FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: comedy-zone.net

THE ROSE BOWL

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SPORTS QUOTES

A tough day at the office is even tougher when your OFFICE contains spectator seating." Nik Posa.

"I liked the choreography, but I didn't care for the costumes." Tommy Tune, on why he never considered playing basketball.

"Nothing there but basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo." Ogden Nash.

"I have to thank the guy who fired me because he was also the guy who hired me." Serge Savard, on his firing from Montreal.

"At the end of each year I make a list of my mistakes and it's pretty friggin' long." Dean Lombardi.

"People didn't know the difference between a blue line and a clothes line." Al Michaels, describing Americans' knowledge of hockey prior to the "Miracle on Ice".

"There are still two or three guys who aren't willing to pay the price to win a game. This is not Wal-Mart. There are no discounts in this league." San Jose coach Ron Wilson.

"It felt like a golf swing and my head was on the tee." Edmonton's Tyler Wright, on being clubbed by Joe Murphy.

"I know I'm not very popular on Long Island. I don't know who's less popular, me or Joey Buttafuoco." New York Islander General Manager Don Maloney.

"I guess they respect my shot because they were all ready at the blue line." Patrick Roy, on his attempt at the Edmonton Oilers empty net.

"I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but, he’s a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: “You want to what?” I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time." Phil Esposito, on his daughter Carrie getting engaged to Alexander Selivanov.

Hating the New York Yankees is as American as apple pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax." Mike Royko.

"Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house in blackjack." Adam Morrow.

"More than any other American sport, baseball creates the magnetic, addictive illusion that it can almost be understood." Thomas Boswell.

"Baseball is the only game left for people. To play basketball, you have to be 7 feet 6 inches. To play football, you have to be the same width." Bill Veeck.

"Baseball is reassuring. It makes me feel as if the world is not going to blow up." Sharon Olds.

"You know you're pitching well when the batters look as bad as you do at the plate." Duke Snider.

"To a pitcher, a base hit is the perfect example of negative feedback." Steve Hovley.

"Baseball fans love numbers. They love to swirl them around their mouths like Bordeaux wine." Pat Conroy.

"They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation. In short, umpires should be acute Republicans." George F. Will.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes-museum

SPORTS QUOTES

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Angelina Jolie:

"I've told Billy if I ever caught him cheating, I wouldn't kill him because I love his children and they need a dad. But I would beat him up. I know where all of his sports injuries are."

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Mark Russell:

"I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner."

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Bill Russell:

"What's more important than who's going to be the first black manager is who's going to be the first black sports editor of the New York Times."

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Mickey Rourke:

"I love sports and I wanted to do something competitively one more time before I was a goddamned geriatric. God, when you're in your 40s, what sports are left? Fishing?"

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William Petersen:

"If I stayed a football player, my career would have been over 20 years ago. As it is, my knees are shot. I found I got the same good feeling in acting that I had in sports, but I found I could have a more profound impact on people."

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Robert Redford:

"Sport is a wonderful metaphor for life. Of all the sports that I played - skiing, baseball, fishing - there is no greater example than golf, because you're playing against yourself and nature."

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Frank Oz:

"Girls and sports. That was the interest, mainly. I never wanted to be a puppeteer. "

=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes-museum

Image: amazon.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by John McGraw
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"Sportsmanship and easygoing methods are all right, but it is the prospect of a hot fight that brings out the crowds."
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In playing or managing, the game of ball is only fun for me when I'm out in front and winning. I don't give a hill of beans for the rest of the game."
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"You think the greatest thing in the whole world would be to become a baseball player - if best things already happened, what's next?"
.
---------------------------------
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BONUS BASEBALL QUOTE (Same source)
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"There are three-hundred thousand sportswriters and they're all against me. Every one of them."
- Joaquin Andujar
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wikinfo.org

