SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Monday, June 30, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pga.com

LPGA 2008 WINNER, INBEE PARK
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GOLF NEWS
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At age 19, Park becomes youngest winner of U.S. Women's Open
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Inbee Park woke up in the middle of the night 10 years ago when she heard cheering from the living room of her tiny apartment outside Seoul.
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Her parents were up at 3:00 a.m. to watch Se Ri Pak become the first South Korean and the youngest winner of the 1998 U.S. Women's Open.
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The 9-year-old girl sat down with them to watch, half asleep, but definitely paying attention.
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"When she made a putt, they were screaming," Park said. "So I really could not sleep."
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Two days later, she placed her tiny hands around a golf club for the first time.
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On Sunday, Park wrapped hands around the biggest trophy in women's golf, capturing the U.S. Women's Open at Interlachen with nearly flawless golf over the final 10 holes as everyone else melted away.
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"I didn't know anything about golf back then, but I was watching her," Park said. "It was very impressive for a little girl. I just thought that I could do it, too."
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Two weeks shy of her 20th birthday, Park replaced Pak as the youngest U.S. Women's Open champion. She pulled away with crucial putts on three straight holes -- two birdies and one par -- early on the back nine and added a final birdie for a 2-under 71 and a four-shot victory over Helen Alfredsson.
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Park was the only player in the final nine groups to break par. She finished at 9-under 283 and earned $585,000, then got soaked at the end of a sunny afternoon when Jeong Jang and I.K. Kim rushed onto the green and doused her with beer.

"Really, I can't believe I just did this, especially with all these big names on the trophy that have been very, very successful with the golf," Park said, gazing at the silver championship trophy. "Hopefully, I'll put a couple of my names on there. It will be great."

FUNNYS SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: olympicjobs.com

GOLF JUNIOR LEAGUE TRAINING
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Image: rcga.org
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GOLF NEWS
Business News
One for all, and all for golf
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Lee Elder broke the colour barrier at Augusta National

Just 25 years ago, Lee Elder broke the colour barrier at Augusta National, becoming the first black man to compete in the Masters. Only in recent years have many private clubs have started opening their doors to minorities.
Women too, have been treated as if they were second-class citizens, discouraged from playing on weekends and assigned to play instead on 'Ladies Days' - even in the post-Title IX era.
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Thankfully, the face of golf has changed dramatically over the last decade. Minorities and women have more opportunities in the game than ever before. Greater social awareness, gender equity and a young, multi-ethnic star named Tiger Woods have helped make golf more accessible and more diverse.
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Best of all minorities and women are taking leadership roles in the game. But opening up the game has also made it less financially elitist, and as such, golf has become the game of the masses.
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Greater social awareness, gender equity and a young, multi-ethnic star named Tiger Woods have helped make golf more accessible and more diverse. The recent 2000 PGA Merchandise Show in Orlando, Florida attracted more than 50,000 attendees from 78 countries buying products and services from 1,600 exhibitors. The show was spread out over 670,0000 net square feet at the Colossal Orange County Convention Centre.
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The show has grown from 5,000 visitors 25 years ago. This year's eclectic mix of visitors included 70s rocker Alice Cooper and NASCAR champion Dale Jarrett as well as professional golfers Phil Esposito and Jim McMahon.
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Although changes are taking place on the golf course, not much happens by way of new fangled inventions in the golf world. New balls and new clubs make their entrances but the shape and size stay the same so to capitalize on the emergence of new players - manufacturers are entering the e-commerce market.
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Golf balls are a $1.5 billion (US) business worldwide. By 2004, online sporting goods are expected to reach $4 billion, according to one study. But that would still represent only 5.2 percent percent of the $77 billion sporting goods industry.
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Anybody who is somebody in the multi-billion dollar business of golf-related products attends these conventions - in much the same way as anybody at all can be found on the links these days.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: winelect.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Quotes from "Just Let Me Play" by Charlie Sifford

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"All I ever wanted to do is play." -Charlie Sifford

"I have always had a great deal of admiration for Charlie Sifford...he has made himself a symbol that has inspired young black golfers of this country and the world - past, present and future. Probably more that any other single individual, Charlie paved the way and made life in professional golf so much easier for the others of his race who have followed and will follow him. I wish him nothing but the very best." - Arnold Palmer

"Golf, Jackie Robinson...and a great one." - Tom Watson

"I have such admiration for this man. I take my hat off to him...The hypocrisy that Charlie had to put up with!...Yet I don't find Charlie bitter, I find him compassionate. I have a great love and empathy for Charlie. I've seen an improvement in golf's stance toward blacks, and Charlie has played a significant role in that improvement." - Gary Player

"The pain, suffering and sacrifice experienced by Mr. Sifford in being a lonely pioneer for black golfers on PGA Tour will never be forgotten by me. His success and personal conduct will provide a blueprint and inspiration for myself and other aspiring black tour players." - Tiger Woods

"It's a lot easier now for a black player that it was when Charlie was trying to pioneer. To all of us players, it didn't make any difference what color he was. He(will be) remembered as the first black player to win a PGA tournament." - Gene Littler

"I have to take my hat off to Charlie Sifford. I praise God that he had the heart to do what he did. I couldn't have done it. He's a great man and he's been a friend to me. He's done a hell of a job, not only for blacks but for golf." - Jim Dent

"When any black is making his mark in a sport or profession, black people are aware of it. Charlie stands out. He was like a hero to blacks." - Willie McCovey

"Charlie was a pioneer in professional golf and I admire him so much that words cannot express it. I would love to be able to follow on to the senior title." - Curly Neal

"Like Bannister in the four minute mile, Charlie's the one who broke the barrier." - Don January

"I'm sure it hasn't been easy for Charlie. He's worked hard to get where he's gotten. I'm very happy that he's accomplished what he has." - Art Wall

"If it wasn't for (Charlie) and Teddy Rhodes, it would have been a longer period of time before blacks could enter (golf). I'm sure that it ate inside that they couldn't play in a lot more tournaments and couldn't stay (in some) places when they first started..It had to take a strong will." - Mike Fetchik

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: progressive.com

WINTER SPORT: DOG MUSHING

WINTER SPORTS QUOTES

Uncommon Winter Sports Anyone Can Try
Posted Jan. 10, 2008, at 1 p.m.

When the mountains have been fattened by their winter coating of snow, consider slipping on your own extra layer and heading to the hills. But you can forgo the pricey ski-lift ticket and the mega-resort crowds — there are plenty of winter sports that don't require you to follow in someone else's ski tracks.

Hut-to-Hut Skiing

If sleeping in a snow cave or flimsy tent isn't your idea of a cozy winter night, don't worry, you can still achieve a snug night's sleep in the mountains; several states maintain chains of backcountry huts to which skiers can spend a weekend or a week connecting. The most well known are Colorado's 10th Mountain Division Hut Association's dwellings — 29 cabins, all at 9,700 feet or higher. And don't let the designation "hut" fool you — while none have running water and only a few have solar-powered lighting, some shelters border on the stately. Multi-roomed, impressive structures, these huts are hardly the skimpy lean-tos their title implies. Nevertheless, most are deep into the Colorado Rocky Mountains' backcountry, so a visit to one isn't for beginners. Guides are available — check the Hut Association site for information.


Dog Mushing

Because Alaska is home of the Iditarod, the longest sled dog race in the world, it's no surprise that the state furnishes plenty of opportunities for novices to dog mush. But you won't need to raise your own team of huskies to enjoy a ride on a 12-dog open sleigh — numerous racers offer rides and tours as a way to supplement the costs of breeding and raising race dogs. Many tours are interactive, meaning you'll receive a lesson in dog mushing and then drive your own team. If that's too much to take on, enjoy the crisp air and views of Mt. McKinley from the back of the sled on a guided day trip. Dog mushing is ubiquitous in Alaska, but some of the most scenic spots are several hours north of Anchorage in Denali National Park. You can find information on tours at Sled Dog Central.


Skijoring

If you enjoy skate-skiing and own a dog with excess energy, consider learning to skijor during your next mountain romp. In this sport, skiers are harnessed to and pulled by a dog — horses and reindeer also pull but it's more of a spectator sport — along a groomed ski trail. It does take a little bit of equipment, but many ski-rental shops can hook you up with a harness, line and belt.
While any groomed Nordic trails that allow dogs will suffice, Idaho boasts 13 separate trail systems, and unless you're around a major resort you're likely to have plenty of elbow room. Located two hours north of Boise, off of the scenic Highway 55, the new Tamarack Resort will host the Iditarod McPaws Ski Jouring event. Participants will learn to skijor on Tamarack's 35 km of Nordic trails and have the option to participate in a 5-km race.

Ice Fishing

It might not get your heart rate up, and it requires little more than a pole and an auger (and the constitution of a woolly mammoth), but ice fishing has become a sport popular with winter vacationers. As such, you no longer have to huddle over a hole in the cold wind. Fish houses — portable structures built on the ice — have popped up all over popular ice fishing spots. Structures vary from four walls to a carpeted cabin with bunks, heaters and a bathroom.
For the largest ice-fishing celebration, check out Tip-Up Town U.S.A., a winter festival held on the icy surface of Michigan's Lake Houghton. Drawing nearly 40,000 participants, the family-friendly event takes place over the last two weeks of January and began as a celebration of the ice-fishing community that sprung up every winter.


FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: meaningfulnicesayings.com


Image: i.a.cnn.net

CHEERLEADER QUOTES

The referees have always been blind, it's our job to make them deaf.

In any other sport, if you miss the catch all you lose is the ball.

Players: A vital part of any sporting event, they entertain the crowd in the intervals between timeouts so the cheerleaders can take a well-earned break.

Any man can hold a girl's hand, but only the elite can hold her feet.

Cheerleaders know that pyramids were not built in Egypt.

I don't play the field - I rule the sidelines.

Simply because we do not run across goal lines, slam dunk basketballs, or hit home runs, doesn't mean we can't change the score.

If cheerleading got any easier, it would be called football.

I'm not a cheerleader. I'm an athletic supporter.

It's hard to be humble when you can jump, stunt, and tumble!

Flying is the second best thrill to cheerleaders; being caught is the first.

You know you're a cheerleader when you have to yell, kick, and scream to get what you want.

Wimps lift weights, cheerleaders lift people.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com


Image: thesightisinend.files.wordpress.com

SOCCER QUOTES

There are plenty of managers today who, apart from their football-related knowledge, have some sense of humor. Even if they don't, their intended-to-be-serious quotes often end up hilarious.
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In any case, I will try to cover some of those famous, witty or unintentionally funny quotes here.
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Bill Shankly: One of the most successful managers in Liverpool's history also came up with some witty stuff.
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"There's only two teams in Liverpool: Liverpool and Liverpool Reserves."
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"At a football club, there's a holy trinity—the players, the manager and the supporters. Directors don't come into it. They are only there to sign the cheques."

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Sir Alex Ferguson: Sir Alex has won everything there is to win in England, and yet he has this burning desire to win more. In his twenty-odd years at Manchester United, he, too, has come up with some verbal gems.
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"They come out with the ‘English are so strong, we’re terrible in the air, we can’t do this, we can’t do that.’ Then they beat you 3-0?
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“He could start a row in an empty house.”

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Arsene Wenger: "The professor" has had his share of controversies and makes some incredibly witty comments in trying times. Sometimes, his comments are quite hilarious, even though he never intended them to be!

"Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home!"
This in response to Sir Alex Ferguson's warnings that Arsenal would crack under pressure and that Manchester United had been the best team in the league that year—despite the fact that they were second.
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"I'm very excited with this team because they are 'playerish'—if there is such a word—they love to play."
Wenger's trying to show that he is French.
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"Footballistically speaking..."
Inventing words is clearly not Wenger's forte...but this one is not bad!

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Jose Mourinho: Jose Mourinho is someone who is made for entertaining the press. He has the charm and the arrogance with the right mixture (for the neutrals, of course!) and will always be remembered in England for his very inventive quotes.
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"Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one."
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"I would love an Aston Martin, but, if you ask me, £1m for an Aston Martin, I tell you, you are crazy because they cost £250,000."
Jose trying to say, very illustratively, that Chelsea will not overpay for anyone... nice joke!
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"If you ask me if I jump with happiness when I know Mr Poll is our referee? No."
Jose is clearly letting Graham Poll know what he thinks of him!
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"For me, pressure is bird flu. I'm feeling a lot of pressure with the problem in Scotland. It's not fun and I'm more scared of it than football."
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"As we say in Portugal, they (Spurs) brought the bus and they left the bus in front of the goal."
Illustrating that Spurs defended rather staunchly against Chelsea to claim a draw.

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Kevin Keegan: "KK" is probably the best at these "quotes." He has sent too many people into hysterical laughter with his outrageously funny quotes. You probably get the point by now!
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"That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved."
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"It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card."
Using creative visualization to describe a "card happy" referee.
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"Chile have three options—they could win or they could lose."
Lost count there I guess!
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"In some ways, a cramp is worse than having a broken leg."
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"Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice-versa."
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"The tide is very much in our court now."
I wonder how tennis players would survive in KK's world!
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"England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none."
King Kevin... Nobody can beat that quote!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailymail.co.uk

FOR WIN AT WIMBLEDON, IT'S ON THE HOUSE, ELENA

Image: littlecaesars.com

SPORTS QUOTES

They said it: Sporting quotes of the week

'I told him, next time he does that, I'm going to get my blade out and cut him. I'm a gangster. You go gangster on me, I'm going to have to get you. You do that again, I'm going to cut you right on the field'
The New York Mets manager, Jerry Manuel, explains his policy on player tantrums when they get pulled from games after Jose Reyes threw his toys out of the pram.

'Things did happen very quickly for me and a lot of hot air was blown up my arse. At 19, I think it went to my head a bit'
England wing Tom Varndell, preparing for his first cap in two years, admits he got too big for his boots upon being handed his Test debut.

'People say I've lost my power and I'm shot but I've been to the fountain of youth and I'm going to come back and shock them all'
Michael Gomez promises Amir Khan a birthday surprise ahead of their Commonwealth lightweight title fight, the day of which Gomez turned 31, and lost.

'I want to be the traitor of Holland'
Russia coach Guus Hiddink is happy to be public enemy number one back in his native country ahead of his side's Euro 2008 quarter-final with Holland.

'It is my opinion. That is why I don't mind if people get upset. It is my decision. It is what I want. I don't know what I have to say to him. I have to say what I want and what I think'
Cristiano Ronaldo risks the wrath of Sir Alex Ferguson by claiming he does not care what the Manchester United boss thinks about his desire to join Real Madrid.

'I still don't fear anyone. The only things I fear in life are cockroaches'
Defending Wimbledon women's champion Venus Williams is not scared of afirst-round upset after being drawn against Britain's Naomi Cavaday.

'This will probably haunt me for the rest of my life'
Croatia coach Slaven Bilic after his side's heartbreaking Euro 2008 penalty shootout defeat to Turkey, a game that saw both sides score in the dying minutes of extra-time.

'No victory is worth the life of another person. I want to ask the Turkish people to enjoy themselves but not hurt anyone else while they are doing it'
Turkey coach Fatih Terim urges the country's fans to celebrate responsibly after a young girl was injured in Turkey and taken to intensive care when shots were fired in the air following his side's victory over the Czech Republic.

'We are not going to lock them in their rooms after a Test match. Players have got to take responsibility for their own actions, on and off the field'
England rugby union elite performance director Rob Andrew defends the decisionto allow squad members on a night out after the second Test in New Zealand,despite questions being raised over the team's conduct on tour following apolice investigation into an alleged sexual assault.

'If I'm going to give you a Maserati, it would be a good idea if you had a driving licence'
UEFA technical director Andy Roxburgh defends the governing body's stance on Pro Licences after the unqualified Paul Ince was named as Blackburn boss.

'I'm really gutted because it means I've had to cut out pizza - pepperoni was my favourite. I'll have to ask my coach if I can have a slice tonight to celebrate'
A slim-downed Elena Baltacha's new regime pays off as she wins her first-round match at Wimbledon.

'You know, I absolutely love trenchcoats. I mean, I love coats, and I don't know why because I live in Florida, so it doesn't really add up'
Serena Williams on making a fashion statement at Wimbledon.

'Maybe again the jacket will be back again next year'
Roger Federer on wearing a cardigan onto court for his opening match.

'Whether I'm black, white or whatever, I'm just proud to be in the Premier League'
Paul Ince on becoming the first black Briton to manage in the Premier League.

'I guess the bumblebee got me off to a bad start'
Venus Williams after a bee distracted her enough to see her serve broken against Britain's Naomi Cavaday.

'Someone upstairs made the ball roll over'
Top seed Ana Ivanovic credits divine intervention for the incredible net cord that spared her defeat against Nathalie Dechy in an epic second-round match at Wimbledon.

'Maybe I will buy some better duct tape. No, I like my car. I think it's cool'
British qualifier Chris Eaton - who recorded a remarkable first-round win at Wimbledon despite being the lowest-ranked player in the men's draw at 661 - insists he will not trade in his old Vauxhall Astra, which has a broken wing mirror, despite earning more than £20,000 at SW19.

'What did I say? The strawberries are too expensive. It's true. You don't haveenough (money) for dessert. It's true'
Marat Safin forgets his previous dislike for Wimbledon after ousting third seed Novak Djokovic in straight sets.

'I don't like her outfit. Can I put it this way? She experiments, and I give her credit for that. She's brave enough to experiment. Sometimes she has good ones, sometimes not. That's my personal opinion, again. Maybe someone will tell me I dress terribly'
Alla Kudryavtseva reveals her motivation behind beating Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon, the shock of the tournament so far.


FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsoutofthebox.com

SPORTS QUOTES
quotes of the moment...

