SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Monday, December 20, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


CAM NEWTON, AUBURN QUARTERBACK
HEISMAN TROPHY WINNER - 2010
Image: bossip.files.wordpress.com
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AMERICAN FOOTBALL \ CURLING \ GOLF HUMOR
Sources present Letterman's Top Ten Lists for 3 sports
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Click here to view ===> AMERICAN FOOTBALL HUMOR
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Source: ncaafootballfanhouse.com
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Click here to view ===> CURLING HUMOR
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Source: outsidetheboxscore.blogspot.com
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Ckick here to view ===> GOLF HUMOR
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Source: thejoyofgolfing.com
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


Image: heavymetalweb.com
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TENNIS QUOTES
Blogger presents his favorite tennis quotes.
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I would so like to be Lenny Kravitz.
- Roger Federer
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Tennis is an addiction that once it has truly hooked a man will not let him go.
- Russell Lynes
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I played really well. So I'd like to thank myself, first of all.
- Dmitry Tursunov on winning the Hopman Cup (with Nadia Petrova)
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If I wore a sleeveless shirt, people would try to feed me after the match.
- Andy Roddick
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I wore that to a sixth-grade dance.
- Robby Ginepri on one of Vince Spadea's outfits
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I'd rather be No. 2 in Chile and No. 1 in the world.
- Nicolas Massu
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The wind was blowing, the dogs were barking, something got in my eye.
- Andy Roddick on his loss to Greg Rusedski
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When you speak to tennis journalists, you notice how little they understand.
- Tim Henman
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I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and got his tub.
- Andy Roddick on losing the 2004 Wimbledon final to Roger Federer
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It's all your fault - but nothing personal!
- Andy Roddick to an umpire
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Tim Henman... is the human form of beige.
- Lnda Smith, Comedienne
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The difference between night and day is, er, night and day.
- Tim Henman
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I can cry like Roger, it's just a shame I can't play like him.
- Andy Murray after losing to Federer at the 2010 Australian Open
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I'm not the next anyone, I'm the first Maria Sharapova.
- Maria Sharapova
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I decided I can't pay a person to rewind time, so I may as well get over it. - Serena Williams
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This taught me a lesson, but I'm not quite sure what it is.
- John McEnroe
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I can't really explain why, Physically I felt good, but it's just... it's just a bad day at the office, as they say it.
- Novak Djokovic on his loss at the 2009 Roland Garros
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Source: bukisa.com
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So, which is it, Roger, a sports hall of fame or a music hall of fame?
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If you choose Kravitz (see quote above), you give up your
legacy as arguably the greatest tennis player ever!
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What's up with that, Mr. Federer?
Link below may explain what's up.
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Click here to view ===> LENNY KRAVITZ VIDEO
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Source: youtube.com
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Editor's note:
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Now your point is well taken, Mr. Federer!
Enough said!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


WATARU "WAT" MISAKA

Image: rafu.com
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BASKETBALL TRIVIA \ QUOTES \ HUMOR \ POEM
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Top Ten Shortest Players from the NBA
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Click here to view ===> PROFILES OF THE TOP TEN SHORTEST PLAYERS
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Source: toptenz.net
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Bonus entry: Basketball humor
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Charles Barkley presents his views on basketball and its players in
an interview by Conan O'Brien
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Charles Barkley, you're on.
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"LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!"
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Click here to view ===> CHARLES BARKLEY VIDEO.
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Source: huffingtonpost.com
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Bonus entry: Basketball Poem
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Poem by John Updike: Ex-basketball Player
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Click here to view ===> BASKETBALL POEM
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Source: thebestamericanpoetry.typepad.com
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Looking for extra credit?
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If so, here is the analysis of the Updike poem:
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Click here to view ===> ANALYSIS OF THE POEM
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Source: helium.com
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


Image: farm1.static.flickr.com
COMPETITIVE EATING QUOTES \ HUMOR
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Related topics: Dieting Health Fitness
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University of Maryland Students Start Competitive Eating Team
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Click here to view ====> COMPETITIVE EATING
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Source: aolnews.com
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Bonus entry: Food and Dieting Quotes
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Click here to view ===> FOOD AND DIETING QUOTES
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Source: keylimeshop,com
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Bonus entry: More Food and Dieting Quotes
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“Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.” ~Jim Davis

“Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think.” ~Tom Wilson

“I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!” ~W.C. Fields

“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” ~Julia Child

“Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of those pieces.” ~Judith Viorst

“Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian, wine and tarragon make it French, sour cream makes it Russian, lemon and cinnamon make it Greek, soy sauce makes it Chinese, garlic makes it good.” ~Alice May Brock

