FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailymail.co.uk

FOR WIN AT WIMBLEDON, IT'S ON THE HOUSE, ELENA

Image: littlecaesars.com

SPORTS QUOTES

They said it: Sporting quotes of the week

'I told him, next time he does that, I'm going to get my blade out and cut him. I'm a gangster. You go gangster on me, I'm going to have to get you. You do that again, I'm going to cut you right on the field'
The New York Mets manager, Jerry Manuel, explains his policy on player tantrums when they get pulled from games after Jose Reyes threw his toys out of the pram.

'Things did happen very quickly for me and a lot of hot air was blown up my arse. At 19, I think it went to my head a bit'
England wing Tom Varndell, preparing for his first cap in two years, admits he got too big for his boots upon being handed his Test debut.

'People say I've lost my power and I'm shot but I've been to the fountain of youth and I'm going to come back and shock them all'
Michael Gomez promises Amir Khan a birthday surprise ahead of their Commonwealth lightweight title fight, the day of which Gomez turned 31, and lost.

'I want to be the traitor of Holland'
Russia coach Guus Hiddink is happy to be public enemy number one back in his native country ahead of his side's Euro 2008 quarter-final with Holland.

'It is my opinion. That is why I don't mind if people get upset. It is my decision. It is what I want. I don't know what I have to say to him. I have to say what I want and what I think'
Cristiano Ronaldo risks the wrath of Sir Alex Ferguson by claiming he does not care what the Manchester United boss thinks about his desire to join Real Madrid.

'I still don't fear anyone. The only things I fear in life are cockroaches'
Defending Wimbledon women's champion Venus Williams is not scared of afirst-round upset after being drawn against Britain's Naomi Cavaday.

'This will probably haunt me for the rest of my life'
Croatia coach Slaven Bilic after his side's heartbreaking Euro 2008 penalty shootout defeat to Turkey, a game that saw both sides score in the dying minutes of extra-time.

'No victory is worth the life of another person. I want to ask the Turkish people to enjoy themselves but not hurt anyone else while they are doing it'
Turkey coach Fatih Terim urges the country's fans to celebrate responsibly after a young girl was injured in Turkey and taken to intensive care when shots were fired in the air following his side's victory over the Czech Republic.

'We are not going to lock them in their rooms after a Test match. Players have got to take responsibility for their own actions, on and off the field'
England rugby union elite performance director Rob Andrew defends the decisionto allow squad members on a night out after the second Test in New Zealand,despite questions being raised over the team's conduct on tour following apolice investigation into an alleged sexual assault.

'If I'm going to give you a Maserati, it would be a good idea if you had a driving licence'
UEFA technical director Andy Roxburgh defends the governing body's stance on Pro Licences after the unqualified Paul Ince was named as Blackburn boss.

'I'm really gutted because it means I've had to cut out pizza - pepperoni was my favourite. I'll have to ask my coach if I can have a slice tonight to celebrate'
A slim-downed Elena Baltacha's new regime pays off as she wins her first-round match at Wimbledon.

'You know, I absolutely love trenchcoats. I mean, I love coats, and I don't know why because I live in Florida, so it doesn't really add up'
Serena Williams on making a fashion statement at Wimbledon.

'Maybe again the jacket will be back again next year'
Roger Federer on wearing a cardigan onto court for his opening match.

'Whether I'm black, white or whatever, I'm just proud to be in the Premier League'
Paul Ince on becoming the first black Briton to manage in the Premier League.

'I guess the bumblebee got me off to a bad start'
Venus Williams after a bee distracted her enough to see her serve broken against Britain's Naomi Cavaday.

'Someone upstairs made the ball roll over'
Top seed Ana Ivanovic credits divine intervention for the incredible net cord that spared her defeat against Nathalie Dechy in an epic second-round match at Wimbledon.

'Maybe I will buy some better duct tape. No, I like my car. I think it's cool'
British qualifier Chris Eaton - who recorded a remarkable first-round win at Wimbledon despite being the lowest-ranked player in the men's draw at 661 - insists he will not trade in his old Vauxhall Astra, which has a broken wing mirror, despite earning more than £20,000 at SW19.

