SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Saturday, October 23, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message

Image: imagecache6.allposters.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
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Part I: New York Yankee Quotes From the History of the Franchise
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Click here to view ===> YANKEE QUOTES
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Source: itsallaboutthemoney.net
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Image: 4bp.blogspot.com
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Part II: Dick Allen Quotes
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Now I know why they boo Richie all the time. When he hits a home run, there's no souvenir."
– Willie Stargell, after Allen once hit a home run over the left-center field roof of Philadelphia's Connie Mack Stadium.
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"Allen was scary at the plate. When he came up there, he had your attention. I want to forget a couple of line drives he hit off me, but I can’t because they almost killed me."
– Mickey Lolich
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"If a horse won't eat it, I don't want to play on it."
– His own quote on artificial turf.
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"I never worry about it. I just take my three swings and go sit on the bench. I'm afraid if I ever think about hitting it, I'll mess up my swing for life."
– His quote on hitting the knuckleball
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"Bob Gibson was so mean he would knock you down and then meet you at home plate to see if you wanted to make something of it."
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"I can play anywhere; First, Third, Left field, anywhere but Philadelphia."
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Source: en.wikipedia.org
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Part III: Earl Weaver quotes
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But today, let's talk Weaver.
Let's talk about that bantam rooster with the cotton haircut who ran the Baltimore Orioles, made umpires' lives miserable, smoked Raleighs because he collected the coupons, won 108 games in the 1970 season and always, always, always preferred a three-run homer to something as overrated as, oh, strategy.
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Earl Weaver, who once blamed constant travel as the reason he gave up baseball, saying, "What scares the hell out of me is waking up dead some morning in the Hyatt Hotel in Oakland."
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Earl Weaver, who once reacted to umpire Ron Luciano's hiring as a commentator for television, saying, "I hope he takes this job more seriously than he took his last one."
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Earl Weaver, who once expressed reluctance to be a TV commentator himself, saying, "I have to admit that Maury Wills proved as a broadcaster that experience on the field doesn't always result in insights."
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Earl Weaver, who once recalled Billy Martin trying a guy named Shooty Babitt at second base, then saying to him, "Earl, if you ever see Shooty Babitt playing second base for me again, I want you to shooty me."
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Earl Weaver, who once rode Lou Piniella so hard from the dugout that Piniella stepped out of the batter's box and shouted, "You better get off me or I'm gonna hit you in the head with this bat."
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Earl Weaver, who once was handed the ball on the mound by Jim Palmer, who said, "Here, you pitch, Earl. You know so much."
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Earl Weaver, the 5-foot-6 manager of whom the 6-3 Palmer once said, "Did you ever notice Earl always goes to the highest spot on the mound when he comes out?"
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Earl Weaver, who defended himself by saying, "I'd rather be small of stature than a mental midget."
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Earl Weaver, who once was diagnosed with an elbow nerve disorder, then told the doctor, "I must have caught it from Jim Palmer."
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Earl Weaver, who once taped a note above Palmer's locker, reading, "Happy Father's Day. Now grow up."
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Source: latimes.com
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Part IV: Tug McGraw quotes
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After the Phillies won the 1980 National League Championship Series in the 10th inning of an 8-7 game filled with sensational plays, he said, "It was like riding through an art gallery on a motorcycle."
