SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Saturday, September 6, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nwanews.com

SPORTS QUOTES
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Second thoughts
Compiled by Scott Loftis
September 6, 2008
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Dan Daly of the Washington Times, on the most expensive tickets at the new Yankee Stadium going for $ 2, 500 — which pencils out to $ 202, 500 for a full season:
"Just wondering: Has a bank ever foreclosed on a box seat ?
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NBC’s Jay Leno, with a post-Olympic update from Beijing:
“That stadium they called the Bird’s Nest ? It was converted into a giant coalburning lead toy factory.”
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Chicago Bears kicker Robbie Gould, to the Chicago Tribune, on what the team’s final roster cutdown means:
“There will be a lot more room on the plane.”
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Mark Kriegel of FoxSports. com:
“It’s official. Hurricane Fay was in South Florida longer than Nick Saban.”
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Tennis star Venus Williams, to Reuters, amazed at her popularity in Poland during a visit to that country:
“I thought maybe my last name was Williamsowski or something.”
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Headline at Fark. com:
“Chad Johnson legally changes his name to Ocho Cinco. Bengals call his bluff and change his number to 87.”
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: speedwaymedia.com

NASCAR HUMOR
Humor from David Letterman's Top Ten List
Humor from the year 2007

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For the first time in the history of the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN broadcasts, tonight’s LATE SHOW Top Ten is instead a Top Twelve, presented by the 12 NASCAR drivers in the Chase for the Nextel Cup.
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“The Top 12 Reasons I Love Racing . . .”
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12. Clint Bowyer: “We’ve got special mirrors that show objects the size that they actually are.

11. Kevin Harvick: “Sometimes back in the garages there’s horseplay with the airhose.”

10. Jeff Burton: “Between the G-forces and the fumes, I’m loopy most of the season.”

9. Kyle Busch: “Switch the ‘R’ and the ‘C’ in ‘Racing’ and you get ‘Caring.’”

8. Matt Kenseth: “Can hold 8 gigs of music on my new iHelmet.”

7. Martin Turex, Jr.: “In a pinch, checkered flags make a lovely tablecloth.”

6. Denny Hamlin: “Two more wins and I get to marry Ashley Judd.”

5. Kurt Busch: “You can talk to your car and pretend you’re David Hasselhoff.”

4. Carl Edwards: “How many people can say their “office” goes 200 miles per hour.”

3. Tony Stewart: “Driving fast and starting fights.”

2. Jeff Gordon: “It’s not one of those sports you have to inject stuff in your ass to be good.”

1. Jimmie Johnson: “Unlike most guys, I like it when my wife says, ‘You’re too fast.’”

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fannation.com

AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES
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Panthers WR Steve Smith had a monster game on Vikings CB Fred Smoot in 2005. After the game, Smoot refused to talk to reporters. They asked Smith to comment on that.
"If I were him, I wouldn't be talkin' either."
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"We've got to find a way to win. I'm willing to start cheating." -New England tight end Marv Cook.
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"I used to have this slight speech implement and couldn't remember things before I took the Sam Carnegie course."- Bill Peterson
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"We're not attempting to circumcise rules." - Bill Cowher.
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"The shoulder surgery was a a success. The lobotomy failed." -Mike Ditka on quarterback Jim McMahon's surgery.
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After winning a Big Ten title for Ohio State) "I'm really happy for Coach Cooper and the guys who've been around here for six or seven years, especially our seniors." - Bob Hoying, Ohio State Buckeyes Quarterback
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: weeklywire.com

