SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes about Sports and Demon Rum
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To view the Time article regarding professional athletes
and drinking, click here =======> SUDS!
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Monday, July 21, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: competitionplus.com
Image: ecx.images-amazon.comDRAG RACING QUOTES
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Drag racing folks say the darndest things
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Janet Guthrie, First Female Indy 500 and NASCAR driver ON WHY SHE DIDN'T DRAG RACE - "It just didn't last long enough for me."
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Max Naylor, Jagermeister Pro Stock Dodge ON HIS CRASHING HIS CAR PRIOR TO GAINESVILLE - "There's no sense crying over spilled Jagermeister."
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Scotty Cannon, Six-Time Pro Modified Champion ON HIS SON SCOTT, JR. TAKING OVER HIS TEAM - “I don’t think there’s a more gratifying feeling for a parent that to see their child succeed. I’ll just be quick to hide his press releases so he can’t read them.”
Scotty Cannon, Six-Time Pro Modified Champion ON HIS SON SCOTT, JR. TAKING OVER HIS TEAM - “I don’t think there’s a more gratifying feeling for a parent that to see their child succeed. I’ll just be quick to hide his press releases so he can’t read them.”
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Rob Atchison, Erickson Alcohol Funny Car ON PUTTING HIS NEW FUNNY CAR IN THE SANDTRAP - "It lost its new car smell.
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Jack Wyatt, Race Girl Nitro Funny Car ON THE POWER OF NITROMETHANE - "It's the most powerful solvent in the world. It dissolves marriages and checking accounts instantly."
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Cory McClenathan, FRAM Boost Top Fuel Dragster ON QUALIFYING NUMBER ONE ON APRIL FOOLS DAY - Actually, when they told me at the other end (finish line), I thought they were lying because it was April Fool's Day. I said, 'show me proof,' and they did.
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John Force, Castrol GTX Funny Car WHEN TALKING TO A MEMBER OF THE A&E TELEVISION CREW ON THE STARTING LINE. SHE ASKED WHERE THE CARS GO WHEN THEY GO THROUGH THE FINISH LINE - "To Hell sometimes."
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ON THE REALITY SHOW - "And now my kids hate me and so does my wife. This was supposed to save my marriage! Now they're all saying, 'We don't even have any hope of having a normal life! Now we don't even have that!'"
ON THE REALITY SHOW - "And now my kids hate me and so does my wife. This was supposed to save my marriage! Now they're all saying, 'We don't even have any hope of having a normal life! Now we don't even have that!'"
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Del Worsham, CSK Nitro Funny Car ON HIS DAY AFTER JOHN FORCE TOOK THE TOP SPOT - "We were right there with all the humans in the field, basically running the same as (No. 3 qualifier) Eric Medlen on that run, but that other guy, Force, had to bust everyone's bubble with a 4.69 right at the end," he said. "On top of that, right up until he ran we had taken over the track speed record with our 327 mph. He ran 328 with the 4.69, so that's like taking your wallet and stepping on your foot, all at the same time."
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Tim Wilkerson, Levi-Ray-Shoup Pontiac Funny Car ON THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS CAR - "I can't tell you that I'm doing anything right, but I was so ticked off after the last two races. I could keep telling the car what to do and it keeps telling me no, so I decided to start listening to it."
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Gary Scelzi, Oakley Mopar Funny Car ON THE SUCCESS OF HIS FUNNY CAR LATELY - "We gave our Oakley Dodge an enema," he said. "And it seems to be doing a lot better now. It's going straight down the race track. It went to the semifinals last weekend. And now we're only 400 rounds out of first place."
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Mike Ashley, SKULL GEAR Funny Car ON THE PROGRESSION OF HIS TEAM THIS SEASON - I’m sure if you walk in at the halfway point in open-heart surgery, it looks like a murder scene. But, wait for a while until everything is completed, and it provides a completely different scene.
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Larry Morgan, ZMax Dodge Pro Stocker ON THE NHRA'S TIMING ISSUES - ''They won't admit to their ignorance. That's the problem. You can't fix stupid."
