SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Thursday, July 30, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: vampirefreaks.com

Image: ariegifts.com
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COLLEGE FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Paul "Bear" Bryant, head coach, Alabama Crimson Tide
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"Every time a player goes out there, at least 20 people have some amount of influence on him. His mother has more influence than anyone. I know because I played, and I loved my mama."
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"I left Texas A&M because my school called me. Mama called, and when Mama calls, then you just have to come running." -- On why he left Texas A&M to come to Alabama.
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"Don't talk too much or too soon."
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"In a crisis, don't hide behind anything or anybody. They're going to find you anyway."
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"Winning isn't everything, but it sure beats coming in second."
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"I've made so many mistakes that if I don't make the same mistakes over, we're going to come pretty close to winning."
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"When you're number one, you don't play for the tie."
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"I don't have any ideas; my coaches have them. I just pass the ideas on and referee the arguments."
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"I don't hire anybody not brighter than I am. If they're not smarter than me, I don't need them."
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"In life, you'll have your back up against the wall many times. You might as well get used to it."
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"You never know how a horse will pull until you hook him to a heavy load."
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"The first time you quit, it's hard. The second time, it gets easier. The third time, you don't even have to think about it."
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"I'm known as a recruiter. Well you've got to have chicken to make chicken salad."
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"The first thing a football coach needs when he's starting out is a wife who's willing to put up with a whole lot of neglect. The second thing is a five-year contract."
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"The alumni are starting to grumble, and I'm the one starting it."
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"No coach has ever won a game by what he knows; it's what his players know that counts."
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"There ought to be a special place in heaven for coaches' wives."
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"Age has nothing to do with it. You can be out of touch at any age."
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"Sure I'd like to beat Notre Dame, don't get me wrong. But nothing matters more than beating that cow college on the other side of the state." - To a group of boosters before an Auburn game.
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"They play like it is a sin to give up a point." -- Talking about his defense before the 1962 Sugar Bowl.
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"At Alabama, we teach our men to win." -- When asked about Notre Dame's decision run out the clock and tie Michigan State 10-10 in the 1966 Rose Bowl. Both teams wound up tied for first with an undefeated Alabama finishing third even though they beat Nebraska 34-7 in the Sugar Bowl.
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"If he'd kicked it straght, we would have blocked it." -- Remarks about Tennessee's missed field goal in the 1966 game in Knoxville, won by the Tide 11-10.
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"At Alabama our players do not win Heisman Trophies, our teams win national championships." -- After being asked if he was dissappointed that an Alabama player had never won the Heisman Trophy while he was the coach.
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======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: boston.barstoolsports.com

GOLF HUMOR
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Why take a cart when you can have a llama caddy?
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Click here to view ===> LLAMA CADDY VIDEO
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Yo, Shorty, will that be one or two "Here's Johhny" for each llama?
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================

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: femalefirst.co.uk
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SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes from the soccer movie Goal!
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Plot summary forGoal! (2005)
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Like millions of kids around the world, Santiago harbors the dream of being a professional footballer. However, living in the Barrios section of Los Angeles, he thinks it is only that--a dream. Until one day an extraordinary turn of events has him trying out for Premiership club Newcastle United.
Written by kpugs
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Movie trailer:
Click here to view ===> GOAL! MOVIE TRAILER
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Movie quotes:
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Santiago Munez: [a bunch of the guys are going into a bar] Do I need an ID or anything?
Jamie Drew: ID... Identification?
Santiago Munez: Yeh... I mean, how old do you have to be to get a drink here?
Jamie Drew: ...er eleven.
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Barry Rankin: [Talking to someone on the phone] What's cool and hangs up? [And then hangs up]
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Santiago Munez: I don't know where home is.
Roz Harmison: Yeah ya do. It's green an' it's got a goal post at each end.
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Newcastle fan #1: Hows it going?
Newcastle fan #2: We've made all the early running.
Newcastle fan #1: How long's it been on?
Newcastle fan #2: A minute!
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Santiago Munez: The only one who can tell me I'm not good enough is you. And even then I may not agree with you.
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Glen Foy: Welcome to the toon.
Santiago Munez: What's the toon?
Glen Foy: It's where the Geordies live.
Santiago Munez: What's a Geordie?
Glen Foy: Someone who lives in the toon.
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Erik Dornhelm: Here we pass the ball, you understand that? We're a unit, not a one-man show. The name on the front of the shirt is more important than the one on the back.
------------------------------
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: whoateallthepies.tv