“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.” ~Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

“A dinner lubricates business.” ~Lord William Sowell

“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” ~AW Brown

“I went into McDonald’s yesterday and said, “I’d like some fries.” And the girl behind the counter says, “Would you like fries with that?” ~Jay Leno

“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” ~Virginia Woolf

“What is food to one man may be fierce poison to others.” ~Lucretius

“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” ~Ernestine Ulmer

“Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.” ~Harriet Van Horne
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.” ~Trixie Koontz

“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.” ~Doug Larson
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Source: dietygoy.com
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Bonus entry: Food Comedy Video
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Laurel and Hardy, you're on!
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The link below contains a compilation of food-related
scenes from Laurel and Hardy movies that show the
duo's exceptional skills in comedic slapstick - watch for the
duo's patented "acknowledgment" nods to put the icing on
the slapstick cake!
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"LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!"
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Click here to view ===> FOOD FIGHTS!
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Source: youtube.com
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=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


PHIL NIEKRO, BASEBALL HALL OF FAMER
Image: cache.daylife.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES \ HUMOR
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Use of the knuckleball in pitching
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R. A. Dickey is one of two pitchers currently playing in Major League Baseball to use the knuckleball as a primary pitch.
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When originally developed, the knuckleball was used by a number of pitchers as simply one pitch in their repertoire, usually as part of changing speeds from their fastball.
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It is almost never used in a mixed repertoire today, however, and some believe that to throw the knuckleball effectively with some semblance of control over the pitch, one must throw it more or less exclusively. At the same time, pitchers rarely focus on the knuckleball if they have reasonable skill with more standard pitches, so knuckleball pitchers have become quite rare.
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However, the knuckleball does provide some advantages to its practitioners. It does not need to be thrown hard (in fact, throwing too hard may diminish its effectiveness), and is therefore less taxing on the arm.
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This means knuckleball pitchers can throw more innings than orthodox pitchers, and are able to pitch more frequently because they require less time to recover after having pitched.
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The lower physical strain also gives them the potential for greater career longevity, as some have continued to pitch professionally well into their forties, such as Tim Wakefield, Tom Candiotti, and the Niekro brothers. In addition, some pitchers (such as Jim Bouton) have had success as knuckleballers after their ability to throw hard declined.
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Hoyt Wilhelm, Phil Niekro and Jesse Haines, three pitchers who primarily relied on the knuckleball, have been inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Niekro was given the nickname "Knucksie" during his career.
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Other prominent knuckleball pitchers have included Joe Niekro (Phil's brother), Charlie Hough, Dave Jolly, Ben Flowers, Wilbur Wood, Tom Candiotti, Bob Purkey, Steve Sparks, Eddie Rommel and Tim Wakefield.
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During the 1945 season, with talent depleted by call-ups to fight in World War II, the Washington Senators had a pitching rotation which included four knuckleball pitchers (Dutch Leonard, Johnny Niggeling, Mickey "Itsy Bitsy" Haefner and Roger Wolff) who combined for 60 complete games and 60 wins, carrying the Senators to second place.