'What did I say? The strawberries are too expensive. It's true. You don't haveenough (money) for dessert. It's true'
Marat Safin forgets his previous dislike for Wimbledon after ousting third seed Novak Djokovic in straight sets.

'I don't like her outfit. Can I put it this way? She experiments, and I give her credit for that. She's brave enough to experiment. Sometimes she has good ones, sometimes not. That's my personal opinion, again. Maybe someone will tell me I dress terribly'
Alla Kudryavtseva reveals her motivation behind beating Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon, the shock of the tournament so far.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsoutofthebox.com

SPORTS QUOTES

quotes of the moment...

"I'm not one to use powder. I like the moist sensation."
-Oakland A's pitcher Barry Zito on using baby powder on himself (Sports Illustrated)

"I tore the rotator cuff, and kept pitching. Compensating for the pain, I changed my delivery and tore the labrum, then my biceps tendon."
-Mariners' pitcher Bobby Madritsch on his string of injuries while in the Reds organization (Baseball America)

"He's athletic and he's got some juice in his bat, and I like his haircut."
-Savannah Sand Gnats (Single-A) manager Bob Henley, on Colorado Rockies top prospect Ian Stewart (Baseball America)

"Labrum? Who needs a working labrum? Don't you worry about Pedro, amigo. I'll be fine."-Pedro Martinez, to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel

"Even being mentioned in the same sentence as Jesus or God... I mean, those guys are awesome. I'm just a knucklehead."
-Johnny Damon, to the Boston Globe

"Mike Vrabel had my testicles in his hand, and he was squeezing them... Guys reach inside the face mask to gouge your eyes. But the biggest thing is the grabbing of the testicles. It is crazy."
-Eagles LB Ike Reese on what it's like at the bottom of a pile (Sports Illustrated)

"You don't get better by losing a guy like Pedro Martinez."
-Curt Schilling, to ESPN

"Technically, Randy (was) still a member of the Diamondbacks. We can't comment on another team's player."-Yankees official commenting on the Unit pushing a WCBS-TV camera man (courtesy: Bob Klapisch and ESPN.com)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: guardian.co.uk

VENUS WILLIAMS SETS RECORD AT WIMBLEDON

(127 mph serve by a female player)

Image: tenniswelcomecenter.com

TENNIS QUOTES

A week at Wimbledon in quotes

Reuters, Sunday LONDON, June 29 (Reuters) - The best quotes from week one of the Wimbledon championships:*

"I have a wonderful white coat I can wear on the court and also in New York for those rainy days...it's ladylike and goes perfect with my personality" -- Serena Williams after she turned up for her first-round match wearing a coat on a sunny day.

*"I absolutely love trench coats. I probably have more coats than anybody. I just love coats. I don't know why because I live in Florida" -- Williams and her coat again.

"It's the tuxedo look. I was very inspired by menswear this year and every time at Wimbledon I want to do something classy and elegant. This year I said: 'Why don't we do shorts?' and I have never worn shorts before at a grand slam. There is a place to do it and that's Wimbledon" -- Sharapova explains her latest outfit. It was seen only twice as the Russian was knocked out in the second round.

*"I drive a Vauxhall Astra with duct tape on one wing mirror" -- Britain's man of the moment Chris Eaton paints a picture of life before Court One stardom at the All England Club.

*"I personally don't care but I think any attention drawn to tennis for whatever reason is good. If that means wearing the Mr Roger sweater, whatever else you got, then so be it. I don't know if it would be a good look for me or any of my friends or relatives" -- Andy Roddick on Federer's latest Wimbledon look -- a 1920s-style cream, gold-trimmed cardigan.

*"I'll rest a little bit. Without the racket. I'll leave the rackets at home and go somewhere many miles away" -- third seed Novak Djokovic looks for the nearest exit following his second-round loss to Russia's Marat Safin.

*"As far as fun nicknames, headlines and whatever, I don't really care. Everyone's beatable. I've beaten the three of them. But if you're asking if it pisses me off at all, I don't really care. I just want to win tennis matches" -- Roddick, when asked whether he had heard of references to the 'big three' of Federer, Rafael Nadal and Djokovic. 'A-Rod' went out in the next round.