SOCCER \ ENGLISH FOOTBALL CHANTS
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Pies' top 50 favourite football chants, part 1
By Ollie Irishon October 12, 2007
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'In the town, called Sunderland,There lived a man with a monkey's heid, And they called him Peter Reid'
Geordies and Boro lads alike would taunt Mackems with this pearl. It's funny because it's true – former Sunderland boss Peter Reid does indeed have a monkey's head. Or is there a monkey out there with the head of Peter Reid. I'm not sure.
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'Ooh aah Cantona, say ooh ahh Cantona!'
Brilliantly simple and effective. Started by Leeds fans, nicked by Man U fans when King Eric crossed the Pennines. Then fans started singing 'Ou est Cantona?' to the bereft Leeds faithful.
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'We all dream of a team of Carraghers, a team of Carraghers…'
Sung by Liverpool fans, with some affection, to the tune of The Beatles' 'Yellow Submarine'.
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'When the ball hits your head and you sit in row Z, thats Zamora.'
Sung about aimless Bobby Zamora to the tune of 'That's Amore'. Lyrical genius.
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'He's blond, he's quick His name's a porno flick, Emmanuel! Emanuel!'
Frequently sung in honour of Manu Petit when he was at Highbury.
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'You dirty northern bastards!'
A versatile chant, most often used by southern shandy-drinking types to wind up their northern cousins. Can also be used ironically - Plymouth Argyle fans sing it to anyone.
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'We've got Timmy Tourettes in our nets, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off!'
Proud Man U fans ignore political correctness to greet the signing of Tim Howard.
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'Sit down Pinocchio!'
Shouted at large-nosed Scouser Phil Thompson. More recently it has also been aimed in the direction of Gareth Southgate.
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'Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies? You fat bastard, you fat bastard, you ate all the pies!'
Well, it had to be in here somewhere. A timeless classic. More often abbreviated today to simply 'You fat bastard!'
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'Park Park, wherever you may be You eat dogs in your home country It could be worse, you could be Scouse Eating rats in your council house'
More black humour, again from those witty Man U fans. Korea's Park Ji Sung must feel honoured.
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'You've got Di Canio, we've got your stereo…'
Check out Liverpool fans being all post-modern and deconstructing their own stereotype. Sung at West Ham fans, who would often boast 'We've got Di Canio!'
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'Does she take it up the arse?'
A question frequently put to David Beckham, especially when he was taking a corner in front of opposition fans. And to this day, we don't know if Victoria does take it up the arse.
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'Ten men went to lift, went to lift Frank Lampard, ten men and their forklift truck went to lift Frank Lampard'
A cunning variation on 'Ten men went to mow', aimed at Fat Frank by opposition fans.
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'The wheels on your house go round and round, round and round'
This always makes me smile. Directed at players who are perceived as, er, gypsyish or pikey.
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'Your sister is your mother, your uncle is your brother You all fuck one another, the ________ family'
Sung to the theme tune of The Addams Family. A particular favourite of Ipswich and Norwich fans, who shout it at each other.
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'We're gonna deep-fry your pizzas!'
A one-off moment of inspiration from Scotland fans, who threatened Italian fans with a culinary fate worse than death.
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'Woooah, Al-Fayed… he wants to be a Brit, and QPR are shit'
Bit of a non-sequitur from Fulham supporters, but it makes me smile.
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'Neville Neville, your play is immenseNeville Neville, you play in defenceNeville Neville, like Jacko you're bad,Neville Neville, the name of your dad'
Sung to the tune of David Bowie's Rebel Rebel, to honour Gary and Phil Neville. Much better lyrics than the original, I'm sure you agree.
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'His name is Rio and he watches from the stand'
Rio Ferdinand had to put up with this when he was banned for missing a drugs test. A nice twist on 'His name is Rio and he dances for West Ham', which Irons fans used to sing, to the tune of Duran Duran's 'Rio', predictably enough.
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'Don't blame it on the Biscan Don't blame it on the Hamman Don't blame it on the Finnan Blame it on Traore…He just can't, he just can't, he just can't control his feet'
Pure genius to honour the hapless Djimi Traore during his time at Liverpool. Sung to the tune of 'Blame it on the Boogie'.
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'You are my Solskjaer, my Ole SolskjaerYou make my happy, when skies are grey'
The Baby Faced Assassin made Man U fans happy. Simple as that.

'Sign on, sign on,With a pen in your hand, 'Cause you'll never get a job'
A classic, which I'm sure Liverpool fans never tire of hearing.
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'Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams!'
Again, political correctness went out of the window when it was reported that larger-than-life keeper Andy Goram was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Fans can be so cruel… we can?
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'Niall Quinn's disco pants are the best They go up from his arse to his chest
They are better than Adam and the Ants Niall Quinn's disco pants'
The most famous pants in football.
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'He's big, he's red His feet stick out the bed Peter Crouch, Peter Crouch'
At 6ft7 his feet probably do stick out the bed. More wit from the Kop End.
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=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fbva-west.org

