FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pregame.com

MARCH MADNESS, 2008

11 Bracket Picking Rules You Should NEVER Break!

by RJ_Bell on 03/14/2008 4:40 PM

The only sports bettor on Forbes recent list of Gambling Gurus, RJ Bell of Pregame.com provides bracket rules that can make a difference in any March Madness office pool.

Las Vegas, NV (3/14/08) Over 12 BILLION dollars is expected to be bet on the 2008 NCAA Mens Basketball Tournament. Bracket-style office pools are expected to have 40 million Americans take part. No gambling event is bigger, and RJ Bell of Pregame.com has the math-backed stats that can help anyone win.

1st Round:
- Be very selective picking any team below a #12 seed.
#16 seeds are 0 for 92. #15 seeds are 4 for 92. #13 and #14 seeds win less than 18% combined.

- Dont be shy about picking upsets with #12 through #9 seeds. Give special consideration to picking #12 seeds; they have won 11 of 28 matchups vs. #5 seeds the last seven years. #9 seeds have a strong winning record vs. #8 seeds.

2nd Round:
- Advance #1 seeds almost automatically into the 3^rd Round they win their first two games 87% of the time.

- Keep advancing the #12 and #10 seeds you picked to win in Round One. They win almost half the time in Round Two (14 of 29 for #12 seeds; 17 of 35 for #10 seeds).

- Seeds lower than #12 DONT win in the 2^nd round..
Only 6 of 368 teams that have advanced past Round 2 were seeded lower than #12 (less than 2%).

Sweet 16:
- Advance exactly three #1 seeds into the Elite 8
No reason to buck the math: Nearly 70% of #1 seeds advance into the 4th round (thats a higher percentage than #5 seeds who win a single game)!

- Advance no team lower than a #11 seed into the Elite 8 . . . 20 have made it to the Sweet 16, but only 1 has ever advanced.

Elite Eight:
- Advance exactly ONE or TWO #1 seeds to the Final Four.
Amazingly, exactly one or two #1 seeds have made the Final Four 19 of the last 23 years.

- Advance no team lower than a #8 seed to the Final Four. Only 2 of 92 Final Four teams have been seeded lower than #8.

Final Four:
- Advance NO team below a 6th seed to the Championship game. Not a single one has made it in the last 22 years.

Championship Game:
- Pick a #4 seed or higher to win it all.
For 19 straight years the champion has been a 4 seed or higher!

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

     GOLF QUOTES

 

1. National Lampoon:  "If you want to take long walks, take long walks.  If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks.  But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV.  Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns."

2. Unknown:  "Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty."

3. Chi Chi Rodriguez:  "A golf ball is like a clock.  Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock.  But make sure you're in the same time zone."

1. A. P. Herbert:  "Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth.  It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable."

2. Eric Linklater:  "All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse."

3. Robert Browning:  "The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did." 

4. Chi Chi Rodriguez:  "After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour.  Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."

5. Paul O'Neil:  "Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors."

6. Chi Chi Rodriguez:  "Trevino is in a league by himself.  We don't even count him.  We figure when you come in second, you're a winner."  

7. Percey Boomer:  "If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf."

8. Ron Green, Charlotte Observer :  "When you hear someone shout "You da man," if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man."

9. Lon Hinkle:  "Golf is golf.  You hit the ball, you go find it.  Then you hit it again."  

10. Isabelle Beisiegel, remarking on her chances of qualifying for the men's tour:  "The ball doesn't know if it is a man or a woman who is hitting it."

11. Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards.  His caddie said:  "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sire."  "A 3-iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt.  "What kind of stupid choice is that?"  "Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir." said the caddie.

12. Nick Faldo, after winning a million dollars in a golf tournament, was feeling generous when he asked his wife if there was anything she'd like to have.  She said "A divorce."  He replied, "I wasn't thinking of anything quite that expensive."