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"Ten million years from now, when the sun burns out and the earth is just a frozen iceball hurtling through space, nobody's gonna care whether or not I got this guy out."
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"Some days you tame the tiger. And some days the tiger has you for lunch," his way of explaining a reliever's life on the edge, working when the game is there to be won or lost.
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Why drive a 1954 Buick? "I like it because it plays old music."
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Source: baseball-reference.com
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Part V: Baseball player quotes
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Whitey Herzog on his pitchers: "It's like they're afraid they'll get the clap or something if they throw strikes."
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This one is a gem about a "one sided conversation" an "oiled up Carty" is having with a woman on a non-chartered plane:
"They call me the B-E-E-E-G Boy...Ho Ho Ho. They say the B-E-E-G Boy no longer H-E-E-T and you know what I say? Horse S-H-E-E-E-T." Now gripping an imaginary bat and waving it in her face, Carty assures her, "The B-E-E-E-G Boy will H-E-E-T!"
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Herzog on Carty: "Rico's crazier than a peach orchard sow."
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The trick against Drysdale is to hit him before he hits you.
Orlando Cepeda
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FORUM ENTRY: I'll try to throw in a subcategory: Sporting News headlines.
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The first one which comes to mind is this one from the Spring of 1949, which refers to the WWII experiences of Earl Rapp, who came up with the Tigers and White Sox for a cup of coffee that year:
SLUGGER RAPP, PINNED DOWN BY ENEMY FIRE,
VOWED TO LEARN TO HIT LEFTIES IF SPARED
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When subjected to the tired truism "Ya can't win 'em all...",
manager Gene Mauch once retorted,
"Why the hell not?"
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"Getting all excited about minor league relievers is sort of like getting excited about ants: yes, they're nifty testaments to life in its glory, profusion, and wonder, but mostly, there are just a lot of them."
- Chris Kahrl.
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"The worst thing about it is I can no longer see my penis when I stand up."
Babe Ruth, on getting fat.
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During George Brett's 1980 Season:
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"The only way to pitch him now is way inside, so you force him to pull the ball. That way, the line drive won't hit you."
Yankee pitcher Rudy May
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"The way George Brett is hitting right now, God could have him down no balls and two strikes and he'd get a hit."
Umpire Steve Palmero
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"I wouldn't go that far. If the Lord was up 0-2, He might get George out . . . but God better hit the black."
Hal McRae, Kansas City Royals
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"...in the end it all comes down to talent. You can talk all you want about intangibles, I just don't know what that means. Talent makes winnners, not intangibles. Can nice guys win? Sure, nice guys can win -- if they're nice guys with a lot of talent. Nice guys with a little talent finish fourth, and nice guys with no talent finish last."
Sandy Koufax
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Source: baseballthinkfactory.org
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Part VI: Baseball announcer quote
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White Sox announcer Harry Caray- "Jimmy, I saw Stan Musial hit five home runs in a doubleheader".
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White Sox announcer Jimmy Piersall-"So what? I had nine kids."
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Source: baseball-fever.com
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Part VII: WORLD SERIES 2010 QUOTES AND NOTES
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The Texas Rangers and the San Francisco Giants Battle to win the 2010 Series
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Clowning around
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Before Giants OF Cody Ross wanted to become a ballplayer, he wanted to be a rodeo clown. His dad was in the rodeo, and he used to hang out with him, and until he was about 10, that's what he thought he would do. "I was drawn to them so much because those guys have no fear," he said.
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Click here to view ===> 2010 WORLD SERIES QUOTES AND NOTES
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Source: tampabay.com
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: filmsite.org


