FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.calgaryflames.com

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SPORTS TRIVIA
Funny or Unusual Player Nicknames
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I will start off by saying that I think Sandbox is a great nickname for Yelle, because as everybody knows, he plays gritty. I also like William "Refrigerator" Perry, which I assume was given to him because he was built like a fridge....
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Karl "The Mailman" Malone and "Phantom Joe" Malone have always been two of my favourites.
Ed "Boxcar" Hospodar was another good one.
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I always liked the name "Oil Can" Boyd. Not very flattering for a pitcher.
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My favorite nickname is Espen Knutsen's. He was known as Shampoo. I'm not sure why.
Apparently, it's because his father was a hairstylist.
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Satchel Paige another good one from the Negro Leagues.
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Edouard "Newsy" Lalonde - NHL Hall of Famer worked summers in a newspaper plant.
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"Turk" Broda - Patch of skin under his neck allegedly looked like a turkey's wattle
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Mike "Pinball" Clemons
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Henry "Gizmo" Williams
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Martin "The Great Gazoo" Gramatica
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On the Sharks, they've got this rookie Vlasic and his name is, of course......Pickles.
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"The Bus" Jerome Bettis
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"Air" Don Coryell
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'Russian Rocket', always liked that and 'the Finnish Flash'.
Oh, and how has no one mentioned 'the great one'?
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The problem with "The Next One" is how often it is used. Eric Lindros had it for a while, now Sidney Crosby has it. I'm sure there were others in there, too.
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One-Punch Bertuzzi?
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Jim "Catfish" Hunter, formerly of the Yankees and Athletics.
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Most ironic nickname......Stu "the Grim Reaper" Grimson.
I prefered to think of him as something along the lines of Stu "hit their fist with his chin" Grimson.
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Karl "The Mailman" Malone
I have a funny story that somewhat relates. When I went to Salt Lake City for a North American All Star Hockey Tournament, the team decided to catch a Jazz game. Well some of the guys on the team didn't know/care about NBA, so they just decided to cheer for the visiting Kings. Malone ended up getting the Ball under the basket and attempt an easy lay up but missed, and just as the entire stadium went quiet, one of our players yells out, "the Mailman can't Deliver!" I couldn't believe the amount of people that turned their heads, all at the same time to see the idiot you just yelled that out. Needless to say we never saw the end of the game.
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I like Elroy "Crazy Legs" Hirsch, "Sweetness" (Walter Payton), and absolutely hate, "He Hate Me" if you call it a nickname.
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Swervin' Mervin Fernandez!
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Marian "Glass Groin" Gaborik.wouldn't that be Hasek?
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It would.. but he already has the "Dominator"
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My favorite one for a goalie is definitely Andre "Red Light" Racicot!
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He was given his nickname by the owner of another great nickname, Don "Grapes" Cherry, back in 1993.
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Reggie "Let Em In" Lemelin Fleury
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Steamin' Willy Beamin
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(Andre) 'Bad Moon' Rison.
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Monty_The_English_Flame
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"The Arnprior Assassin" Clouthier
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Turtle Man-Milt Stegall
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Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" Dawkins
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Christian "The Nigerian Nightmare" Okoye
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"Penis the Small" - Eric Nicholson, Canadian
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There is a professional footballer in England whose name is Fitz Hall and his nickname?
"Onesize" because Onesize Fitz Hall!
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A great sport for nicknames is darts, some obese bloke throwing arrows at a target is known as The Power or The Warrior, brilliant!
You may wonder what im doing watching darts but any sport where you go to watch it live and just drink ridiculous amounts of beer and not care who's playing or what's going on is ok by me!
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EDDIE "THE EAGLE" BELFOUR
and GIGI for Gianluigi Buffon--greatest soccer goalie of all time
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I have always liked Maurice "The Rocket" Richard
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I like the pocket rocket.....the rocket's smaller brother
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The ROADRUNNER - Yvan Cournoyer
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Ever been to the hockey hall of fame? Old time nicknames are something.
The Chicoutimi Cucumber?
Gump Worsley?
Old Bootnose - Syd Abel?
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My personal favourite is "The Rat", or The Answer if you count all sports.
Pudge Rodriguez is pretty funny though.
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Felix "The Cat" Potvin
Olaf "Godzilla" Kolzig
Curtis "Cujo"
Joseph"Iron Mike" Keenan
John "Beezer" Vanbiesbrouk
Don "Bobo" Beaupre
"Saint" Patrick Roy
"Goose" GosselinDan
"Clucker" Cloutier
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: trackshark.com