"I'm not one to use powder. I like the moist sensation."
-Oakland A's pitcher Barry Zito on using baby powder on himself (Sports Illustrated)

"I tore the rotator cuff, and kept pitching. Compensating for the pain, I changed my delivery and tore the labrum, then my biceps tendon."
-Mariners' pitcher Bobby Madritsch on his string of injuries while in the Reds organization (Baseball America)

"He's athletic and he's got some juice in his bat, and I like his haircut."
-Savannah Sand Gnats (Single-A) manager Bob Henley, on Colorado Rockies top prospect Ian Stewart (Baseball America)

"Labrum? Who needs a working labrum? Don't you worry about Pedro, amigo. I'll be fine."-Pedro Martinez, to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel

"Even being mentioned in the same sentence as Jesus or God... I mean, those guys are awesome. I'm just a knucklehead."
-Johnny Damon, to the Boston Globe

"Mike Vrabel had my testicles in his hand, and he was squeezing them... Guys reach inside the face mask to gouge your eyes. But the biggest thing is the grabbing of the testicles. It is crazy."
-Eagles LB Ike Reese on what it's like at the bottom of a pile (Sports Illustrated)

"You don't get better by losing a guy like Pedro Martinez."
-Curt Schilling, to ESPN

"Technically, Randy (was) still a member of the Diamondbacks. We can't comment on another team's player."-Yankees official commenting on the Unit pushing a WCBS-TV camera man (courtesy: Bob Klapisch and ESPN.com)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: guardian.co.uk

VENUS WILLIAMS SETS RECORD AT WIMBLEDON

(127 mph serve by a female player)

Image: tenniswelcomecenter.com

TENNIS QUOTES

A week at Wimbledon in quotes

Reuters, Sunday LONDON, June 29 (Reuters) - The best quotes from week one of the Wimbledon championships:*

"I have a wonderful white coat I can wear on the court and also in New York for those rainy days...it's ladylike and goes perfect with my personality" -- Serena Williams after she turned up for her first-round match wearing a coat on a sunny day.

*"I absolutely love trench coats. I probably have more coats than anybody. I just love coats. I don't know why because I live in Florida" -- Williams and her coat again.

"It's the tuxedo look. I was very inspired by menswear this year and every time at Wimbledon I want to do something classy and elegant. This year I said: 'Why don't we do shorts?' and I have never worn shorts before at a grand slam. There is a place to do it and that's Wimbledon" -- Sharapova explains her latest outfit. It was seen only twice as the Russian was knocked out in the second round.

*"I drive a Vauxhall Astra with duct tape on one wing mirror" -- Britain's man of the moment Chris Eaton paints a picture of life before Court One stardom at the All England Club.

*"I personally don't care but I think any attention drawn to tennis for whatever reason is good. If that means wearing the Mr Roger sweater, whatever else you got, then so be it. I don't know if it would be a good look for me or any of my friends or relatives" -- Andy Roddick on Federer's latest Wimbledon look -- a 1920s-style cream, gold-trimmed cardigan.

*"I'll rest a little bit. Without the racket. I'll leave the rackets at home and go somewhere many miles away" -- third seed Novak Djokovic looks for the nearest exit following his second-round loss to Russia's Marat Safin.

*"As far as fun nicknames, headlines and whatever, I don't really care. Everyone's beatable. I've beaten the three of them. But if you're asking if it pisses me off at all, I don't really care. I just want to win tennis matches" -- Roddick, when asked whether he had heard of references to the 'big three' of Federer, Rafael Nadal and Djokovic. 'A-Rod' went out in the next round.

*"You know, when you've seen the Rolling Stones from the front row and then all of a sudden you're like seven or eight rows back and there's a really tall guy in front of you waving his hands and screaming, you can't see much, it's not going to be as good as the other show" -- Roddick remembers better times following his second-round defeat to Janko 'Tipsy' Tisparevic.

*"It's very pleasant to beat Maria... Why? Well, I don't like her outfit" -- Alla Kudryavtseva explains what spurred her to her shock victory over Sharapova.

*"Everybody can present a challenge. Everybody has a lot of strength. Everybody is hungry. This girl that beat me today, she might not win the tournament but she beat me and it probably made her tournament" -- Sharapova reflects on her shock early exit.

*"It's guys. They always say the women's game is predictable. They always say you women can't serve, you don't go to the net, you can't slice. No, we can do it all. We're strong. Don't listen to them" -- Kudryavtseva speaks up for her sex.

*"Coming from clay, it's a completely different mentality you have to going out on court. Because on clay, if you are struggling a little bit, you still have time to get into the game. Here everything is happening so fast" -- Ana Ivanovic, whose defeat to Zheng Jie was the earliest exit by a top seed since Martina Hingis lost in the opening round in 2001.

*"You're calling me a veteran? I'm a veteran at 23 years old? Thanks for making me feel very old" -- Jelena Jankovic after her victory over 17-year-old Caroline Wozniacki.

*"I know his sense of humour a little bit. I know he kind of talks like that a little bit. So I can cut him some slack" -- Czech Nicole Vaidisova on newly-elected ATP board member Justin Gimelstob who had to make a public apology for a series of offensive remarks about female players which included describing Vaidisova as a "well-developed young lady".

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pages.ph

Image: triumphbooks.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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“My doctor told me jogging could add years to my life, I told him ‘Yeah, since I began, I already feel 10 years older!’” - golfer Lee Trevino.
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“The man who will whip me will be fast, strong and hasn’t been born yet.” – Muhammad Ali.
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“Brazilian football is not only a sport. It’s a kind of stage play, a theatrical movement.” - Muniz Sodre.
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“A sport where the players actually enjoy getting hit in the head by a ball.” – soccer advertisement.
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“The World Cup is every four years so it’s going to be a perennial problem.” - English player Gary Lineker.
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“To be No. 1, you must train like you are No. 2.” - sprinter MauriceGreene.
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“Sport is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.” - US playwright Neil Simon.
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“I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell.” – writer Alec Thornton.
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“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course: the distance between your ears.” - golfer Bobby Jones
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“Chess. For a game it is too serious, for seriousness too much of a game.” - German philosopher Moses Mendelsson.
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“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, age doesn’t matter.” - baseball manager Casey Stengel.
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“They don’t give you gold medals for beating somebody. They give you gold medals for beating everybody.” - Michael Johnson.
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“Life’s too short for chess.” - British actor Henry James Byron.
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“Chess is the gymnasium of the mind.” - Vladimir Llyich Lenin

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blogs.timesunion.com

BIG BROWN'S TRAINER, RICK DUTROW

Image: cache.daylife.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Sports loudmouths

June 5, 2008 By DAVID SANCHIRICO

Rick Dutrow Jr. is making quite a name for himself.
The trainer of Triple Crown hopeful Big Brown has been in the media spotlight with his sure-thing guarantees regarding his horse.
Dutrow could be eating his words if Big Brown loses. Otherwise, he’d be justified in telling everyone, “I told you so.”

How do Dutrow’s boasts compare to those of other quotable sports figures? Here is a list of 10 bombastic sports personalities:

10. Rasheed Wallace. The Detroit Pistons forward is always quick to criticize. Quote: “I told (official) Leroy (Richardson) my son could fool him and it ain’t even Halloween.”

9. Ozzie Guillen. Not afraid to speak his mind, the White Sox manager is a favorite of the Chicago media. Quote: “Now, there are just 30 or 40 reporters around to see how big my mouth really is.”

8. Terrell Owens. T.O. is cocky most of the time, but when he’s unhappy, he doesn’t keep it hidden from the media. Quote: “I’ll watch the highlights every now and then but, as far as watching the game, I feel like I am the game.”

7. Joe Namath. With his charisma and self-assured attitude, Namath was the perfect quarterback for New York. Quote: “We’ll win this game, I guarantee it.”

6. George Foreman. Now more known for his business ventures than his boxing, Big George drew a crowd during his time in the ring. Quote: “I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out ofhamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.”

5. Art Shires. The 1930s White Sox certainly was charismatic. He had a wardrobe of 50 suits and 100 hats. Quote: Shires gave himself his own nickname, “The Great.”

4. Casey Stengel. “The Ol’ Professor” was a favorite in New York. He was at his best during his time as the outspoken manager of the Lovable Losers, the 1962 Mets. Quote: “The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets doubleheader.”

3. Chad Johnson. There is no current athlete as quote-worthy and eccentric as Ocho Cinco. Quote: “Tennessee is a very country-type state. Maybe I can practice on some type of country-western dance where they’ll know what I’m doing.”

2. Bobby Knight. One of the most controversial coaches ever, Knight never failed to rankle with his actions and comments. Quote: Speaking about leaving Puerto Rico after the 1979 Pan Am Games, “I stood up, unzipped my pants, lowered my shorts and placed my bare (butt) on the window. That’s the last thing I wanted those people to see of me.”

1. Muhammad Ali. Ali’s impact cannot be overstated. He was the most outspoken athlete during a time when athletes were supposed to be humble. Quote: “I am the greatest!”


FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

Image: mlb.imageg.net
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Martin's maxims

Baseball Quotes by Billy Martin

"I don't think so because I've got the reputation for being baseball's bad boy and I don't deserve it. But I think I'd make a good manager. For one thing, I know how to handle men. That's the secret of managing. For another, I know enough about the game, not fundamentals, but executing. I think I could get the most out of players with common sense and psychology. I'm fiery enough that I'd have their respect. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever get the chance and there's nothing in the world that can change that."--On his chances of ever managing, quoted in Baseball Digest, June 1961

"I believe if God had ever managed, he would have been very aggressive, the way I manage."--As A's manager, quoted in Sports Illustrated, March 30, 1981.

