FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ejokesclub.com

Image: cookstown.gov.uk
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EXERCISE AND FITNESS HUMOR

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Weight Control Tips and Hints

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Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.

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Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75

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Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100

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Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150

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Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50

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Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25

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Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight). . . .50-300

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Dragging your heels. . . . . . . . . . 100

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Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250

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Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500

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Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50

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Wading through paperwork . . . . . . . 300

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Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . 75

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Jumping on the bandwagon . . . . . . . 200

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Balancing the books. . . . . . . . . . .25

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Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350

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Eating crow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225

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Tooting your own horn. . . . . . . . . .25

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Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 750

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Pulling out the stops. . . . . . . . . .75

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Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . . 160

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Wrapping it up at the day's end. . . . .12

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To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:

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Opening a can of worms . . . . . . . . .50

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Putting your foot in your mouth. . . . 300

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Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . . .90

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Going over the edge. . . . . . . . . . .25

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Picking up the pieces after. . . . . . 350

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ejokesclub.com

WINTER SPORTS QUOTES

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Skiing season training

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Ski season is almost here!

Hence, the following list of Exercises to get you prepared:

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16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

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15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

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14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

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13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

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12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill - NOW!

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11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

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10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

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9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

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8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

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7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

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6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

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5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

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4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

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3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

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2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

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1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: kakool.com

SPORTS QUOTE
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Don Adams was among a group of comedian-golfers who gambled on their games together.
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During a round one day, James Caan found himself arguing with Adams right from the get-go.
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"You're gonna give me four strokes aside," Adams said. Caan relucantly agreed. Then Adams said, "We're playing winter rules" (meaning that a ball on the fairway could be rolled over if it was muddy).
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On the first hole, Adams hit his ball into a barranca. When he went to move it, Caan asked him what he was doing. "We're playing winter rules," he said. Caan argued and they continued playing...
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On the last hole, Caan made a lovely shot onto the green. Adams, who had already lost several small bets to Caan, hit his second shot into a sand trap. Caan drove his cart up a hill to the clubhouse and started walking back down to the hole.
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"As I'm walking down the hill," he later recalled, "I see Adams moving his ball from the rough, through the elephant grass -- and he doesn't know I'm standing above him watching him -- and moves his ball all the way to the fringe of the green.
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I said, 'What the hell are you doing!'
He says, 'We're playing winter rules!' And he starts screaming and everybody's watching [from the clubhouse above]:
'You moved the ball on the fairway!'
'Yeah, on the fairway you can move it!' ...
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I run down, I literally pick him up, slam him on the ground, I get on his chest, I pry open his mouth and stuff a golf ball in there.
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So I'm sitting there and I'm looking at him and I just get hysterical [laughing]. I rolled off him and I'm dying, and Adams gets up, and he says,
'Remind me never to go bowling with you!'"

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: kakool.com

JANE FONDA

Image: agustin.typepad.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

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[We pee] right off the bike. #1 is no problem. #2 is a problem. It's a real problem. But it has been attempted... It might have been Greg LeMond [laughs, snorts]. Did I just snort?' -- Lance Armstrong

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Wade Boggs: When you compare Boston and New York, they're as different as night and day--especially from the viewpoint of a ballplayer. Number one, we don't throw knives at players in Boston. Last year, at Yankee Stadium, someone threw a knife at Wally Joyner, the Angel's first baseman. During the season, the guys in the Red Sox bull pen had darts and batteries thrown at them in Yankee Stadium--we're lucky none of the guys was seriously injured. At Shea Stadium, after the last game of the world series, our team's traveling secretary was hit in the head by a bottle thrown from the upper deck. And then, when the team was leaving, a small mob of Mets fans tried to tip our bus over. Bostonians aren't as violent. Red Sox fans will abuse you verbally rather than try to harm you physically. Boston's a great razz town.

