FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: proicehockey.about.com

The best hockey quotes from the NHL and beyond.

"It felt like a Pee-Wee game at the end -- in all due respect to Pee-Wees."
- Capitals' coach Glen Hanlon, after the Capitals and Flames score six goals in the last six minutes – and three in the final minute – to tie 3-3. (AP, Jan. 14)

"I don't know if high-sticking is up. I don't think so. Some of those old guys were pretty cut up. And you know, (current high-stick incidents) are all accidental. So I don't know how there could be more now compared to back then, where there were a lot more intentional ones, for sure. There were some wicked stickmen when I started. It was part of it. That's how guys like Bobby Schmautz played, and even Wayne Cashman, who was a helluva stickman. And guys were proud of it. It was, 'Hey, if you screw around with me, I'm gonna carve your eyes out.' There's an expression you never hear any more."
- Oilers' coach Craig MacTavish (National Post, Jan.  

"I believe fundamentally we are the worst team in the National Hockey League."
- Bobby Holik of the Rangers, after a 9-1 loss to Ottawa. (Jan. 24)

"Eric dropped the gloves, and I said, 'I'll fight you, but my hit was legal. You had your head down. You have to keep your head up.' I don't think he got hurt then because he stayed in the game, and I know I didn't hurt him during the fight. I hope he's back real soon. He's a great player and this game needs him."
- Washington's Jason Doig, after handing Eric Lindros his eighth concussion. (Jan. 28)

"(Doig) has got to make that hit. If he doesn't make that hit, then he's not doing his job."
- Capitals' coach Glen Hanlon (Sun Media, Jan. 30)

"So many people in television don't say what they think. They're a bit phony. But (Cherry) touches a nerve in this country. He says what a lot of people are afraid to say. I've worked with him for 20 years and he's the same off the air as he is on the air. This is not an act, and people respect sincerity."
- CBC Sportscaster Brian Williams. (Ottawa Sun, Feb. 13)

"That's a 12-year-old's goal pad and that's illegal. It's tough to comment on these changes. If that pad I showed you is illegal on a 12-year-old where do I start? Honestly, I think if they want to score more goals, they should take away our helmets."
- Leafs' goalie Trevor Kidd displays his sons' pads to protest a new rule limiting NHL goalie pads to 10 inches wide. (Toronto Star, Feb. 12)

"Trevor Kidd can say that. But if I were him I'd work on my game. We work hard. We don't just grab things from our back pocket and say 'Let's try this'. Seeing a goalie handling the puck, that's pretty exciting. I thought it was pretty exciting seeing Mike Gartner and Guy Lafleur going down the wing and scoring. Now we have to go down and shove it through the side of (goaltenders') pads or jam it in at the side of the net. You don't get those shots down the wing going in the net. Players tell us, and I think players are in the same PA as Trevor Kidd, they tell us they can't see the net any more."
- NHL VP Colin Campbell is unmoved. (Globe and Mail, Feb. 12)

"The problem is himself."
- Minnesota Wild coach Jacques Lemaire on the long scoring slump of Marion Gaborik.

"We kind of looked at each other and said, 'That was fun.' It was a couple guys beating on each other. Good times."
- San Jose's Scott Parker, after fighting Columbus' Jody Shelley. (Rocky Mountain News, Feb. 27)

"At the end of the movie, there was a standing ovation in the theatre. I just left. To be honest, I felt like I'd lost. My friends played there — Krutov, Makarov, Fetisov, Kasatonov. I wish the guys in Hollywood had spent more time, maybe even just five minutes, to show the Russian side of the story. They should have showed a little bit of what happened inside the Soviet camp. But I know American movies are always like that."
– Igor Larionov, who was too young to play for the Soviets at the 1980 Olympics, reviews Miracle. (New Yorker, March 8)

"My plan was that when we start winning, we will fill this building. It's the only thing I haven't been able to do. And I don't want to hear that price is an issue. We have one of the lowest average prices in the NHL and we've already run every kind of special. About the only thing we haven't done is a 'buy in the next 30 minutes and the GM will wash your car' deal."
- Tampa GM Jay Feaster takes a swipe at the locals. (St. Petersburgh Times, Feb. 24)

"Personally, this year was a nightmare for me. I'm not going to hide it."
- Teemu Selanne reflects on his 16 goal season with Colorado.