BASKETBALL QUOTES
Basketball coaches and other leaders offer motivational counseling to others
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"You are what you repeatedly do, therefore excellence is not by chance, but by habit."
-- Aristotle
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The more your players have to think on the basketball court, the slower their feet get."
-- Jerry Tarkanian (1990 UNLV team won the NCAA championship
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"Offense at Indiana is not equal opportunity. Those players who shoot best are going to shoot most. It is important that every player know his offensive limitations. It is also important that a player know who the best shooter is on the team. When a passer has the option of passing to two players, I expect him to get the ball to the best shooter. I continually stop practice and ask players who the best shooter is and I expect them to know. It is important that you get the ball to your best shooter."
-- Bob Knight
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Click here to view ===> BASKETBALL QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.yahoo.com

Image: 1.bp.blogspot.com
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BASKETBALL HUMOR \ TRIVIA
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The Ten Commandments of Basketball Trades
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Click here to view ===> TEN COMMANDMENTS
=================

Monday, July 27, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: z.about.com
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FIGURE SKATING QUOTES
Quotes from the movie Ice Princess
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Plot Summary:
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17-year-old physics whiz Casey Carlyle is urged by her physics teacher to work on a physics project over the summer for presentation to Harvard. As a skater, Casey decides on a project that shows the elements of physics applied in competitive figure skating. To start, she visits a skating club run by former professional skater Tina Harwood. Casey eventually finds that in order to better understand the principles she's using, she will have to become her own test subject, and joins the skating school. The more she gets involved, the more she falls in love with figure skating....and must ultimately make a choice; Will it be Harvard - which her mother and Casey have both dreamed of, or will it be her new dream - as a competitive figure skater? Written by Derek O'Cain
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Movie trailer:
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Click here to view ===> ICE PRINCESS TRAILER
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Movie quotes
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Click here to view ===> ICE PRINCESS QUOTES
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===============
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Bonus video:
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Russia' s Plushenko presents eye candy for the ladies
in a novelty dance routine on ice.
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The ABC announcer turned the announcing chores over
to his female cohort midway through the routine, which
suggests to ladies this one's for you and not the guys.
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Click here to view ===> EYE CANDY FOR THE LADIES
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Source: youtube.com
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=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golftoday.co.uk

GOLF QUOTES
Quotes by golfers over the years about the British Open
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Do I have to know rules and all that crap? Then forget it.
- John Daly (when asked whether he'd like to join the Royal & Ancient Golf Club, after winning the 1995 Open at St. Andrews)
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They say I get into too many bunkers. But is no problem. I am the best bunker player.
- Severiano Ballesteros (after winning the 1979 Open at Royal Lytham and St. Annes)
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The winner, Severiano Ballesteros, chose not to use the course, but preferred his own, which mainly consisted of hay fields, car parks, grandstands, dropping zones and even ladies' clothing.
- Colin Maclaine (Chairman of the Championship Commitee, after Ballesteros' 1979 victory at Royal Lytham and St. Annes)
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Click here to view ===> BRITISH OPEN GOLF QUOTES
=================

Sunday, July 26, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: u.arizona.edu

CINDY CRAWFORD, SUPER MODEL
Click on graphic to see full view
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BASKETBALL QUOTES
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Rick Majerus on whether or not Keith Van Horn is prepared to play in the NBA:
"Prepared? What does that mean? Hell, I'm prepared to date Cindy Crawford, I just don't have the body or the looks."
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Rick Majerus on the lifestyle change Van Horn will face back East:
"New Jersey is completely different from Utah. 'Brother' in Utah and 'brother' in New Jersey are entirely different concepts."
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Avery Johnson on female NBA referee Violet Palmer:
"Nobody in their right mind is going to say anything to her because you know the NBA will fine you."
----- When someone noted that Charles Barkley had already made disparaging remarks about the female refs, Johnson responded:
"I said nobody in their right mind."
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Charles Barkley on Kevin Garnett's $125 million deal:
"That's a lot of damn money. And a black man is making it. What a great country. Imagine if he could play."
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Charles Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts:
"Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full."
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Tiger Woods to Charles Barkley:
During a recent round of golf in Las Vegas, Tiger Woods asked Charles Barkley if he had heard about the new Super Kmart store being built in that city.
"Where they gonna build it?" Barkley asked.
Said Woods, "In the space between your ball and mine."
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Charlie Just, men's basketball coach at Bellarmine College in Louisville, Kentucky:
"[Our team is] so young, we've decided to dress only seven players on the road. We're pretty confident the other five can dress themselves."
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Steven Wright:
"My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.'"
========================