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TRACK AND FIELD TRIVIA
Hurdlers who became relayers \ footballers
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Obviously any talk about hurdlers as relayers starts with Harrison Dilliard. He ran on two Olympic gold medal 4x1 teams.
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The best hurdler/relayer/footballer however was probably Willie Gault.
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Then we had USC's Earl McCullouch who ran on that WR Trojan team and had a "good" NFL career.
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Then we had...
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Hayes Jones/Eastern Michigan...known for a blistering start he ran on a few USA National team.
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Jerry Tarr/Oregon...ran on their WR team. Had a short rather nothing NFL ..ah...stop.
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Bobby Mitchell/Illinois...probably the best footballer/hurdler. A Hall of Famer.
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Richmond Flowers/Tennessee...did little in the NFL.
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Renaldo Nehemiah/Maryland...two words...Penn Relays! Can I really call him a footballer?
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Mel Renfro/Oregon...he ran with Tarr on that WR team. Renfro was also a 25-10 long jumper. Hall of Famer (NFL).
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Colin Jackson/Great Britian...great lead off man.
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Terrence Trammell/So.Carolina...the fastest hurdler ever.
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Arnaldo Bristol/Texas Southern...lead off those great Jimmy Hines teams.
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Reyna Thompson/Baylor...had a good NFL career.
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Greg Foster/UCLA...ran on those UCLA teams.
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Ashland Whitfield/Arizona...ran on a solid Wildcats team.
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James Owens/UCLA...the best hurdler/running back. Or was that Michigan's Tyrone Wheatley?
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Gene Washington/Michigan St...great career with the Vikes.
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Quadry Ismail/Syracuse...good NFL career.
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Rod Woodson/Purdue...the best hurdler/footballer on the defensive side of the ball.
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Now if we are talking 400ih.....
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Bennie Brazell/LSU...too bad he's not as successful with the Bengals (if still there) as he was anchoring the Tigers.
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Paul Robinson/Arizona...1000yd rusher as a rookie. Another Bengal.
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Nolan Cromwell/Kansas...great NFL career.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: diehardbaseball.net

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FANTASY BASEBALL QUOTES

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Saw this in the April edition of Fantasy Sports Monthly by rotoworld.com

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You Know You're A True Fantasy Baseball Owner IF....

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20. You refer to your co-workers by their fantasy team names: "Hey Ass Whoopers, can you send me those release notes"

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19. You think Scott Podsednik is a Hall of Famer.

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18. The only time you use Microsoft Excel is in March.

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17. You usually show up to work around 10:00 and are generally five to 10 minutes late for appointments. However, in 11 years of playing fantasy sports, you've missed the weekly deadline to set your roster once - and that was because of a massive, 3-state power blackout

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16. You've rescheduled a biopsy after realizing that it falls on the same day as your draft

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15. Owners who won't trade - or worse, won't respond to your proposals - annoy you more than John Mayer

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14. You realize you could make millions if you took the time you spent researching fantasy baseball and devoted it to studying the stock market....but you don't care

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13. You'd agree to a vasectomy before letting the computer pick your team

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12. The following is a familiar scenario in your life: You get to work 45 minutes late and notice an urgent e-mail from your boss. Before opening it, you got to rotoworld.com for the latest player updates

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11. "I'll be down in a minute Honey!" really means, "Put some aluminum foil on it - I'm in the midst of a trade negotiation!"