"The big difference with Ottawa is, I think we have one of the better, established goalies in the league here, which we didn't have in Ottawa."
- Jacques Martin, taking over as coach of the Panthers, delivers a parting shot to the old team.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: americanbroadcastersonline.com

SPORTS QUOTES:

"I led the league in 'Go get 'em next time.'" - Bob Uecker

"My wife made me a millionaire...I used to have 3 million" - Bobby Hull, Hockey Hall of Famer on his divorce

"If Casey Stengel were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave." - Ralph Kiner

"If I had any imagination, I would have called myself Flip. Then there'd be Flip, Skip and Chip." - Harry Caray, on his son and grandson who are both sportscasters

"Never trust a baserunner with a limp. Comes a base hit and you'll think he just got back from Lourdes." - Joe Garagiola

"You have to take your job seriously, but you can't take yourself seriously." -Brent Musberger

"I like my girls blonde and my Johnny Walker red." -Joe Namath

"If you don't know where you're going, you could wind up some place else." -Yogi Berra

"Before you build a better mousetrap, it helps to know if there are any mice out there." -Yogi Berra

"Never have so many spent so much time to sit in relative comfort to brag about their failures." -Keith Jackson on golf

"Baseball gives you every chance to be great. Then it puts every pressure on you to prove you haven't got what it takes." -Joe Garagiola

"Baseball is a ballet without music. Drama without words. A carnival without kewpie dolls." -Ernie Harwell

"You never really lose until you stop trying." -Mike Ditka

"A second-guesser is one who doesn't know anything about the first guess, and he's one who needs 2 guesses to get one right." -Tommy Lasorda

"If Howard Cosell was a sport, he'd be roller derby." Jimmy Connors

"I never had a bad night in my life, but I've had a few bad mornings." -Lefty Gomez

"It's easy to get good players. Gettin' em to play together, that's the hard part." -Casey Stengel

"One thought driven home is better than three left on base." -James Liter

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up again that counts." -Vince Lombardi

To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will." -Sugar Ray Robinson

"Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop peddling." -Claude Pepper

"The only trouble we had with Don Meredith was hoping he could find the right city." -Frank Gifford, "Monday Night Football" broadcaster, The Sporting News, 1986:
"Howard has stopped asking questions. He's too busy interviewing himself." -Larry King, talk show host, 1985, on Howard Cosell

"Would you like a cocktail?" they always ask. It used to be, "Would you like a drink?" You used to have a drink and eat spaghetti. Now you have a cocktail and eat pasta." -John Madden, CBS-TV broadcaster, One Size Doesn't Fit All,1988.

"He's just telling us, "They're number 1."-Don Meredith, after a fan made an obscene hand gesture, "Monday Night Football," ABC-TV

"Al [Michaels] is inquisitive, knowledgeable, and incredibly well-prepared. I don't know what his IQ is, but it's probably only a couple of points lower than mine."-Dan Dierdorf, Michaels's partner on "Monday Night Football, "Sports Illustrated, 1987

"I don't know if it's good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto."-Yogi Berra on Joe DiMaggio's marriage to Marilyn Monroe, from The Boxing Register, A Who's Who of Sports Champions,by Tom Weir

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: alltelcaddie.com

Golf Quotes of the Week - 11/19/2007

By GOLFCHANNEL.com Team

"It's a shame they didn't think of this before. They wouldn't have had to go through the headache of getting it right." -- U.S. captain Paul Azinger, stating his approval of the PGA TOUR's decision to give players a week off before the Ryder Cup by putting the TOUR Championship after the biennial competition.

"The best shot of my career. Five years, that was the best one. All of you saw that." -- Lorena Ochoa, talking to the crowd after winning the ADT Championship thanks to a clutch approach shot out of the rough on 18 to 3 feet.

"Thank you to the LPGA for making this a dream come true for me." -- Ochoa again, expressing her gratitude for being able to host her own LPGA event in her native Mexico in 2008.

"My wife told me, she says, there's three kind of people that go to museums. There's streakers, and that's the people that just go right on through and they're out of there in a half hour; and then there's strollers, and they go through and spend a couple hours; and there's scholars, and they spend all day there. I'm a streaker. I go through and I'm out. I've had enough of that." -- Jack Nicklaus, who was honored with a special exhibit dedicated to his career in the World Golf Hall of Fame.

