SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Saturday, July 3, 2010

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


Image: dailycomedy.com
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GOLF QUOTES \ HUMOR
Web site presents nearly 1,000 jokes (with a few videos) about Tiger's socializing proclivitiies
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Here's a reminder before the fireworks start:
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Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.
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Source: Angela Carter \ whatquote.com
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"LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!"
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CAUTION: The web link below contains adult humor.
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Click here to view ===> WOULD TIGER? YOU DOGGONE BETCHA!!!
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Source: dailycomedy.com
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---------------
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And please remember the other perspective of this post,
said best in the following quote:
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Sports is human life in microcosm.
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Howard Cosell
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Source: quotations.about.com
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: questia.com

Image: members.pioneer.net
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BASEBALL QUOTES
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Quoting Baseball: The Intellectual Take on Our National Pastime.
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Author: Skip McAfee
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-------------Excerpt follows:
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Journalist and humorist Kin Hubbard:
"Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler."
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--------------Excerpt ends
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F. Scott Fitzgerald claimed that baseball was "a game played by idiots for morons." (1)
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In this paper I will examine the views of the intelligentsia--erudite, "cultured," but nonbaseball individuals, including prominent artists, historians, scientists, statesmen, educators, philosophers, humorists, novelists--as they interpret what baseball is all about.
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We all know about Twain's observation of the "drive and push and rush" of baseball in the "raging" nineteenth century, and Longfellow's rage for "ball, ball, ball" that can rid Bowdoin students of their "torpitude," and Whitman's "hurrah game" that fills our lungs with oxygen. (2)
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But Whitman also had his reservations. In a discussion with his friend Tom Harned in 1889, Whitman asked: "Is it the rule that the fellow who pitches the ball aims to pitch it in such a way the batter cannot hit it? Gives it a twist--what not--so it slides off, or won't be struck fairly?" On Tom's affirmative Whitman denounced the custom roundly: "The wolf, the snake, the cur, the sneak, all seem entered into the modern sportsman--though I ought not to say that, for the snake is snake because he is born so, and man the snake for other reasons, it may be said." (3)
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This is reminiscent of Charles William Eliot, president of Harvard, on why he wished to drop baseball as a college sport: "Well, this year I'm told the team did well because one pitcher had a fine curve ball. I understand that a curve ball is thrown with a deliberate attempt to deceive. Surely this is not an ability we should want to foster at Harvard." (4)
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"It is impossible to understand America without a thorough knowledge of baseball."
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No, that's not Jacques Barzun, but artist Saul Steinberg, who wrote: "Baseball is an allegorical play about America, a poetic, complex, and subtle play of courage, fear, good luck, mistakes, patience about fate, and sober self-esteem." (5)
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"Anyone who does not understand the game cannot hope to understand the country." No, again not Barzun, but George Grella, University of Rochester English professor, who wrote: "In its theory and practice baseball embodies some of the central preoccupations of that cultural fantasy we like to think of as the American Dream."
(6)
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This is what Barzun should have written: "Whoever wants to know the heart and mind and greed and selfishness of America had better learn baseball." (7)
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What cultured American wrote the following?
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I've gotten so disgusted with baseball, I don't follow it anymore. I just see the headlines and turn my head away in shame from what we have done with our most interesting game and best, healthiest pastime. The commercialization is beyond anything that was ever thought of.
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Other things are similarly commercialized and out of proportion. But for baseball, which is so intimately connected with the nation's spirit and tradition, it's a disaster.
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Answer: Jacques Barzun. (8)
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And back to President Eliot in the 1880s: "I think baseball is a wretched game.... I call it one of the worst games, although I know it is called the American national game." (9)
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Gore Vidal's father, Gene, a pioneer aviator: "Baseball is the favorite American sport because it's so slow. Any idiot can follow it. And just about any idiot can play it." (10)
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Alice Roosevelt Longworth, Teddy Roosevelt's daughter: "Father and all of us regarded baseball as a mollycoddle game. Tennis, football, lacrosse, boxing, polo, yes: they are violent which appealed to us. But baseball? Father wouldn't watch it, not even at Harvard." (11)
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Journalist and humorist Kin Hubbard: "Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler." (12)
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Television critic Marshall McLuhan: "Baseball will always remain a symbol of the era of the hot mommas, jazz babies ... and the fast buck." (13)
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Vannevar Bush, prominent scientist: "Is baseball a scientific game? It certainly is not. It probably never will be. In fact, if it became fully analyzed, it would probably destroy itself." (14) This must be startling news for sabermetricians.
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Feminist Germaine Greer commented that numbers don't matter in baseball, and catchers have as much brainpower as a radish. (15)
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A New York Times editorialist in 1881: "Our experience with the national game of base ball has been sufficiently thorough to convince us that it was in the beginning a sport unworthy of men and that it is now, in its fully developed state, unworthy of gentlemen." (16)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: squidoo.com

