FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportingnews.com

NFL FOOTBALL NOTES \ QUOTES

The Sporting News presents RealScouts top 25 NFL Players for 2009.

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Bonus: TSN also presents the top 20 for each NFL position and rates

each NFL team's management.

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Click here to view ===> NFL NOTES AND QUOTES

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.espn.go.com

BASEBALL HUMOR
Notes and quotes about 15-minutes of baseball fame for a Reds player
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The Big Red Machinist:
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It takes a special mystery pitcher to make Josh Wilson the second most historic pitchin' magician of the year. But here's to Reds infielder Paul Janish. His two trips to the mound this year have definitely kept those scoreboard operators awake.
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• May 6 vs. Milwaukee: 1 IP, 5 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 0 BB, 2 K, 1 HR (to Prince Fielder).
• July 6 vs. Philadelphia: 1 IP, 4 H, 6 R, 6 ER, 2 BB, 1 K, 1 grand slam (to Jayson Werth).
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Janish's claims to fame: He's the first position player to give up 11 runs in the same season since the aforementioned Willie Smith did it 45 years ago -- except it took Willie 11 appearances.
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And Janish was the first position player to give up five runs or more in two different outings in the same season, according to Elias, since Johnny Lindell (another pitcher-utility man) did it in 1953 -- but over 32 appearances, not two.
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The Janish Quip Book
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Being the magnanimous guy he is, Janish was cool enough to review his pitching exploits with Half-Year in Review.
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On roaring into the books alongside Johnny Lindell:
"You know, records are made to be broken. And I'm definitely breaking records. They're just the wrong damn records."
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On his picturesque delivery (as a former college closer):
"Yeah, it's smooth, all right. But apparently, 88-89 [mph] on a string is not going to work."
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On his ERA (45.00 after his first outing, 49.50 after his second):
"When I came in there, I figured, well, the good thing is, at least I'll bring my ERA down. It started at 45.00, so it would be tough to go up -- but I found a way."
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On whether he thought he could now pitch 31 straight shutout innings and get his ERA down into the 3.00s:
"I think I'm out of luck. … What I really need to do is talk to my agent to see if we can bring this up in arbitration: multi-faceted player."
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On his proudest achievement as a pitcher:
"Well, I did get a standing O in Philly. And not many visiting players can say that."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.espn.go.com

BASEBALL HUMOR
Notes and quotes about baseball injuries, 2009
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Baseball Injury Humor, 2009 (first half of season)
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First prize:
Another great moment in Cub-dom: Pitcher Ryan Dempster tried to hop over the dugout fence to go high-five it up after a win, broke his toe and stumbled right onto the disabled list.
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Dempster's best line (to the Chicago Sun-Times' Gordon Wittenmyer):
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"I guess it's what I get for making fun of the guys who go on the DL for burning their faces in the suntan booth."
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Second prize:
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Reds outfielder Chris Dickerson knocked himself out of the lineup -- literally -- when he went mano-a-skullo with a revolving glass door at the team hotel in Pittsburgh. And lost.
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"My real story," he quipped, "is I hit my head on the rim during a celebrity slam-dunk contest."
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Third prize:
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How did Blue Jays pitcher Ricky Romero land on the DL in April? He hipped and he hopped and he strained his oblique -- by sneezing while listening to rap music.
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Honorable mention:
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Royals reliever Kyle Farnsworth needed stitches in his hand after getting cut trying to break up a fight between his two bulldogs.
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Pirates second baseman Freddy Sanchez strained his back getting out of a cab -- and missed six straight games.
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… And Phillies reliever Scott Eyre proved once and for all that running from the bullpen to the mound is overrated. He strained a calf muscle on the way -- and wound up on the disabled list.
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