13. Lee Trevino, who had been struck by lighting while playing golf previously, commenting on why he immediately stops playing when rain and lightning are present:  "When God wants to play through.  I let him play through."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: slapmag.com

 

SKATEBOARDING

 

 

Emerging from the vast, mossy tundra of Scotland, John Rattray did the nearly un-doable and became an internationally respected skateboard pilot, surpassing the "He's good for being from (X-Country)" stigma that many "foreigners" are saddled with. Rising to attention via the stellar Blueprint videos of the late '90s, John then rose to fame after being picked up by Zero and putting out footage that spoke to both the men yesterday and the children of today, with style. A unique and flavorful practitioner of our thing, John's stood out to SLAP since way back, and we were lucky enough to help spread him through the world long ago. Now, we revisit the man with a week-long trip up the West Coast. Ladies and gentlemen, here comes not a clone. —Mark Whiteley

We've been thinking about the essence of skateboarding—where it exists. We were thinking that some of it is in these red painted curbs, the ones where you can grind for 20 feet.
Long distance dedication.

That's what I'm talking about. You know Eric, who had the garage ramp in Oceanside? We were skating Dave Bees' the other day and explained to him that we've been searching Southern California for the essence of skateboarding, and he said, "You know I think if you squeeze Dave hard enough, you get a little drop of the essence."
He's definitely in tune with the inner thrash. Could you maybe name a few of skating's unsung heroes, some artists or shredders who may have slipped through the cracks of popular skateboarding?
Tim Jackson, addressing the vertical horizon of skateboarding on the streets. Is Ocean Howell an unsung hero? I liked that part where he skated to "Peace Frog" by the Doors. I'd say that the gnarlitude of Cairo is under-sung. Frankie Hill's role in the development of modern street skating is unsung. Eric Dressen maybe. There're people I looked up to skate-wise growing up—Darren Main, Kenny Atkin, Andy Dobson, Ray Dower, Gary Brown, Chris Mowat—all unsung heroes of skate lore.

Stylish see-saw action on the rarely-done-on-rails fakie nosegrind. Is that a horse buggy back there?

How much of your skateboarding is predetermined; or, how much of it is spontaneous or serendipitous?
I've answered that before, and it came out at 42.5-percent being serendipitous. I think that what happens is that a lot of your favorite things you might have done were done serendipitously. Spontaneous things you never set out to do. But then when you go to film it, well, that changes everything. But I think that part Gonz had in Video Days is really close to pure, free flow.

I wonder if there's been any other like that.
Maybe not so much in recent years, since video making has become such an integral part of the way skating proceeds. I have to make a concerted effort to go skating without that part of my mind, which is constantly looking for the video angle. Whereas back in the day it seems those guys weren't thinking like that.

But when you're just spontaneously shredding for yourself?
Yes, then it's more or less free form, it's just gliding and turning. I just thought of Lenny Kirk in Timecode, too—pure channeling of the spirit of the rolling axe.

What is your spirit animal?
When I was in Oaxaca talking to Jacobo Angeles, the great sculptor of fantastical creatures, I suggested to him when he asked that my spirit animal was a gazelle.


Bikers made it, Fortune ripped it, Rattray came to Portland and dusted a down-to-earth back noseblunt.

I think anyone who watches any significant Rattray knows that the signature movements are in the elbows, so that could lend itself to the gazelle. It's like this little anticipation, I'm sure.
Okay, well, if kids want to look out for those signature elbows in the future then…

You're coming up on the premier of the Osiris video, Feed the Need. Do you feel like you fed the need with all the appropriate food groups?
I feel like things are pretty nutritionally balanced. Whenever you make a video part you always look back on it and think, "I could have had a more macho cut of meat there," or "I'd like to have swapped those peas out 'cause they've been sitting around too long." But there's a deadline so at that point you work with what you have, don't you?

You're a well-rounded skateboarder, so you have the vertical terrain, the street terrain.
Vertical terrain is at a minimum.

John Rattray, what's your skate kryptonite?
Frontside kickflips for some reason. I used to be able to do them when I was younger.

The names of skateboarding tricks have become bland.
Yeah, tricks are just named exactly what they are—sort of clinical.

There was a time when tricks had much more unique, imaginative names. The woolly mammoth, for example.
Recently we were stoked on naming tricks after some of our favorite actors and celebrities. There are a couple that exist already, but the more the merrier. What might the Sigourney Weaver be, for example? Or the Harvey Keitel? Or the Christopher Walken? I'd like to do the fakie boardslide to fakie down some rail. That could be the Christopher Walken.