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SPORTS MOVIE TRIVIA
Web site presents general reference information and trivia on sports movies.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS MOVIE TRIVIA
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: freado.com

Image: sites.google.com
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GAMBLING QUOTES
Web site presents its review of a book about poker quotes
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Serious poker is no more about gambling than rock climbing is about taking risks ... of course, accidents sometimes happen to the canniest experts.
Alfred Alvarez (2001)
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Poker is a ragout of observation, deduction, intuition, good memory and common sense.
Dale Armstrong, Win at Gin and Poker (1977)
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Poker is a game easily learned and never forgotten. It's like riding a bike. Once learned you ride for life.
Ray Michael B, Poker Farce and Poker Truth (1999)
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Poker is a very selfish sport. Everybody has an opinion and everybody is right.
Joe Beever
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Poker is a godless game, full of random pain.
Andy Bloch
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Poker is always a minefield, whether because of unpredictable players or unpredictable cards.
Andy Bloch
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Poker - the ultimate game of human interaction.
Mike Caro
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Poker is a game of mistakes. You cannot win in a poker game if everybody plays perfectly.
T.J. Cloutier, Championship No-Limit & Pot-Limit Hold `em (2004)
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Poker is a stimulating psychological challenge, combining guts and detective work ... a world of its own, offering all the childish appeal of secret places, special languages and staying up late at night.
Victoria Coren
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Poker is the new pornography. The Internet is awash with it ... it's banned in China and it's full of excitable Scandinavians.
Rick Dacey on InsidePokerMag.co.uk (2006)
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Poker: The art of civilized bushwhacking.
Nick Dandolos, Gambling Secrets of Nick The Greek (1968)
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Poker is a fascinating, wonderful, intricate adventure on the high seas of human nature.
David A. Daniel,
Poker: How to Win at the Great American Game (1997)
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Poker is the classic game that rewards skill, mental dexterity, money management, bluffing, luck, patience, deductive reasoning and an all-round killer instinct.
Vincent De Franco on AskMen.com (2005)
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Poker is a very social game, as long as you don't mind socializing with a tired, drunk and unshaven lot who'd like nothing more than to separate you from your money.
Phil Gordon
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Poker is a ruthless game. You suck their blood, then go bowling with them afterward.
Jennifer Harman in USA Today (2003)
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Poker is not a game in which the meek inherit the earth.
David Hayano, Poker Faces (1983)
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Poker is the ultimate monument to the anti-Musketeer code: Every man for Himself and be sure, while you're at it, kick the other guy when he's down.
Anthony Holden, Big Deal (1990)
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Poker is and always has been a way of harmlessly expressing man's most deep-rooted anti-social drives.
Roy Huggins
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Poker is revenge on Fate. It is the chain smoker's decathlon. It is kicking in the TV screen, hurling eggs at the Dodgem man, proving - with rumpled money as evidence - just who is boss. Rex Lardner in Esquire's Book of Gambling (1963)
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Poker is the ultimate combo of lottery and meritocracy.
Melanie McFarland in The Seattle Post-Intelligencer (2003)
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Poker is ... a mathematical challenge of the sort that Britons traditionally relish: Sudoku, for cash.
Ben Macintyre in The Times (2005)
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Poker is a hard way to make an easy living.
Johnny Moss
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Poker is bungee jumping for the couch potato.
Henry Porter in The Daily Telegraph (1995)
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Poker is the one and only game where a skilled player may hold bad cards for hours and still win the money.
John Scarne, Scarne's Guide to Modern Poker (1980)
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Poker is a gambling game in the short run. Beyond the quirk of a single hand, skill takes over and twirls its moustache. The trouble is a single hand can run you out of town.
John Skow in Time magazine (1990)
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Poker is neither simple nor easy. It is a rough, tough game for the brave and free, designed to separate the mugs from their money. It merely poses as a friendly game of cards.
David Spanier, The Gambler's Pocket Book (1980)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballoutsiders.com