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"2% shooting percentage? I think [Philadelphia Flyers goalie] Ron Hextall in 1987 didn't he?" -- NHL commentator Glenn Healy on learning that Toronto Maple Leafs winger Jason Blake had scored only two goals in the 2007-2008 season despite ranking 7th in the NHL for shots on net

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'It's something I'm gonna have to get used to. I might as well adjust to losing.' -- Reggie Bush on the prospect of being drafted by Houston (from USC, where he rarely lost)

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'Over the next hundred years or so football saw a great many major innovations and refinements that are too boring to even think about. Along the way professional football came into being so that the largest and most violent college players would have a way to earn money other than simply demanding it from innocent civilians.' -- Dave Barry

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"I played the best round of my life." -- Samuel L. Jackson, after Dunhill Tournament teammate Tiger Woods told him "Follow Me" [on each shot]

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During a game one day, NFL referee Art Holst threw a flag after a linebacker tackled legendary Jim Brown. "I threw the rag and stopped the clock," Holst recalled, "and told the referee, 'I got #55 on the defense, pulling the facemask, personal foul, 15 yards.'About that time he jumped up -- all 6'6", 260 pounds of him- he looked down at me and said, 'What?' I said, 'Get back in there and play football before I bite your head off!' They're all real good guys and very politely he said, 'If you do, sir, you'll have more brains in your stomach than you have in your head!'"

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As he approached his 90th birthday, Winston Churchill was asked the secret of longevity. "Sport," he replied. "I never, ever got involved in sport."

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Super Bowl XXXIX (in 2005) did not start auspiciously for New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick. "In pre-game warmup," he later recalled, "we came out one entrance and our bench was across the field. Then when they introduced us, I went across the field, but we came out another entrance! I blew it. I thought there were a lot of [Philadelphia] Eagles guys standing on our sidelines!"

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'My chair didn't fit me so I hit my head six or seven times. After the match I asked my friend the same question, like, 17 times -- I didn't know I had a concussion.' -- Murderball star Mark Zupan on his introduction to the rough and tumble sport of wheelchair rugby

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“I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side.” -- David Beckham, asked if he was a “volatile” player

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Wade Boggs: "When you play at night, your pupils dilate much more than they do during the day, when you have to squint to compensate for the sun shining in your eyes. At night, when my pupils are wider, they produce a bigger image on the retina, which allows me to see pitches better... it means a difference of about 40 points in my batting average."

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"I'd probably have my name taken off my bag, wouldn't have any sponsors, and have my amateur status back!" -- John Daly, asked if he would have 10 major tournament victories if he took the game more seriously

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'I don't think anyone [in the NFL] goes in [to a tackle] looking to hurt somebody.' -- Ben 'Call me Naive' Roethlisberger

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"I can't palm a basketball. Shhhhhhh. That's a secret." -- Carmelo Anthony

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'Boxing's all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds.' -- Frank Bruno, Boxer

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"I'm not a win-at-all-costs guy. Winning isn't everything. It's second to breathing." -- George Steinbrenner

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'F***ing right!' -- Carolina Hurricanes left winger Ray Whitney, hoisting the cup after winning the Stanley Cup in 2006, live on CBC-TV (Canada)

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'Values like burning as much gas as you can so you can drive around an oval for hours.' -- Jon Stewart after President George W. Bush said in a speech that NASCAR promotes American values
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While attending one of his son's hockey games one day, Jeff Daniels lost his temper after an opposing player drew several penalties by taking dives. Finally, Daniels stood up and yelled... "It starts with a P and ends with a Y!"
[Daniels found himself surrounded by irate parents, until the end of the game, when he was swarmed by kids asking for autographs.]