Image: bcentertainment.net
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BASEBALL QUOTE
Quote by Oscar Levant
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Background for the quote:
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In 1951, Joe DiMaggio saw a picture of Marilyn with two Chicago White Sox players, but waited until after he retired from baseball to ask the PR man who arranged the stunt to set them up on a date. But she did not want to meet him, fearing him the stereotypical jock.
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Their January 14, 1954 elopement at City Hall in San Francisco was the culmination of a two-year courtship that had captivated the nation.
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The union was complex, marred by conflicting personalities, his jealousy and her casual infidelity. DiMaggio biographer Richard Ben Cramer asserts it was also violent.
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One incident allegedly happened after the skirt blowing scene in The Seven Year Itch was filmed on New York's Lexington Avenue before hundreds of fans; director Billy Wilder recalled "the look of death" on DiMaggio's face as he watched.
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When she announced she would seek a divorce - just 274 days after the wedding - (on grounds of mental cruelty), she was quoted as telling 20th Century Fox that "our careers just seemed to get in the way of each other."
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THE PAYOFF:
Oscar Levant quipped it proved no man could be a success in two pastimes.
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes-museum.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Gaylord Perry
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"I'd always have grease in at least two places, in case the umpires would ask me to wipe one off. I never wanted to be caught out there with anything though, it wouldn't be professional."
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"I reckon I tried everything on the old apple, but salt and pepper and chocolate sauce topping."
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"I've got a kid six years old. He likes sports, but I definitely won't let him pitch. There would be too many things against him."
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes-museum.com

Image: mse1.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes by Dave Barry
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Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd."
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The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter."
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Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant."
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"My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible."
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Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger brothers or the dog - to get myself checkmated in under three minutes. I challenge any computer to do it faster."
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"For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball."
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"Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart."
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"I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their motorcycles."
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"I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems."
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Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"
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"The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example."
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hockeyscribe.wordpress.com

Image: sports.espn.go.com
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HOCKEY QUOTES
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”Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40mph chess.”
- Lowell Cohn
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”Playing goal is like being shot at.”
- Jacques Plante
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”When I look at the net I don’t see a goalie.”
- Pavel Bure
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”Call them pros, call them mercenaries — but in fact they are just grown-up kids who have learned on the frozen creek or flooded corner lot that hockey is the greatest thrill of all."
- Lester Patrick
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: kids.niehs.nih.gov

SPORTS QUOTES
Quotations on Health, Diet, and Exercise
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Richard Baker
To get rich never risk your health. For it is the truth that health is the wealth of wealth.
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Eubie Blake At Age 100
If I'd known I was gonna live this long. I'd have taken better care of myself.
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Chungliang Al Huang
Many people treat their bodies as if they were rented from Hertz-something they are using to get around in but nothing they genuinely care about understanding.
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Joan Welsh
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time -- pills or stairs.
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Fred A. Allen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Lord Percival
The physically fit can enjoy their vices.
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Douglas William Jerrold
The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.
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Carol Leifer
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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Abe Lemons
I don't jog, if I die I want to be sick.
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: rubengonzalez.files.wordpress.com
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OLYMPIC SPORTS TRIVIA
Trivia related to the Olympics star Bob Mathias
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Movie about the Olympics Star:
The Bob Mathias Story, starring Bob Mathias and his wife, Meredith.
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Movie Synopsis:
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California school boy and UCLA student Bob Mathias was the first man to win two Olympic Gold Medals in the Decathlon in the 1948 and 1952 Olympics.
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The film begins with him as a 17-year-old schoolboy in Tulare, California where his high school track coach, played by Ward Bond, encourages him to train for the Olympics, with the Decathlon in mind.
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His story, far from over, ends here with his victory in the 1952 Olympics and with Mathias in the U.S. Marine Corps. He and his wife, Melba, play themselves in one of the few movie bios that doesn't play fast and loose with the facts, especially in a bio with the subject playing himself.
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More trivia:
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Elected to US House of Representatives 1966, served several terms
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Won a gold medal in the decathlon at the 1948 Olympic Games in London and then won a gold medal in the decathlon at the 1952 Olympic Games in Helsinki, thus making him the first athlete to win consecutive titles in this event.
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Director of the U.S. Olympic Training Center, 1977-1985.
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Inducted into the U.S. Olympic Hall of Fame, 1983 (charter member).
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Deputy director of the Selective Service, 6 June 1975 - 11 August 1975.
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Member of the US House of Representatives from California, 3 January 1967 - 3 January 1975.
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Served in the United States Marine Corps.
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Served as a full-time consultant to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
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Popular athlete who began competing in track and field in high school and won the national championship for the decathlon in 1948.
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Was the youngest gold medalist for track and fields at the Olympics in London.
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Played football at Stanford University.
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Movie review sample on imdb.com:
.
User Comments
Author: Greg Buckle from Melbourne, Australia
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This biographical account of Bob Mathias's life up to and including his Olympic gold medals is more like a documentary or "real-life" TV show than anything else.
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Track & Field enthusiasts will find it interesting. You certainly can't complain that the scenes of Mathias competing aren't realistic, seeing as he plays himself!
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: beauproductions.com