(Getty Image)

"I'll probably tell you in January when I'm like 6'2" with blonde hair and a size 4. You'll figure out how I spent the million dollars." -- Christina Kim, when asked how she would spend the $1 million if she won the ADT Championship.

"I'll get over it. I'll be back." -- Annika Sorenstam, after failing to advance to the weekend at the ADT, thus assuring her first winless season on the LPGA Tour since her rookie year of 1994.

"To be honest, he won seven times - a major, too. Me, too, so we are the same." -- Ochoa, in comparing her 2007 season to that of Tiger Woods. That was before she won No. 8 at the ADT.

"Do I look bothered?" -- European Ryder Cup captain Nick Faldo, when asked if he was upset about former captain Bernhard Gallacher's assertion that Faldo wasn't a team player.

"My hope is that we don't have any positive tests." -- LPGA commissioner Carolyn Bivens, after announcing the tour's drug policy for 2008.

"The invite came right out of the blue and it was fantastic to get it." -- Rory McIlroy, the 18-year-old Irishman who said he was extended an invitation to Tiger Woods' Target World Challenge, but declined.

"We did not extend any formal invitation to Rory. It must have been a miscommunication." -- Greg McLaughlin, Target World Challenge tournament director.

"That's an absurd amount and especially when you consider how the U.S. dollar is tumbling." -- Ernie Els, commenting on the proposed $8 million purse for a 2009 European Tour event in Dubai.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: americansportscastersonline.com

"Who Said That?"

Top 10 Comments made by Sports Commentators that they would like to take back, Home & Away Newspaper, New York, 9/6/04:

1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Ted Walsh, Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I mounted her mother."

3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it, which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."

4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: " I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

6. Baseball Announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. IN fact, you can see it all over their faces."

8. At a trophy ceremony, BBC-TV Boat Race, 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge President is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."

9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got 11 Dicks on the field."

10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?"

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: americansportscastersonline.com

TRIVIA:  SPORTSCASTING FIRSTS: 

Red Barber 1st TV broadcast of a baseball game 8/26/39

Sept. 6, 1920 - First Radio Broadcast of a Prizefight -Jack Dempsey vs. Billy Miske - WWJ Nov. 25, 1920 - First Radio Play-by-Play Broadcast of a Collegiate Football Game - Texas University vs. Mechanical College of Texas - WTAW Aug. 5, 1921 - First Radio Broadcast of a Baseball Game-Pittsburgh Pirates vs. Philadelphia Phillies Harold Arlin on KDKA Aug. 6, 1921 - First Radio Broadcast of a Tennis Match - Australia vs. Great Britian, Davis Cup - Harold Arlin on KDKA Oct. 5, 1921 - First Radio Broadcast of a World Series- New York Yankees vs. New York Giants Sandy Hunt and Tommy Cowan on WJZ Oct. 7, 1922 - First Radio Chain Broadcast- WJZ and WGY transmitted a World Series game from the field Grantland Rice and Graham McNamee Nov. 24, 1923 - First Radio Broadcast of the Annual Army -Navy football game - Graham McNamee Jan. 1, 1927 - First Coast-to-Coast Radio Program - Univ. of Alabama vs. Stanford - originating from Pasadena, Calif., broadcast from the Rose Bowl - NBC network May 17, 1939 - First Televised Sports Event - Columbia vs. Princeton baseball - Bill Stern on NBC Aug. 26, 1939 - First Television Broadcast of a Pro Baseball Game - Cincinnati Reds vs. Brooklyn Dodgers Red Barber on W2XBS Oct. 22, 1939 - First Television Broadcast of a Pro Football Game-Brooklyn Dodgers vs. Philadelphia Eagles - W2XBS Feb. 25, 1940 - First Television Broadcast of a Hockey Game-New York Rangers vs. Montreal Canadiens -W2XBS Feb.28, 1940 - First Televsion Broadcast of a Basketball Game -Fordham Univ. vs. Univ. of Pittsburgh W2XBS Sept. 30, 1947 - First Televised World Series-New York Yankees vs.Brooklyn Dodgers - aired on three stations: WABD, WCBS, WNBT -Bob Edge, Bob Stanton and Bill Slater Oct. 3, 1951 - First Coast-to-Coast Television Broadcast of a Baseball Game-NY Giants vs.Brooklyn Dodgers, Game 3 of NL playoffs. Giants win on Bobby Thomson's homerun known as the "Shot Heard 'Round the World."- Ernie Harwell Aug. 26, 1955 - First Color Television broadcast - Davis Cup match between Australia and the U.S. - NBC July 23, 1962 - First Satellite Telecast via Telstar Communications - included portion of Chicago Cubs vs. Philadelphia Phillies from Wrigley Field - Jack Brickhouse Jan.15, 1967 - First Television Broadcast of a Football Championship- Green Bay Packers vs. Kansas City Chiefs - Jack Buck Nov. 8, 1972 - First Sports Telecast by HBO - New York Rangers vs. Vancouver Canucks from Madison Square Garden reaches HBO's 365 subscribers in Wilkes Barre, Pa. - Marty Glickman Aug. 16, 1976 - First Pro Football Game Outside the United States- St. Louis Cardinals vs. San Diego Chargers in Japan- Jack Buck Aug. 3, 1993 - First Woman to do Television Play-by-Play of a Baseball Game -Colorado Rockies vs. Cincinnati Reds -Gayle Gardner on KNGN-TV in Denver