*"You know, when you've seen the Rolling Stones from the front row and then all of a sudden you're like seven or eight rows back and there's a really tall guy in front of you waving his hands and screaming, you can't see much, it's not going to be as good as the other show" -- Roddick remembers better times following his second-round defeat to Janko 'Tipsy' Tisparevic.

*"It's very pleasant to beat Maria... Why? Well, I don't like her outfit" -- Alla Kudryavtseva explains what spurred her to her shock victory over Sharapova.

*"Everybody can present a challenge. Everybody has a lot of strength. Everybody is hungry. This girl that beat me today, she might not win the tournament but she beat me and it probably made her tournament" -- Sharapova reflects on her shock early exit.

*"It's guys. They always say the women's game is predictable. They always say you women can't serve, you don't go to the net, you can't slice. No, we can do it all. We're strong. Don't listen to them" -- Kudryavtseva speaks up for her sex.

*"Coming from clay, it's a completely different mentality you have to going out on court. Because on clay, if you are struggling a little bit, you still have time to get into the game. Here everything is happening so fast" -- Ana Ivanovic, whose defeat to Zheng Jie was the earliest exit by a top seed since Martina Hingis lost in the opening round in 2001.

*"You're calling me a veteran? I'm a veteran at 23 years old? Thanks for making me feel very old" -- Jelena Jankovic after her victory over 17-year-old Caroline Wozniacki.

*"I know his sense of humour a little bit. I know he kind of talks like that a little bit. So I can cut him some slack" -- Czech Nicole Vaidisova on newly-elected ATP board member Justin Gimelstob who had to make a public apology for a series of offensive remarks about female players which included describing Vaidisova as a "well-developed young lady".

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pages.ph

Image: triumphbooks.com
.

SPORTS QUOTES

.

“My doctor told me jogging could add years to my life, I told him ‘Yeah, since I began, I already feel 10 years older!’” - golfer Lee Trevino.

.

“The man who will whip me will be fast, strong and hasn’t been born yet.” – Muhammad Ali.

.

“Brazilian football is not only a sport. It’s a kind of stage play, a theatrical movement.” - Muniz Sodre.

.

“A sport where the players actually enjoy getting hit in the head by a ball.” – soccer advertisement.

.

“The World Cup is every four years so it’s going to be a perennial problem.” - English player Gary Lineker.

.

“To be No. 1, you must train like you are No. 2.” - sprinter MauriceGreene.

.

“Sport is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.” - US playwright Neil Simon.

.

“I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell.” – writer Alec Thornton.

.

“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course: the distance between your ears.” - golfer Bobby Jones

.

“Chess. For a game it is too serious, for seriousness too much of a game.” - German philosopher Moses Mendelsson.

.

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, age doesn’t matter.” - baseball manager Casey Stengel.

.

“They don’t give you gold medals for beating somebody. They give you gold medals for beating everybody.” - Michael Johnson.

.

“Life’s too short for chess.” - British actor Henry James Byron.

.

“Chess is the gymnasium of the mind.” - Vladimir Llyich Lenin

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blogs.timesunion.com

BIG BROWN'S TRAINER, RICK DUTROW

Image: cache.daylife.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Sports loudmouths

June 5, 2008 By DAVID SANCHIRICO

Rick Dutrow Jr. is making quite a name for himself.
The trainer of Triple Crown hopeful Big Brown has been in the media spotlight with his sure-thing guarantees regarding his horse.
Dutrow could be eating his words if Big Brown loses. Otherwise, he’d be justified in telling everyone, “I told you so.”

How do Dutrow’s boasts compare to those of other quotable sports figures? Here is a list of 10 bombastic sports personalities:

10. Rasheed Wallace. The Detroit Pistons forward is always quick to criticize. Quote: “I told (official) Leroy (Richardson) my son could fool him and it ain’t even Halloween.”

9. Ozzie Guillen. Not afraid to speak his mind, the White Sox manager is a favorite of the Chicago media. Quote: “Now, there are just 30 or 40 reporters around to see how big my mouth really is.”

8. Terrell Owens. T.O. is cocky most of the time, but when he’s unhappy, he doesn’t keep it hidden from the media. Quote: “I’ll watch the highlights every now and then but, as far as watching the game, I feel like I am the game.”