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

Image: cdn1.ioffer.com

BASEBALL HUMOR \ SLANG

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"I hope there's a stewardess on this flight!"
( Popular crack of the bat remark)
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NOTE: Some terms may be preceded by adjectives such as huge, nasty, titanic, immaculate, supreme, gigantic, ugly, phat, meteoric, etc.
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HOME RUNS
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Home run -- Homer -- Long ball -- 4-bagger -- Round-tripper -- Circuit clout -- The big fly -- The big tomato (grand slam) -- Gettysburg Address (grand slam) -- Salami (grand slam) -- Slap -- Bomb -- Dinger -- Dong -- Crack -- Cracker -- Tater -- Whack -- Slam -- Blast -- Clout -- Jack -- Knock -- Swat -- Pat -- Wallop -- Shot -- Belt -- Jolt -- Sock -- Clock -- Spank -- Cookie -- Smash -- Yack -- Donk -- Poke -- Bonk -- Bolt -- Cork -- Fatty -- Grenade -- Moonball -- Moonshot --
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THE ACT OF HITTING HOME RUNS (may also appear in past tense)
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Getting it outta here -- Going deep -- Going downtown -- Going upper tank -- Going yard -- Going zone -- Rocking the crib -- Teeing off -- Busting out the whoopin' stick -- Bringing the long ball to the party -- Bringing the lumber -- Bringing the heavy lumber -- Rattling the rafters -- Taking out the trash -- Getting rid of the junk -- Getting rid of the hanging junk -- Getting rid of the fonk -- Gettin jiggy wit it -- Laying wood -- Clocking out -- Doing the yardwork -- Dialing 8
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POPULAR CRACK-OF-THE-BAT REMARKS
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"Get out of here!" -- "Good-bye!" -- "Gone!" -- "Yahtzee!" -- "NNNext!" -- "Gong!" -- "Yard!" -- "Surprise!" -- "Elvis has left the building!" -- "Somebody call 911, cause there's paaaain in this house!" -- "Bring the car around, cause I am the hell outta here!" -- "Mama, we're all crazy now!" -- "Can I get a witness from the congregation?!" -- "All aboard!" -- "Bring your appetite, cause there's tater bein' served!" -- "Looks like sody pop... watch it fizz!" -- "Excuse me while I whip this out!" -- "You better bring 'dem floaties, cause I'm going deep!" -- "Incoming!" -- "Lemme give you a hand with that" -- "Sir, you have insulted my people and for that you must pay" -- "Lock and load!" -- "Pine trees!" -- "So long Mr. Spalding!" -- "Hoooly Toledo! That ball is OUUUUUUTTA here!" -- "That's so far out it's RuPaul" -- "That must be a Homer cause the pitcher just said 'D'oh!!'" -- "Open a window Aunt Nellie - here it comes!" -- "aaaaawwwwwwwyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeh!" -- "I hope there's a stewardess on this flight!" -- "He uncorked that baby!" -- "Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one too!" -- "Hoooly Toledo! I think we got taters tonight!"-- "He's smiling like a butcher's dog!" -- "He shoots... he scores!!" -- "Get out the rye bread and mustard grandma, it's grand salami time!" (GS) -- "Whoooooooa Nellie!" -- "The National Weather Service has issued a home run watch for the Houston metropolitan area..." -- "This concludes our broadcast day" -- "Get in the fast lane grandma cause the bingo game's about to ROLL!" -- "You better dial 8 - for long distance!" -- "I am the King of the diamond! -- "I am the king of all baseball, I demand a feast with the finest of meats and cheeses for everyone!" -- "My powers are great and beyond your understanding" -- "Warning track, wall, you can touch 'em all" -- "Get out your leather mama, that ain't no beanie baby!" -- "Ding Dong, the curveball's dead!" -- "I'm not a player, I just crush a lot" -- "Whip up some gravy 'cause that baby's mashed!" -- "BOO-YA!!!" -- "BAM! Do you like what you see?!!!" -- "You can kiss it goodbye!" -- "I don't know what kind of pitch this is but it tastes like chicken!" -- "There's no need to valet, I'm gonna park it myself!" -- "Umm...that's never gonna land." -- "Da-na-na.. Da-na-na!" -- "Trot sequence activated." -- "Light the cannons boys!" -- "Got Milk?" -- "LEAVE!" -- Put your tray tables and seat backs in their locked position. We are number 1 for takeoff..." -- "here's a little somethin' for the people up top!" -- "where should I put this?" -- "that one caught the jet stream" -- "Hey look, he won a steak!" -- "One, two, three, fo', that one's in the seventh row" --
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==============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

