SOCCER QUOTES \ INSULTS
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I don't think there's much doubt about who's the smuggest bastard among football's TV star's. Yes it's got to be that well known wildlife slaughterer,Jimmy Hill........Take that chin away to the Natural History Museum where it belongs.
When Saturday Comes
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Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home.
Arsene Wenger's reply to Sir Alex Ferguson in 2002 when the United manager claimed his side were the best team in the Premiership.
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The average English footballer could not tell the difference between an attractive woman and a corner flag.
Walter Zenga Italian goalkeeper
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He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's all right.
George Best on David Beckham
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When Rioch came to Millwall we were depressed and miserable.He's done a brilliant job of turning it around.Now we are miserable and depressed.
Danny Baker, Millwall fan
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The human Scotwieler!
Former player about Tommy Docherty
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Porto are a bunch of girls that go down too easily.
Gary Neville
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Well. We’ve had cocaine, bribery and Arsenal scoring two goals at home. But just when you thought there were no surprises left in football, Vinnie Jones turns out to be an international player.
Jimmy Greaves, when the Wimbledon hard man is selected for Wales.
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Twenty two grown men chasing a piece of leather round a field.
Bernard Levin, describing football in the New York Times
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Jimmy Hill is to football what King Herod was to babysitting.
Tommy Docherty
If David Seaman’s dad had worn a condom, we’d still be in the World Cup.
Nick Hancock after the defeat by Brazil in the 2002 World Cup
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The local girls are far uglier than the ones in Belgrade. Our women are far prettier and they don't drink as much beer.
Georgi Hristov upsets the locals at Barnsley
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I would like to have signed Rio Ferdinand for 10 million less.
Arsene Wenger thinks United paid too much for him.
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He wears a number 10 jersey .I thought it was his position ,but it turns out it's his IQ.
George Best
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Peter Shilton would not know a footballer if he saw one. All he is interested in is getting enough players back to protect his selfish hide.
Alan Hudson former Stoke team-mate on Shilton's managerial ambitions
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====================
Monday, May 3, 2010
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.surfermag.com
SURFER MAGNETS???Image: goldcoast.com.au
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SURFING QUOTES
Surfers forum presents Murphy's Laws of water surfing
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Forum Entries:
.
When you receive a new board, you will have to suffer spring
tides, 20 knot onshores and water pollution for at least a
week before.
.
- During long periods without surf, improved conditions will
not arrive until you have to be out of town or otherwise
preoccupied with your wife's, child's or mother-in-law's
birthday.
.
- When you let the "first" wave of a set go by, it ends up being the ONLY wave of that set.
.
- No matter how good your last wave was, as soon as you are on the beach, you see a set come in that's better than anything else that came in all day. AKA the F*ck You Set.
.
1. if you buy a new board the surf goes flat
2. if you get a great ride, you take the next set on the head
3. if you don't like the conditions, wait a bit, it will get worse
4. Always leave on a good wave
5. your first wave will set the tone for your session
6. one jerk in the water can ruin/sour a whole crowd
7. smiles can set the tone in the crowd
8. Ian's rule: don't worry about the sharks, they always bite the other guy
Chuck's variant: Don't be the other guy
9. if you move inside to get a smaller wave, a big set will come
10. 60/40 rule: i'm over 60, i'm not going out if the water is under 40
.
- The one kook that you actually give a wave to will not only remember your kindness but will expect it everytime he paddles out at your spot. He will also remember you possibly by name and everyone in the water will say "oh the kook that's his buddy he must have brought him"
.
- You're walking up the beach after a sesh and you see your roomates hot girlfriend and her roomate laying on the beach. You stroll up and say "what'zz up ladies, how ya doin?" and have what you think is a killer conversation in your favor only to "check ya later" walk away and realize you had the biggest gnarliest boogie smeared across your face!! You see your roomate later and all he can do is laugh his face off.
.
-----------
.
If you skip out of work to surf: the wind turns onshore.
If you stay at work: surf fires.
If you're out there enjoying a solid session, some dude will paddle over and tell you, "it was better yesterday!"
As soon as you think you're even a bit of a ripper, some guy will completely demolish a wave and you'll remember that you're actually a tranny kook.
As soon as you start thinking you surf a lot, you remember Daily Dale.
You get all psyched because you pull up to the local point at 5:50 AM and there is nobody out. You paddle out all frothing... then three pickup trucks that you recognize pull into the parking lot.. 5 of the local heavies paddle out before you get your first wave and you're suddenly facing a wave-starved sesh for yourself - plus icy vibes from the locals.
.
--------
.
1. You will always have concrete plans to do something else on the stand-out day of the year.
2. The morning you sleep in (or otherwise indisposed), your good for nothing friend who barely surfs because he is stoned all the time and living off his elderly mother will come by your place at 10 AM and tell you how great it was from 6AM to 9AM, how many fantastic waves were had and how it is blown to sh*t now.