7. Joe Namath. With his charisma and self-assured attitude, Namath was the perfect quarterback for New York. Quote: “We’ll win this game, I guarantee it.”

6. George Foreman. Now more known for his business ventures than his boxing, Big George drew a crowd during his time in the ring. Quote: “I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out ofhamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.”

5. Art Shires. The 1930s White Sox certainly was charismatic. He had a wardrobe of 50 suits and 100 hats. Quote: Shires gave himself his own nickname, “The Great.”

4. Casey Stengel. “The Ol’ Professor” was a favorite in New York. He was at his best during his time as the outspoken manager of the Lovable Losers, the 1962 Mets. Quote: “The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets doubleheader.”

3. Chad Johnson. There is no current athlete as quote-worthy and eccentric as Ocho Cinco. Quote: “Tennessee is a very country-type state. Maybe I can practice on some type of country-western dance where they’ll know what I’m doing.”

2. Bobby Knight. One of the most controversial coaches ever, Knight never failed to rankle with his actions and comments. Quote: Speaking about leaving Puerto Rico after the 1979 Pan Am Games, “I stood up, unzipped my pants, lowered my shorts and placed my bare (butt) on the window. That’s the last thing I wanted those people to see of me.”

1. Muhammad Ali. Ali’s impact cannot be overstated. He was the most outspoken athlete during a time when athletes were supposed to be humble. Quote: “I am the greatest!”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

Image: mlb.imageg.net

.

Martin's maxims

Baseball Quotes by Billy Martin

"I don't think so because I've got the reputation for being baseball's bad boy and I don't deserve it. But I think I'd make a good manager. For one thing, I know how to handle men. That's the secret of managing. For another, I know enough about the game, not fundamentals, but executing. I think I could get the most out of players with common sense and psychology. I'm fiery enough that I'd have their respect. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever get the chance and there's nothing in the world that can change that."--On his chances of ever managing, quoted in Baseball Digest, June 1961

"I believe if God had ever managed, he would have been very aggressive, the way I manage."--As A's manager, quoted in Sports Illustrated, March 30, 1981.

"I've always said I could manage Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Hirohito. That doesn't mean I'd like them, but I'd manage them." --As Yankee manager, widely quoted

"Everything looks nicer when you win. The girls are prettier. The cigars taste better. Thre trees are greener."--As Yankee manager, Quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Sept. 17, 1975

"I get fired because I'm not a yes-man. The world's full of yes men. The first year that I became manager, 1969, with the Twins, I won a division championship. And got fired. The Tigers hired me. I had made $35,000 and the Tigers gave me a big raise. I won another division title and got fired again. Texas hired me, and with a bigger raise. I came in second, and got fired. The Yankees hired me, and tripled my salary. When I got fired there, and Oakland hired me--they gave me an unbelievable raise. I've got a long-term contract now, but if I get fired again, I might run for President."--As manager of the A's, quoted in a New York Times interview, July 15, 1982

"All I know is, I pass people on the street these days, and they don't know whether to say hello or to say good-bye."--As Yankee manager, widely quoted

"The only real way to know you've been fired is when you arrive at the ballpark and find your name has been scratched from the parking list."--widely quoted

"Sometimes I would do just the opposite of what George wanted me to do, because I won't let anyone tell me how to manage. If I'm going down the tube, I'm going to do it my way."--from Number 1

"The two of them deserve each other. One's a born liar, the other's convicted."--On Reggie Jackson and George Steinbrenner, widely quoted

"What does George know about Yankee pride? When did he ever play for the Yankees?"--On Steinbrenner, from Number 1

"I'm getting smarter, I finally punched something that couldn't sue me."--As A's manager on breaking his finger after punching a piece of furniture, quoted in Sports Illustrated, September 6, 1982