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ON THE GOOD FORTUNES OF RON CAPPS - Capps has something I don’t have and that’s a horse shoe. You can’t buy it and man….that thing has to be hard to sit on."
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Eric Medlen , Castrol Syntec Mustang Funny Car ON DOING WELL - It’s always good to do good because that’s good.
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Courtney Force, Super Comp Racer ON FILMING THE "DRIVING FORCE" REALITY SHOW - “I was really excited about it right away, then I got scared later. You think about them filming your life and how cool it would be, then it doesn’t hit you until it’s wrapping up and you realize it’s actually going to be on TV.”
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Whit Bazemore Matco Tools Dodge Funny Car ON SELF CONFIDENCE IN LOSING TIMES - “A guy like me doubt himself? Nah.”
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Tony Schumacher U.S. Army Dragster ON WHETHER OR NOT RACING IS FUN - “I just like the fact I love racing. When we were struggling, there were people that would ask me if I was ready to give up and quit. Whether I win or not, it is fun. When I woke up this morning…my knees were shaking and that was my signal that we were going to win today. My guys asked me why and I told them I was nervous and focused.”
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ON WHAT KIND OF BEER KURT JOHNSON BROUGHT HIM AT THE TOP END IN SEATTLE - "I don't know what kind it was. All I know is it was a cold one."
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John Force, Castrol GTX Ford Mustang
ON PREPARING FOR A RACE - 'You can drink too much POWERade and too much coffee and spark your brain out. Then you can go the other way and fase your brain. You have to watch your medication. Then you can take Viagra and instead of looking at the tree, you're looking at the grandstands."
ON PREPARING FOR A RACE - 'You can drink too much POWERade and too much coffee and spark your brain out. Then you can go the other way and fase your brain. You have to watch your medication. Then you can take Viagra and instead of looking at the tree, you're looking at the grandstands."
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.sky.com
Mahendra Singh Dhoni at a fashion showCRICKET QUOTES
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India cricket star Mahendra Singh Dhoni is used to being surrounded by the ladies.
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Now it will become a permanent fixture after police in his hometown of Ranchi assigned an all-female group of bodyguards to keep unwanted admirers away.
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Ranchi police chief M S Bhatia said the decision to give Dhoni the new security detail comes after two recent incidents in which female fans tried to throw themselves on the heartthrob player.
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Bhatia said the female police had been given special training to protect the India star from unwanted advances.
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He has already been given "Z-class" security - the highest level from the state - usually reserved for the prime minister and other senior political figures.
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Dhoni, known for his good looks and swashbuckling style on the cricket pitch, is one of the biggest celebrities in cricket-crazy India.
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The limited-overs cricket captain endorses everything from hair gel to motorbikes.
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"How do you like them apples, Tom Brady?" :)
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: gorillamask.com
BASKETBALL QUOTES
Bill Walton Quotes: Exaggerations... Exclamations... Excellence.
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Altogether now, in your best Bill Walton voice:
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"Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody – from any planet!"
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"Steve Nash is the most unathletic player in the league."
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Whenever the refs aren't up to Bill's standards: "Why even have a rulebook?"
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On Kobe's offseason weight training: "The added muscle and bulk from pushing that steel and the natural maturation process now enables this grandmaster to regularly accomplish the unimaginable without dragging around excessive bulk and baggage. Most top players get to the point where they truly believe that anything is possible. Most are also governed by gravity, the laws of physics and self-regulating mental control mechanisms. Kobe has left all these behind. The extra strength and stamina have made him a superior 3-point shooter, a most dominant defender and arguably the game's top rebounder."
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On Rasheed Wallace: "He's like a four-armed Dikembe Mutombo around the basket!"
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"Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards."
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Exchange between he and Snapper Jones: "That's a terrible defensive effort by Robert Horry. He didn't even make it difficult for Rasheed Wallace to score." Snapper: "Well, what do you expect? Earlier you said that Wallace could be one of the best players in the game, and now you want Robert Horry to guard him one-on-one?" Bill: "No, I said that Rasheed could be the best player in the game."