Front board.

Or the achey-breaky to fakie.
You could definitely breaky yourself.

What's a common misconception about John Rattray?
That he's clever. And well-read.

So John is stupid then? Not a scientist?
He is a moron and really knows very little about what's going on in this universe.

Any films you recommend?
Everyone should watch Terry Gilliam's Brazil. The way that Terry wanted them to see it. The simplistic joy of The Princess Bride always makes me happy. These have been my favorites for a long time.

Any music?
I like Tom Waits. There seems to be a variety of him; crazy, heartfelt, freak show, dark, romantic. I like stuff you can get a lot out of by changing your approach or point of view. Mood-dependant stuff. That said, I did buy Killers by Iron Maiden the other day. It was the first tape I ever bought.

As a practicing scientist, will technology save or destroy humanity?
We should do a Ouija board and ask Robert Heinlein or Arthur C Clark what they think. JG Ballard might know, but he might be a little cryptic. Basically I'm not qualified to comment, but there are many who try.

Lightning round! Your accent is most commonly mistaken for?
Irish.

Your greatest hangover remedy?
As much water as you can handle and some long chain fatty acids. I don't know where you find them, but like everything in this day and age, the internet will provide the answer. Maybe a burrito. I like that place on the 101 where they make the Carribbean style ones with the plantains.

A lot of people might not know what a plantain is.
It's a large, tough, banana-type fruit.

I would have said it's a small banana.
Are they?

Either way, they're not regulation size. Onwards. Picture me in?
A wind tunnel.

Lakai, Habitat or Static III. You can only watch one.
I have to watch all three.

That's the correct answer. I believe the word "Osiris" is Egyptian in origin, correct?
Yes; Osiris is the ancient Egyptian god of the afterlife, the underworld. He would ask a dead ancient Egyptian about the 42 mortal sins, 10 of which were later adopted by Christianity. If you are guilty of even one of them a great beast will pad forth from the shadows—part lion part hippopotamus part crocodile or some such thing—and it will devour you.

Now we're getting somewhere. What's your ideal trip?
I'd like to take the van back to the highlands just to see it rolling around those little roads, but that will
never happen.


Dancing with H-Street, John resurrects the kickflip tailgrab.

How many glasses of the Blood of Heavy does it take for your average Scotsman to start seeing double?
One, but the Blood of Heavy is not something children should read about.

It's heavy?
That's all you need to know.

When it comes to a good fight, how often does Stu Graham bring his dome piece into the action as a means to harm his opponent?
Rarely. He's a peaceful man. He's a pussycat, really.

When visiting friends and family in Scotland, what are some of your choice destinations and pastimes?
Going to Balmedie beach and walking around the sand dunes. Going to Slains castle or somewhere and looking out to sea for dolphins.

Swatting off seagulls?
You can't swat those things, you really need at least a baseball bat for them.

Five most famous Scotsmen?
Robert Louis Stevenson, Alexander Graham Bell, John Logie Baird, Donald Dewar, Sean Connery.

One more.
Colin Kennedy.

Any good books lately?
I've been reading Cosmic Trigger by Robert Anton Wilson. He's a funny one. Good ways of interpreting this strange universe, given the overwhelming lack of information we have to go on.

Any good movies?
I'd like to see This is England, the new Shane Meadows film, and I just saw Control, the film of the book Debbie Curtis wrote about her experience growing up with and being married to Ian Curtis, the late singer of Joy Division. Really great film. Beautifully shot in black and white. Good bleak humor with a sad ending that we are aware of from the beginning.


The rail stops short, John goes long. Crooks to gap.

If you had to remove either coffee or beer?
Beer. I'd just remove it.