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“Do you understand why I would see that as normal? He wasn’t sitting on a birthday cake.” -- Yankees executive Ray Negron (who "came up with the craziness of the Yankees in the seventies—the ‘Bronx Zoo,’ and Sparky Lyle and all of them sitting on cakes without clothes on") after New Yorker writer Ben McGrath pointed out that Manny Ramirez often walked into the video room naked to study tapes of pitchers

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'Drug testing is very big in football. This is because football players are Role Models for young people. All you young people out there want to grow up and have enormous necks and get knee operations as often as haircuts. That's why the people in charge of football don't want you to associate it with drugs. They want you to associate it with alcohol.' -- Dave Barry

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'We're just physically not physical enough.' -- Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach

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'I had this basketball hoop hooked up onto my mother's bed and I used to pretend that I was a basketball player and I had this fixation on you [Magic Johnson] and I was gonna be the first female Magic Johnson!' -- Fiona Apple

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'At the paralympics, it's the sport everone wants to see. 'Cripples beating up on each other? That could be kind of interesting...'' -- Mark Zupan on wheelchair rugby

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'I just hit it as hard as I can. And if I can find it, I hit it again.' -- golfer John Daly

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'I think the more noise you make, they know who's boss.' -- 2003 Bassmaster Classic Champion Michael Iaconelli (one of GQ's 10 most hated athletes), asked if his antics (dancing and making noise) made fishing more difficult

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'It's a Porsche! Sell it and get a hotel room!' -- Mario Cantone, after Kelly Monaco introduced viewers of the 2006 Daytime Emmy Awards to her old Porsche ('a member of my extended family') and revealed that she had once lived in it

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One day in 1996, Charlie Sheen, envious of friends who had caught foul balls, resolved to catch a home run at Angels Stadium:"I bought 2,700 seats. Me and a couple buddies, and you can see us in the video; we're like stumbling around drunk. It's really embarrassing. Five or six balls hit the wall that night. Not a single home run... The next night I was sitting at home watching the game and four home runs, like, landed in my seat!"

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"Not gonna say much bad about Canada because the show airs there and everybody's got a hockey stick!" -- Chi McBride

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After throwing a flag during a game one day, NFL referee Art Holst found himself face to face with irate Oakland Raiders coach John Madden. Holst recalled: "He said, 'Art, what in the world are you doing to us?' I said, 'John it is illegal for that guy to go in motino from the end of that line'... He said, 'Art [whimpering] this is our secret play.' He said, 'It's the only thing we practiced all week!'"

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'I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.' -- Oscar Wilde on cricket

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'Depends on how hungover I am.' -- John Daly, asked how he finds the ball in the rough

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Jane Fonda: 'I read a fascinating book called Fly Fishing Through Midlife Crisis [1993]... and the guy [Howard Raines] says one of the great things about fly fishing is that when you hook the fish there are little neural reactions in the elbows that are like orgasms, and I thought, 'That's why Ted [Ted Turner] likes to fly fish! He wants it from all angles!''

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'He couldn't bowl a hoop downhill.' -- Fred Trueman on fellow cricket player Ian Botham

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'By the end of the game I had resurfaced the ice.' -- Steve Carell on drinking a gallon of water before a youth hockey game in which he was the goalie

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"The most ridiculous [wrestling] idea? Someone suggested hiring hunchbacks. The reasoning was they could never lose a match because their shoulders could never be pinned!" -- WWF chief Vince McMahon

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"The first thing that crossed my mind was to bite him back." -- Evander Holyfield, after being bitten by Mike Tyson

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Jeff Daniels: "There's a song [on his album of his comedy songs] called 'Recreational Vehicle' which is kind of a 10-minute song about this RV trip I took with my family. We were going to Cooperstown, New York, for the Baseball Hall Of Fame from Michigan. We stopped at a truck stop and while I was getting recognized gassing up -- I got recognized as Jeff Bridges... I got back into the RV and pulled back onto the highway and had forgotten my wife."
["The next exit was, like, 18 miles down the road."]