"I've always said I could manage Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Hirohito. That doesn't mean I'd like them, but I'd manage them." --As Yankee manager, widely quoted

"Everything looks nicer when you win. The girls are prettier. The cigars taste better. Thre trees are greener."--As Yankee manager, Quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Sept. 17, 1975

"I get fired because I'm not a yes-man. The world's full of yes men. The first year that I became manager, 1969, with the Twins, I won a division championship. And got fired. The Tigers hired me. I had made $35,000 and the Tigers gave me a big raise. I won another division title and got fired again. Texas hired me, and with a bigger raise. I came in second, and got fired. The Yankees hired me, and tripled my salary. When I got fired there, and Oakland hired me--they gave me an unbelievable raise. I've got a long-term contract now, but if I get fired again, I might run for President."--As manager of the A's, quoted in a New York Times interview, July 15, 1982

"All I know is, I pass people on the street these days, and they don't know whether to say hello or to say good-bye."--As Yankee manager, widely quoted

"The only real way to know you've been fired is when you arrive at the ballpark and find your name has been scratched from the parking list."--widely quoted

"Sometimes I would do just the opposite of what George wanted me to do, because I won't let anyone tell me how to manage. If I'm going down the tube, I'm going to do it my way."--from Number 1

"The two of them deserve each other. One's a born liar, the other's convicted."--On Reggie Jackson and George Steinbrenner, widely quoted

"What does George know about Yankee pride? When did he ever play for the Yankees?"--On Steinbrenner, from Number 1

"I'm getting smarter, I finally punched something that couldn't sue me."--As A's manager on breaking his finger after punching a piece of furniture, quoted in Sports Illustrated, September 6, 1982



FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: network.nationalpost.com


Image: amazon.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
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MLB: The (bleepin') best of (bleepin') Guillen
Posted: June 02, 2008, 6:01 PM by Jeremy Sandler
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It seems Chicago White Sox general manager Kenny Williams’ line for supporting Ozzie Guillen stops when his sometimes controversial, often combative and almost always quotable manager levels criticism at his own front office.
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Williams, the architect of both Chicago’s 2005 World Series-winning team — and the squad that entered yesterday with a one-game lead in the American League Central — took issue with Guillen ripping into his team’s offence after a 4-3 extra-inning loss to the Tampa Bay Rays.
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“It’s just not a good idea to throw your boss under the bus, especially when that boss has had your back as much as I have had his,” Williams wrote in an e-mail to the Chicago Tribune. “I expect this team, if the leadership remains positive and the players stick together and continue to play hard, it will be a fun summer.
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“The offence will begin to produce when collectively they say the hell with all the theories, stay loose, pick the pitch you want to hit and hit it hard. It will be nice to see them lighten up and have some fun.”
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Heading into play yesterday, Chicago ranked ninth in the AL with 244 runs, eighth in on-base percentage and 12th in hitting with a .247 average.
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But the White Sox first-place status was not enough to keep the 44-year-old Guillen from launching a verbal tirade after his team scored just four runs in three losses to the Rays.
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“I expect Kenny to do something Tuesday. Because if we don’t do anything Tuesday, there’s [going to be] a lot of change in the lineup,” said Guillen, reportedly spicing his comments with more than an occasional expletive. “It could be me. It could be [hitting coach] Greg Walker, the players, anybody. I’m sick and tired watching this for a year and a half. I’m not protecting anybody anymore.”
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Shooting from the lip has been standard for Guillen over his four-plus seasons managing on Chicago’s South Side:
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May 2008, on the reaction of the fans and media after Chicago was swept by Toronto:
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“They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the [bleeping] best [bleep] in town. Now we’re [bleep],” said Guillen. “We won it a couple years ago, and we’re horse[bleep]. The Cubs haven’t won in [100] years, and they’re the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we’re good. [Bleep] everybody.”
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May 2007, on Chicago radio host Mike North criticizing his use of catchers A.J. Pierzynski and Toby Hall:
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“Oh, shut the [bleep] up! I know you like A.J. but there’s no reason for you to make lineups and [bleep]. I don’t care what A.J. thinks. I make the best lineup. I want to find out what Toby Hall can do for this ballclub, find out right away how we are going to use him. I never said A.J. was in a platoon. Believe me, I’m tired of you guys and this bull[bleep] every [bleeping] day.”
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June 2006, after Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti criticized Guillen’s handling of pitcher Sean Tracey:
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“What a piece of [bleep] [Mariotto] is, [bleeping] fag. He’s garbage … he’s always been garbage … and he will die garbage.”
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Early 2006, before the World Baseball Classic, when Yankees star Alex Rodriguez said he could not decide between playing for the United States or the Dominican Republic:
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“Alex was kissing Latino people’s asses … He knew he wasn’t going to play for the Dominicans … He’s not a Dominican! I hate hypocrites, he’s full of [expletive],” said Guillen. “The Dominican team doesn’t need his ass...It’s the same thing with [Nomar] Garciaparra playing for Mexico … Garciaparra only knows Cancun because he went to visit.”
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2005, after former White Sox outifelder Magglio Ordonez claimed Guillen forced him to play hurt and convinced Chicago not to re-sign him:
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“Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? Why ever talk about me? He doesn’t do [bleep] for me. But if he thinks I’m his enemy, he has a big enemy.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.co.uk