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10. When David Ortiz blasts a grand slam to give your beloved Red Sox a walk-off victory, your first thought is, "That better not be my closer!"

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9. You frequently refer to other men as "studs"

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8. Your 30-year friendship with your elementary-school buddy/league commissioner came to an abrupt end after he nixed your trade for Roy Oswalt

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7. At a family gathering, you once caught yourself boasting to your grandmother about how you snagged Scott Rolen in the 10th round

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6. To you the real Eminem is Melvin Mora (you may need to see the picture they had of mora for this one)

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5. You Have Christmas lights around your monitor that are rigged to a hidden motion sensor outside your cube, allowing you to surf fantasy sites all day without fear of detection.

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4. You've risked bladder infection because you didn't want to miss out on the bidding for Omar Vizquel.

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3. You spent more time contemplating the name of your fantasy team than that of your first born child

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2. You no longer laugh like Beavis and Butthead upon hearing the word "busts"

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1. You've wasted half of a work day crafting a smack-talk post for your league message board...and felt proud afterwards.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.gorillamask.net

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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from 2005 - 2006
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"I'd like to refer to this whole thing, from start to finish, as a real Mickey Mouse operation.....but that'd be an insult to Mickey Mouse".--Bobby Knight
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Also, I remember back in 1986 or 1987, the Hoosiers were playing LSU, and were down like 25 points at halftime. Somehow they came back and won the game. Afterwards, the announcer asked Knight if he seriously thought they had a chance to come back. He said "Hell yes I thought we could come back. I looked down at the other bench, and saw Dale Brown coaching, and KNEW we could come back".
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Chiefs running back Larry Johnson may be facing some legal problems in Kansas City after an altercation with a former girlfriend in a bar, but he hasn't lost his sense of humor. He's dubbed the Chiefs' backfield of himself and Priest Holmes ''The Church Backfield." ''Priest prays over them and I bury them," Johnson said.
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Oh, yeah. Good wood. The poor guy needs all the help he can get during these troubled times."
-- Reds outfielder Ken Griffey Jr., after presenting President Bush with one of his lacquered black bats
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During a 1952 game with the Hawks Paul Arizin of the Warriors had a field dayscoring 30 points in the first half. At the break the coach pulled aside rookie center Mel Hutchins and said, "get out there and watch Arizin closely." Replied Hutchins, "I have been watching him coach. Isn't he wonderful?"
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Rudy T was pulled over for drunken driving after his first championship coaching Hakeem and the Rockets. When the cop dragged him out of the car, he said "I'm Rudy T! I'm above the law!".
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Rockies manager Clint Hurdle on Orlando ''El Duque" Hernandez, who was a winner in his National League debut with the D-Backs: ''He reminds me of MacGyver," Hurdle said. ''He can make a car out of a lawn chair."
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The Bucs haven't won at Lambeau since 1989; "Jiminy Christmas, 1989 is as long time," coach Jon Gruden said. "That's what we're up against. We haven't won there in forever. I don't even know where I was in 1989."
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"I don't waste my time, man – they don't think a DH can win the MVP," he said. "I'm just going to keep on playing. I'm not going to think about that (expletive) because it's all politics."What's the toughest thing to do in this game? Hit, right? (Voters) don't think about that. That's all I do. If I don't hit, I lose my job." - David Ortiz
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"No one did," Parish said of whether anyone projected Ainge into his current position as director of basketball operations. "I think it surprised him, too. His job is like the President of the United States. No matter what he’s doing, he’s pissing someone off."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.gorillamask.net

