SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Saturday, January 2, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nationalpost.com


Image: thumbs.dreamstime.com

GOLF HUMOR
TV talk show hosts unleash a barrage of comical quotes
and jokes at Tiger Woods after the problems in his
marriage are revealed.
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"Last Friday Tiger Woods hit a tree, and a bunch of ladies fell out."
-- Seth Meyers, on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.
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"Safely land golf cart in the Hudson River."
-- From David Letterman's Top 10 Ways Tiger Woods Can Improve His Image.
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"Friend of mine was shopping for a present for a boy, he saw a Tiger Woods action figure and said to his wife, 'Let's get him this, and 11 Barbie dolls.' "
-- Scott Ostler, sports columnist.
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"Thanks for changing your grip."
-- From Letterman's Top 10 Text Messages Sent By Tiger Woods.
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"Starting to feel bad for Tiger Woods. This has become almost as hard to watch as golf."
-- Stephen Colbert, of The Colbert Report.
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"One of Tiger's mistresses was a British broadcaster. His nickname for her was 'The British Open.' "
-- Conan O'Brien.
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"In terms of the temperature going up and up, we are making some progress today. Over in Copenhagen, they put a cap on the number of hot girlfriends for Tiger Woods."
--Letterman.
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"Rapper 50 Cent is saying that Tiger Woods never would have been caught if he had been more 'gangster.' In response, Tiger said 50 Cent would have never been shot nine times if he had been more 'golfer.' "
--O'Brien.
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"ABC News is reporting that Tiger's wife Elin is planning to file for divorce, citing irreconcilable waitresses."
-- Jimmy Kimmel.
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"Swiss watchmaker Tag Heuer is re-evaluating their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. Which is ironic, because in order to schedule a career, a wife and 14 mistresses, you need a really good watch."
--O'Brien.
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"When Tiger is running around, does he wear Nike sneakers?"
--Ostler.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


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SPORTS QUOTES OF THE DECADE ( 2000 - 2009 )
2 web sites present sports quotes of the decade.
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Anna Kournikova – Tennis vixen, when asked about her love life at a press conference to promote the undergarments she endorses:
“I’m not here to talk about my personal life. I’m here to talk about bras.”
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Mike Heimerdinger – Titan’s offensive coordinator, on why he’s never gotten an NFL head coaching job:
“They’re looking for big names, not long names.”
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES OF THE DECADE - SITE 1
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"It's over, forget about it, it's gone. We've enjoyed the ride, brilliant. We've paid the money, got the ride, got off the tramcar - let's go again."
-- Sir Bobby on his side's Champions League exit.
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"I've had a text from granny - she's going to throw a party for you!"
-- What Prince Harry told England star Mike Tindall after they had won the Rugby World Cup.
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Source: bbc.co.uk
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"Apparently he was eating a lasagne and somehow pulled a hamstring - it has to be a world first."
-- Coventry boss Micky Adams on defender Andrew Whing's bizarre injury.
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"John Toshack said it was my way or the highway - well I'm on the M56."
-- Robbie Savage on his decision to quit international football with Wales.
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"If Bill Shankly was alive, he'd be turning in his grave."
-- Harry, a caller to the BBC's 606 phone-in programme, after Liverpool's FA Cup defeat by Burnley.
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Source: bbc.co.uk
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


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SPORTS QUOTES 2009
Several web sites present lists of top sport quotes of 2009 below.
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In the San Antonio Express-News, after the Dallas Cowboys gave placekicker Nick Folk the boot:
"That's all, Folk."
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES 2009
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“Yeah, but you had already won five.”
-- Roddick, after Federer told him that he knew how it felt and “don’t be too sad” during the Wimbledon trophy ceremony.
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Click here to view ===> TENNIS QUOTES 2009
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"The only thing that lingers around here is the offensive line in the locker-room, how much they stink. Stinking fat bastards."
- Toronto Argonauts defensive tackle Adriano Belli, during training camp in June, when asked if "lingering" aptly described his abdominal/pelvic problem that has carried over from last season.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES 2009
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Source: faceoff.com
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"I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark." Holloway compares himself to his new hometown in flattering fashion.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES 2009
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The great players cost a lot of money, and if you want them you have to pay it. I'm happy to be the most expensive player in the world."
-- Cristiano Ronaldo moves to Real Madrid for £80million, before hugging the mirror.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES 2009
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thegolfchannel.com

GOLF QUOTES 2009
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"Sometimes it's a pat on the back, sometimes it's a kick in the butt. Sometimes it's just plain shut up and walk away."
– Brian Sullivan, caddie for Joe Durant at the AT&T, on the type of feedback caddies sometimes receive from their bosses.
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Click here to view ===> GOLF QUOTES I - 2009
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"It made me realize I’m actually a nobody. I thought I was decently somebody, but this confirms it. In worldwide golf, I’m a nobody."
– Pat Perez, on the lack of fans following his group at the WGC-HSBC Champions in China.
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Click here to view ====> GOLF QUOTES II - 2009
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.espn.go.com

ANGELINA JOLIE, MOVIE ACTRESS

Image: frillr.com
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SPORTS QUOTES 2009
ESPN selects the top 50 sports quotes of 2009
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"A very lovely woman. Those lips are something."
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES 2009
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: m.espn.go.com