Image: michaeltyson.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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Vicious attacks and noble brats: quotes of the year
Compiled by Chris Maume Friday, 20 December 2002
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January
This is me fighting my demons, my way of saying: 'Look, I am sorry for giving into the temptations. I have abused the privileged life I've had, and if this match is anything, it is me paying my debt.'
Niall Quinn, footballer, announcing that his £1m testimonial proceeds would go to charity.
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It's really embarrassing. I'm Chelsea through and through.
Paul Haines, who suffered a head injury playing in goal for Swindon Supermarine and came to in hospital believing he was Fabien Barthez.
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So my wife and I can make love in a different room every night.
Bobby George, darts player, on why his £2.5m Essex mansion has 18 bedrooms.
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There are some bloody good balti places in Birmingham.
Ron Atkinson on why the Midlands is a better national stadium option than Wembley.
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Mine's at home finishing the ironing and washing-up.
Robbie Earle, asked what he thought about the television show Footballers' Wives.
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I am a prostitute.
David Sheepshanks, Ipswich chairman, favours the Uefa Cup having a group stage, in order to boost income.
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I am not a role model or Mr Politically Correct.
Mike Tyson.
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February
You could tell he was a goalie because he was so good with his hands.
Alicia Douvall, tabloid kiss-and-tell girl, after a night with Barthez.
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Martin [Johnson] is not a player who purposely goes out on the pitch to be violent and cause damage to other players, other than in the true spirit of the game.
Neil Back on the England rugby union captain.
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The only place that will be more secure will be the White House.
Al Mansell, president of the Utah Senate, on security at Salt Lake City for the Winter Olympic Games.
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Take your brother's skateboard. Rope it to the back of your mother's car and then ask her to drive it at 80mph round the M25.
Alex Coomber, before winning an Olympic skeleton bronze medal, on what the event feels like.
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I'm not Mother Teresa. I'm not Charles Manson either. Just treat me equal.
Mike Tyson at his licence hearing before the Nevada State Athletic Commission.
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The hospitality industry has been down since September 11th and this would be a boost for our economy.
Michael Brown, vice-president of Washington DC's Boxing and Wrestling Commission, on why it approved a boxing licence for Tyson.
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I'm prepared to fight him in any country but I want him to seek help. They might have to put him in a muzzle. I'm a fighter, not a biter.
Lennox Lewis on Tyson.
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There haven't been any.
Graeme Hick, asked who is the best coach he has worked with.
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March
I was contacted and told what to do by people from the other side.
Johann Mühlegg, cross-country skiing champion who said he defected to Spain from Germany because aliens told him to.
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Fash the Cash, Fash the Bash. I've been called the lot. I just thank God I wasn't named Hunt.
John Fashanu.
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I can't do anything that would ridicule my perception.
Chris Eubank on why he did not accept a nomination for the Rear of the Year award.
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Terry Biddlecombe says he's Linford Christie without the balls.
Henrietta Knight, trainer of Gold Cup winner, the gelding Best Mate.
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He has a work ethic which has meant a change in attitude for us all. I didn't realise there were two 7.30s in a day.
Budge Pountney, Northampton captain, on coach Wayne Smith.
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I prefer to live one day as a lion, instead of 10 years like a rabbit.
Lorenzo Amoruso, the Rangers captain, not Mussolini.
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Ben was too cool to get old ... He was a beautiful work of art, a classic sculpture.
Adam Hollioake, at the memorial service for his brother, Ben.
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In my mind I'd no reason to get it checked. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.
Alain Baxter, stripped of his Olympic skiing medal after testing positive for methamphetamines in a nasal inhaler.
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It's the usual refrain. Have you ever heard of anyone responding to a positive case differently?
Dick Pound, head of the World Anti-Doping Agency.
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April
Crap.
Tony McCoy's response to those who consider him the most effective jump jockey in history.
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He's an overrated bum.
Julius Long, after losing to Audley Harrison.
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I'm fed up with football, football every time I open a newspaper. I feel cricket should be back where it belongs, as our No 1 sport.
Michael Soper, chairman of Surrey County Cricket Club.
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He represents something for every woman – father, husband, footballer, icon. In a word, he's the ultimate hero.
Marie O'Riordan, editor of Marie Claire, on David Beckham becoming the first man to appear on the magazine's cover.
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She is a highly patriotic woman who regards it as her duty to watch fixtures where England is on TV, just as she watches any Royal occasion. It is part of her belief in her country. He thought she wanted to watch the England-Albania match because she wanted to ogle the men on the pitch.
Mr David Whitehouse, QC, defending Zena Burton, who killed her boyfriend by strangling him with an aerial flex because he would not let her watch the football. She was given a three-year community rehabilitation order.
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May
He reminds you of Hitler.
Ken Bates, Chelsea chairman, on Adam Crozier, the Football Association chief executive.
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Having an orgasm is like running up the stairs.
Lewis on why he gives up sex three weeks before a fight.
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Forget the championship. There is no chance to stop Michael.
Gerhard Berger, BMW's motor sport director, on Michael Schumacher and the Formula One world title race.
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It's disgusting. You suspect that if they can find a reason not to promote Rotherham then they will.
Mike Schmidt, player-coach of Rotherham RUFC, who were not promoted despite finishing top of National Division One.
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I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager and I don't rate you as a person. You're a f***ing w****r and you can stick your World Cup up your arse.
Roy Keane to the Republic of Ireland manager, Mick McCarthy, during the row that led to his being sent home.
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June
I don't regret what I said, but at the same time I agree that Mick had to send me home.
Keane.
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Oh, I'd have sent him home all right, but I'd have shot him first.
Brian Clough, Keane's former manager.
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I'm just happy that Lennox didn't kill me in there.
Mike Tyson, after defeat in Memphis.
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We burn referees like that at the stake.
Paolo Maldini, Italy defender, on Graham Poll, after his side's game against Croatia.
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F*** You.
Headline in the Argentinian paper Olé after defeat to England.
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I don't feel like a hero. That is someone who wins wars.
Sven Goran Eriksson, England manager, after the win over Denmark.
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That gentleman will never set foot in Perugia again... Let him go back to Korea and earn 100 lire per month.
Luciano Gaucci, Perugia president, on the club's Korean international Ahn Jung-Hwan, whose golden goal put out Italy.
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If the Italians speak of corruption it's because they are accustomed to practising it.
Byron Moreno, Ecuadorean referee, after Italians claimed that he was paid off for their game against South Korea.
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July
I'd rather buy a Bob the Builder CD for my two-year-old son.
Jason McAteer, asked if he was going to buy Roy Keane's autobiography.
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It would be wrong for me to sit at ringside watching a guy with brain damage that could kill him.
Dr Ray Monsell, who resigned from the British Boxing Board of Control following the decision to re-license Wayne McCullough.
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My mum hits harder... I'm off down the pub now. Maybe I'll get a couple of fights down there.
Dominic Negus, Audley Harrison's latest victim.
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August
I could have been a god, but people only allow you to get so far in this country.
Linford Christie.
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It's a billion-pound business – but, if I had a kebab shop, I wouldn't let them run it.
Theo Paphitis, Millwall chairman, after the Football League lost its case against ITV Digital.
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Reluctantly, I am giving the asylum back to the lunatics.
Keith Harris on leaving the Football League.
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September
A goalkeeper should never be beaten from that distance.
David Seaman, on Ronaldinho's 47-yard World Cup goal, shortly before conceding a 43-yarder from Chelsea's Gianfranco Zola.
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If Pete had worked as hard as [Andre] Agassi he would have won 24 Grand Slam titles, not 13.
Peter Fisher, Sampras's first coach.
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I never try to make a right decision. I make a decision and then try to make it right.
Martin O'Neill, Celtic manager.
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October
We got a European butt-whipping.
Curtis Strange, losing Ryder Cup captain.
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Will Arsenal have to field nine men when they play Chelsea – or Pete Sampras have two strings cut from his racket when he meets Tim Henman?
Patrick Head of Williams, on F1 'handicapping' proposals.
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Audley has got to stop fighting dead bodies.
Henry Cooper.
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Some girls will do anything for attention.
Ulrika Jonsson, after a streak at the National Television Awards.
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November
I'm in one piece now, and that's the way I intend to stay.
Adrian Maguire, jockey, announces his retirement.
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A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her so, she forgets she is beautiful.
Arsène 'Swiss Tony' Wenger, Arsenal manager.
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Australia haven't seen the best of English cricket in a long while and it's up to us to put that right.
Nasser Hussain, England cricket captain. However...
I anticipate them wanting to beat us 5-0, them being completely cut-throat. They will show us no mercy at all.
Hussain again.
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Maybe I could come back in a veterans' race.
Dermot Browne, former jockey and trainer, on his 20-year ban from racing.
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It won't happen.
Alex Ferguson on the idea that he will retire without having won any further honours.
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December
Sometimes it is good to bury your ego in Siberia and put your personal ambitions aside for the well-being of the whole team.
Yevgeny Kafelnikov, after giving up his berth to play the last rubber of the Davis Cup final.
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He's one of the first players I have seen sent off without any tackling at all.
Wenger on Sol Campbell's red card against Southampton.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

JOHN MCKAY


Image: i.a.cnn.net
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NFL QUOTES
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"You want a messenger boy, call Western Union."
-Soon to be ex Detroit Lion running back Joe Don Looney said to head coach Harry Gilmer, who wanted him to carry a play into the quarterback
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"Never was man more aptly named."
-New York Jet wide receiver on Joe Don Looney
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"Vicodin and vodka the breakfast of champion's."
-Washington Redskin Head Coach George Allen on cutting defense tackle John "The Tooz" Matuszak
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"A plastic man really, actually no man at all."
-Duane Thomas on his head coach Tom Landry
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"He runs like a camel. A really pissed off camel."
-Baltimore Colt defensive tackle Art "Fatso" Donovan on quarterback Johnny Unita's running ability
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"The best way to die is to sit under a tree, eats lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer and blow up."
-Art Donovan on life
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"Well the frog men finally got Rosie."
-Donovan on death. Specifically Donovan informing Gino Marchetti of the mysterious drowning death of Baltimore Colt/Los Angles Ram owner Carroll Rosenblum.
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"Trade him for a six pack; it doesn't even have to be cold."
-Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Buddy Ryan on running back Earnest Jackson
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"Cap Boso? How could I cut a guy with a name like that?"
-Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka, slurring on booze a bit, about his back up tight end
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"George Halas throws nickels around like man hole covers."
-Chicago Bears tight end Mike Ditka on Bears owner George Halas
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"I'm broke and I'm back."
-Washington Redskins running back John Riggins, morning beer in hand, telling Coach Joe Gibbs his year long hold out was over
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"Come on Sandy, baby, loosen up, your too tight."
-John Riggins—inebriated and laying on the floor at a Washington Press club dinner—to Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor
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"Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs."
-John McKay after his Buccaneers broke a 26-game losing streak

"That's unfortunate as I plan on attending all the games."
-John McKay when informed his kicker, Pete Rajecki, was nervous about McKay watching him in the preseason
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"Capece is kaput."
-McKay on cutting kicker Bill Capece after he missed a field goal and an extra point
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"He's not twins."
-McKay on the weaknesses of linebacker Hugh Green
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"Let me know if Cain is able."
-McKay on injured Atlanta Falcon running back Lynn Cain
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"It’s shattering when a player loses interest in camp. When you lost your interest in standing around eating steaks you lose everything."
-McKay on training camp
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"Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can't play football worth a damn."
-McKay on emotion in football
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"We stunk. We blocked bad; we were terrible on defense and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible. I saw nothing that delighted me, we ran on the field fairly well."
-McKay after a game against the Minnesota Vikings
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"He's just jealous. You know what they say. Empty tin cans make the most noise, and he's an empty tin can. This game is between the Bears and the Eagles, not Ditka and Ryan. We all know who would win that one. Ditka, hands down."
-Mike Ditka on Buddy Ryan
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"That old fat man been talking a lotta stuff in Philadelphia, hasn't he?"
-Chicago Bear defensive tackle Steve McMichael on Buddy Ryan
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"Ten thousand bucks if ya knock him outta the game. I don't care if ya hit him with a whiskey bottle when he gets off the bus."
Steve McMichael on his offer to his teammates if they could remove San Francisco 49er quarterback Joe Montana from the 1988 NFC Championship game
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"I wouldn’t walk across the street to piss down Don Shula's throat if he was on fire."
-Colts quarterback Johnny Unitas on ex coach Don Shula
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“If me and King Kong went into an alley, only one of us would come out. And it wouldn't be the monkey.”
-Oakland Raider defensive end Lyle Alzado on King Kong
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"No. But I know I'm not gonna ask him for a ride to the airport."
-NFL announcer Tom Brookshier on being asked if he had any specific questions for 1980 presidential candidate Teddy Kennedy who was to appear for a half time interview. Brookshier thought he was off air but the live feed was constantly running in Senator Kennedy's box.
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"He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer. I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away."
-Hunter Thompson on meeting George Bush at Super Bowl VII in Houston, Texas in 1974
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"It's like my ex-wife. 21 different personalities and seven of them hated me."
-Coach Jack Rose on his ex-wife