As of 2010[update], Wakefield of the Boston Red Sox and R.A. Dickey of the New York Mets[2] are the only knucklers in the big leagues, though minor leaguers Charlie Zink of the Rochester Red Wings and Charlie Haeger of the Albuquerque Isotopes also throw the knuckleball.
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In November 2008 it was announced that 16 year old knuckleballer Eri Yoshida was drafted as the first woman ever to play in Japanese professional baseball for the Kobe 9 Cruise of the Kansai Independent Baseball League.
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On March 2, 2010, she trained with Tim Wakefield at the Boston Red Sox minor league training facility.[3] and on April 8, 2010, she signed with the Chico Outlaws, debuting on May 29, 2010.[4]
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Detroit Tigers reliever Eddie Bonine also throws a knuckleball, though he does so infrequently as compared to pitchers who use it as a primary pitch.
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Lance Niekro, son of Joe Niekro, attempted to convert from a position player to a knuckleball pitcher. He started the 2009 season with the Gulf Coast League Braves but is currently listed as a free agent.
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Quotes on the knuckleball:.
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"They say you don't want to have a knuckleballer pitching for you or against you" - Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, quoted in Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, August 4, 1987.
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"I always thought the knuckleball was the easiest pitch to catch. Wait'll it stops rolling, then go to the backstop and pick it up." broadcaster and former catcher Bob Uecker
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"You don't catch a knuckleball, you defend against it." Retired Dodgers manager and former catcher Joe Torre
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"Trying to hit against Phil Niekro is like trying to eat Jell-O with chopsticks". All-star outfielder Bobby Murcer
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"I never worry about it. I just take my three swings and go sit on the bench. I'm afraid if I ever think about hitting it, I'll mess up my swing for life." All-star first baseman Dick Allen
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"There are two theories on hitting a knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them works." famed hitting coach Charlie Lau
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"You know, catching the knuckleball, it's like trying to catch a fly with a chopstick." All-star and Gold Glove catcher Jason Varitek
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"If it's high, let it fly. If it's low, let it go." Common saying describing how to approach hitting the knuckleball.
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"Throwing a knuckleball for a strike is like throwing a butterfly with hiccups across the street into your neighbor's mailbox." Hall of Famer Willie Stargell
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"For a knuckleballer, a pitch count of 150 is not a problem. Unless it's the first inning." Dave Clark, author of The Knucklebook
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"Like some cult religion that barely survives, there has always been at least one but rarely more than five or six devotees throwing the knuckleball in the big leagues... Not only can't pitchers control it, hitters can't hit it, catchers can't catch it, coaches can't coach it, and most pitchers can't learn it. The perfect pitch." Ron Luciano, former AL umpire
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"Hitting Niekro's knuckleball is like eating soup with a fork." Richie Hebner
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"You're not expected to hit it. [I am] expected to catch it." John Flaherty summing up his day catching Tim Wakefield in a spring training game against the Twins by relaying a comment made by fellow catcher Mike Redmond. Flaherty retired the next day.
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"Knuckleballs suck." Geno Petralli after giving up four passed balls in one inning
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"It's not a pitch to be mastered but only executed the best you can. Charlie Hough told me he learned the pitch in one day and spent a lifetime learning how to throw it for strikes." R.A. Dickey, knuckleball pitcher of the Mets, on the knuckleball.
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Source: wikipedia.com
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Bonus entry: Baseball Humor
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Fattest Players in the Major Leagues
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David Letterman years ago cited on his late night talk show a
major league pitcher, Terry Forster, so overweight that Letterman
coined the term "Big tub of goo" to describe him.
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Such players today are nominated for GQ's Rich Garces Cup,
an award named for yet another obese pitcher, Rich Garces.
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So, with humor, sit back and enjoy the slide show from GQ
on the fattest players in major league baseball.
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Click here to view ===> FATTEST PLAYERS IN BASEBALL
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Source: gq.com
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Editor's note:
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Hope springs eternal syndrome reigns here, as all males who have
ever seen a knuckleball thrown feel they can use that same pitch
to get into the majors, if they just had the time and wherewithal to
pursue the dream.
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Similarly, every overweight male knows if Rich Garces or Ryan
Howard or David Wells can play the game, he can too, given the
time and the wherewithal.
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So, while most baseball fans harbor that dream of playing in the
majors, they know one of the two variables in this post, knuckleball
pitching or the "big tub of goo" factor can be their ticket to playing
in the Show.
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So even though the variables appear unrelated, both qualify as dream
world solutions to what many aspire to, so both are included in this
one post.
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===================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


Image: 3.bp.blogspot.com
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SOCCER QUOTES
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Jose Mourinho quotes:
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On former managerial rival Sir Alex Ferguson...
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“Maybe when I am 60 and have been managing in the same league for 20 years, and have the respect of everybody, I will have the power to speak to people and make them tremble a little bit.”