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'I could care less about the Pirates. It's just black and yellow look nice!' -- Patrice O'Neal, after making his entrance on 'Late Night with David Letterman' in a Pittsburgh Pirates shirt

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'You just like to see white guys get hit with a stick!' -- Jay Leno, after Kevin Eubanks told him bandmate Vicki liked watching hockey

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'To call [English soccer player Kevin] Keegan a superstar is stretching a point. He's been very, very lucky -- an average player who came into the game when it was short of personalities. He's not fit to lace my boots as a player.' -- George Best

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'Let's paralyze their resistance with our persistence.' -- legendary Ohio State football coach Woody Hayes

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'If only faces could talk...' -- sportscaster Pat Summerall during the Super Bowl

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mailonsunday.co.uk

GOAL!

SPORTS QUOTES
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"I trained hard up until the game but it was the end of the season and afterwards I got kidnapped. It was a very enjoyable week - from what I can remember!"
Wales and Wasps coach Shaun Edwards describes a lost week of celebration when he played for Ireland in rugby league at the end of his playing days.
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"I would have been doing a bit of 'porridge' myself!"
Roy Keane admits he would have gone to prison had Sepp Blatter's demand for some tackles to be made a criminal offence come into force while he was a player.
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"I'm assessed as a manager, players are assessed, referees should be assessed properly by the right people. That performance today should not be accepted by our game."
Sir Alex Ferguson blasts referee Martin Atkinson and his boss Keith Hackett after Manchester United's FA Cup defeat to Portsmouth.
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"They don't give penalties, don't give yellows, don't give reds - it's difficult to play like that."
Cristiano Ronaldo claimed he is "scared" at not being given enough protection and revealed he may change his style of play.
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"When Rio Ferdinand went in goal, I wasn't too worried. I saw him play in goal when he was a kid and I knew he wasn't very good."
Harry Redknapp knew it was Portsmouth's day in the FA Cup when United defender Rio went between the sticks.
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"I put my house, its contents, my entire wardrobe, my under garments, my socks and my shoes on the fact that he would score, and how he didn't I have no idea."
Inimitable Leicester boss Ian Holloway on a missed chance for Iain Hume in the goalless draw with Bristol City.
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"Maybe now, with Manchester United and Chelsea out of the Cup, our odds to win it will come down from 200-1."
Barnsley manager Simon Davey believes his side can go all the way after knocking Chelsea out of the FA Cup.
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"We've knocked out Liverpool at Anfield and now the cup holders, who've got one of the best squads in the world and they've come here and we've turned them over."
Barnsley captain Brian Howard struggles to take in the enormity of his side's achievement.
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"I said to them 'well, there's a tenner in it for you but there are conditions. We have to win 15-0. When they said to me that was fine, I replied 'that's all very well, but you have to score 14 in the first half. You see. whenever the players ask me about a bonus, I just tell them I don't understand, that I'm a Yorkshireman."
Barnsley chairman Gordon Shepherd reveals his unique way of handing out bonuses.
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"We haven't won it, we have not got to the final and we have got to get prepared. Why would we be drinking champagne?"
Cardiff boss Dave Jones plays down his side's shock quarter-final win at Middlesbrough, even though it handed them their first semi-final berth since they won the competition in 1927
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"We were worried about going home tonight on the plane because of the high winds. I don't think that will have any bearing because the plane will be rocking anyway."
More from Jones.
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"I've always believed at this time of the season you get to see people like oranges - you squeeze them and some of them tend to capitulate."
Watford manager Adrian Boothroyd gets fruity.
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"I'll fight them anywhere. I'll go to Russia or Las Vegas to fight them if necessary. As long as there's a ring and the referee can count to 10, I'll be all right."
David Haye calls out world heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko and co after beating Enzo Maccarinelli to confirm his dominance of the cruiserweight division.
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"I have told Mike he can be the biggest, most physical, imposing scrum-half in world rugby. He thinks he already is - and he told me he is the best looking as well!"
Wales coach Warren Gatland prescribes a case of vanity in Mike Phillips.
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"I've looked at the game again and, to be honest, if you weren't Scottish or English then you would be pretty bored watching it."
Scotland's Chris Paterson takes an honest view of the fare on show in last week's Calcutta Cup clash. Scotland won 15-9.
."There was plenty of spice last year, a bit of a lovers' tiff between Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso within the same team."
Mark Webber takes a light-hearted view on last year's row between the McLaren team-mates.
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"I can't remember his name and I don't think he wants to remember mine because I was yelling at him for four holes, telling him to move, stop moving when the others were playing. He dropped the umbrella on the first hole and then I found out he had spikes on so I had to kick him off the greens."
Golfer Tony Carolan explains why he sacked his local caddie after just four holes of the Ballantine's Championship.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: strictlybowhunting.com