Image: s.ecrater.com
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BASEBALL UMPIRE HUMOR \ QUOTES
Heckles, putdowns, comebacks to and from baseball umpires
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Umpire Disses
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Hey ump is that a dinner plate? Apparently it has no corners!
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I've seen better calls at a square dance!
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I've seen better calls between two tin cans and a piece of string!
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I've seen better blue in a toilet bowl!
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Its a strike zone, not an end zone!
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Come on blue, turn that mask around and get a GOOD look!!
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How about asking the audience? Do you want to use another lifeline?
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What were you, a lookout a Pearl Harbor?
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I forgot the Milk-Bone for your seeing-eye dog!
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If it was a donut you would have gotten there! (Umps out of position)
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How many fingers am I holding up?
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Can I pet your Seeing Eye dog after the game?
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Have they stopped printing the rulebooks in Braille?
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Don't donate your eyes to science, they don't want em'
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Pull the good eye out of your pocket.
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I thought only horses slept standing up!
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Flip over the plate and read the directions.
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That was a strike in any bowling alley!
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You flipping coins?
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When your dog barks twice, its a strike!
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Next time buy a ticket if you're going to watch!
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I bet if you had a biscuit that plate would be clean!
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Do you get any better or is this it?
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Munch! Munch! Munch! The Ump is out to lunch!
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I'm gonna break your cane and sell your dog.
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You couldn't make the right call if you had a phone book.
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You couldn't make a call in a phone booth
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If the pitcher is throwing too fast for you, we can ask him to slow it down.
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You're getting better, you almost made the right call that time!
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Punch a hole in that mask, you're missing a good game!
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I've seen potatoes with better eyes!
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-----------
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Careful...The Umpires Fight Back...
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If I could afford the wood, I'd have your mouth boarded up!
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If you're so important, why aren't the seats facing you?
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Man, you're ugly, I bet if I follow you home, someone ugly will open the door!
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Shouldn't you be at home airing up the tires on your house?
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He got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
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If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
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Here's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
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What's the matter, kid, didn't you get enough attention at home?
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Don't yell at me, I ain't your mother.
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Now I know why some animals eat their young.
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You make me wish I'd donated to Planned Parenthood.
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This year's poster child for zero population growth.
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What holds your ears apart?
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I see your therapy's coming along just fine.
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What, was there no tractor pull on tonight?
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Every village has one.
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Is that your face or did you just catch a foul ball with your teeth?
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Two more legs and you could star in a western.
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This is my job. I don't criticize the way you mop floors when you're at work.
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I don't show up at your job and unplug the Slurpee machine.
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I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm an Umpire not a proctologist.
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=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wherethehellwasi.com

Image: i.dailymail.co.uk
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SQUASH HUMOR
A squash newbie bemoans discovering yet another one of life's trials and tribulations
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"If racquetball is like trying to hit a tennis ball with a platter, squash is like swinging a spatula at a marble."
-- Observation by the squash newbie
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Click here to view ===> SQUASH HUMOR
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: diver.net

Image: grinningplanet.com
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SCUBA DIVING POEM
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Click here to view ===> SCUBA DIVING POEM
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BONUS VIDEO:
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A bikini-clad scuba diver demonstrates her swimming
and diving expertise until an unexpected visitor
disrupts the serenity in the last seconds of the video.
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Click here to view ===> SCUBA DIVING
Source: youtube.com
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================
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballoutsiders.com

NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
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"I never came here to kiss Bill Belichick's rings."
-- New Jets head coach Rex Ryan
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"This is football in the National Football League. I hit a guy with my forearm in his throat or his chest area, and they're trying to fine me. It's football! It's not my fault if the guy curls up like a little girl because he doesn't want to get hit. Are you kidding me?"
-- Recently retired S Rodney Harrison on his reputation as a dirty player.
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"Football now is turning into a soft, pansy sport. This is not volleyball! This is not tennis!"
-- Harrison (MMQB)
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Click here to view ===> NFL QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blog.stats.com

Image: farm3.static.flickr.com
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BASEBALL SLANG \ HUMOR
Sports columnist cites Mike Krukow's favorite baseball slang terms
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Click here to view ===> BASEBALL SLANG
=================

Friday, July 17, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: youtube.com

Image: ci.santa-rosa.ca.us
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DODGEBALL ANIMATED CARTOON
A dodgeball cartoon video for the young and the young at heart
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Click here to view ===> DODGEBALL CARTOON
=================

Thursday, July 16, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: catscratchreader.com

NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Top 10 quotes by Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers wide receiver
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10. "Big plays by big-time players in big-time games"
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9. "You can try to contain me, but you can't stop me"
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8. Speaking to Double Trouble: "Believe me, the 2 of you are better than me... and I'm gonna ride your coattail all the way"
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7. Whispering, "89s in tha building... 89s in tha building"
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6. Smith was asked if he was sad to see DeAngelo Hall leave the NFC South. He quickly pointed out the Panthers and Raiders are scheduled to play this year (08). Then, Smith said he plans to have his children at that game. “Poppa don’t lose no fights when the kids are around” Smith said.
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5. "If you see this face, that means I scored!"
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4. "I'm not even gonna waste by breath to say it"... points to his name on his back.
.
3. "Instead of talking to the media, why don’t you go watch some film?’’ Smith said to Dwayne Jarret. Jarrett gave a slight smile and kept talking to the media. Smith, followed up in a very strong tone. "Seriously!"
.
2. "Just having fun. I don't make excuses. All I know is that whoever's lined up there, when they throw the ball, I've got to catch it. If you line my mom out there, I've got to catch it over her too."
.
1. "You don't think I'm one of the best? You better check your reference!"
.
CHECK THE REFERENCE:
Click here to view ===> TOUCHDOWN, STEVE SMITH!
Source: youtube.com
.
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES
Best sports quotes of the week reported by BBC (UK)
.
"No-one quite wears the green-and-gold quite like him...except here, where you predominantly wear white..."
- Tennis commentator on Lleyton Hewitt, in his Wimbledon match against Del Potro.
(Simon Reed, England).
.
"We don't talk about it in the locker room, but it's happened more frequently than we talk about it."
- Roger Federer on the dangers of betting in tennis.
(Dave, Scotland).
.
"That's what you call a suicide lob."
- Virginia Wade describing tennis' version of the hospital pass as Georgie Stoop sets up the ball to be smashed straight back at the body of her doubles partner, Laura Robson.
(Stephen F, UK).
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blogs.telegraph.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES
Sports quotes of the week from Telegraph blogs (UK)
.
“We did it because it helped us get some money in a poor town. I never really thought about it but running in the muck down there, I think it helped strengthen my legs. We had no remorse for those rabbits…we were hunting and needed the money.”
- Santonio Holmes’ childhood as a hunter gatherer clearly paid off when it came to winning the Superbowl.
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cricinfo.com

Image: wharf.co.uk
.
CRICKET QUOTES
.
If a three-year-old is bowling me out, it's time to move over.
- Michael Vaughan read the retirement signals loud and clear when his son Archie knocked out his off stump in the garden Jul 1, 2009
.
I thought Ricky [Ponting] was crap when he was first captain in 2004 and nothing much has improved since then. I'm not the only one who thinks that ...everyone at home thinks he's shit at the captaincy.
- Former Australia fast bowler Jeff Thomson as forthright as ever Jun 30, 2009
.
I'll miss his money. It always appeared on the [poker] table, but never seemed to go back to him.
- Matthew Hoggard on his old captain, Michael Vaughan, who announced his retirement from cricket Jun 30, 2009
.
Click here to view ===> CRICKET QUOTES
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: 1wrestlinglegends.com

Image: sportcartoons.co.uk
.
WRESTLING QUOTES
Yesteryear quotes from the professional wrestling circuit
.
Reportedly, the WWF planned to invite every woman who has slept with Bill Clinton to the (Wrestlemania) show, but the Boston Fire Marshall reminded them that the Fleet Center has a capacity of 18,000 people.
~ Issue #127 of The Wrestling Lariat
.
Click here to view ===> WRASSLING QUOTES
===============


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: trendhunter.com

EXTREME SPORTS TRIVIA
Videos, notes, and quotes about the top 30 new extreme sports
.
Bossaball is an extreme sport played in Spain that combines soccer,
volleyball and gymnastics into one sport!
.
Click here to view ===> BOSSABALL
.
Besides bossaball, there are 29 other extreme sports discussed
below, some with video demonstrations.
.
Click here to view ===> 30 NEW EXTREME SPORTS
=================

Monday, July 13, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportingnews.com

NFL FOOTBALL NOTES \ QUOTES
The Sporting News presents RealScouts top 25 NFL Players for 2009.
.
Bonus: TSN also presents the top 20 for each NFL position and rates
each NFL team's management.
.
Click here to view ===> NFL NOTES AND QUOTES
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.espn.go.com

BASEBALL HUMOR
Notes and quotes about 15-minutes of baseball fame for a Reds player
.
The Big Red Machinist:
.
It takes a special mystery pitcher to make Josh Wilson the second most historic pitchin' magician of the year. But here's to Reds infielder Paul Janish. His two trips to the mound this year have definitely kept those scoreboard operators awake.
.
• May 6 vs. Milwaukee: 1 IP, 5 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 0 BB, 2 K, 1 HR (to Prince Fielder).
• July 6 vs. Philadelphia: 1 IP, 4 H, 6 R, 6 ER, 2 BB, 1 K, 1 grand slam (to Jayson Werth).
.
Janish's claims to fame: He's the first position player to give up 11 runs in the same season since the aforementioned Willie Smith did it 45 years ago -- except it took Willie 11 appearances.
.
And Janish was the first position player to give up five runs or more in two different outings in the same season, according to Elias, since Johnny Lindell (another pitcher-utility man) did it in 1953 -- but over 32 appearances, not two.
.
----------------------
.
The Janish Quip Book
.
Being the magnanimous guy he is, Janish was cool enough to review his pitching exploits with Half-Year in Review.
.
On roaring into the books alongside Johnny Lindell:
"You know, records are made to be broken. And I'm definitely breaking records. They're just the wrong damn records."
.
On his picturesque delivery (as a former college closer):
"Yeah, it's smooth, all right. But apparently, 88-89 [mph] on a string is not going to work."
.
On his ERA (45.00 after his first outing, 49.50 after his second):
"When I came in there, I figured, well, the good thing is, at least I'll bring my ERA down. It started at 45.00, so it would be tough to go up -- but I found a way."
.
On whether he thought he could now pitch 31 straight shutout innings and get his ERA down into the 3.00s:
"I think I'm out of luck. … What I really need to do is talk to my agent to see if we can bring this up in arbitration: multi-faceted player."
.
On his proudest achievement as a pitcher:
"Well, I did get a standing O in Philly. And not many visiting players can say that."
.
====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.espn.go.com