Image: static.open.salon.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
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- From the Kung Fu Panda himself, Pablo Sandoval, to the San Francisco Chronicle's Henry Schulman, on his lovable inclination to take a hack at every pitch he sees:
"That is the Pablo that I am."
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Click here to view ===> BASEBALL QUOTES 2009 (2 PAGES)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseballprospectus.com

Image: psacard.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES OF 2009
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"Somehow Dick Allen got out of the way of that ball. His helmet went straight up and his head went straight down, and the ball went between his helmet and his head. Dick got up, and he has his glasses on, and he didn't do anything. He acted like nothing happened, really. The next pitch [Pete] Broberg threw, he hit the ball to dead center field in the upper deck like there was nothing to it. He just went around the bases and back into the dugout, and I said to myself, 'There goes a man right there.'"
Toby Harrah, May 2009
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"I had given up a walk and a hit to the first couple of guys before I got the next three hitters out and [a reporter] asked me, 'So, what happened with those first two guys?' I said, 'Well, the first guy walked on four pitches, and I think the second guy got a hit.' Then you kind of see a smile come on their face and they're like, 'Is that it?' and I say, 'Yeah, that's what happened.'"
Justin Masterson, January 2009
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"I was in winter ball for a lot of years, and I saw the way they grew up and the backgrounds that they have. I more or less understand that, yeah, they can be a little bit temperamental, but hey, there are a lot of gringos that can be the same way."
Dick Pole, March 2009
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"I've seen guys warm up over the last umpteen years and maybe not have their sharpest stuff in the pen, but the pen really means nothing. What happens from the pen to between the white lines is a transformation."
—Gary Tuck, April 2009
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"Right about then it dawned on me, 'Oh yeah, he's probably going to send a message.' Well, that message went across the tip of my nose! To this day I can still feel that ball grazing off the end of my nose. He knocked me right on my ass. But I respected it. He wasn't trying to kill me; he was just trying to send a message."
Rob Deer, April 2009
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"I'd had a bad outing, and my daughter ran out and she goes, 'Hey Dad! Did you see Billy the Marlin?' I was kind of over my outing then, because all she really cared about was that I was home and got to see Billy the Marlin.”
Joe Nelson, April 2009
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"These hitters are doing a lot of stuff that you have to keep up with. It's just like technology, man; technology keeps getting better and better, and so does the hitting."
James Shields, April 2009
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"Bill Rigney was the manager, and he came out with kind of a smile on his face. He said, 'Welcome to the big leagues, son. That probably will not be the last home run that you give up.' And he was right."
—Bert Blyleven, May 2009
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"The catcher called for a changeup, and I was 19, and he hits it off the foul pole in Baltimore for a home run. Later I threw him about a 97 mph fastball down and away, and he hit it into right field for a single, and I realized that Al Kaline may be better than I was."
Jim Palmer, May 2009
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"He said, 'Cody, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you're not with us anymore. The good news is that I just traded you to the Florida Marlins.' I was like, 'Yes!' I said that: 'Yes! Thank you!' I was hoping that I didn't sound too excited."
Cody Ross, July 2009
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"What I have to say about flair is that it’s more, like, emotional than anything. It’s just showing emotion and showing how much fun you’re having in the game. I don’t think it’s, 'Oh yeah, I just want to look pretty out there.'"
Lastings Milledge, August 2009
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"You look for a fastball up; you look for something that you can hit. Like [former Louisiana State University baseball coach] Skip Bertman said in college, 'You sit for the express, and adjust for the rest.'"
Aaron Hill, October 2009
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"When I walked into the clubhouse, I looked over at Bill Fischer’s locker, he was the pitching coach, and I saw the radar gun. It had about an inch-thick coat of dust on it, and I thought, 'This is my kind of place.'"
Mike Boddicker, November 2009
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"Anything you'd ever want to know about me is probably on somebody's blog or on the internet somewhere."
Billy Wagner, December 2009
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message

Image: tauntongazette.com
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SPORTS QUOTES OF THE YEAR 2009
United Kingdom (UK) web sites present sports quotes from 2009.
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Most Scandalous sports quotes of the year 2009:
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Click here to view ====> SPORTS QUOTES 2009 SLIDE SHOW
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Source: independent.co.uk
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"Not yet."
-- F1 driver Adrian Sutil when asked if he knew who the attractive young woman standing next to him was while being interviewed after the Monza GP.
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"I woke up yesterday morning, face down on my bed, still wearing my cricket whites and stinking of sweat and champagne. So I think it's fair to say it was a lively night!"
-- Graeme Swann partied like it was 2005 after England's Ashes triumph.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES 2009
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Source: bbc.co.uk
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During the warming-up training before play I prayed. Not for victory, but that my hairpiece wouldn't fall off."
-- Andre Agassi, from his book "Open", before the French Open 1990.
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"It's bizarre, it almost seems like it's not real. To become a knight from riding your bike, it's mad."
-- Sir Chris Hoy
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES OF 2009
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Source: telegraph.co.uk
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"I probably didn't settle on it enough. My mind probably wasn't clear and I did the classic amateur thing and lifted my head."
-- Padraig Harrington on the disastrous eight on the par-3 eighth hole at the USPGA Championship.
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"I'm almost tempted to apologise to the Galway hurling public, the people who paid their €15 today because that is not acceptable, it's not good enough. We were shocking."
-- Galway hurling manager John McIntyre on a 0-12 to 1-20 NHL loss to Kilkenny.
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES FROM 2009
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Source: independent.ie
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