FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: offshoreinsiders.com

Top Sports Quotes of the Month,
Compiled By The Greek Sportsbooks May 29th, 2008
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“We had no money on him. I thought he was going out for a run to keep himself warm.”
Michael O’Leary, billionaire CEO of Ryanair, Europe’s biggest low-cost airline, trying to explain why he failed to back his own horse, Hear The Echo, when he won the Irish Grand National steeplechase at odds of 33/1 in March
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“If I wasn’t playing, maybe I’d have a go.”
Geoff Ogilvy, showing that if he weren’t a great golfer he might be a pretty good bettor, when informed that, after two rounds of play, his odds were 5/1 of winning the CA Championship in Doral, Florida last month over Tiger Woods, who trailed Ogilvy by just one shot at that point. Woods, the ½ favorite, finished fifth, two strokes behind Ogilvy.
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“Historically, his tournament success in Major championships has been awesome but more like 29 percent. Even at that remarkable win rate, the chances of a Tiger Woods Grand Slam in any given year are only about 0.7 percent, or about 142/1.”
Bowling Green professor Christopher Rump, using a mathematical principle called the “Markov chain” to calculate Woods’ odds of winning the Grand Slam of golf before this year’s Masters
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“We’re not in the business of trying to give anything away here.”
Tony Sinisi, oddsmaker for Las Vegas Sports Consultants, explaining why Woods’ pre-Masters odds of winning the Grand Slam were only 9/2
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“New motto for The Players Championship now that Tiger Woods will skip it while rehabbing after knee surgery: We buried our ratings at wounded knee.”
Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel
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“Q: If a baseball player’s brief stint in the Major Leagues is known as “cup of coffee,” what do you call 21-loss Coppin State’s two hour stay in the NCAA Tournament?
“A: Coppin a feel.”
Dwight Perry, The Seattle Times
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More from Perry…
“Former cycling champion Tammy Thomas had all the earmarks off hardcore depo-testosterone use, a Colorado endocrinologist testified in Thomas’ perjury trial, as in such male characteristics as chest hair, a full beard and a deep voice—not to mention incessant channel-surfing with the TV remote.”
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“Actually this story isn’t entirely new. There were some whispers around the league when Debbie Clemens hit consecutive 400-foot homer off Heidi Klum and Elle MacPherson.”
Reggie Hayes, the Fort Wayne, Indiana News-Sentinel, offering his take on the allegation of trainer Brain McNamee that he injected Roger Clemens’ wife with human growth hormone before a Sports Illustrated swimsuit shoot
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More from Hayes…
“Danica Patrick will take aim at what many believe to be a truly impossible goal: becoming the first female athlete to film more commercials than Peyton Manning.”
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“Becky Hammon, from South Dakota, plays one season of pro basketball in Russia and now she’s been signed to play for Russia’s Olympic team. The USA gets a case of vodka and a female hammer thrower to be named later.”
Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle
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More from Ostler…
“Alex Rodriguez makes $28 million this season, while the entire Marlins’ payroll is $21.8 million. What’s worse, I hear that A-Rod hit on all their wives.”
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“There are six people ahead of Jeff Kent for most career hits against Greg Maddux, a handful.”
Padres announcer Matt Vasgersian, who apparently was born with a rare, six-fingered hand
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“I never believe any of those stats. One minute the stat guy is eating his hot dog, and the next he’s writing stuff down.”
Jeremy Roenick, San Jose Sharks, to the Calgary Sun, after the stat sheet listed his team with 18 giveaways in its Stanley Cup playoff opener against the Calgary Flames
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“There is urgency to act because sporting ethic is at risk. It is an issue as important as the fight against doping.”
Jean-Francois Vilotte, director general of the French Tennis Association, explaining why French Open organizers have filed suit to try to ban online gambling companies from offering bets on the Grand Slam tournament

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: tvnz.co.nz

SPORTS QUOTES
of the week
May 31, 2008


"You've sent a dumb forward off and you've sent off our smart hooker. It's unfair." - Gold Coast captain Scott Prince to NRL ref Shayne Hayne after he sin-binned Tigers prop Bryce Gibbs and Titans hooker Nathan Friend.
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"The reports of our demise have been greatly exaggerated." - Russell Crowe on the future of his beloved Souths.
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"It's like going back on the Titanic." - Rabbitohs stalwart George Piggins takes aim at the return of Nick Pappas as chairman of Souths during the Alan Jones program.
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"At the moment you have one fat guy fighting an even fatter guy for the world title. It's a disgrace. Boxing has become a joke in the heavyweight division and it's time for me to come in lean, sharp, heavy and as a real athlete." - Former world heavyweight champion Hasim Rahman leans on the state of heavyweight boxing.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blogs.usatoday.com

Image: img.textbookx.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

Olympia Dukakis would be proud of China's name game

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Here's our weird China note of the day.

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With Beijing about to host the Summer Olympics, more than 4,000 children in the world's most populous nation have been named "Aoyun," which translates to Olympic Games.