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: network.nationalpost.com

Image: amazon.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
.
MLB: The (bleepin') best of (bleepin') Guillen
Posted: June 02, 2008, 6:01 PM by Jeremy Sandler
.
It seems Chicago White Sox general manager Kenny Williams’ line for supporting Ozzie Guillen stops when his sometimes controversial, often combative and almost always quotable manager levels criticism at his own front office.
.
Williams, the architect of both Chicago’s 2005 World Series-winning team — and the squad that entered yesterday with a one-game lead in the American League Central — took issue with Guillen ripping into his team’s offence after a 4-3 extra-inning loss to the Tampa Bay Rays.
.
“It’s just not a good idea to throw your boss under the bus, especially when that boss has had your back as much as I have had his,” Williams wrote in an e-mail to the Chicago Tribune. “I expect this team, if the leadership remains positive and the players stick together and continue to play hard, it will be a fun summer.
.
“The offence will begin to produce when collectively they say the hell with all the theories, stay loose, pick the pitch you want to hit and hit it hard. It will be nice to see them lighten up and have some fun.”
.
Heading into play yesterday, Chicago ranked ninth in the AL with 244 runs, eighth in on-base percentage and 12th in hitting with a .247 average.
.
But the White Sox first-place status was not enough to keep the 44-year-old Guillen from launching a verbal tirade after his team scored just four runs in three losses to the Rays.
.
“I expect Kenny to do something Tuesday. Because if we don’t do anything Tuesday, there’s [going to be] a lot of change in the lineup,” said Guillen, reportedly spicing his comments with more than an occasional expletive. “It could be me. It could be [hitting coach] Greg Walker, the players, anybody. I’m sick and tired watching this for a year and a half. I’m not protecting anybody anymore.”
.
Shooting from the lip has been standard for Guillen over his four-plus seasons managing on Chicago’s South Side:
.
May 2008, on the reaction of the fans and media after Chicago was swept by Toronto:
.
“They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the [bleeping] best [bleep] in town. Now we’re [bleep],” said Guillen. “We won it a couple years ago, and we’re horse[bleep]. The Cubs haven’t won in [100] years, and they’re the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we’re good. [Bleep] everybody.”
.
May 2007, on Chicago radio host Mike North criticizing his use of catchers A.J. Pierzynski and Toby Hall:
.
“Oh, shut the [bleep] up! I know you like A.J. but there’s no reason for you to make lineups and [bleep]. I don’t care what A.J. thinks. I make the best lineup. I want to find out what Toby Hall can do for this ballclub, find out right away how we are going to use him. I never said A.J. was in a platoon. Believe me, I’m tired of you guys and this bull[bleep] every [bleeping] day.”
.
June 2006, after Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti criticized Guillen’s handling of pitcher Sean Tracey:
.
“What a piece of [bleep] [Mariotto] is, [bleeping] fag. He’s garbage … he’s always been garbage … and he will die garbage.”
.
Early 2006, before the World Baseball Classic, when Yankees star Alex Rodriguez said he could not decide between playing for the United States or the Dominican Republic:
.
“Alex was kissing Latino people’s asses … He knew he wasn’t going to play for the Dominicans … He’s not a Dominican! I hate hypocrites, he’s full of [expletive],” said Guillen. “The Dominican team doesn’t need his ass...It’s the same thing with [Nomar] Garciaparra playing for Mexico … Garciaparra only knows Cancun because he went to visit.”
.
2005, after former White Sox outifelder Magglio Ordonez claimed Guillen forced him to play hurt and convinced Chicago not to re-sign him:
.
“Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? Why ever talk about me? He doesn’t do [bleep] for me. But if he thinks I’m his enemy, he has a big enemy.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.co.uk

Image: michaeltyson.com

.

SPORTS QUOTES

.

Vicious attacks and noble brats: quotes of the year
Compiled by Chris Maume Friday, 20 December 2002
.

January
This is me fighting my demons, my way of saying: 'Look, I am sorry for giving into the temptations. I have abused the privileged life I've had, and if this match is anything, it is me paying my debt.'
Niall Quinn, footballer, announcing that his £1m testimonial proceeds would go to charity.

.
It's really embarrassing. I'm Chelsea through and through.
Paul Haines, who suffered a head injury playing in goal for Swindon Supermarine and came to in hospital believing he was Fabien Barthez.

.
So my wife and I can make love in a different room every night.
Bobby George, darts player, on why his £2.5m Essex mansion has 18 bedrooms.

.
There are some bloody good balti places in Birmingham.
Ron Atkinson on why the Midlands is a better national stadium option than Wembley.

.
Mine's at home finishing the ironing and washing-up.
Robbie Earle, asked what he thought about the television show Footballers' Wives.