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: river-runners.org


Image: sequoiabrigadecamp.org
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CANOEING QUOTES
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Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing- absolutely nothing- half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.
-- Water Rat From Wind in the Willows
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You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your element in each moment.
-- Henry David Thoreau
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Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. -- Sir J. Lubbock
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"Even at the very bottom of the river, I didn't think to myself, `is this a hearty joke or the merest accident'. I just thought, `it's wet'." -- Eeyore
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Christopher Robin came down from the Forest to the Bridge, feeling all sunny and careless, and just as if twice nineteen didn't matter a bit, as it didn't on such a happy afternoon, and he thought that if he stood on the bottom rail of the bridge, and leant over, and watched the river slipping slowly away beneath him, then he would suddenly know everything that there was to be known.
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"It's little Anxious," he said to himself, "to be a Very Small Animal Entirely Surrounded by Water. Christopher Robin and Pooh could escape by Climbing Trees, and Kanga could escape by Jumping, and Rabbit could escape by Burrowing, and Owl could escape by Flying, and Eeyore could escape by - by making a Loud Noise Until Rescued, and here am I, surrounded by water and I can't do anything." -- Piglet
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I think it much better that...every man paddle his own canoe -- Settlers in Canada
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Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe -- Bumper Sticker
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Anyone who tells you portaging is fun is either a liar, or crazy, or maybe both. -- Bill Mason
.
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll go canoeing -- Henry David Thoreau (? - unconfirmed )
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What sets a canoeing expedition apart is that it purifies you more rapidly and inescapably than any other travel. Travel a thousand miles by train and you are a brute; pedal five hundred on a bicycle and you remain basically a bourgeois; paddle a hundred in a canoe and you are already a child of nature. -- Pierre Elliott Trudeau
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"The first thing you must learn about canoeing is that the canoe is not a lifeless, inanimate object: it feels very much alive, alive with the life of the river. Life is transmitted to the canoe by currents of air and the water upon which it rides. The behaviour and temperament of a canoe is dependent upon the elements: from the slightest breeze to a raging storm, from the smallest ripple to a towering wave, or from a meandering stream to a thundering rapid. Anyone can handle a canoe in a quiet millpond, but in a rapids a canoe is like a wild stallion. It must be kept on a tight rein. The canoeist must take the canoe where he or she wants it to go, not where it wants to go. Given the chance, the canoe will dump you overboard and continue on down the river by itself." -- Bill Mason
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There is nothing that is so aesthetically pleasing and yet so functional and versatile as the canoe. -- Bill Mason
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The care of rivers is not a question of rivers, but of the human heart. -- Tanaka Shozo
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In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences. -- R. G. Ingersoll
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At times on quiet waters one does not speak aloud but only in whispers, for then all noise is sacrilege. -- Sigurd F. Olson
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Wilderness can be appreciated only by contrast, and solitude understood only when we have been without it. We cannot separate ourselves from society, comradeship, sharing and love. Unless we can contribute something from wilderness experience, derive some solace or peace to share with others, then the real purpose is defeated. -- Sigurd F. Olson
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To stick your hands into the river is to feel the cords that bind the earth together in one piece. -- Barry Lopez
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All the water that ever has been or ever will be is here now. It sits, it runs, it rises as mist. It evaporates and falls again as rain or snow. You cannot pollute a drop of water anywhere without eventually poisoning some distant place. -- Michael Furtman
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The song of the waters is audible to every ear, but there is other music in these hills, by no means audible to all. To hear even a few notes of it, you must first live here for a long time, and then you must know the speech of hills and rivers. Then of a still night, when the campfire is low and the Pleiades have climbed over the rimrocks , sit quietly and listen for a wolf to howl, and think hard of everything you have seen and tried to understand. Then you may hear it - a vast pulsing harmony - its score inscribed on a thousand hills, its notes the lives and deaths of plants and animals, its rhythms spanning the seconds and the centuries. -- Aldo Leopold
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Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever :
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey nonny, nonny.
-- William Shakespeare - Much Ado About Nothing
.
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsgoblin.com


Image: eoydc.org
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SPORTS HUMOR
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Five signs you spend too much time on sports
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The closing of NFL Europe seriously freed up your schedule
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You bought a special cable/dish package so that you could watch more bowling
.
You can name a Tour De France competitor that did not win and was not accused of doping
.
You have a fantasy WNBA team
.
You use a vacation day to stay home and follow the MLB draft

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fanchatter.com

.
SPORTS QUOTES
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I have cork in my arms --- Ted Williams after being accused of corking his bat.
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"Even his hair has muscles." - Lefty Grove on Jimmie Foxx
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Marvin Barnes: "...But when Marvin gets movin', And the crowd gets to groovin', For the Doctor a hospital bed they'll be reserving."
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Marvin "Bad News" Barnes, ABA, about Dr. J: "There once was a doctor named Erving, Whose slam dunks were especially unnerving..."
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A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do.
.
Ricky Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.?



Friday, June 27, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jaysfootballcards.com

Image: triumphbooks.com
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SPORTS INSULTS
,
Football:
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1) "I didn't get up when that train hit me, I just laid there and watched." -Ex Bears coach Mike Ditka, after watching his Bears lose to the Vikings 45 - 13.
.
2) "Football is a cold, cold business and in New England it's even colder." -Ex Cowboy's Linebacker Eugene Lockhart, after learning he was traded to New England.
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3) "His personnel phone bill was too high." - Ex Falcon's coach Jerry Glanville commenting why he cut then Linebacker, Marcus Cotton. Cotton had 2 car phones, 1 for business calls and 1 for personnel calls.
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4) "Well, we've determined that we can't win at home and we can't win on the road. What we need is a neutral site." -Ex Buccaneers coach John McKay.
.
Basketball:
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1) "If he gives me 100 million, I'll give him the franchise." -Milwaukee Bucks owner, Herb Cole on the contract demands of then first round pick Glenn Robinson.
.
2) "I saw him naked, he's not on steroids." -Charles Barkley, on then Suns teammate Joe McElvaine who was suspended for 3 games for steroid use.


Baseball:
.
1) "There will be peace in the middle east before Michael Jordan plays in the major leagues." -Ex pitcher Larry Anderson on Michael Jordan's chances on playing in the major leagues.


Others:
.
1) "Its not whether you win or lose, its how good you looked!" -David Lee Roth

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: guardian.co.uk

Image: i.dailymail.co.uk
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SOCCER QUOTES
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Luiz Felipe Scolari: in his own words
Never one to disappoint, here are some of the new Chelsea coach's more infamous outbursts
.
"I'll wait for you outside, mate" – Scolari books a date with a referee who ordered him from Brazil's bench in 2000.
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"He was going to hit [Ricardo] Quaresma and I defended him" - pugilist Phil stands up for his players by thumping the Serbian defender Ivica Dragutinoviç in a Euro 2008 qualifier last September.
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"Who was to blame out there was the referee. Two metres offside!" - Scolari's alternative reason for punching Dragutinoviç.
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"I'm not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, and I lost my head here" - the suits from the Portuguese FA prise a confession from chastened Phil over the Serbian punch-up.
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"If someone talks about my private life, for example, I'll give them a good punching. I'm not interested in suing. I like to sort things out my way" - that sounds like a challenge for the British press.
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"Jesus said we should turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, Figo is not Jesus Christ" - and nor did Jesus headbutt Mark van Bommel, as Luis Figo just had in June 2006.
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"I believe firmly in astrology. Since I was a kid, the stars told me I was a winner" - he's a Scorpio, by the way. The same as the Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich.
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"When the ball goes to his feet it doesn't cry. When it goes to my feet it cries"- the difference between Zinedine Zidane and Scolari.
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"I don't want this situation involving England because in two days during which I was not coach, I never agreed to anything, my life was invaded. My privacy was totally under siege" - the Sensitive One rejects England.
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"I think Pele knows nothing about soccer. He's done nothing as a coach and his analysis turns out to be always wrong. If you plan on winninga title, you do the opposite to what Pele says" - World Cup winner Scolari reveals the secret of his success.
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"[He] tortured a lot but there is no illiteracy in Chile" - Big Phil offers a Thatcheresque critique of General Pinochet's leadership

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: iscrap.net

SPORTS ONE-LINERS

Tennis, what a racquet! - Anonymous
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Softball, if it were easy, it would be called baseball. - Anonymous
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Give blood, play rugby. - Anonymous
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Golf is a game in which you claim the privileges of age and retain the playthings of childhood. - Anonymous
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A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another. - Jimmy Cannon
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Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it. - Heywood Hale Brown
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: [from academe] A modern school where football is taught. - Ambrose Bierce
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Let's face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the football field and beat your head against other human beings on a daily basis. - Tim Green
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If you're attacking, you don't get as tired as when you're chasing.- Kyle Rote, Jr.
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I get a kick out of soccer.- Anonymous
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Why is there only one ball for 22 players? If you gave a ball to each of them, they'd stop fighting for it. - Anonymous
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Soccer is a game in which everyone does a lot of running around. Twenty-one guys stand around and one guy does a tap dance with the ball.- Jim Murray