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Who's never won? Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: webcircle.com

QUOTES BY JOHN MARTIN KRUK, BASEBALL PLAYER

We're 24 morons and a Mormon.

Describing the Phillies when Dale Murphy joined the team.

It's amazing that fans want to see me play. It's kind of scary. I guess that's what is wrong with our society.

On being chosen an All-Star starter in '93

I'd rather have my leg cut-off than do that all day. You just hope it hits your bat in a good spot.

On hitting a knuckleball.  

 

 I try to dumb down out there. They tell you to stay within yourself, so that's what I do. Mentally, I'm not gonna out-think myself to often.

On hitting.

I'd rather be in a prison cell with Mike Tyson, and let him beat my butt all day long, than go through that again.

On the last place '92 season

I wanted to kill Mitch. But they told me I couldn't, it was illegal.

On Mitch Williams, after the Phillies closer blew a save and the game stretched on for 6 hours.

I would think I drive most hitting coaches crazy. During one single at-bat I used six different stances on six pitches. Oh yeah, I also struck out. So what do I know?

I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player. 

It's the first letter I ever got from Bill White that wasn't asking me to pay a fine. It's the first one that doesn't start out, `Please make check payable to...'

On receiving a letter from the National League president for making the All-Star team.

 

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Who's never won? Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: post-trib.com

NFL: Gary's Stram was a showman  (Excerpt)

February 1, 2008

 

 

Former Vikings and Cardinals coach Dennis Green has become a television commercial icon because of one not-so-happy moment caught on tape:

"They were who we thought they were."

Former Colts coach Jim Mora's anger at the media launched him into legendary status.

"Playoffs? Playoffs?"

And Jerry Glanville, then the coach of the Houston Oilers, will be remembered more for something he said than how he coached, thanks to NFL Films.

"You're in the NFL, which means not for long if you keep making … calls like that."

And then there's former Kansas City Chiefs coach Hank Stram. Unlike Glanville, Green, and Mora, he was not exactly a one-quote wonder. As a matter of fact, Stram may have the record for having the most memorable quotes in one game.

The Lew Wallace alumnus didn't need a soundbite to be remembered, though. He is, after all, a Pro Football Hall of Famer and a winner of three American Football League titles and a Super Bowl championship in 1970.

He was credited with creating the two tight end offense and was the first coach to use the I-formation.

But when you say the name Hank Stram, what do you think?

It depends.

If you ever saw the NFL Films documentary of Super Bowl IV, then you might think this:

"Hank was a ham. Let's start with that," said Len Dawson, Stram's former quarterback. "I wonder if he learned the word 'matriculate' at Wallace?" 

Wallace English teachers would have probably declined the penalty on that one (do yourself a favor and look up matriculate in your dictionary) but then again, whoever said proper grammar is necessary for a classic line?

"Let's keep matriculating the ball down the field, boys."

Go ahead. Picture Mike Ditka saying that to his charges on the sidelines. But Stram did, during the biggest -- and most historic -- game of his life.

"Hank would get a word and just wear it out," Dawson said. "People even today talk about matriculating down the field. Hank was a showman and a unique individual."

Maybe it came from his father, who was a professional wrestler, the ultimate showman sport. And it probably didn't hurt that Stram coached another Gary native, Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, a guy who could tell you a thing or two about the benefits of show biz.

But Hank Stram was one of a kind.

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