3. You will come down with a raging headcold on first macking swell of the season.
4. Spring break, a week off from school, and crap for surf every single goddamn day for the duration.
5. Meet a beautiful person at a party, really connect and have great chemistry, spend the night together, great follow up in the morning complete with delicious breakfast at the cafe down the street, can see a long future ahead with this person and realize it is all just a dream that played out a few months back and had gone completely wrong due to your "surfing lifestyle"...what doesn't help is that you are playing it over and over in your head as you bob about in hacked up half foot "swell" with upwelling cold water making mincemeat of your 5 season old wetsuit.
6. The first ding on the custom board that you waited months for (and saved up for even more months before that) shall occur before you leave what passes for your residence.
7. Your friends will always have a better session without you than with you, and they'll never tire of telling you "how it just isn't as good as that time when you couldn't make it last swell/week/month/etc".
.
---------
.
If you are in the lineup and mention to others around you that you are a decent - maybe even advanced skilled surfer - the next wave that you catch, you will flail like a donkey and nosedive in a horrific wipeout.
.
====================
When you receive a new board, you will have to suffer spring
tides, 20 knot onshores and water pollution for at least a
week before.
.
- During long periods without surf, improved conditions will
not arrive until you have to be out of town or otherwise
preoccupied with your wife's, child's or mother-in-law's
birthday.
.
- When you let the "first" wave of a set go by, it ends up being the ONLY wave of that set.
.
- No matter how good your last wave was, as soon as you are on the beach, you see a set come in that's better than anything else that came in all day. AKA the F*ck You Set.
.
1. if you buy a new board the surf goes flat
2. if you get a great ride, you take the next set on the head
3. if you don't like the conditions, wait a bit, it will get worse
4. Always leave on a good wave
5. your first wave will set the tone for your session
6. one jerk in the water can ruin/sour a whole crowd
7. smiles can set the tone in the crowd
8. Ian's rule: don't worry about the sharks, they always bite the other guy
Chuck's variant: Don't be the other guy
9. if you move inside to get a smaller wave, a big set will come
10. 60/40 rule: i'm over 60, i'm not going out if the water is under 40
.
- The one kook that you actually give a wave to will not only remember your kindness but will expect it everytime he paddles out at your spot. He will also remember you possibly by name and everyone in the water will say "oh the kook that's his buddy he must have brought him"
.
- You're walking up the beach after a sesh and you see your roomates hot girlfriend and her roomate laying on the beach. You stroll up and say "what'zz up ladies, how ya doin?" and have what you think is a killer conversation in your favor only to "check ya later" walk away and realize you had the biggest gnarliest boogie smeared across your face!! You see your roomate later and all he can do is laugh his face off.
.
-----------
.
If you skip out of work to surf: the wind turns onshore.
If you stay at work: surf fires.
If you're out there enjoying a solid session, some dude will paddle over and tell you, "it was better yesterday!"
As soon as you think you're even a bit of a ripper, some guy will completely demolish a wave and you'll remember that you're actually a tranny kook.
As soon as you start thinking you surf a lot, you remember Daily Dale.
You get all psyched because you pull up to the local point at 5:50 AM and there is nobody out. You paddle out all frothing... then three pickup trucks that you recognize pull into the parking lot.. 5 of the local heavies paddle out before you get your first wave and you're suddenly facing a wave-starved sesh for yourself - plus icy vibes from the locals.
.
--------
.
1. You will always have concrete plans to do something else on the stand-out day of the year.
2. The morning you sleep in (or otherwise indisposed), your good for nothing friend who barely surfs because he is stoned all the time and living off his elderly mother will come by your place at 10 AM and tell you how great it was from 6AM to 9AM, how many fantastic waves were had and how it is blown to sh*t now.
3. You will come down with a raging headcold on first macking swell of the season.
4. Spring break, a week off from school, and crap for surf every single goddamn day for the duration.
5. Meet a beautiful person at a party, really connect and have great chemistry, spend the night together, great follow up in the morning complete with delicious breakfast at the cafe down the street, can see a long future ahead with this person and realize it is all just a dream that played out a few months back and had gone completely wrong due to your "surfing lifestyle"...what doesn't help is that you are playing it over and over in your head as you bob about in hacked up half foot "swell" with upwelling cold water making mincemeat of your 5 season old wetsuit.
6. The first ding on the custom board that you waited months for (and saved up for even more months before that) shall occur before you leave what passes for your residence.
7. Your friends will always have a better session without you than with you, and they'll never tire of telling you "how it just isn't as good as that time when you couldn't make it last swell/week/month/etc".
.
---------
.
If you are in the lineup and mention to others around you that you are a decent - maybe even advanced skilled surfer - the next wave that you catch, you will flail like a donkey and nosedive in a horrific wipeout.
.
====================
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsjabber.net
SPORT QUOTES
Sports blogger presents sports quotes \ catchphrases from selected ESPN staff announcers.
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
=================
Sports blogger presents sports quotes \ catchphrases from selected ESPN staff announcers.
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
=================
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