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cambridgeharriers.com

TRACK AND FIELD \ RUNNING QUOTES

26 Ways You Know You Are A Runner

1. You know how many miles there are in a marathon.

2. Your weekly mileage is how much you run, not your commute to work.

3. You know how many miles you get out of a pair of running shoes.

4. You can convert Kilometers to Miles in your head.

5. You measure your running route in your car to get the exact mileage.

6. When someone tells you their age, you automatically know their Boston qualifying time.

7. You know Grandma's as the route from Two Harbors to Duluth, not the person.

8. You can drink, blow your nose, and pee on the run.

9. The problem with the treadmill is there's no place to spit.

10. You have less than ten toenails and that's normal for you.

11. Body Glide is your friend.

12. Ibuprofen is affectionately known as "Vitamin I".

13. Navigating walkers, dogs, and baby strollers annoys you because it interrupts your pace.

14. When you participate in an organized event, you know not to run in your race t-shirt.

15. You have a favorite energy gel and flavor.

16. The "Picasso" above your fireplace is last year's TCM poster.

17. You have pre and post race rituals.

18. The journal you keep is in miles/kms and pace not feelings or thoughts.

19. When you look at the weather conditions, you calculate how many layers to wear.

20. The pride you feel after a good run is worth the pain it took to get there.

21. You have more t-shirts than you could possibly wear.

22. When you hear the word "bib", you think of race numbers not babies and Gerber food.

23. The "no carbohydrate diet" does not apply to you.

24. You know that Fartlek is not vulgar terminology.

25. A hill is an opportunity just waiting to be challenged.

26. You know the phrase "you're almost there" only applies when the finish line is in sight.

------------------------------

"Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer from agony of defeat." - I. M. Jokin

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mackdays.com

Image: fishing.net.nz
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FISHING QUOTES
Calling fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job. ~Paul Schullery
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My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it. ~Koos Brandt
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Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught. ~Author Unknown
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Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley. ~Author Unknown
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The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope. ~John Buchan
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The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.-Author Unknown
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A "reel" fisherman has at least one lure that never caught a fish!
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Man can learn a lot from fishing -- when the fish are biting no problem in the world is big enough to be remembered.-- Orlando A. Battista
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Only an extraordinary person would purposely risk being outsmarted by a creature often less than twelve inches long, over and over again.~ Janna Bialek
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"He's not the sharpest hook in the tackle box."~ Anonymous
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May the holes in your net be no larger than the fish in it. ~Irish Blessing
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The fishing was good; it was the catching that was bad. ~A.K. Best
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There he stands, draped in more equipment than a telephone lineman, trying to outwit an organism with a brain no bigger than a breadcrumb, and getting licked in the process. ~Paul O'Neil, 1965
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Roderick Haig-Brown: "Anglers...exaggerate grossly and make gentle and inoffensive creatures sound like wounded buffalo and man-eating tigers."
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Henry Kanemoto: "Fly fishing is like sex, everyone thinks there is more than there is, and that everyone is getting more than their share."
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Robert Traver: " The true fisherman approaches the first day of fishing season with all the sense of wonder and awe of a child approaching Christmas."
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Unknown: "Who ever said `A bad day of fishing is always better than a good day at work,' never had their boat sink."
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If people don't occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you're doing something wrong." John Gierach
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"It is not how abundant nor how considerable our catch be, but rather to the sport, and manner in which our quarry, the noble trout is angled."-J.B. Martin

Thursday, June 26, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cemc.org

GOLF LINGO
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ADDRESSING THE BALL: A player has "addressed the ball" when he/she has taken his/her stance and also grounded his/her club, except that in a hazard a player has addressed the ball when he has taken his/her stance.
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ADVICE: Any counsel or suggestion which could influence a player in determining his/her play, the choice of a club or the method of making a stroke.
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BALL IN PLAY: A ball is "in play" as soon as the player has made a stroke on the teeing ground. It remains in play until holed out (unless another ball has been substituted for a lost ball, out of bounds or damaged ball; in these cases the substituted ball becomes the ball "in play").
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BANANA BALL: A bad slice, so called because the flight of the ball resembles the shape of a banana.
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BARBER: A player who talks to the point of annoyance. Also called a parrot.
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BIRDIE: A score of one under par for a single hole.
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BOGEY: A score of one over par for a single hole..
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BUNKER: A hazard consisting of a prepared area of ground, often hollow from which turf or soil has been removed and replaced with sand or the like. Also called a sand hazard or sand trap.
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CASUAL WATER: Any temporary accumulation of water on the course which is visible when the player takes his/her stance. Dew and frost are not casual water.
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CADDIE: One who carries or handles a player's clubs during play and otherwise assists him/her in accordance with the Rules.
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COLLAR: Edge of a bunker (sand trap).
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COMMITTEE: The committee is in charge of the competition or the course (if there is no competition).
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COMPETITOR: A player in a stroke competition. A "fellow competitor" is any person with whom the competitor plays. A competitor is the opposite of a partner.
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CROSS-BUNKER: A narrow bunker that crosses a hole at a right angle to the player's line of flight to the green.
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DORMIE: A situation in match play when a player or a side is ahead by the amount of holes remaining to be played. In such a case, the trailing player or side must win the remaining holes to tie or come out even.
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DOUBLE BOGEY: A score of two over par for a single hole.
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DOUBLE EAGLE: A score of three under par for a single hole. Also called an albatross.
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EAGLE: A score of two under par for a single hole.
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FRIED EGG: A ball that is buried in the sand. Also called a plugged lie.
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FROG HAIR: The short grass that borders the putting green. Also called the fringe.
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GIMMEE: A short putt usually two feet of less that a friendly opponent declares does not have to be holed out. Not allowed in stroke play tournaments or championships.
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GROUND UNDER REPAIR: Any portion of the course so marked by order of the Committee or authorized representative.
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HAZARD: A hazard is any bunker (sand trap) or water hazard.
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HITTING IT FAT: Hitting the ground behind the ball first, causing an embarrassing big divot with the ball going a short distance.
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HONOR: The side entitled to play first from the next teeing ground is said to have the "honor".
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IN THE LEATHER: A putt closer to the hole than the distance between the putter's head and its grip. In friendly match play, an opponent may declare such a putt a "gimme".
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LATERAL WATER HAZARD: Is a water hazard or that part of the water hazard so situated that it is not possible or impracticable to drop a ball behind it. It usually runs parallel to the line of play towards the hole and is marked by red stakes or lines on the ground.
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LOB SHOT: A short, high shot with a lob wedge with about 60 degrees loft.
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LOST BALL: A ball is lost if it is not found or identified as the player's ball within five minutes after the search for it begins. It is a good idea to hit a provisional ball if the player thinks his/her ball may be lost.
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MULLIGAN: A second shot off the tee, often permitted in a casual round and usually only on the first tee. During some charitable or money-generating tournaments, mulligans are sold to generate additional income and may be used on certain holes or any hole, depending on the rules of that particular tournament.
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OUT OF BOUNDS: Is ground on which play is prohibited. It is not part of the course and marked by white stakes, lines, or as designated on the scorecard (could be a fence, ditch, line of trees indicating property boundaries, etc,)
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OUTSIDE AGENCY: An agency not part of the match or side and includes a referee, marker, observer or a forecaddie, birds, other animals, maintenance equipment, and the like. Neither the wind or water are outside agencies.
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PAR: The designated score on the scorecard for a single hole or for the course total.
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PARTNER: A player associated with any player on the same side.
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PENALTY STROKE: Is one added to the score of a player or side under certain Rules.
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POT BUNKER: A small, deep bunker (sand trap).
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PROVISIONAL BALL: A ball played (under Rule 27-2) for a ball which may be lost outside a water hazard or may be out of bounds.
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QUAIL HIGH: A long shot that has a low trajectory. Also called a bullet or boring shot.
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RABBIT: A topped shot that bounces erratically. Also called a scooter, grounder, or screamer.
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RAINMAKER: A ball hit underneath that goes almost straight up and very high into the air.
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RUB OF THE GREEN: When a ball in motion is stopped or deflected by an "outside agency". In other words, there is no penalty and the ball must be played is it lies. It is just "tough luck"! .
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RULE(S): Includes USGA Rules of Golf and includes Local Rules made by the Committee or listed on the course scorecard.
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SIDE: A player, or two or more players who are partners. (See "Sides and Matches" for a complete definition under Section II, Definitions, in the USGA Rules of Golf).
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SKULLING: Hitting a chip of pitch shot too hard or high on the ball sending the ball past the green or target.
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SKYWRITING: The act of making a loop or circle with the club head at the top of the backswing.