Image: teamjesp.files.wordpress.com
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SPORTS INSULTS
Web site presents sports insults / smack talk 1o1 for fantasy sports players.
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Related topics: Trash talking, Putdowns, Heckling, Comebacks
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Excerpt from site's blog:
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A lot of fantasy leagues are work leagues. If you're in a work league you can add office rivalry to your smack talk arsenal. Here are a few examples to get started:

"How come the IT guys have time to send out 50 lame trade offers a day but it takes them a month to fix a PC?"

"If the sales guys would sell stuff instead of checking their fantasy roster all day, this company might turn a profit."

"Wow, those accounting guys and their fantasy stats spreadsheets are pretty impressive...too bad they forgot a column for bye week."
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----- End of excerpt ------
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS INSULTS (INCLUDES YOUTUBE VIDEO)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: articles.mcall.com

OFFICIATING QUOTES
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Related topics: Umpiring, Refereeing, Sports judging
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Noteable Quotes About Officiating
January 17, 1988
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- "Kill Him! He doesn't have any friends."
Traditional cry that greeted umpires in the early days of baseball. After World War I, it was shortened to "Kill the umpire!"
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- "Umpiring's tough . . . you're always half wrong."
Comment from New York Yankee broadcaster Bill White during a rhubarb in a Yankees-Milwau kee Brewers game.
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- "I immediately got the feeling that I was wrong on the call when every Baltimore guy in the field charged me with intent to maim. Actually, I never saw the ball, but I had to call something. I figured I have a 50-50 chance of being right."
Former American League umpire Ron Luciano about a blown home run call.

- "Holding penalties - you can call one on every play, but the officials don't. And they never call back-to-back holding calls against the same team. That's why, when your team is called for holding, everyone holds again on the next play - because it won't be called. Hell, we teach that on the sandlots down south."
Al Darrow, head coach of the Hamilton Tiger-Cats of the Canadian Football League.

- "You can say something to popes, kings and presidents, but you can't talk to officials. In the next war, they ought to give everybody a whistle."
Abe Lemons, former Texas basketball coach.

- "Referees let Bob Pettit take a whole bunch of little steps just before he shot the ball. I protested Pettit's steps one night and a referee just laughed and said 'Well, maybe he was walking, but he didn't go very far."'
Bill Russell in his book "Second Wind."

- "As long as they don't question the umpire's integrity or imply that he was drunk, I take no action."
American League president Lee McPhail.

"Officiating is the only occupation in the world where the highest accolade is silence"
NBA referee Earl Strom.

- "Decision of the judges will be final unless shouted down by an overwhelming majority of the crowd present."
Addenda to a rules of the first open boomerang tournament.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballfancast.com

Image: rlv.zcache.com
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SOCCER QUOTES
Web site presents top ten soccer manager quotes of 2010
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Clicxk here to view ===> SOCCER QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotesquotations.com

CRICKET QUOTES
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Batting is a trial before an 11-man jury.
- Richie Benaud
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Sunny. Don’t get out first ball. It’s a long way back to the pavilion
– Farukh Engineer advising Sunil Gavaskar
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Click here to view ===> CRICKET QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: notanothershank.com


Image: natallison.com
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TENNIS HUMOR \ SLANG \ QUOTES
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For those novice players who don’t want to look lost on the court, here is a list of commonly used tennis slang:
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Dirtballer - clay court specialist
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Double bagel - winning or losing a set 6-0, 6-0
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Click here to view ===> TENNIS SLANG
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message

Image: e-bookscompare.com
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DIET QUOTES
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Related topics: Health, Fitness
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Part I: Diet Quotes
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"Dieting: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer."
~~ Jan Murray
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"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
~~ Jim Davis, "Garfield"
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Click here to view ===> DIET QUOTES I
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Source: foodreference.com
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Part II: Bonus Diet Quotes
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"Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet."
~~ Dan Bennett
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"The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books—how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook."
~~ Andy Rooney
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Click here to view ===> BONUS DIET QUOTES
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Source: grinningplanet.com
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