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Exchange between he and Tom Hammond: "John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!" Tom: "Wow, that's a pretty strong statement. I guess I don't have a good handle on world history." Bill: "Well Tom, that's because you didn't go to UCLA."
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"Patrick Ewing used to be much better in every aspect of the game." (After Ewing clanged a free throw, before he had even left the Knicks.)
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During a game that didn't even involve the Rockets: "Yao Ming is the best thing to happen to the NBA in a long time. He is just a beautiful person inside and out. The vision, the creativity, the gentleness of spirit … he has it all."
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When Illinois center Robert Archibald, originally from Scotland, dunked a ball on his son Luke Walton in college: "Did you see that? It must be the Scottish pudding!!"
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"Where else but the NBA could people like Bill Russell, Spencer Haywood, Ricky Barry, Dennis Rodman and Allen Iverson come in and be allowed to be who they are?"
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"But you have to understand, my beard is so nasty. I mean, it's the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good."
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During one of his hilarious game-intros: "Tonight the Spurs look to extend their lead to 3-0 over the Lakers. This time, however, they will have to do it on the Lakers' home court. Duncan and Shaq have been magnificent for both teams, but so far the edge has gone to San Antonio. However, the real story line that awaits us tonight in Los Angeles is whether or not Kobe Bryant will actually throw a pass!"
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"A lot of people understand what not saying anything means, so, in effect, not saying anything is really saying a lot."
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Tony Parker makes a pass, which gets deflected out of bounds by an opposing defender. Spurs ball, no big deal... Walton roars: "Tony Parker just made the worst pass... in the history of Western Civilization!"
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"Oh my, Kobe is really putting on a show out there. He's making Ray Allen look like a sixth grader!"
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On the '72 Lakers: "Way back when, I was a sophomore in college at UCLA when a truly remarkable aggregation of professional talent actually exceeded the hype and hope of a world searching desperately for authenticity."
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"I mean, I'm 6-foot-11, I've got red hair, freckles, I'm a goofy, nerdy-looking guy, I've got a speech impediment-I stutter and stammer all the time-and I'm a Deadhead. I was a skinny, scrawny guy. I stuttered horrendously, couldn't speak at all. I was a very shy, reserved player and a very shy, reserved person. I found a safe place in life in basketball."
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"I'm mainstream. Always have been."
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On his tour across America for ESPN: "Well, we've made some changes on this tour. We're no longer sleeping in the parking lots and swimming in the fountains. We've been staying in hotels most of the way, though I will say some hotels have declined to take us because we're just having too much fun."
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"Save some for later? Balderdash, this is the playoffs!"
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On Larry Johnson's lackluster performance in the NBA Finals: "What a pathetic performance by this sad human being. This is a disgrace to the game of basketball and to the NBA. He played like a disgrace tonight. And he deserved it."
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More Larry Johnson railing: "Why would the Pacers ever double-team Larry Johnson? He wants to be double-teamed so he can pass. Why is Indiana double-teaming a man who only scores 8 points a game?"
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"Memo to Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker: Couldn't you wait until at least the All-Star break to have the franchise suffer its worse loss in its storied history?
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Bill Russell just called looking for an address to send his 11 championship rings back to the Celtics because he is so disappointed."
Bill Walton Quotes: Exaggerations... Exclamations... Excellence.
.
Altogether now, in your best Bill Walton voice:
.
"Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody – from any planet!"
.
"Steve Nash is the most unathletic player in the league."
.
Whenever the refs aren't up to Bill's standards: "Why even have a rulebook?"
.
On Kobe's offseason weight training: "The added muscle and bulk from pushing that steel and the natural maturation process now enables this grandmaster to regularly accomplish the unimaginable without dragging around excessive bulk and baggage. Most top players get to the point where they truly believe that anything is possible. Most are also governed by gravity, the laws of physics and self-regulating mental control mechanisms. Kobe has left all these behind. The extra strength and stamina have made him a superior 3-point shooter, a most dominant defender and arguably the game's top rebounder."