Image: myhero.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes by Mildred Ella "Babe" Didrikson Zaharias
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America's Greatest Women Athlete of the 20th Century
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Zaharias, Mildred Ella Didrikson (1911-1956).
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Mildred Ella (Babe) Didrikson Zaharias, athlete, was born on June 26, 1911, in Port Arthur, Texas, the sixth of seven children of Norwegian immigrants.
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Mildred Ella Didrikson is among the greatest athletes of all time, holding more medals and records in more sports than any other 20th-century athlete.
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She was named Associated Press Female Athlete of Year six times from 1932 to 1954, and was chosen female Athlete of the Half Century by AP in 1950.
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After half a century, few athletes have even come close to her accomplishments.
Didrikson competed in track and field, basketball, baseball, billiards, tennis, diving, and swimming.
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But, as one of the founders of the Ladies Professional Golf Association, Didrikson is probably most famous as a golfer.
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In the 1932 Olympic Games, she set two world records and won two gold medals in the javelin and the 80-meter hurdles, plus a silver medal in the high jump.
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After taking up golf in the early '30s, she would go on to win 55 amateur and professional events. She won the U.S. Women's Amateur tournament in 1946. In 1947, she won 17 tournaments in a row, including the 1947 British Women's Amateur tournament -- the first American to win this event.
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After turning pro, she won 10 majors, including the U.S. Women's Open in 1948, '50 and '54. She lost only once in seven years of competition.
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She was nicknamed "Babe" after Babe Ruth because of numerous home runs she hit playing baseball as a child. In 1938 she married professional wrestler George Zaharias. She died of cancer in 1956.
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Quotes by Babe Didrikson Zaharias:
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"It's not just enough to swing at the ball. You've got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it." (Reply when asked how she hits 250 yard drives.)
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"Before I was ever in my teens, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. My goal was to be the greatest athlete that ever lived."
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"The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration then more practice and more concentration."
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"I don't seem able to do my best unless I'm behind or in trouble."
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"The Babe is here. Who's coming in second?"
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: brudney-gruppman.blogspot.com
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SPORTS MOVIE QUOTES
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Synopsis of the movie Cobb, starring Tommy Lee Jones as Ty Cobb and Robert Wuhl as Al Stump:
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Al Stump is a famous sports-writer chosen by Ty Cobb to co-write his official, authorized 'autobiography' before his death.
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Cobb, widely feared and despised, feels misunderstood and wants to set the record straight about 'the greatest ball-player ever,' in his words.
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However, when Stump spends time with Cobb, interviewing him and beginning to write, he realizes that the general public opinion is largely correct. In Stump's presence, Cobb is angry, violent, racist, misogynistic, and incorrigibly abusive to everyone around him.
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Torn between printing the truth by plumbing the depths of Cobb's dark soul and grim childhood, and succumbing to Cobb's pressure for a whitewash of his character and a simple baseball tale of his greatness, Stump writes two different books. One book is for Cobb, the other for the public.
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Quotes from the movie Cobb:
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Louis Prima: With all the great players playing ball right now, how well do you think you would do against today's pitchers?
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Ty Cobb: Well, I figure against today's pitchers I'd only probably hit about .290
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Louis Prima: .290? Well that's amazing, because you batted over .400 a... a whole bunch of times. Now tell us all, we'd all like to know, why do you think you'd only hit .290?
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Ty Cobb: Well, I'm 72 fucking years old you ignorant son of a bitch.
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Ramona: Who are you again?
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Ty Cobb: I am the Georgia Peach. I have 4,191 base hits in 11,429 at bats, 920 stolen bases, 2,244 runs scored, and 93 batting records; and I want you to take off every stitch of your clothes.
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Ramona: I don't think so.
[Cobb points a gun to her head]
Ramona: That don't scare me, 'cause if you shoot me, I'll be dead. And you're not gonna screw a dead lady!
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Ty Cobb: [cocks gun] I might like it.
---------------------------------------------
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[Cobb narrates a lengthy lambasting of Babe Ruth into a tape recorder]
Al Stump: Come on, Ty, aren't you going to give Ruth credit for anything?
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Ty Cobb: (pauses) He could run okay for a fat man.
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[to the umpire] Ty Cobb: How do you do, Cyclops?
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Umpire: Shut up, Cobb.
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Ty Cobb: You're missing an excellent ballgame.
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[to a teammate who just struck out]
Ty Cobb: Who signed you?
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Teammate: Go to hell, Cobb.
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Ty Cobb: Who did that?
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[to Stumpy, about Cobb, as Willie leaves for town]
Willie: And you sir, you should leave this disgusting, wretched, sorry son of a motherfucker - immediately. Good evening.
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[after Cobb stole third]
Opposing pitcher: Shoulda stuck it in that bastard's ear when I had the chance.
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Al Stump: All right, listen, you son of a bitch. If you die before the book is finished, I'll write the story I want.
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Ty Cobb: I ain't gonna die before the story's finished.
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Al Stump: I'll write slow.
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Ty Cobb: I'll die slow.
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[pause, and then] Ty Cobb: Now get your clothes on, we're gonna go get some pussy.
-----------------------------------------------
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Al Stump: I put up with your bullshit. I give words, I interpret, I give *life* to your bullshit. And you give me nothing. *Nothing!* But grief.
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Ty Cobb: You have never been this close to greatness in your short life son. And you love it.
========================
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Editorial note 1:
Sadly, less than 5 persons associated
with his career field, baseball,
attended Ty Cobb's funeral.
.
Editorial note #2:
For those who may be interested in
seeing the movie Cobb, please see
numerous reviews posted by IMDB
site users on imdb.com.
========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golfdigest.com