BASEBALL HUMOR
Notes and quotes about baseball injuries, 2009
.
Baseball Injury Humor, 2009 (first half of season)
.
First prize:
Another great moment in Cub-dom: Pitcher Ryan Dempster tried to hop over the dugout fence to go high-five it up after a win, broke his toe and stumbled right onto the disabled list.
.
Dempster's best line (to the Chicago Sun-Times' Gordon Wittenmyer):
.
"I guess it's what I get for making fun of the guys who go on the DL for burning their faces in the suntan booth."
.
-------------
.
Second prize:
.
Reds outfielder Chris Dickerson knocked himself out of the lineup -- literally -- when he went mano-a-skullo with a revolving glass door at the team hotel in Pittsburgh. And lost.
.
"My real story," he quipped, "is I hit my head on the rim during a celebrity slam-dunk contest."
.
---------------
.
Third prize:
.
How did Blue Jays pitcher Ricky Romero land on the DL in April? He hipped and he hopped and he strained his oblique -- by sneezing while listening to rap music.
.
------------
.
Honorable mention:
.
Royals reliever Kyle Farnsworth needed stitches in his hand after getting cut trying to break up a fight between his two bulldogs.
.
Pirates second baseman Freddy Sanchez strained his back getting out of a cab -- and missed six straight games.
.
… And Phillies reliever Scott Eyre proved once and for all that running from the bullpen to the mound is overrated. He strained a calf muscle on the way -- and wound up on the disabled list.
.
================

Saturday, July 11, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: onelinerz.net

STEVEN WRIGHT, KING OF THE ONE-LINERS
Click on graphic to see the full view.
.
Image: johncoxart.com
.
SPORTS - RELATED ONE-LINERS
Insults, comebacks, heckles, squelches, etc. for the sports fanatic
.
An off-topic web site can be converted to a relevant sports topics
site by sports fanatics looking for one-liners to win verbal battles
after losing to rivals on the field!
.
A sports fanatic using his sense of humor can turn an otherwise
non-sports-related one-liner into a sports-related zinger to
overcome a loss in the Battle of the Sexes, on the tennis court,
the baseball diamond, soccer field, etc.
.
Some of the one-liners are oldies but goodies, but many will be
new and add more firepower to a fanatic's arsenal.
.
How about these for starters:
.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
they are sexy.
.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall
of a successful man is usually another woman.
.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
.
Click here to view ===> INTERNET'S 100 FUNNIEST ONE-LINERS
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: motownsports.com

Image: abcnews.go.com
.
SPORTS QUOTES
Web site presents 100 best sports movie quotes
.
"You think there are men who ain't seen your bosoms yet?"
League of Their Own, 1992
.
Click here to view ===> SPORTS MOVIE QUOTES
.
=================

Friday, July 10, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: findarticles.com

Image: sportsautosttm.com
.
BASEBALL TRIVIA
Survey reports less than 3% of current MLB players\management have college degrees
.
Results of baseball survey by the Wall Street Journal:
.
-- One can't quantify relief pitcher Craig Breslow's value to the A's in terms of wins or saves. While the left-hander's next victory or save in Green & Gold will be his first, it's his degree in molecular biophysics and biochemistry from Yale that helped Oakland win the Wall Street Journal's title of the smartest team in baseball.
.
The WSJ's research concluded that just 26 players and managers in Major League Baseball have earned a college degree. Breslow and fellow relief pitchers Brad Ziegler and Jerry Blevins (currently in the minors) give the A's a major league-best three players with degrees.
.
The WSJ's point system, which also took college experience into account, provided the A's with a narrow win over Tampa Bay. The Giants were seventh overall. And, the "dumbest team" in baseball? That would be the Atlanta Braves.
.
Here's the complete list ( Source: online.wsj.com ) :
.
THE LIST
.
Moe Berg, where art thou?
.
Major league catcher Berg was so brainy he was selected for
espionage work in Japan prior to WWII and could speak 7
languages (but couldn't hit in any of them, according to
famous baseball lore).
.
Well, with MLB salaries in the millions for many individual
players, you might understand why degrees are not first
priority issues, although they should be, since most MLB
careers end before players reach age 40.
.
3%! I'm shocked myself, but I do know many continue to
work in baseball-related fields after the playing careers
end, so, maybe for them, in the long run, a degree is just
icing on the cake and they can get by without one, and,
if not, the option is still there.
.
I guess all of us wouldn't mind having millions in the bank
and then have to decide if we want the icing on the cake
or not - as Redd Foxx always used to say when given
choices, whatever the choices were, to Foxx, they were
always "better than okra!"
.
More baseball trivia? Well, Foxx, Fred Sanford at birth,
was called "Reds" in his earlier days because of his
complexion, so, when he decided to become a comedian,
he wanted a catchier name, so he chose the first name
Redd, based on his nickname "Reds", and his second
name, Foxx, based on the name of his then favorite ball
player, Jimmy Foxx, giving him the new name
REDD FOXX!
.
3% - Wow!
.
=============