Image: assets.nydailynews.com
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AMERICAN FOOTBALL (NFL) QUOTES
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THE EAGLES WERE TRANSITIONING TO A MORE CHECKDOWN HEAVY OFFENSE
"Everybody makes mistakes in their lifetime, and they [the Eagles] made one last year."
-- Redskins quarterback Donovan McNabb in the locker room after Washington's 17-12 win over the team that traded him away, the Philadelphia Eagles (The Huddle)
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IF YOU ONLY READ THE LAST SENTENCE YOU WOULD THINK THIS WAS ABOUT LANE KIFFIN
"Straight up, I couldn't stand him. He was one of the only coaches you would see running up and down the field like he was playing in the game. Running up, jumping and high-fiving with his players. They over there dogging us and you just sit there watching them have all this fun like, 'Man, what is he doing? Run me to that sideline so I can hit him one time.'"
-- New Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch on his new coach Pete Carroll, back when Lynch's Cal Bears would take on Carroll's USC Trojans (The Huddle)
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THE BILLS WOULD MAKE A GREAT ADDITION TO THE UFL
"It was. Yes, it was."
-- Jets linebacker David Harris when asked if the Jets 38-14 victory over the Bills was as easy as it looked (The New York Times)
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IN THIS ANALOGY I'M SURE DETROIT WASN'T THE ONE PICKING UP THE CHECK
"[It's] like a blind date -- she's not pretty but the personality was fine. Like any ugly dates with great personalities, it was fine, took her out, had some food, but you dumped her. So, we're gonna dump this one off and work on the next date. Try to get a cute one."
-- Packers linebacker Nick Barnett on the Packers unsightly 28-26 win over the Lions (Green Bay Press-Gazette)
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WITH THE AMOUNT OF PENALTIES HE COMMITS I'M SURE HE HATES OFFICIALS AS WELL
"I don't have to explain anything to Flozell. He hates everybody. We just tell him, 'Flo, we don't like these guys.' He's like, 'Cool, I hate them too.'"
-- Steelers offensive lineman Max Starks on if he had to explain the intensity of the Ravens-Steelers rivalry to new Steeler Flozell Adams (NFL From the Sidelines)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thegreek.com

Image: elbet.rs
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SPORTS QUOTES
Web site devoted to sports betting presents other sports quotes for your enjoyment.
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"I hit it so short now I can hear the ball land."
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"If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augusta National. I just don't want an early tee time."
--Gary Player, at his 52nd and last Masters in April
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"For four years they've been cheering for foul tips."
--Jacqui Sheftz, coach of fast pitch softball pitcher Rachele Fico, whose career record at Masuk High School in Monroe, Connecticut is 90-2 with an ERA of 0.006 that includes 43 no-hitters and 23 perfect games
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"Option 1: Two tickets to Tuesday night, June 30, Mariners at Yanks, cost for just the tickets, $5,000.
Option 2: Two round-trip airline tickets to Seattle, Friday, Aug. 14, return Sunday the 16th, rental car for three days, two-night double-occupancy stay in four-star hotel, two top tickets to both the Saturday and Sunday Yanks-Mariners games, two best-restaurant-in-town dinners for two. Total cost, $2,800. Plus frequent flyer miles."
--Gary Cicio, a New York podiatrist, on why it might be better to foot the bill for baseball in Seattle than New York
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"Less than four tickets to a Yankees game."
--Phil Mushnick, New York Post, putting the original $9,500 purchase price of Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird in perspective
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"Not that Detroit Red Wing Chris Chelios, 47, is getting a bit long in the tooth or anything but his playoff beard this year is a comb-over."
--Dwight Perry, Seattle Times
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"Manny Pacquiao has made money in more weight classes than Oprah."
--Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com
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"There hasn't been anybody this tough at home since Macaulay Culkin."
--Gary Loewen, Toronto Sun, on the Cavaliers' terrific record at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland
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"Michael Phelps, just now getting back to serious training, lost nearly 20 pounds over the last two months. That's good because I thought Phelps looked really flabby in Beijing."
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"Allen Iverson denies reports that he's been banned from two Philadelphia casinos. But he hasn't denied reports that when he loses at blackjack, he throws cards and chips at the dealer or other players. His teammates are shocked. AI dishing off?"
--Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


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RUGBY \ TENNIS \ CYCLING \ CRICKET QUOTES
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Part I: Girls Rugby Quotes (On video)
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Click here to view ===> RUGBY QUOTES
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Source: youtube.com
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Part II: Tennis \ Cycling \ Cricket Quotes
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
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Source: tvnz.co.uk.nz
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thebaggywrinklle.com


Image: imgs.zinio.com
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SAILING \ BOATING QUOTES
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“If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.”
- Jonathan Winters
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“No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned ... A man in a jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company.”
- Samuel Johnson
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Click here to view ===> SAILING QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: examiner.com


Image: file-extensions.org
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AUTOMOBILE RACING QUOTES
Web site presents its top 10 Nascar racing quotes
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Click here to view ===> NASCAR QUOTES
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