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STANCE: Taking a stance consists in a player placing his/her feet in position for and preparatory to making a stroke.
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STONY: A shot where the ball lands close to the flagstick of "stone close". A great shot and also called "stiff" or "stiffing it".
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STROKE: Is the forward movement of the club made with the intention of fairly striking at and moving the ball; but, if a player checks his/her downswing voluntarily before the clubhead reaches the ball, he/she is deemed not to have made a stroke.
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TEE or TEEING GROUND: Is the starting place for the hole to be played. It is rectangular area two club-lengths in depth, with the front and sides defined by two tee markers.
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THROUGH THE GREEN: Is the whole area of the course except: the teeing ground and putting green of the hole being played, and all hazards on the course..
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TRIPLE BOGEY: A score of three over par for a single hole. (Not good, but better than a quadruple bogey or worse!).
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WATER HAZARD: Is any sea, lake, pond, river, ditch, surface drainage ditch or other open water course (whether or not containing water) and anything of a similar nature.
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WHIFF: A swing that misses the ball completely.
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WRONG BALL: Is any ball other than the player's ball in play, provisional ball or second ball played.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cemc.org

GOLF QUOTES
.
The average golfer doesn't play golf. He attacks it! ~ Jackie Burke
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Golf is a game of expletives not deleted. ~ Dr. Irving A. Gladstone
.
You have to make corrections in your game a little bit at a time. It's like taking your medicine. A few aspirin will probably cure what ails you, but the whole bottle might just kill you.~ Harvey Penick
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I may be the only golfer never to have broken a single putter, if you don't count the one I twisted into a loop and threw into a bush. ~ Thomas Boswell
.
If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen, you will hear an alibi. ~ Fred Beck
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Mulligan: invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more twenty-yard grounder!~ Jim Bishop
.
I say this without reservations whatsoever: It is impossible to outplay an opponent you can't outthink. ~ Lawson Little
.
Give me a man with big hands, big feet, and no brains and I will make a golfer out of him!~ Walter Hagen
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When you reflect on the combination of characteristics that golf demands of those who presume to play it, it is not surprising that golf has never had a truly great player who was not also a person of extraordinary character. ~ Frank D. "Sandy" Tatum, Jr.
.
The hardest shot is a mashie (a golf club with medium loft) at ninety yards from the green, where the ball has to be played against an oak tree, bounced back into a sand trap, hits a stone, bounces on the green, and then rolls into the cup. That is so difficult I have only made it once!~ Zeppo Marx
.
Charley hits some good woods - most of them are trees!~ Glen Campbell on his friend Charley Pride
.
Anyone who criticizes a golf course is like a person invited to a house for dinner who, on leaving, tells the host that the food was lousy. ~ Gary Player
.
A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe, a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible! ~ Jean Giraudoux
.
If your adversary is a hole or two down, there is no serious cause for alarm in his complaining of a severely sprained wrist... Should he happen to win the next hole, these symptoms will in all probability less troublesome! ~ Horace G. Hutchinson
.
Baffling late-life discovery: Golfers wear those awful clothes on purpose. ~ Herb Caen
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The golfer has more enemies than any other athlete. He has fourteen clubs in his bag, all of them different; eighteen holes to play, all of them different, every week; and all around him are sand, trees, grass, water, wind, and 143 other players. In addition, the game is 50 percent mental, so his biggest enemy is himself! ~ Dan Jenkins
.
Like life, golf can be humbling. However, little good comes from brooding about mistakes we've made. The next shot, in golf or life, is the big one! ~ Grantland Rice
.
Keep on hitting it straight until the "wee ball" goes in the hole! ~ James Braid
.
"There's only one way to play the game. You might as well praise a man for not robbing a bank as to praise him for playing by the rules." ~ Robert Tyre Jones known as Bobby Jones, one of the greatest, if not the greatest amateur golfers of all time. No one exemplified good sportsmanship than Bobby Jones, who made the above statement at the 1925 U.S. Open, when a asked about calling a penalty on himself when the ball moved as he addressed the ball. No one else had seen it move. That penalty ended up costing him the championship.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baltimoreexaminer.com

SPORTS QUOTES

"They should be easy to spot. We're not going to see a lot of
head-first slides anymore."
.
FOX baseball announcer Joe Buck joking with David Letterman about
a report on the number of MLB players now using Viagara.

.
"When I heard it, it was like, ` I can't believe he said that.`
What am I going to do, holler and scream at him? Johnny's
fine. He says what's on his mind and shoots from the hip
and then fixes it later. I do that a lot."
.
PGA golfer Rocco Mediate responding to Johnny Miller's
comment that he looks like someone who should be cleaning
Tiger Woods' pool.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bartleby.com

SPORTS QUOTES

=====================
AUTHOR: Tom Callahan
.
QUOTATION: The America’s Cup, yachting’s great and garish grail, is a tumorous tureen no handsomer than a camel.
.
ATTRIBUTION: “Going for the Cup” ib 9 Feb 87
=====================
AUTHOR: Jimmy Cannon
.
QUOTATION: A sportswriter is entombed in a prolonged boyhood.
.
ATTRIBUTION: Quoted in Jerome Holtzman ed No Cheering in the Press Box Holt 74
======================
AUTHOR: John Cheever
.
QUOTATION: All literary men are Red Sox fans—to be a Yankee fan in a literate society is to endanger your life.
.
ATTRIBUTION: Quoted in Newsweek 20 Oct 86
========================
AUTHOR: Bud Collins
.
QUOTATION: Benoit should get one adult first prize ($41,000 and a Mercedes sedan) if she wins, plus one child’s portion ($20,500 and a stroller).
.
ATTRIBUTION: On Joan Benoit’s decision to run in the Boston Marathon while pregnant, Boston Globe 27 Mar 87
=======================
AUTHOR: John Crosby
.
QUOTATION: If they hit the ball out, they’d say “Sorry.” If they hit it in but too hot for me to handle, they’d say “Sorry.” If it was too well hit, they were sorry; too badly hit, they were sorry.
.
ATTRIBUTION: On playing tennis in England, NY Herald Tribune 4 Nov 63
======================
AUTHOR: Mario Cuomo, Governor of NY
.
QUOTATION: It was anticipating self-defense.
.
ATTRIBUTION: On why he once hit a catcher in the face mask while playing minor league baseball, CBS TV 30 Dec 84
=====================
AUTHOR: Richard L Curry, Judge, Cook County Circuit Court, Chicago
.
QUOTATION: Do those who schedule play time / For the games of our national pastime / Have the right to interfere with bedtime / By starting the game at nighttime / Instead of the customary daytime?
.
ATTRIBUTION: Upholding ban against lighting Chicago’s Wrigley Field, Christian Science Monitor 3 Apr 85
======================
AUTHOR: Dennis Diaz
.
QUOTATION: I fished a lot, dove a lot, boated a lot—and made Johnny Walker Red about a quarter of a million dollars richer.
.
ATTRIBUTION: On why he started breeding horses, including 1985 Kentucky Derby winner Spend a Buck, two years after his retirement at age 38, People 20 May 85
======================
AUTHOR: Phil Donahue
.
QUOTATION: It’s like threading a needle while walking on a water bed.
.
ATTRIBUTION: On detecting drug use by athletes, NBC TV 23 Mar 87
=======================
AUTHOR: Bill Emerson
.
QUOTATION: A bicycle does get you there and more … And there is always the thin edge of danger to keep you alert and comfortably apprehensive. Dogs become dogs again and snap at your raincoat; potholes become personal. And getting there is all the fun.
.
ATTRIBUTION: On bicycling, Saturday Evening Post 29 Jul 67
========================
AUTHOR: William Faulkner
.
QUOTATION: There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it’s the risk, the gamble. In any event it’s a thing I need.
.
ATTRIBUTION: National Observer 3 Feb 64
=========================
AUTHOR: James Fixx
.
QUOTATION: [Eventually the] hoopla will die down [and people will] run the same way we brush our teeth—every day, without a fuss.
.
ATTRIBUTION: The Complete Book of Running Random House 77, recalled on his death, Newsweek 30 Jul 84
========================
AUTHOR: Gerald R Ford, 38th US President
.
QUOTATION: The pat on the back, the arm around the shoulder, the praise for what was done right and the sympathetic nod for what wasn’t are as much a part of golf as life itself.
.
ATTRIBUTION: At dedication of World Golf Hall of Fame, Pinehurst NC, NY Times 12 Sep 74
==========================
AUTHOR: Ashrita Furman
.
QUOTATION: Everything is in slow motion down there and silent. It could replace psychotherapy.
.
ATTRIBUTION: On aqua pogo, NY Times 22 Mar 86
===========================
AUTHOR: Clara Germani
.
QUOTATION: Their tails are high and tongues awag—the twin banners of sled dog contentment. .
ATTRIBUTION: On Alaskan Huskies in thousand-mile sled dog race following the Klondike gold rush trail, Christian Science Monitor 29 Jan 85
===========================
AUTHOR: Richard Gilman
.
QUOTATION: Being a sports fan is a complex matter, in part irrational … but not unworthy … a relief from the seriousness of the real world, with its unending pressures and often grave obligations.
.
ATTRIBUTION: “The Wounded Giant Regains His Dignity” NY Times 25 Jan 87
==========================
AUTHOR: Richard Gilman
.
QUOTATION: The Giants will always represent New York [in] the sort of in-your-face move that being in the Super Bowl presents to the way the rest of the country mostly thinks of us: huge, cold, rich, conceited, unnatural, deserving therefore of all our misfortunes.
.
ATTRIBUTION: “The Wounded Giant Regains His Dignity” NY Times 25 Jan 87
========================
AUTHOR: Hank Greenberg
.
QUOTATION: The Pied Piper … enjoyed people enjoying themselves. He was colorblind and race-blind and religion-blind.
.
ATTRIBUTION: On Bill Veeck, owner of Chicago White Sox, NY Times 4 Jan 86
=======================