Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: rateitall.com
Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com
BASKETBALL QUOTES
Quotes from the NBA
Lenny Wilkens (Tor) on possibly winning the Central division title: "Don't get caught looking at the apple in case someone takes the ladder away."
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Phil Jackson on Chicago's 111-72 win over Denver: "I thought the national anthem was the highlight out there."
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Chicago coach Phil Jackson when asked if B.J. Armstrong had a beef with how he is used: "B.J. does not eat beef. B.J. is a vegetarian, so I don't think he has any beef at all."
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Brad Miller on Indiana's inconsistency: "It's not going to be peaches and gravy all the time."
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Sam Cassell on a 114-104 New Jersey loss to Atlanta: "We really didn't deserve to win. They didn't either. It should have been a tie."
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"Karl Malone the person will not change, but the business person has done a 360-degree turn." - Karl Malone
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Charles Barkley on teammate Cuttino Mobley: "He's instant offense, on both ends of the floor, I might add."
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"The NBA's Washington Bullets will be changing their name to avoid being associated with an image of crime. So from now on, they're just going to be known as the Bullets." - Jay Leno
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"Now there's a guy who can't even hit a free throw, but he just hit Shaq from 47 1/2 feet!" - Announcer after Dudley thumped Shaq with the ball from halfcourt.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: lib.niu.edu
"Notable Quotables" on Golf
COMPILED BY PETER M. MURPHY
| Golf is a game that may generate more notable quotes than any other single sport. Authors wax poetic, humorists cant resist it and the sports own elite try to synthesize its lessons into a single thought. It is a game that can be defined by all those who play it in a variety of ways depending on the quality of their play on a given day. In the final analysis, golf is a game that is at once exhilarating and frustrating; a game, like life, that leaves each of us with a hint of hope for a better tomorrow. Students of the game may find inspiration in the following golfing wisdom. |
Golf Defined
"Golf is a game in which a ball one-and-a-half inches in diameter is placed on a ball 8, 000 miles in diameter. The object is to hit the small ball but not the larger."
-John Cunningham
""It's just good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling."
- Mark Twain
"Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20 percent of the time, you're the best."
- Jack Nicklaus
'NOTABLE QUOTABLES" ON GOLF
"It won't help to tell yourself, 'Don't hit it in the water.' Your mind will only hear 'water.'"
- Bob Rotella
"If the foursome following is pressing you, wave them through and then speed up."
- Deane Berman
"Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off."
- Bruce Lansky
"Hit the ball and when you find it, hit it again."
- Don January, on how to play golf
The Rich and Famous
"The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf."
- Bertrand Russell
"How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now."
- Dwight D. Elsenhower
"Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well."
- Craig Stadler
"Golf—makes liars out of honest men, cheats out of altruists, cowards out of brave men and fools out of everybody."
- Milton Gross
"If you pick up a golfer and hold it close to your ear, like a conch shell, and listen - you will hear an alibi."
- Fred Beck
Golf Wisdom
"Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag, and squinty eyes."
- Dave Marr
"If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game would be played far better than it is."
- Horace Hutchinson
"The property score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he's worse, he's neglecting his golf."
- St. Andrew's Rotary Member
"A professional will tell you the amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more the flex, the more strength you will need to break the thing over your knees."
- Stephen Baker
"There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter."
- Robert Browning
"Water holes are sacrificial waters where you make a steady gift of your pride and high-priced balls."
- Tommy Bolt
The Course
"A good golf course makes you want to play so badly that you hardly have the time to change your shoes."
- Ben Crenshaw
"You don't go home and talk about the great tennis courts that you played, but you do talk about the golf courses you played."
- Hank Ketcham
"Always count your blessings. Be thankful you are able to be out on a beautiful course. Most people in the world don't have that opportunity."
- Fred Couples
Final Thoughts
"Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about."
- Den Jenkins
"Sport is singularly able to give us peak experience where we feel completely one with the world and transcend all conflicts as we finally become our own potential."
- George A. Sheehan
"He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf."
- P.G.Wodehouse
Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: clipmarks.com
COMIC VIEWS ON STEROID USE IN BASEBALL
"President Bush believes Rafael Palmeiro. He said he considers Palmeiro a friend and tests or no tests, he believes him. Maybe Rafael Palmeiro is the one who told him there were weapons of mass destruction." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Congress investigating steroids. It's kind of ironic, isn't it? Ted Kennedy asking somebody how their head got so big." —Jay Leno
"Congress today conducted an under cover investigation of steroids in baseball. Their conclusion -- the Chicago Cubs are just months away from getting nuclear weapons." --Craig Ferguson
"Congress has asked several current and former baseball players to testify before them this week about the steroid scandal but only two players have said they'll show up. Apparently the others players don't have the balls." --Craig Ferguson
"McGwire refused to say whether he ever took steroids but I think he did because, as he was leaving, one of his tits fell out of his suit." --Bill Maher
Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: comedy-zone.net
| FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT BASEBALL |
"Baseball is the only game left for people. To play basketball, you have to be 7 feet 6 inches. To play football, you have to be the same width." Bill Veeck. "You know it's summertime at Candlestick when the fog rolls in, the wind kicks up, and you see the center fielder slicing open a caribou to survive the ninth inning." "I don't love baseball. I don't love most of today's players. I don't love the owners. I do love, however, the baseball that is in the heads of baseball fans. I love the dreams of glory of 10-year-olds, the reminiscences of 70-year-olds. The greatest baseball arena is in our heads, what we bring to the games, to the telecasts, to reading newspaper reports." "A critic once characterized baseball as six minutes of action crammed into two-and-one-half hours." |
Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: woopidoo.com
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Business Quotes by AuthorStart the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.
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