JOAN RIVERS
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FITNESS AND EXERCISE HUMOR
The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, “If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it jumping up and down.” ~Rita Rudner
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Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps. ~Author Unknown
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I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing. ~Marsha Doble
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A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise. ~A.A. Milne
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I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise. ~Chauncey Depew, also sometimes attributed in slightly different wording to Mark Twain
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. ~Phyllis Diller
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Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Author Unknown
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An hour of basketball feels like 15 minutes. An hour on a treadmill feels like a weekend in traffic school. ~David Walters
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I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell. ~Alec Yuill Thornton
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People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that’s the problem. ~Chris Adams
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I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I’m damned if I’m going to use up mine running up and down a street. ~Neil Armstrong on jogging, in an interview with Walter Cronkite
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If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise. ~Author Unknown
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I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me. ~Mark Twain
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Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. ~Robert M. Hutchins
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I exercise every morning without fail. One eyelid goes up and the other follows. — Pete Postlethwaite
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. –Erma Bombeck
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I have every sympathy with the American who was so horrified by what he has read of the effects of smoking that he gave up reading. –Lord Conesford
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I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. –Carol Leifer
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Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get. –Robert Orben
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When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking. –Elaine Boosler
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Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that? –Lisa Claymen
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I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. –Joe E. Lewis
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The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it. — Jackie Gleason
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Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes. — Robert Maynard Hutchins
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Never eat more than you can lift. — Miss Piggy
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I’ve gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels. –Dave Barry
I don’t jog, if I die I want to be sick. — Abe Lemons
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I don’t exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor. — Joan Rivers
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Image: body-philosophy.net
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