Image: ahajokes.com
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GOLF TRIVIA
Golf Digest's Ranking of Athlete-Golfers
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After Golf Digest's rankings of the top-100 golfers in music (December 2006) and the top 100 in Hollywood (December 2005), we present the best and, in some cases, most notable golfers from the world of sports.
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Handicaps were determined in a number of ways, but our first reference was the U.S. Golf Association's Golf Handicap and Information Network.
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Additionally, we relied upon information from state associations, the athletes, pros at their clubs and friends who have played with them. Handicaps without decimal points are unofficial estimates.
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Compiled By Craig Bestrom, Lisa Furlong, and Caroline Stetler
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LIST OF TOP 20 OF 220 ATHLETES-GOLFERS
RANKED BY GOLFER'S DIGEST
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RANK NAME
HANDICAP
COMMENTS
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1 Rhoden, Rick
plus-2.5
Won 151 games as a major-league pitcher; has won 43 golf tournaments on the celebrity tour. Some athletes might occasionally have the same—or better—handicaps, but we're confident Rhoden is the best of this bunch right now.
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2 Sheppard, Ray
plus-2.5
Prolific goal scorer with Red Wings in 1990s.
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3 Sharpe, Sterling
plus-2.4
Ex-Packers receiver now analyst for NFL Network.
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4 Quinn, Dan
plus-2.1
Ex-NHLer is four-time champ in Tahoe event.
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5 Hentrich, Craig
plus-2.0
Tennessee Titans punter for past eight seasons.
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T-6 Longwell, Ryan
plus-1.8
Vikings kicker spent his first nine NFL seasons with Packers.
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T-6 Van Slyke, Andy
plus-1.8
Gold Glove outfielder now coaching with Tigers.
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T-8 Chandler, Chris
plus-1.5
Falcons QB in '99 Super Bowl loss to Denver.
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T-8 Dilfer, Trent
plus-1.5
Ravens QB in '01 Super Bowl win over N.Y. Giants.
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T-8 Tolliver, Billy Joe
plus-1.5
QB played 12 NFL seasons; two wins in Tahoe.
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11 Jarrett, Dale
plus-1.4
NASCAR driver improved his game in '06.
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12 Del Greco, Al
plus-1.3
NFL kicker for 17 seasons; celebrity-tour winner.
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13 Sabo, Chris
plus-1.2
All-Star 3B won '90 World Series with Reds.
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14 McGwire, Mark
plus-0.7
Ex-Cardinals slugger played high school golf
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15 Favre, Brett
plus-0.8
Packers QB can play to scratch during NFL's off-season.
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16 Smoltz, John
plus-0.2
'96 Cy Young winner is in 19th season with the Braves.
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17 Candiotti, Tom
plus-0.1
Knuckleballer won 151 games in 16 seasons.
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T-18 Cammalleri, Michael
0
Led L.A. Kings in points through early April.
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T-18 Fuhr, Grant
0
Goaltender won five Stanley Cups with Oilers.
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20 Hull, Brett
0.1
Third behind Gretzky, Howe in NHL career goals.
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To view all 220 ranked athletes-golfers.
click here =====> All 220.
.
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