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The BBC reports the trend started in 1992, when China made its first bid to host an Olympics, but was rejected for the 2000 Games. The BBC adds that it's not uncommon for Chinese children to have their names derived from nationalistic slogans, such as "Build the Nation" or "Space Travel."

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Now then, imagine if a similar trend had occurred in America after some of the recent times it has hosted the Olympics.

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In 1980, after the Winter Games in Lake Placid, we would have had a run of kids named "Miracle on Ice."

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After the highly successful and over-commercialized Los Angeles Summer Olympics of 1984, children would have answered to "Brought to You by Kodak."

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And the 1996 Atlanta Summer Olympics would have spawned a generation known as "Stuck in Traffic."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golflasvegasnow.com

PHIL MICKELSON AND FAMILY

GOLF QUOTES

U.S. OPEN, 2008

"Well, it won," Las Vegas' Craig Barlow after missing the cut. The 'it' was the golf course.

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"I come from the East Coast, man. We don't putt on sponges like this. So it's tough for me to come up here and putt on poa. It's really tough for a lot of East Coast guys. And I think there's some other things that factor into it. But needless to say, the golf course doesn't suit me very well, and I don't care for it very much."--DJ Trahan, among the leaders and one of the few detractors of anything this week.

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"I thought it was great and the reason I'm so proud is that, this is my hometown and everybody out here was so respectful. There wasn't any derogatory remarks. Whether they pulled for any of the three of us, everybody was really cool today. I was very proud to be from here." San Diego native Phil Mickelson, following the second round.

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"No, it's not easier (than other US Open courses). A couple guys were talking yesterday, one or two of the instructors, how guys are saying the course is easy. I haven't seen easy out here. There's not one hole out here where you can fall asleep."--Rocco Mediate, second-place following third-round.

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"If one word was used to sum up the 2008 U.S. Open, it would probably be the term, "Fair." But then you look at the leaderboard and see that there are only three players under par, seemingly just like any other US Open. So maybe the best words would be "Fair but difficult."--Brian Hurlburt, GolfLasVegasNow.com

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"The golf course is starting to show some claws ...," Johnny Miller, NBC.

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"It's going to take a ridiculous round by one of us to beat him. If we go out and shoot 4- or 5-under par one of us, you never know. But you can't ever count anything. It's just you can't really predict anything that's going to happen." Rocco Mediate.

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Image: i.pga.com

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: lkwdpl.org

BASEBALL HUMOR

Fans can see some truly bizarre events, by players, managers and fans alike, in minor league baseball if they come to the ballpark on any given night.

The 1993 Season

Brian Graham, who managed the Canton-Akron Indians the past two summers, recalls some odd and funny things he has seen in the Eastern League.

Graham recalled several humorous tales from the 1993 season. There was a night in Binghamton when relief pitcher Apolinar Garcia picked up from under the tarpaulin what he thought was a cute little black and white cat. He petted it and began playing with it. Suddenly, what he thought was a cat turned out to be a skunk and sprayed the startled pitcher. Garcia didn't know what hit him.

He came into the clubhouse, smelling like skunk... At first, he refused to change his uniform, but the skunk smell that emanated throughout the clubhouse, and the hostile reaction of his teammates, finally convinced him to change. Evidently, they don't have too many skunks in the Dominican Republic.

Graham also recalled the game when third baseman David Bell was ejected before the first pitch. Bell and the umpire had had an argument over balls and strikes the previous night. Evidently, the argument carried over to the next day and Bell and the ump again started having words. Bell lost both confrontations. In his disgust, Bell went to the dugout and proceeded to throw his uniform onto the field, piece by piece, much to the astonishment of the fans who had no idea of what was going on.

In the opening game in 1993, rookie Scott Bartz rubbed down starting pitcher Shawn Bryant's right arm before the game. Bartz was new to the Indians and was not familiar with his pitchers. Bryant is a lefthander. He thought Bartz would rub down his pitching arm, but he didn't. Finally, Bryant told him he was a southpaw. Bryant was the first pitcher in Canton-Akron history to have both arms rubbed down before a start.

"I heard a good story about Bob Molinaro, who managed at Canton the first year of the franchise in 1989," said Graham. He went out to dispute a call and yelled at the umpire so much that he fell to the ground on his hands and knees and passed out, right in front of a couple thousand fans. He was okay, though."

Tales from the Past
The Indians' first manager in 1989, Bob Molinaro, has some tales of his own about the Indians' first season.

"There was the night five years ago when Indians' pitcher Jeff Shaw was so angry after he walked a batter that he kicked the grass behind the pitcher's mound," recalls Molinaro.
"Unfortunately, he kicked the water sprinkler and it erupted. For nearly 20 minutes the grounds crew, also new to minor league baseball, were trying to figure out how to stop the sudden geyser in the middle of the infield. Shaw was red-faced."