Image: fws.gov

HUNTING QUOTES
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Quotes From Notable Sportsmen and Women Regarding Bowhunting and Hunting in General
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"I kill when I hunt and do not apologize for that, although I reserve the right to think about its implications. I also hunt without killing-whether by accident or design-and I do not apologize for that either. There is room in longbow country for a spectrum of tastes and attitudes, and that is as it should be."
E. Donnall Thomas, Jr.-Longbow Country
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"A particular virtue of wildlife ethics is that the hunter ordinarily has no gallery to applaud or disapprove of his acts, they are dictated by his own conscience, rather than a mob of onlookers. It is difficult to exaggerate the importance of this fact."
Aldo Leopold-Sand County Almanac and MN DNR Rules and Regulations Booklets
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"Take you kids hunting or you will end up hunting for your kids."
Ted Nugent-God, Guns, & Rock 'N' Roll
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"I have listened to impassioned accusations of anti-hunters who believe that hunting is synonymous with killing and that anyone who hunts is unfeeling and cruel. These people, at least, are not dishonest. They are sensitive people who feel the pain of others as if it were their own and a re moved to stop it. No they aren't dishonest. They are merely wrong-and I have standing to judge. I know where they could only guess, what hunting is, and I know that hunting is no more killing than the death of Julius Caesar is Shakespeare's play. I know, whereas they can only guess what my feelings are, and I know that I am neither unfeeling nor cruel. If they feel pain, I have felt the death. I have stood in the moment of the echo. They have not."
Peter Dunne-Before the Echo
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"I do not hunt for the joy of killing but for the joy of living, and the inexpressible pleasure of mingling my life however briefly, with that of a wild creature that I respect, admire and value."
John Madson-Out Home
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"The real archer when he goes afield enters a land of subtile delight. The dew glistens on the leaves, the thrush sings in the bush, the soft wind blows, and all nature welcomes him as she has the hunter since the world began. With the bow in his hand, his arrows softly rustling in the quiver, a horn at his back, and a hound at his heels, what more can a man want in life?"
Saxton Pope-Hunting with the Bow and Arrow
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"What was big was not the antlers, but the chance. What was full was not the meatpole but the memory of the hunt."
Aldo Leopold- Paraphrased
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"Now therefore I take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out and take me some venison."
Judeau Christian Bible- Genesis 27:3
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"I prefer to hunt large animals with a bow and arrow rather than a rifle. With a bow in hand I know that I must get within forty yards of what I will shoot, and I must be willing to wait until I can take a clear shot at the vital killing area. I am aware that this handicaps me considerably over the hunter with a rifle, but I accept the challenge with relish."
James A . Swan-In Defense of Hunting
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"I hunt because I love the entire process: the preparations, the excitement, and sustained suspense of trying to match my woodslore against the finely honed instincts of these creatures. On most days spent in the woods, I come home with an honestly earned feeling that something good has taken place. It makes no difference whether or not I got anything: it has to do with how the day was spent."
Fred Bear-Unknown Reference
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"The great primitive outer world is still unconquered, and there are impulses within the beast of man not yet measured, curbed and devitalized, which are the essential motives of life. Therefore without, without wantoness, and without cruelty, we shall hunt as long as the arm has strength, the eye glistens, and the heart throbs. Lead On!"
Saxton Pope-Hunting with the Bow and Arrow
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"All bowhunters should remember that any deer you take with a bow and arrow is a trophy."
Anonymous

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nytimes.com

NOVAK DJOKOVIC

Image: d.yimg.com

TENNIS QUOTES AND TRIVIA

June 21, 2008

Strange Habits of Successful Tennis Players

Men’s tennis is in a golden age for talent. Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal and their fast-emerging rival Novak Djokovic have each won Grand Slam singles titles in the last year and are preparing for a grass-court summit at Wimbledon.