.
On Rasheed Wallace: "He's like a four-armed Dikembe Mutombo around the basket!"
.
"Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards."
.
Exchange between he and Snapper Jones: "That's a terrible defensive effort by Robert Horry. He didn't even make it difficult for Rasheed Wallace to score." Snapper: "Well, what do you expect? Earlier you said that Wallace could be one of the best players in the game, and now you want Robert Horry to guard him one-on-one?" Bill: "No, I said that Rasheed could be the best player in the game."
.
Exchange between he and Tom Hammond: "John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball, or in America, but in the history of Western Civilization!" Tom: "Wow, that's a pretty strong statement. I guess I don't have a good handle on world history." Bill: "Well Tom, that's because you didn't go to UCLA."
.
"Patrick Ewing used to be much better in every aspect of the game." (After Ewing clanged a free throw, before he had even left the Knicks.)
.
During a game that didn't even involve the Rockets: "Yao Ming is the best thing to happen to the NBA in a long time. He is just a beautiful person inside and out. The vision, the creativity, the gentleness of spirit … he has it all."
.
When Illinois center Robert Archibald, originally from Scotland, dunked a ball on his son Luke Walton in college: "Did you see that? It must be the Scottish pudding!!"
.
"Where else but the NBA could people like Bill Russell, Spencer Haywood, Ricky Barry, Dennis Rodman and Allen Iverson come in and be allowed to be who they are?"
.
"But you have to understand, my beard is so nasty. I mean, it's the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good."
.
During one of his hilarious game-intros: "Tonight the Spurs look to extend their lead to 3-0 over the Lakers. This time, however, they will have to do it on the Lakers' home court. Duncan and Shaq have been magnificent for both teams, but so far the edge has gone to San Antonio. However, the real story line that awaits us tonight in Los Angeles is whether or not Kobe Bryant will actually throw a pass!"
.
"A lot of people understand what not saying anything means, so, in effect, not saying anything is really saying a lot."
.
Tony Parker makes a pass, which gets deflected out of bounds by an opposing defender. Spurs ball, no big deal... Walton roars: "Tony Parker just made the worst pass... in the history of Western Civilization!"
.
"Oh my, Kobe is really putting on a show out there. He's making Ray Allen look like a sixth grader!"
.
On the '72 Lakers: "Way back when, I was a sophomore in college at UCLA when a truly remarkable aggregation of professional talent actually exceeded the hype and hope of a world searching desperately for authenticity."
.
"I mean, I'm 6-foot-11, I've got red hair, freckles, I'm a goofy, nerdy-looking guy, I've got a speech impediment-I stutter and stammer all the time-and I'm a Deadhead. I was a skinny, scrawny guy. I stuttered horrendously, couldn't speak at all. I was a very shy, reserved player and a very shy, reserved person. I found a safe place in life in basketball."
.
"I'm mainstream. Always have been."
.
On his tour across America for ESPN: "Well, we've made some changes on this tour. We're no longer sleeping in the parking lots and swimming in the fountains. We've been staying in hotels most of the way, though I will say some hotels have declined to take us because we're just having too much fun."
.
"Save some for later? Balderdash, this is the playoffs!"
.
On Larry Johnson's lackluster performance in the NBA Finals: "What a pathetic performance by this sad human being. This is a disgrace to the game of basketball and to the NBA. He played like a disgrace tonight. And he deserved it."
.
More Larry Johnson railing: "Why would the Pacers ever double-team Larry Johnson? He wants to be double-teamed so he can pass. Why is Indiana double-teaming a man who only scores 8 points a game?"
.
"Memo to Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker: Couldn't you wait until at least the All-Star break to have the franchise suffer its worse loss in its storied history?
.
Bill Russell just called looking for an address to send his 11 championship rings back to the Celtics because he is so disappointed."
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