SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Monday, August 18, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: head-bone.com

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SPORTS QUOTES
Sports-related quotes by George Carlin
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NEW RULES FOR 2007
by George Carlin
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The 3 sports-related new rules follow:
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New Rule:
Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
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New Rule:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.
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New Rule:
If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
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The other 14 rules are not sports-related!
To view all 17 , click here ===> X-X-X!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

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BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Bill Veeck
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Wednesday, November 19, 2003
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"The athlete who catches the imagination is the individualist, the free soul who challenges not only the opposition but the generally accepted rules of behavior. Essentially, he should be uncivilized. Untamed."
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"It is played by people, real people, not freaks. Basketball is played by giants. Football is played by corn-fed hulks. The normal-sized man plays baseball and the fellow in the stands can relate to that."
--On baseball being the national pastime
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"It isn't the high price of stars that is expensive, it's the high price of mediocrity."
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"Baseball is like our society. It's becoming homogenized, computerized. People identify with swash-buckling individuals, not polite little men who field their position well. Sir Galahad had a big following-but I'll bet Lancelot had more."
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"To compare baseball with other team games is to say the Hope Diamond is a nice chunk of carbon. The endless variety of physical and mental skills demanded by baseball is both uncomparable and incomparable.""
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"Eddie, how would you like to be a big-league ballplayer? Eddie, you'll be the only midget in the history of the game. You'll be appearing before thousands of people. Your name will go into the record books for all time. You'll be famous, Eddie. You'll be immortal."
-On Eddie Gaedel's August 19, 1951 appearance, from Veeck-as in Wreck
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"My epitaph is inescapable. It will read: 'He sent a midget up to bat.'"
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"I guess I'm just not bright enough to stop."--explaining how he kept up his 24 hour schedule
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"Sooner or later, the lame, the halt, and the blind all seek refuge with us." --On the 1977 White Sox
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"That's the true harbinger of spring, not crocuses or swallows returning to Capustrano, but the sound of a bat on the ball."
--As White Sox owner in 1976
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"The Mets achieved total incompetence in a single year, while the Browns worked industriously for almost a decade to gain equal proficiency."
--From Veeck-as in Wreck
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"The original idea of the bleachers was for the guy who couldn't afford season box seats, but could shell out cash for an outfield seat on a day-to-day basis? Maybe the time has come when they don't need that guy. You can buy all those seats the days they're not sold out, but the rest of the time you're not welcome. It does seem that way, doesn't it? I guess that's what happens when marketing experts come in and take over."
--On the Cubs 1985 decision to sell bleacher seats in advance
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"When the Supreme Court says baseball isn't run like a business, everybody jumps up and down with joy. When I say the same thing, everybody throws pointy objects at me."
--The Hustler's Handbook
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quote.webcircle.com

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BASEBALL QUOTE
Quote by Lee Elia
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From Lee Elia, Chicago Cubs, Manager, in April, 1983 (before Wrigley Field had lights for night baseball), following a home loss to the Dodgers and in front of writers and microphones:
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F*ck those f*ckin' fans who come out here and say they're Cub fans that are supposed to be behind you, rippin' every f*ckin' thing you do. I'll tell you one f*ckin' thing, I hope we get f*ckin' hotter than sh*t, just to stuff it up them 3,000 f*ckin' people that show up every f*ckin' day, because if they're the real Chicago f*ckin' fans, they can kiss my f*ckin' ass right downtown and PRINT IT.
They're really, really behind you around here...my f*ckin' ass. What the f*ck am I supposed to do, go out there and let my f*ckin' players get destroyed every day and be quiet about it? For the f*ckin' nickel-dime people who turn up? The motherf*ckers don't even work. That's why they're out at the f*ckin' game. They oughta go out and get a f*ckin' job and find out what it's like to go out and earn a f*ckin' living. Eighty-five percent of the f*ckin' world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A f*ckin' playground for the cocks*ckers. Rip them motherf*ckers. Rip them f*ckin' cocks*ckers like the f*ckin' players. We got guys bustin' their f*ckin' ass, and them f*ckin' people boo. And that's the Cubs? My f*ckin' ass. They talk about the great f*ckin' support the players get around here. I haven't see it this f*ckin' year. Everybody associated with this organization have been winners their whole f*ckin' life. Everybody. And the credit is not given in that respect.
Alright, they don't show because we're 5 and 14...and unfortunately, that's the criteria of them dumb fifteen motherf*ckin' percent that come out to day baseball. The other eighty-five percent are earning a living. I tell you, it'll take more than a 5 and 12 or 5 and 14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I guarantee you that. There's some f*ckin' pros out there that wanna win. But you're stuck in a f*ckin' stigma of the f*ckin' Dodgers and the Phillies and the Cardinals an all that cheap sh*t. It's unbelievable. It really is. It's a disheartening f*ckin' situation that we're in right now. Anybody who was associated with the Cub organization four or five years ago that came back and sees the multitude of progress that's been made will understand that if they're baseball people, that 5 and 14 doesn't negate all that work. We got 143 f*ckin' games left.
What I'm tryin' to say is don't rip them f*ckin' guys out there. Rip me. If you wanna rip somebody, rip my f*ckin' ass. But don't rip them f*ckin' guys 'cause they're givin' everything they can give. And right now they're tryin' to do more than God gave 'em, and that's why we make the simple mistakes. That's exactly why."
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Lee, the fans said "Yo Mama!" :-)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cootcomics.com

