FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bartleby.com

SPORTS QUOTES

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AUTHOR: Tom Callahan
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QUOTATION: The America’s Cup, yachting’s great and garish grail, is a tumorous tureen no handsomer than a camel.
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ATTRIBUTION: “Going for the Cup” ib 9 Feb 87
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AUTHOR: Jimmy Cannon
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QUOTATION: A sportswriter is entombed in a prolonged boyhood.
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ATTRIBUTION: Quoted in Jerome Holtzman ed No Cheering in the Press Box Holt 74
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AUTHOR: John Cheever
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QUOTATION: All literary men are Red Sox fans—to be a Yankee fan in a literate society is to endanger your life.
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ATTRIBUTION: Quoted in Newsweek 20 Oct 86
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AUTHOR: Bud Collins
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QUOTATION: Benoit should get one adult first prize ($41,000 and a Mercedes sedan) if she wins, plus one child’s portion ($20,500 and a stroller).
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ATTRIBUTION: On Joan Benoit’s decision to run in the Boston Marathon while pregnant, Boston Globe 27 Mar 87
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AUTHOR: John Crosby
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QUOTATION: If they hit the ball out, they’d say “Sorry.” If they hit it in but too hot for me to handle, they’d say “Sorry.” If it was too well hit, they were sorry; too badly hit, they were sorry.
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ATTRIBUTION: On playing tennis in England, NY Herald Tribune 4 Nov 63
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AUTHOR: Mario Cuomo, Governor of NY
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QUOTATION: It was anticipating self-defense.
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ATTRIBUTION: On why he once hit a catcher in the face mask while playing minor league baseball, CBS TV 30 Dec 84
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AUTHOR: Richard L Curry, Judge, Cook County Circuit Court, Chicago
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QUOTATION: Do those who schedule play time / For the games of our national pastime / Have the right to interfere with bedtime / By starting the game at nighttime / Instead of the customary daytime?
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ATTRIBUTION: Upholding ban against lighting Chicago’s Wrigley Field, Christian Science Monitor 3 Apr 85
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AUTHOR: Dennis Diaz
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QUOTATION: I fished a lot, dove a lot, boated a lot—and made Johnny Walker Red about a quarter of a million dollars richer.
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ATTRIBUTION: On why he started breeding horses, including 1985 Kentucky Derby winner Spend a Buck, two years after his retirement at age 38, People 20 May 85
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AUTHOR: Phil Donahue
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QUOTATION: It’s like threading a needle while walking on a water bed.
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ATTRIBUTION: On detecting drug use by athletes, NBC TV 23 Mar 87
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AUTHOR: Bill Emerson
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QUOTATION: A bicycle does get you there and more … And there is always the thin edge of danger to keep you alert and comfortably apprehensive. Dogs become dogs again and snap at your raincoat; potholes become personal. And getting there is all the fun.
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ATTRIBUTION: On bicycling, Saturday Evening Post 29 Jul 67
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AUTHOR: William Faulkner
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QUOTATION: There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it’s the risk, the gamble. In any event it’s a thing I need.
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ATTRIBUTION: National Observer 3 Feb 64
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AUTHOR: James Fixx
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QUOTATION: [Eventually the] hoopla will die down [and people will] run the same way we brush our teeth—every day, without a fuss.
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ATTRIBUTION: The Complete Book of Running Random House 77, recalled on his death, Newsweek 30 Jul 84
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AUTHOR: Gerald R Ford, 38th US President
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QUOTATION: The pat on the back, the arm around the shoulder, the praise for what was done right and the sympathetic nod for what wasn’t are as much a part of golf as life itself.
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ATTRIBUTION: At dedication of World Golf Hall of Fame, Pinehurst NC, NY Times 12 Sep 74
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AUTHOR: Ashrita Furman
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QUOTATION: Everything is in slow motion down there and silent. It could replace psychotherapy.
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ATTRIBUTION: On aqua pogo, NY Times 22 Mar 86
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AUTHOR: Clara Germani
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QUOTATION: Their tails are high and tongues awag—the twin banners of sled dog contentment. .
ATTRIBUTION: On Alaskan Huskies in thousand-mile sled dog race following the Klondike gold rush trail, Christian Science Monitor 29 Jan 85
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AUTHOR: Richard Gilman
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QUOTATION: Being a sports fan is a complex matter, in part irrational … but not unworthy … a relief from the seriousness of the real world, with its unending pressures and often grave obligations.
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ATTRIBUTION: “The Wounded Giant Regains His Dignity” NY Times 25 Jan 87
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AUTHOR: Richard Gilman
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QUOTATION: The Giants will always represent New York [in] the sort of in-your-face move that being in the Super Bowl presents to the way the rest of the country mostly thinks of us: huge, cold, rich, conceited, unnatural, deserving therefore of all our misfortunes.
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ATTRIBUTION: “The Wounded Giant Regains His Dignity” NY Times 25 Jan 87
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AUTHOR: Hank Greenberg
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QUOTATION: The Pied Piper … enjoyed people enjoying themselves. He was colorblind and race-blind and religion-blind.
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ATTRIBUTION: On Bill Veeck, owner of Chicago White Sox, NY Times 4 Jan 86
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: kingmech.com