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseball-reference.com

BASEBALL HUMOR
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Jackie Price was a shortstop for 13 years (1932-1946) - eight in semipro/independent ball (1932-1935; 1938-1941), five in the minors (1936-1937;1944-1946) and a cup of coffee in the majors in 1946, losing two years to the Military. Signed by Bill Veeck of the Cleveland Indians as an amateur free agent, Price was 33 years old when he broke into the big leagues on August 18, 1946, with Cleveland.
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A shortstop, he played in 7 games and had three hits for the Indians, where he played his final game on September 20, 1946, ending his playing career at age 33. To make it official, the Indians released him on September 30, 1946, only to re-sign him as a "coach".
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If that was all there was to it, this wouldn't be much of a story. But after languishing for nearly a decade in the minor leagues, Price recognized that his dreams of big league stardom might never be realized. At that point he decided to develop trick catches and special routines that would allow him to stay in the game of baseball. In the Pacific Coast League in the late 1930s, Price started to establish a following and began performing his tricks before games as the crowds filed in.
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In contrast to other baseball entertainers who relied on comic routines to draw laughs, Price used his amazing baseball skills to delight fans. One of Price's most famous tricks was to hang upside down and take batting practice for 15 minutes or more. Batting either left-handed or right-handed, Price could hit fast pitches from opposing pitchers while suspended from the backstop or a pole while being suspended upside-down from his ankles.
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He also would perform a trick that would remind one of the old tale of David and Goliath, hurling a baseball out of the stadium, using a sling. Some of his stunts included his shooting a baseball out of an air gun and then jumping into a jeep and speeding into the outfield to catch the plummeting sphere. He would amaze fans by pitching two balls at one time, one a curve and the other a fastball, and batting two balls with a fungo bat at the same time, sending them in opposite directions.
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Price could also catch baseballs between his legs, behind his back, and even in the neck of his uniform shirt. A popular Price maneuver was to throw three baseballs with one hand and have each of them land in a different catcher's mitt in the strike zone. He could also hold three baseballs in his throwing hand and toss them in one motion to three different players stationed around the infield.
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In 1946, master showman and team owner Veeck had signed Price to a major league contract with his Indians. The idea was to use Price as a pre-game entertainer, but Price actually saw action that season. The team's starting shortstop, future Hall of Famer Boudreau, was also the team's manager and reluctantly tolerated Price's presence.
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On a spring training road trip in 1947, Price wore out his welcome thanks to his reptilian friends. As part of his act, Price would wrap snakes around himself while playing catch or batting. Among his many props, he carried 20 snakes with him when he traveled with the team. On March 26, while the team rode their train just outside San Diego, Price unleashed two of the snakes after goading from teammates. Unfortunately, also on the train at the time was a group of female bowlers, on their way back from a tournament. In short time, several of the women created a scene when they saw the snakes, which resulted in the conductor halting the train on the tracks. When Boudreau learned of the incident, he ordered Price and his snakes off the train. It was the last time Price appeared with the club.
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During the 1940s and 1950s, Price entertained fans throughout the major and minor leagues, charging $500/game in MLB, $300/game in the PCL, $200 in Class A and $125 in Class D. He usually averaged about 40,000 miles in a year, mostly be car. He packed the majority of his work into the three-month baseball season, often traveling to such places as Canada and Cuba. He was one of two clown coaches for Bill Veeck's 1947 Indians (the other was Max Patkin).
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He starred in a film short, Diamond Demon, which was released in 1947. In the film, Price performed his standard tricks. Buoyed by the popularity of his short film, Price enjoyed success in the 1950s, traveling as far as the Caribbean to perform his acts, before retiring in 1959.
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He resided in San Francisco, CA for the last seven years of his life. He died at age 54 from suicide in San Francisco on October 2, 1967. He was cremated and is interred at Golden Gate National Cemetery in San Bruno, CA . He was survived by his wife, Martha.
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Quote:
"He won't hit much, but he is the greatest baseball entertainer in the country." - Bill Veeck
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.gorillamask.net

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