SPORTS QUOTES \ HUMOR
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The Roaring 20th
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Superlatives you won't read anywhere else
By Randy Horick
DECEMBER 20, 1999:
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If you're not sick of the ubiquitous best-of-the-century lists yet, you can't say you haven't had your chance. Here's one final installment of our century's superlatives that you're not likely to find on other, more respectable lists.
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Top Players Immortalized by Association With Someone Else's Famous Play
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1. Vic Wertz, the Cleveland slugger robbed of an extra-base hit when rookie Willie Mays made a jaw-dropping, over-the-shoulder-catch in the 1954 World Series.
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2. Al Downing, the hapless Dodger pitcher who yielded Hank Aaron's 715th homer.
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3. Craig Ehlo, the Cleveland Cavaliers' guard whose most famous highlight shows his outstretched hand in the face of a leaping Michael Jordan as MJ buried a buzzer-beating, playoff-winning shot.
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4. Michael Downs, the DB for the Dallas Cowboys who will be eternally victimized in the famous photo of Dwight Lewis' championship-winning, fingertip grab that came to be known simply as "The Catch."
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Top Sideline Meltdowns
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1. After grabbing an interception and streaking down the sideline, Florida State's "Neon" Deion Sanders caught the eye of Auburn coach Pat Dye and pointed tauntingly at his own groin. Assistant coaches had to restrain the red-faced Dye from running onto the field after Sanders.
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2. 1954 Cotton Bowl: As Rice's Dickie Moegle raced down the sideline for yet another long scoring run, a frustrated Alabama benchwarmer came onto the field and tackled him. Rice was awarded a TD and won 28-6.
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3. 1978 Gator Bowl: Ohio State's deranged coach, Woody Hayes, surpassed even his own standard for fanatical intensity when he attacked the Clemson linebacker who had just intercepted a pass and snuffed out the Buckeyes' last hope.
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4. Reacting to perceived poor play by the offense, Houston Oilers' defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan hurled punches at offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride.
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Most Scintillating but Little-Known Baseball Quotes
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1. "That feller runs splendid but he needs help at the plate, which coming from the country chasing rabbits all winter give him strong legs, although he broke one falling out of a tree, which shows you can't tell, and when a curve ball comes he waves at it and if pitchers don't throw curves you have no pitching staff, so how is a manager going to know whether to tell boys to fall out of trees and break legs so he can run fast even if he can't hit a curve ball?"--Casey Stengel
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2. "Swing hard in case you hit something."--Joe Garagiola
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3. "The fine was greater than I expectorated."--Texas Rangers' manager Frank Lucchese, after the American League monetarily penalized him for spitting in the direction of an umpire
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4. "Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel."--Bill Veeck
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5. "Sure, I believe in rules. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"--Leo Durocher, who also coined the phrase "Nice guys finish last"
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Best Mean-Spirited but Cool Stunts by Ballplayers
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1. Just to rattle his most hated rival, Ty Cobb once lined a succession of hard foul balls straight into the New York Yankees' dugout, scattering players with each new shot and nearly provoking a melee.
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2. To silence a loud, persistent heckler near their bench in Philadelphia, the Boston Celtics designed a play that called for Bob Cousy to duck when Bill Russell hurled a bullet pass at him. The pass smacked the fan squarely in the chest, and he had to be helped from the arena.
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Top Mean-Spirited but Cool Stunts by a College Band
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1. During its show at halftime of a game against Oklahoma, the unruly Stanford band formed a giant phallic symbol as a salute to Sooners' coach Barry Switzer.
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2. At halftime of a game against Texas A&M, the Rice M.O.B. (Marching Owl Band) formed a fire hydrant in mock tribute to the Aggies' collie mascot, Reveille. After the game, the A&M Corps of Cadets rioted and blocked the band from leaving Rice Stadium.
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Babe Ruth Feats That Will Probably Never Be Surpassed
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1. Thirteen scoreless innings during his first World Series pitching appearance, with the Red Sox in 1916.
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2. Four porterhouse steaks, eight hot dogs, and eight soft drinks. One afternoon at Coney Island.
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3. Once dangled his manager, Yankee boss Miller Huggins, from a moving train.
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4. Most sacrifice bunts (10 in 1926) by a player with more than 45 home runs. (Mark McGwire, by contrast, hasn't recorded a sacrifice bunt in the past five years.)
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5. Hung over from the night before, Ruth ran into a palm tree while chasing a fly ball during a spring training game and knocked himself out cold.
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Top Expressions Popularized by SportsCenter Announcers
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1. "Rumblin, fumblin, stumblin!" (Chris Berman, riffing Keith Jackson to describe sloppy or inept play)
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2. "Boo-yeah!" (Stuart Scott, as an all-purpose exclamation point)
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3. "Dare I say, en fuego?" (Dan Patrick, describing a player on a hot streak)
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4. "Just call him straight butta, cause he's on a roll." (Scott, see No. 3 above)
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5. "Get at me, dog!" (Scott, loosely translated as "See if you can stop this!")
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6. "It's deep, and I don't think it's playable." (Keith Olbermann, describing a home run)
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7. "Your puny ballparks are too small to contain my gargantuan blasts! Bring the finest meats and cheeses for all my teammates!" (Kenny Mayne, hypothesizing the reaction of a player who has just hit a home run)
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8. "He's da bus driver, 'cause he's takin' 'em ALL to school!" (Scott, often reserved for Michael Jordan or Allen Iverson)
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9. "He's listed as day-to-day, but then again, aren't we all?" (Patrick)
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10. "I'm not a player; I just crush a lot." (Scott, borrowing from rapper Big Pun to describe a hard-hit baseball or emphatic dunk)
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Best Screen Performances by a Professional Athlete
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1. Alex Karras, whose "Mongo" in Blazing Saddles was best remembered for punching out a horse and achieving a new standard for cinematic flatulence.
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2. Randall "Tex" Cobb as the crazed biker in Raising Arizona.
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3. Jim Brown in 100 Rifles, just because he was Jim Brown and Racquel Welch was Racquel Welch.
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4. John Matuszak, who had to ratchet down his energy level to portay a lunatic lineman in North Dallas Forty.
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5. Ray Allen as Jesus the basketball superstar in He Got Game.
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Best Nicknames That Need Explanation
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1. William "Refrigerator" Perry, Chicago Bears (dubbed "Biscuit" by a teammate, as in "one biscuit shy of 350").
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2. Don "Full Pack" Stanhouse, Baltimore Orioles--so christened by Orioles manager Earl Weaver for the number of cigarettes Weaver smoked whenever Stanhouse pitched.
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3. Ron "Boot" Brewer, one of the famed "Triplets of Arkansas basketball"--"when he was a boy," explained teammate Sidney Moncrief, "his head was shaped like a boot."
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4. Pascual "I-285" Perez, named for the Atlanta loop he circled for hours trying to find the ballpark.
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