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CRICKET QUOTES
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Postcards From The Sledge:
The Top 50 cricket quotes and sledges of all time
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Click here to view ====> SLEDGES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesdaddy.com

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SPORTS QUOTES
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“Midshipmen and cadets remain stronger and more aggressive than their male counterparts at civilian schools. They eagerly play sports such as rugby, boxing, karate, lacrosse, and football. They drive fast cars, usually sports cars. They play hard. They drink hard. They are physical, often abusive among each other. They are not trying to prove their manhood: they are celebrating their masculinity. They are competitive, often vulgar, and tough, and every citizen who may someday send a friend or relative into war should rejoice, because combat is competitive, vulgar, and tough, and they will be leading men in combat.”
- James Webb
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“Sports is like a war without the killing.”
- Ted Turner
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“When you look at where team sports are going, the National Football League is turning into organized warfare.”
- Oren Lyons Jr.
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“The man loves danger and sport. That is why he loves woman, the most dangerous of all sports.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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“If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such”
- Dan Castellaneta
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“Competing in sports has taught me that if I'm not willing to give 120 percent, somebody else will.”
- Ron Blomberg
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“Baseball hasn't been the national pastime for many years now - no sport is. The national pastime, like it or not, is watching television.”
- Bob Greene
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“Books had instant replay long before televised sports.”
- Bern Williams
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“You are only as good as the coach thinks you are.”
- Brian Williams
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“There is no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.”
- Lee Trevino
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“Topping the ball is a problem that usually afflicts only beginning golfers, and it is quickly left behind once a player has learned to master the hook, the slice, the shank, and the airball”
- Henry Beard
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“Thinking instead of acting is the number-one golf disease.”
- Sam Snead
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“Golf has more rules than any other game because golf has more cheaters than any other game”
- Bruce Lansky
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“I don't like losing a ballgame any more than a salesman likes losing a sale.”
- Early Wynn
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“In this game of baseball, you live by the sword and die by it. You hit and get hit. Remember that.”
- Alvin Dark
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“There are one-hundred fifty-four games in a season and you can find one-hundred fifty-four reasons why your team should have won every one of them.”
- Bill Klem
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“A good catcher is the quarterback, the carburetor, the lead dog, the pulse taker, the traffic cop and sometimes a lot of unprintable things, but no team gets very far without one.”
- Miller Huggins
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“Wrestling is the only sport I've ever competed in that puts you totally in a situation of constant [motion] without breaks. I could play football or baseball, swim -- but there's always some kind of situation that would break my thoughts, break my concentration.”
- Dan Gable
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“I never did like working out - it bears the same relationship to real sport as masturbation does to real sex”
- David Lodge
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“To brag little - to show well - to crow gently, if in luck - to pay up, to own up, and to shut up, if beaten, are the virtues of a sporting man”
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesdaddy.com

MICHAEL PHELPS

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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes about the Olympics
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“Olympism is a philosophy which, by blending sport with culture, seeks to create a way of life based on the joy found in effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal ethical principle”
-Juan Antonio Samaranch
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“Being an Olympian is the ultimate test of one's sporting ability.”
-Russell Mark
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“An Olympic medal is the greatest achievement and honour that can be received by an athlete. I would swap any World Title to have won gold at the Olympics.”
-Jeff Fenech
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“It is the inspiration of the Olympic Games that drives people not only to compete but to improve, and to bring lasting spiritual and moral benefits to the athlete and inspiration to those lucky enough to witness the athletic dedication.”
-Herb Elliott
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“The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part; the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well.”
Pierre de Coubertin
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: a-gamegolf.com

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GOLF QUOTES
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“Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.”
-Michael Green
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"I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler."
-David Feherty
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"To be truthful, I think golfers are overpaid. It's unreal, and I have trouble dealing with the guilt sometimes."
-Colin Montgomerie
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"Bumpy greens don't bother me anymore. Since I've become an analyst, I don't see the problem."
-David Feherty quote
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"When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf."
-Dave Stockton
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On being asked, before his final round, what he had to shoot to win the golf tournament- "The rest of the field."
-Roger Maltbie
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"If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right."
-Bob Hope
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"Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear."
-David Feherty
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"Where I come from we have nine-to-ten months of bad weather, then winter sets in. That’s why we’re so angry with each other but love everyone else."
-David Feherty
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"Golf. You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks."
-Author Unknown
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"I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there."
-Bob Hope
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When asked why he was moving to the U.S. to work as a golf analyst. "Because I've already insulted everyone in Europe."
-David Feherty
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"He dyed his hair black and grew a goatee. That's why he's playing better, in my opinion."
-Gary McCord quote, speaking about P.G.A. Tour's Andrew Magee
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"Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn't float too well."
-Craig Stadler
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"I really don't enjoy playing this game at all anymore. You would have to be a pervert to enjoy the sort of feelings that I went through out there."
-David Feherty, after winning a European Tour event in 1987
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