How big is your carbon footprint?
Bear-sized! I'm not sure, but I try to cycle to the shops when I can, which is most days just for milk for tea and stuff like that. I try to keep the fridge door closed and unnecessary lights off. Things like that would add up if everyone did them. I try not to buy products which have been shipped half-way around the world for no good reason other than to save a couple of bucks for some assh*le. Wal-Mart is crafty though, because they say that the assh*le they're saving the couple of bucks for is us. I suppose with that you have to think of the false economy argument. Is it better over the long term to buy their low quality sh*t and replace it in a week or a month when it breaks, or invest in something of better quality, locally produced, that you can't find anyway because there's a Wal-Mart blocking your view? I think that if you can, buy local.

Last life-changing experience?
Getting married. I had to reassess my entire outlook on life. That was the last thing I chose to do that I feel really made me grow as a person.

What is a more daunting adversary, a zombie or a bear?
A bear. Unless the zombie has super bear strength.

But zombies are unrelenting. You have to shoot them in the brain. But bears can climb trees and they can run up to 60 miles an hour, I heard.
60 is insane. I think a cheetah goes 40.

Alex Craig: No way. Cheetahs go 90.
I think bears are faster than everyone thinks. They're not indigenous to Scotland.

They used to be. What's your most deadly indigenous creature?
The adder. A type of viper. Has the diamondback pattern.

What about the drunken soccer thug?
I try not to think about that.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: assistnews.com

 

 

Tiger Woods, the world's greatest athlete

By Bill Ellis
Special to ASSIST News Service

SCOTT DEPOT, WV (ANS) -- Just about every time I watch Tiger woods on the golf course I always wonder aloud, "Has anybody ever been that good, that dominant? Will anybody ever be that good in the future?" He always reminds me of a highly skilled surgeon every time I see him operating on a golf course. He knows how to cut, slice, hook, put it in the hole and sew it up. Pardon that crude analogy, but he always seems to understand what he is doing and does it better than anyone else.

On Sunday, February 24, I watched this 32-year-old marvel win the Accenture Match Play Championship over Stewart Cink in the final round by an 8 and 7 score. I sit in awe every time I watch him perform. At his birth on December 30, 1975, in Cypress, California, he was named Eldrick Woods.

His parents were the late Earl Woods, a retired U. S. Army lieutenant colonel and Kultida Woods, a beautiful lady of Thailand. If you have ever wondered why he is such a handsome man, take a look at this ancestry. He is one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter African American, one-eighth Native American and one-eighth Dutch.

He got his name "Tiger" from a friend of his father, Vuong Dang Phong, a Vietnamese soldier, to whom his father had given the nickname, "Tiger." That was a perfect fit. On his twenty-first birthday he legally changed his name from Eldrick to Tiger.

The first time I saw him was on the Mike Douglas Show with comedian, Bob Hope, on October 6, 1978, when he was two years old. Kitty and I were impressed by his beautiful hair, his skill with a golf club, his engaging smile and his unbounded enthusiasm for life.

By watching him numerous times over his career, I have been impressed by certain things that are evident by the way he plays. Here is my list of "Tiger" characteristics that I appreciate.

1. He never quits. He is consistently persistent. By his dogged determination he can come from behind and win even when others are ready to count him out. He is not a quitter.

2. His captivating desire to be his very best. Several years ago he reworked his game -- revising and reconstructing it. For a short time some seem to think he had lost his edge and were not sure he would ever be as good as he had been. He has completely come all the way back as a much better golfer. He had honed and sharpened his skills in gigantic proportions.

3. He is a picture of superb health, strength and rhythm. He is blessed with a tremendous body, which he is using to the fullest advantage. He is the best of all golfers in history at this stage of his career.

4. While he earns many millions of dollars each year, I am deeply impressed by what he does for others, especially young people. He seems to understand these words of Jesus, "For everyone to whom much is give, from him much will be required; . . ."(Luke 12:48).

I like the way he gives to make life better for others and I am confident he will give increasingly more. He majored in economics when he was a student at Stanford University and certainly understands the enormous value and increasing returns of investing in the lives of others, especially the young.

Tiger Woods is one athlete I would really like to meet. In the meantime, I'll watch him play as often as I can and thank God that I have the privilege of doing so. I still learn valuable lessons for my life as I observe my favorite athlete in action. It is like Yogi Berra said, "You can observe a lot by watching."

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