Garden.
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“He was a black guy who wore a big, sloppy beret and a cape,” says Barry, who grew up in the Bronx. “He would go out on the baseline and put like a hex on the opposing team. He was very well known at the Garden.”
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Barry at the time was taking dance lessons “to meet girls,” he says. But when the Rockets and the Knicks met in the first round of the 1975 playoffs, friends urged him to test his moves at Hofheinz Pavilion, “to counteract Dancin’ Harry.”
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And when the Rockets cut into a big Knicks lead, he says, “The fans started going crazy and I ran out and started dancing. I became Dancing Barry.”
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In 1982, after dancing at Rockets and Astros games for several years and at a handful of Knicks games in New York, the longtime basketball fan moved to Los Angeles, where naturally he gravitated to Lakers games at the Forum.
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In March 1983, he says, during a fourth-quarter timeout in a game matching the Lakers and the Dallas Mavericks, Dancing Barry made his Forum debut.
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“It was so intimidating, how quiet it was,” he says. “I was like a whirling dervish, dancing around for about 30 seconds. The place went crazy. The Lakers came out of the timeout, ripped off eight points in a row and won going away.”
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For the next seven full seasons, into the early ’90s, Dancing Barry was a Forum fixture in his white tuxedo, his brief but electrifying performances adding an air of spontaneity and revelry to the party atmosphere that was a Showtime staple.
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At first, he says, the Lakers paid him $35 a game, same as what they were paying the Laker Girls. Later, when the Clippers said they’d pay him $200 to dance exclusively for them, the Lakers reluctantly matched the offer, he says, “but every year after that they refused to give me even a single penny more.”
In 1991, Dancing Barry decided it was time to waltz away.
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But it was fun while it lasted.
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“I made a lot of people laugh, a lot of people told me it was great,” he says. “I had a seven-year run with the Lakers, in supposedly the entertainment capital of the world, and no one supplanted me. They never came up with anything better.
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I’ve got Chick Hearn on tape saying, ‘This guy is winning games for us. This guy’s worth coming to see.’ That’s the best thing I have. I’ve got the videotapes.”
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