.
I am a prostitute.
David Sheepshanks, Ipswich chairman, favours the Uefa Cup having a group stage, in order to boost income.

.
I am not a role model or Mr Politically Correct.
Mike Tyson.

.
February
You could tell he was a goalie because he was so good with his hands.
Alicia Douvall, tabloid kiss-and-tell girl, after a night with Barthez.

.
Martin [Johnson] is not a player who purposely goes out on the pitch to be violent and cause damage to other players, other than in the true spirit of the game.
Neil Back on the England rugby union captain.

.
The only place that will be more secure will be the White House.
Al Mansell, president of the Utah Senate, on security at Salt Lake City for the Winter Olympic Games.

.
Take your brother's skateboard. Rope it to the back of your mother's car and then ask her to drive it at 80mph round the M25.
Alex Coomber, before winning an Olympic skeleton bronze medal, on what the event feels like.

.
I'm not Mother Teresa. I'm not Charles Manson either. Just treat me equal.
Mike Tyson at his licence hearing before the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

.
The hospitality industry has been down since September 11th and this would be a boost for our economy.
Michael Brown, vice-president of Washington DC's Boxing and Wrestling Commission, on why it approved a boxing licence for Tyson.

.
I'm prepared to fight him in any country but I want him to seek help. They might have to put him in a muzzle. I'm a fighter, not a biter.
Lennox Lewis on Tyson.

.
There haven't been any.
Graeme Hick, asked who is the best coach he has worked with.

.
March
I was contacted and told what to do by people from the other side.
Johann Mühlegg, cross-country skiing champion who said he defected to Spain from Germany because aliens told him to.

.
Fash the Cash, Fash the Bash. I've been called the lot. I just thank God I wasn't named Hunt.
John Fashanu.

.
I can't do anything that would ridicule my perception.
Chris Eubank on why he did not accept a nomination for the Rear of the Year award.

.
Terry Biddlecombe says he's Linford Christie without the balls.
Henrietta Knight, trainer of Gold Cup winner, the gelding Best Mate.

.
He has a work ethic which has meant a change in attitude for us all. I didn't realise there were two 7.30s in a day.
Budge Pountney, Northampton captain, on coach Wayne Smith.

.
I prefer to live one day as a lion, instead of 10 years like a rabbit.
Lorenzo Amoruso, the Rangers captain, not Mussolini.

.
Ben was too cool to get old ... He was a beautiful work of art, a classic sculpture.
Adam Hollioake, at the memorial service for his brother, Ben.

.
In my mind I'd no reason to get it checked. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.
Alain Baxter, stripped of his Olympic skiing medal after testing positive for methamphetamines in a nasal inhaler.

.
It's the usual refrain. Have you ever heard of anyone responding to a positive case differently?
Dick Pound, head of the World Anti-Doping Agency.

.
April
Crap.
Tony McCoy's response to those who consider him the most effective jump jockey in history.

.
He's an overrated bum.
Julius Long, after losing to Audley Harrison.

.
I'm fed up with football, football every time I open a newspaper. I feel cricket should be back where it belongs, as our No 1 sport.
Michael Soper, chairman of Surrey County Cricket Club.

.
He represents something for every woman – father, husband, footballer, icon. In a word, he's the ultimate hero.
Marie O'Riordan, editor of Marie Claire, on David Beckham becoming the first man to appear on the magazine's cover.

.
She is a highly patriotic woman who regards it as her duty to watch fixtures where England is on TV, just as she watches any Royal occasion. It is part of her belief in her country. He thought she wanted to watch the England-Albania match because she wanted to ogle the men on the pitch.
Mr David Whitehouse, QC, defending Zena Burton, who killed her boyfriend by strangling him with an aerial flex because he would not let her watch the football. She was given a three-year community rehabilitation order.

.
May
He reminds you of Hitler.
Ken Bates, Chelsea chairman, on Adam Crozier, the Football Association chief executive.

.
Having an orgasm is like running up the stairs.
Lewis on why he gives up sex three weeks before a fight.

.
Forget the championship. There is no chance to stop Michael.
Gerhard Berger, BMW's motor sport director, on Michael Schumacher and the Formula One world title race.