But this is also the golden age of the quirk. Djokovic and Nadal have elevated tennis idiosyncrasy to an Olympic level and sometimes have irked opponents along the way.

Djokovic’s cardinal trait — sometimes viewed as his cardinal sin — is the ball bounce, a psychological need that can occupy large blocks of time before he serves, particularly before big points. Wayne Odesnik, his opponent in the third round of the French Open this year, was so distracted at one stage that he turned his back as the bouncing continued and forced Djokovic to reboot.

Djokovic typically starts by bouncing the ball on the ground with his racket before shifting the ball to his left hand, leaning forward and continuing his routine by bouncing the ball 8, 9, 10, sometimes 25 more times before tossing it into the air, arching his back and slamming an often marvelous serve.

“He does impressions of all the other players and has their quirks down pat, but he’s got his own that are just about as detailed and elongated; he’s calling the kettle black,” said Jim Loehr, a prominent sports psychologist who is chief executive of the Human Performance Institute in Orlando, Fla.

Nadal has more elaborate behaviors that have nothing to do with his wicked left-handed hooking forehand. There will be kangaroo jumps in the locker room, ultra-precise drink bottle positioning on changeovers, obsessive toweling off between points and equally obsessive wiping of the lines between points with a sneaker sole, even when those lines are already clean. Above all, there is his backward grab at the seat of his tennis shorts that one imagines has not helped sales of the clam diggers that he has otherwise popularized.

When reporters once tried to get to the bottom of the habit, Nadal said the problem was actually his bottom. “A little bigger than usual,” he explained.

Djokovic is not the first of his kind. “Sylvia Hanika, a left-handed German player in the 1980s, bounced the ball more than anyone I can remember, as many as into the 30s,” the tennis historian Bud Collins said. “If she faulted on the first, it was awful, another 30 or so bounces.”

Current Grand Slam rules, not strictly enforced, stipulate that players have 20 seconds to put the ball in play after the previous point has ended. With Djokovic’s ball bouncing and Nadal’s towel-grabbing and pant-adjusting, the gap can often extend to 30 seconds or beyond.

It is all enough to make someone like Federer seem tic-free despite his occasional and superfluous shakes of the head and his racket twirling before receiving serve.

And just why do players feel compelled to bounce the ball before they serve anyway?

Loehr has answers for that one. He has spent the better part of six years collecting data on what top players do to kill time and nerves between points.

“What I concluded was that the between-point time was a very fertile opportunity to get completely distracted and off course,” Loehr said. “The more time you have that you’re not doing something constructive, the more time you have to do things that absolutely allow you to drift, and what the better players do is learn how to fill that time with things that sequentially help them deal. It’s their countdown to launch.”

The countdown is sometimes fraught with angst.

Conchita Martínez, a former Wimbledon women’s champion, used to expend plenty of time and energy securing the ball with which she had just won the previous point so she could serve it again. Her opponent, Patty Schnyder, got so exasperated during a semifinal at the Family Circle Cup in 2004 that she resorted to keeping the ball in question tucked away in a pocket in order to thwart her increasingly vexed opponent. (Martínez won, and Schnyder walked to the net, extended her hand and then jerked it away before Martínez could shake it.)

“I just wanted to look at her; I just wanted to stare into her eyes,” Schnyder said.
Martínez, it should be noted, was hardly the first to become dependent on a ball that had done her right. Goran Ivanisevic was also intent on reusing the same ball after firing an ace, which was hardly infrequent in his huge-serving case in the 1990s.