One night, Molinaro was upset over the play of left fielder Troy Nell, now with the Oakland A's. "You are a horse---- outfielder, Neel," Molinaro yelled from the dugout. Nell yelled back, "You are a horse---- manager Molinaro." There was a very small crowd that night and the accoustics were perfect for the fans to hear every word.

Mike Snyder, currently a sportscaster with radio station WWWE (now WTAM) in Cleveland, was the Indians' play-by-play announcer on Canton radio the first two years of the team's existence.

Snyder remembered a game in New Britain on the Fourth of July. "There were about 2,000 fans in the park," said Snyder, "but about 10,000 were waiting outside for the postgame fireworks show to begin."

As luck would have it, a game that was moving along quickly, suddenly slowed to a snail's pace. The fans outside were getting restless and it was getting dark, just right for the fireworks.

Suddenly, the fireworks began while the game was still being played. Players in the field were diving for cover. They thought they were being attacked. Everyone was shocked and the game stopped until the show was over.

"That was the first game I ever saw that had a fireworks delay. I've heard of rain delays, but never a fireworks delay," said Snyder.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

Image: images.art.com

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BASEBALL QUOTES

by Bill Veeck

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

"The athlete who catches the imagination is the individualist, the free soul who challenges not only the opposition but the generally accepted rules of behavior. Essentially, he should be uncivilized. Untamed."

"Baseball is almost the orerly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off."

"It is played by people, real people, not freaks. Basketball is played by giants. Football is played by corn-fed hulks. The normal-sized man plays baseball and the fellow in the stands can relate to that."--On baseball being the national pastime

"It isn't the high price of stars that is expensive, it's the high price of mediocrity."

"Baseball is like our society. It's becoming homogenized, computerized. People identify with swash-buckling individuals, not polite little men who field their position well. Sir Galahad had a big following-but I'll bet Lancelot had more."

"To compare baseball with other team games is to say the Hope Diamond is a nice chunk of carbon. The endless variety of physical and mental skills demanded by baseball is both uncomparable and incomparable.""

"We can't always guarantee the ball game is going to be good; but we can guarantee the fan will have fun."

"An island of surety in a changing world."--On baseball

"Eddie, how would you like to be a big-league ballplayer? Eddie, you'll be the only midget in the history of the game. You'll be appearing before thousands of people. Your name will go into the record books for all time. You'll be famous, Eddie. You'll be immortal." --On Eddie Gaedel's August 19, 1951 appearance, from Veeck-as in Wreck

"My epitaph is inescapable. It will read: 'He sent a midget up to bat.'"

"If there is any justice in this world, to be a White Sox fan frees a man from any other form of penance."--From Veeck-as in Wreck

"I have discovered, in twenty years of moving around a ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats."

"I guess I'm just not bright enough to stop."--explaining how he kept up his 24 hour schedule

"Sooner or later, the lame, the halt, and the blind all seek refuge with us." --On the 1977 White Sox

"That's the true harbinger of spring, not crocuses or swallows returning to Capustrano, but the sound of a bat on the ball." --As White Sox owner in 1976

"The Mets achieved total incompetence in a single year, while the Browns worked industriously for almost a decade to gain equal proficiency." --From Veeck-as in Wreck

"The original idea of the bleachers was for the guy who couldn't afford season box seats, but could shell out cash for an outfield seat on a day-to-day basis?Maybe the time has come when they don't need that guy. You can buy all those seats the days they're not sold out, but the rest of the time you're not welcome. It does seem that way, doesn't it? I guess that's what happens when marketing experts come in and take over." --On the Cubs 1985 decision to sell bleacher seats in advance

"When the Supreme Court says baseball isn't run like a business, everybody jumps up and down with joy. When I say the same thing, everybody throws pointy objects at me." --The Hustler's Handbook

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: leapnow.net

Image: theblackvault.com

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Golf Quotes

What do I like about golf? Well, it certainly ain’t the low scores. Huey Lewis

The only reason I played golf was so I could afford to go hunting and fishing. Sam Sneed

I don’t exaggerate. I just remember big. Chi Chi Rodriguez

Love and putting are mysteries for the philosopher to solve. Both subjects are beyond golfers. Tommy Armour

Golf got complicated when I had to wear shoes and begin thinking about what I was doing. Sam Snead

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. G.K. Chesterton

Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychologists have. Harvey Renick

Golf fairways should be made more narrow. Then everyone would have to play from the rough, not just me. Seve Ballesteros

For most amateurs, the best wood in the bag….the pencil! Chi Chi Rodriguez

This hole right here can have a par of anything you want it to be. Yesterday it was a par 47 -- and I birdied the sucker! Willie Nelson

Retire to what? I’m a golfer and a fisherman. I’ve got no place to retire to! Julius Boros

Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~Arthur Daley

Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one. ~Martha Beckman

A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water. ~Bob Ryan

My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it. ~Jim Dent

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~Lee Trevino

A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. ~Author Unknown

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well. ~Art Rosenbaum

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. ~Author Unknown

A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. ~Author Unknown

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt. ~Fletcher Knebel