.
It's disgusting. You suspect that if they can find a reason not to promote Rotherham then they will.
Mike Schmidt, player-coach of Rotherham RUFC, who were not promoted despite finishing top of National Division One.

.
I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager and I don't rate you as a person. You're a f***ing w****r and you can stick your World Cup up your arse.
Roy Keane to the Republic of Ireland manager, Mick McCarthy, during the row that led to his being sent home.

.
June
I don't regret what I said, but at the same time I agree that Mick had to send me home.
Keane.

.
Oh, I'd have sent him home all right, but I'd have shot him first.
Brian Clough, Keane's former manager.

.
I'm just happy that Lennox didn't kill me in there.
Mike Tyson, after defeat in Memphis.

.
We burn referees like that at the stake.
Paolo Maldini, Italy defender, on Graham Poll, after his side's game against Croatia.

.
F*** You.
Headline in the Argentinian paper Olé after defeat to England.

.
I don't feel like a hero. That is someone who wins wars.
Sven Goran Eriksson, England manager, after the win over Denmark.

.
That gentleman will never set foot in Perugia again... Let him go back to Korea and earn 100 lire per month.
Luciano Gaucci, Perugia president, on the club's Korean international Ahn Jung-Hwan, whose golden goal put out Italy.

.
If the Italians speak of corruption it's because they are accustomed to practising it.
Byron Moreno, Ecuadorean referee, after Italians claimed that he was paid off for their game against South Korea.

.
July
I'd rather buy a Bob the Builder CD for my two-year-old son.
Jason McAteer, asked if he was going to buy Roy Keane's autobiography.

.
It would be wrong for me to sit at ringside watching a guy with brain damage that could kill him.
Dr Ray Monsell, who resigned from the British Boxing Board of Control following the decision to re-license Wayne McCullough.

.
My mum hits harder... I'm off down the pub now. Maybe I'll get a couple of fights down there.
Dominic Negus, Audley Harrison's latest victim.

.
August
I could have been a god, but people only allow you to get so far in this country.
Linford Christie.

.
It's a billion-pound business – but, if I had a kebab shop, I wouldn't let them run it.
Theo Paphitis, Millwall chairman, after the Football League lost its case against ITV Digital.

.
Reluctantly, I am giving the asylum back to the lunatics.
Keith Harris on leaving the Football League.

.
September
A goalkeeper should never be beaten from that distance.
David Seaman, on Ronaldinho's 47-yard World Cup goal, shortly before conceding a 43-yarder from Chelsea's Gianfranco Zola.

.
If Pete had worked as hard as [Andre] Agassi he would have won 24 Grand Slam titles, not 13.
Peter Fisher, Sampras's first coach.

.
I never try to make a right decision. I make a decision and then try to make it right.
Martin O'Neill, Celtic manager.

.
October
We got a European butt-whipping.
Curtis Strange, losing Ryder Cup captain.

.
Will Arsenal have to field nine men when they play Chelsea – or Pete Sampras have two strings cut from his racket when he meets Tim Henman?
Patrick Head of Williams, on F1 'handicapping' proposals.

.
Audley has got to stop fighting dead bodies.
Henry Cooper.

.
Some girls will do anything for attention.
Ulrika Jonsson, after a streak at the National Television Awards.

.
November
I'm in one piece now, and that's the way I intend to stay.
Adrian Maguire, jockey, announces his retirement.

.
A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her so, she forgets she is beautiful.
Arsène 'Swiss Tony' Wenger, Arsenal manager.

.
Australia haven't seen the best of English cricket in a long while and it's up to us to put that right.
Nasser Hussain, England cricket captain. However...
I anticipate them wanting to beat us 5-0, them being completely cut-throat. They will show us no mercy at all.
Hussain again.

.
Maybe I could come back in a veterans' race.
Dermot Browne, former jockey and trainer, on his 20-year ban from racing.

.
It won't happen.
Alex Ferguson on the idea that he will retire without having won any further honours.

.
December
Sometimes it is good to bury your ego in Siberia and put your personal ambitions aside for the well-being of the whole team.
Yevgeny Kafelnikov, after giving up his berth to play the last rubber of the Davis Cup final.

.
He's one of the first players I have seen sent off without any tackling at all.
Wenger on Sol Campbell's red card against Southampton.