But there are no shortage of other rituals. Shahar Peer turns her back to her opponent between points, faces the back of the court, closes her eyes and tries to wipe the mental slate clean. Maria Sharapova daintily tucks her hair behind her ear before each serve even if there is not a hair out of place.

“If you tell her she can’t do it, she might not play as well,” Loehr said. “You have to redo the whole readying response, getting that balance and chemistry right.”

Back in the superstition department, Sharapova also avoids stepping on lines between points, as does her new rival at the top, Ana Ivanovic.

Meanwhile, intersecting lines are of more concern to Nicolas Kiefer, who likes to lightly tap the corner of the court with his racket before returning serve. “One day the time will come when I will put the racket away and can stop with all these tics,” Kiefer said earlier this month. “That would be nice.”

But when it comes to tapping things, Kiefer has a way to go to match Art Larsen, an American left-hander who won the United States Open in 1950 and was nicknamed Tappy.

“He made a habit of tapping everything with his racket: a light touch for the umpire, the ball boy, his opponent, the net,” Collins said. “Good naturedly but a lot.”

Ivan Lendl, during his reign as the world’s No. 1 player, used to sprinkle sawdust on his grip to help it dry before serving, but it was tougher to see the utility of another part of Lendl’s pre-serve routine: rubbing and pulling at his eyebrows.

Andre Agassi, the eight-time Grand Slam champion, got positively dictatorial if a ball boy or girl was out of standard position before a point started, refusing to play ball until his feng shui standards had been met.

Agassi also made use of the ball boys and girls to pioneer the art of removing a freshly strung racket from its plastic bag. He would loosen the bag, expose the grip and then extend the racket to a child who would be left holding nothing but clear plastic as Agassi hustled off, pigeon-toed as usual, with his new weapon already in hand. Other players have followed his lead.

“Andre was the best at managing the between-point time of any athlete I’d seen to that stage,” Loehr said. “If you go back and look, no matter whether he hit a winner or missed three balls in a row, if you literally isolated the cameraman on him over and over again, you honestly couldn’t tell if he had lost the point or won it. He would follow his routine 100 percent: the walk, the movement of the eyes, it was absolutely the best.”

Asking Loehr to point out players’ bad habits and bizarre quirks of the past is more complicated. “The problem is I worked with a lot of these people,” he said. “If I mention them, they’ll come back and want to shoot me. We had to work hard to eliminate a lot of that stuff.”

But neither Loehr nor anyone else has succeeded in eliminating all of it from tennis, which means that Djokovic, if he chooses to relaunch his act, still has plenty of fodder for his impressions. And he is still providing plenty of fodder himself as he bounces his way from point to point.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: highbeam.com

SPORTS QUOTES

SYDNEY, July 4 2008 - Sports quotes of the week:
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"I was almost playing in the parking lot. I almost need a helicopter to go to my court."
- JELENA JANKOVIC cries foul after being overlooked for centre court or court one for her Wimbledon quarter-final.
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"It's like Penrith know where the barbecue is but they don't know how to light it."
- ABC Radio commentator DAVID MORROW on the Panthers' struggle to put a depleted Brisbane in their 12-12 NRL draw.
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"It was so long ago that it was still black and white television." MARAT SAFIN, on the last time he made the Wimbledon quarter-finals in 2001.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: allthingsbillbelichick.com

JIM BROWN, NFL AND LACROSSE HALL OF FAMER

Image: laxpower.com

LACROSSE QUOTE

by Bill Belichick, NFL head coach

"I love it. It's the fastest game on two feet. … I grew up with it. It's fast, there's contact and there's skill. I think when you combine those three elements in a game, it's an exciting sport to play and it's an exciting sport to watch. There's an appreciation for all three of those things. … Not that I've seen everybody play, but … I'd say Jim Brown and Jimmy Lewis would be the two best that I ever saw. [Carl] Tamulevich on defense."