Thursday, July 9, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: 1.bp.blogspot.com
.
BULLFIGHTING QUOTES
Quotes from the bullgfighting movie Blood and Sand (1941)
.
Plot summary:
.
Bullfighter Juan Gallardo falls for socialite Dona Sol, turning from the faithful Carmen who nevertheless stands by her man as he continues to face real danger in the bullring.
Written by Ed Stephan {stephan@cc.wwu.edu}
.
Click here to view ===> MOVIE TRAILER FOR BLOOD AND SAND (1941)
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES FROM BLOOD AND SAND (1941)
.
BONUS VIDEO:
2009 Running of the bulls in Spain
.
Click here to view ===> STOP THE BULL!!!
Source: youtube.com
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fmatalk.com

Image: seikenkarate.files.wordpress.com
.
MARTIAL ARTS QUOTES
Battle quotes from a martial arts forum
.
"Retreat, hell! We're attacking in a different direction!"
--General O.P. Smith, Chosin Reservoir, Korea, 1950, when asked if his "fighting withdrawal" constituted a retreat.
.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
~Bertrand Russell
.
"Fall down 7 times, get up 8"
~Anonymous
.
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
~Anonymous
.
Click here to view ===> BATTLE QUOTES
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: esquire.com

Image: blog.pennlive.com
.
SPORTS BAR ETIQUETTE NOTES \ QUOTES
.
The Seven Commandments of Watching Football in a Sports Bar
.
Click here to view ===> WATCHING NFL FOOTBALL IN A SPORTS BAR
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: examiner.com

Image: sportdecals1.com
.
NFL FANTASY FOOTBALL QUOTES
.
The Ten Commandments of Fantasy Foootball
.
Click here to view ===> FANTASY FOOTBALL
===============

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: youtube.com

GYMNASTS QUOTES
Quotes on a gymnast-created video for gymnasts and other athletes
.
Click here to view ===> QUOTES ON VIDEO
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

ROGER FEDERER

Image: everydayweekender.com
.
TENNIS QUOTES
Quotes from Wimbledon, 2009
.
"I think I will beat him in a marathon easy."
-- Sweden's Robin Soderling looks for other avenues to beat Federer after losing to him for the 11th time without reply.
.
"Oh, it is only because he is better than everybody else. That's it."
-- Big-serving Ivo Karlovic on Federer's secret for success.
.
Click here to view ===> WIMBLEDON, 2009
================

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ fantasypros911.com

BASEBALL TRIVIA \ NOTES \ QUOTES

TOP TEN MAJOR LEAGUE PLAYERS IN MILITARY SERVICE

Click here to view ===> TOP TEN IN MILITARY SERVICE
-----------------------

Click here to view ===> WW II WAR STORIES BY BOB FELLER

Source: youtube.com

=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thestar.com

Image: savagechickens.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
.
Pittsburgh outfielder Steve Kemp: "The only people in the U.S. who had a worse night than me died."
.
Click here to view ==> BASEBALL QUOTES
================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thebilliardstour.com

BILLIARDS SUPERSTAR YU RAM CHA

Image: dragonpromotions.com

BILLIARDS QUOTES

The balls know when you're broke. - Rudolph Wanderone

"Every gentleman plays billiards, but someone who plays billiards too well is no gentleman. - Thomas Jefferson

Click here to view ===> BILLIARDS QUOTES

===============


FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: notable-quotes.com

SKYDIVING QUOTES
.
Some guy once told me that skydiving is like cutting your throat and seeing if you can get to the doctor before you bleed to death.
- BROCK YATES, Sunday Driver
.
Click here to view ===> SKYDIVING QUOTES
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sanford-soccer-net.blogspot.com

SOCCER QUOTES
.
Click here to view ===> SOCCER QUOTES
================