(Sir Alex on Mourinho. “Forget the mind games. I like him. I think he sees himself as the young gunslinger who has come into town to challenge the sheriff who has been around a while.”)
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Mourinho on taking over at Inter Milan...
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“I studied Italian for five hours a day for many months to ensure I could communicate with the players, media and fans. Ranieri had been in England for five years and he still struggled to say ‘good morning’ and ‘good afternoon’."
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"Pressure, what pressure? For me, pressure is bird flu – I’m feeling the pressure with the problem in Scotland. It is not fun and I’m more scared of it than football."
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As we say in Portugal, they brought the bus and they left it front of the goal. I would have been frustrated if I had been a supporter who paid £50 to watch this game because Spurs came to defend."
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"Why drive an Aston Martin all the time when I have a Ferrari and a Porsche as well."
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"If I wanted to be protected in a quiet job, I could have stayed at Porto. I would have been second, after God, in the eyes of the fans, even if I never won another thing."
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Source: givemefootball.com
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Bonus entry: More Soccer Quotes
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"Football is a grand game for developing a lad physically and also morally, for he learns to play with good temper and unselfishness, to play in his place, and to play the game, and these are the best of training for any game of life."
- Robert Baden Powell
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"Behind every kick of the ball there has to be a thought."
- Dennis Bergkamp
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"Five days shalt thou labour, as the Bible says. The seventh day is the Lord thy God's. The sixth day is for football."
- Anthony Burgess
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"Winning isn't everything. There should be no conceit in victory and no despair in defeat."
- Matt Busby
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"If God had meant football to be played in the air he would have put grass in the sky."
- Brian Clough
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"Football is a game you play with your brain."
- Johan Cruyff
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"Beyond the touchline there is nothing."
- Jacques Derrida
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"It's a conflict of parallels."
- Sir Alex Ferguson
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"Football is an art."
- Germaine Greer
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"The point about football in Britain is that it is not just a sport people take to, like cricket or tennis. It is built into the urban psyche, as much a common experience to our children as are uncles and school. It is not a phenomenon: it is an everyday matter."
- Arthur Hopcraft
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"I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women. Suddenly, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain it would bring."
- Nick Hornby
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"Football is a game of tomorrows."
- Geoff Hurst
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"To be a footballer means being a privileged interpreter of the feelings and dreams of thousands of people."
-Cesar Luis Menotti
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"Football is a grey game played by grey people on grey days."
- Rodney Marsh
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"If you never concede a goal, you're going to win more games than you lose."
- Bobby Moore
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"Football, a game in which everyone gets hurt and every nation has its own style of play which seems unfair to foreigners."
- George Orwell
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"It's not about the long ball or the short ball, it's about the right ball."
- Bob Paisley
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"Football is the last sacred ritual of our time."
- Pier Paolo Pasoloni
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"Football is like a religion to me. I worship the ball, and I treat it like a god. Too many players think of a football as something to kick. They should be taught to caress it and to treat it like a precious gem."
- Pele
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"Amongst all unimportant subjects, football is by far the most important."
- Pope John Paul II
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"To say that these men paid their shillings to watch twenty-two hirelings kick a ball is merely to say that a violin is wood and catgut, that Hamlet is so much paper and ink."
- JB Priestley
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"In a world haunted by the hydrogen and napalm bomb, the football field is a place where sanity and hope are still left unmolested."
- Stanley Rous
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"In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team."
- Jean-Paul Sartre

"In football you sometimes have beauty and cruelty together."
- Peter Schmeichel
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"Football is a simple game made complicated by people who should know better."
- Bill Shankly
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"Footballers can be like artists when the mind and body are working as one. It is what Miles Davis does when he plays free jazz - everything pulls together into one intense moment that is beautiful."
- Lillian Thuram
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"Rugby is a game for barbarians played by gentlemen. Football is a game for gentlemen played by barbarians."
- Oscar Wilde
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Source: hereisthecity.com
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Bonus entry: Sports Music Video
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Click here to view ===> FIFA WORLD CUP ANTHEM
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Source: youtube.com
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=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: awinninghabit.com


Image: sportsbuy.com
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HOCKEY QUOTES
Hockey blogger presents constructive suggestions for the NHL and his
favorite hockey player quotes.
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“I can’t hear what Jeremy is saying, my two Stanley Cup rings are blocking my ears.”
- Patrick Roy.
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”I know my players don’t like my practices, but that’s OK because I don’t like their games.”
– Harry Neale.
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Click here to view ===> HOCKEY QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballoutsiders.com


CHIP KELLY
HEAD COACH, OREGON DUCKS
Image: static.businessinsider.com
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AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
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"If I'd have known it would have ended like this. I would have kept the lights off."
-- Giants co-owner John Mara after the Giants 33-20 loss to the rival Cowboys in a game that featured two power outages which shut down the stadium lights and halted play for a total of 11 minutes (NY Post)
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Click here to view ===> FOOTBALL QUOTES I
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"I always get bothered when I hear other coaches say: 'We're here 24/7. We really grind.' I mean, c'mon. We choose to do this. We sit in air-conditioned rooms. We watch film. We enjoy watching film and coming up with game plans. Someone who has to grind it out is a guy who's a laborer, or a guy in the military."
-- Oregon coach Chip Kelly on the perceived intensity of being a head coach of a football team ( New York Times )
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Click here to view ===> FOOTBALL QUOTES II
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Bonus entry: "Where's the beef?"
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Many athletes are seeking to capitalize on their names and catchphrases by trademarking the terms.
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The New York Times reports on the trend and includes these examples:

• Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis applied to trademark “Revis Island,” his term for the turf where he confines opposing players.

• Former Giants defensive end Michael Strahan sought trademark protection for “Stomp You Out."

• Bengals wide receiver Terrell Owens registered “I Love Me Some Me.”

• Vikings defensive end Jared Allen registered “Got Strange?”
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Source: abajournal.com
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