GOLF QUOTES
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The ball's got to stop somewhere. It might as well be at the bottom of the hole
Lee Trevino (on putting)
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Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap.
Bobby Nichols
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Golf is the hardest game in the world. There's no way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you into your place.
Ben Crenshaw
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When you play the game for fun, it's fun. When you play it for a living, it's a game of sorrows. Gary Player
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In golf, humiliations are the essence of the game.
Alistair Cooke
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It's a tan like mine. It tells you the player is spending a lot of time out on the fairway and the greens--and not in the trees!
Lee Trevino
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On the golf course, a man may be the dogged victim of inexorable fate, be struck down by an appalling stroke of tragedy, become the hero of unbelievable melodrama, or the clown in a side-splitting comedy.
Bobby Jones
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Thinking instead of acting is the No. One Golf Disease.
Sam Snead
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He plays just like a union man. He negotiates the final score.
Bob Hope (on George Meany)
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My God, he looks like he's beating a chicken!
Byron Nelson (on Jack Lemmon's swing)
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I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional. Then it was too late.
Steve Melnyk
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Around a clubhouse they'll tell you even God has to practice his putting. In fact, even Nicklaus does.
Jim Murray
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One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic.
Lee Trevino
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The truly great things happen when a genius is alone. This is true especially among golfers.
J.R. Coulson
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I sure was glad I ran out of holes. I looked down at my hands and arms to see if it was me when I finished with the score.
Don January
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The winds were blowing 50 mph and gusting to 70. I hit a par 3 with my hat.
Chi Chi Rodriguez (on the windy course in Scotland)
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Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But such is certainly not the case.
Bobby Jones
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Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success.
Bob Toski
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Hagen said that no one remembers who finished second. But they still ask me if I ever think about that putt I missed to win the 1970 Open at St. Andrews. I tell them that sometimes it doesn't cross my mind for a full five minutes.
Doug Sanders
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All good players have good hands. And I'm afraid you have to be born with them.
Dave Stockton
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Beyond the fact that it is a limitless arena for the full play of human nature, there is no sure accounting for golf's fascination.... Perhaps it is nothing more than the best game man has ever devised.
Herbert Warren Wind
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Everyone has his own choking level, a level at which he fails to play his normal golf. As you get more experienced, your choking level rises.
Johnny Miller
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Golf is neither a microcosm nor a metaphor for life. It is a sport, a bloodless sport, if you don't count ulcers.
Dick Schaap
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There is no movement in the hole swing so difficult that it cannot be made even more difficult by careful study and diligent practice.
Thomas Mulligan
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Do I ever disagree with him on course strategy? NEVER-- unless he's wrong.
Gary Nicklaus (on caddying for his father)
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Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.
Martha Beckman
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The reason the Road Hole is the greatest par 4 in the world is because it's a par 5!
Ben Crenshaw (on the seventeenth hole at St. Andrews)
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After an abominable round of golf, a man is known to have slit his wrists with a razor blade and, having bandaged them, to have stumbled into the locker room and enquired of his partner, "What time tomorrow?
Alistair Cooke
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I've lost balls in every hazard and on every course I've tried. But when I lose a ball in the ball washer it's time to take stock.
Milton Gross
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It could be worse; I could be allergic to beer. Greg Norman (on being allergic to grass)