FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cnn.com

SOCCER QUOTES
Quotes by soccer coach Mourniho
.
Click here to view ===> IAMTHEGREATEST!
================================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nd.edu

Image: kidchess.com
.
CHESS HUMOR
.
It's not just the moves that matter, in coffee-house chess it's how you make the moves. The object is always to disconcert, intimidate or infuriate the opposition. Some well-known moves noted by Norman Lessing (The World of Chess, Anthony Saidy and Norman Lessing, 1974) include:
,
'The Hammer' - the piece is lifted high in the air and brought down on the square with great force, designed to terrify the opponent; it is exceeded only by;
.
'The Sledgehammer', used only in dead lost positions: the piece is slammed down so violently that the other pieces are sent flying, foiling all efforts to reconstruct the game.
.
The answer to 'The Hammer' is 'La Deli-catesse' - finger outstretched in the air, the piece is not lifted at all but delicately slid into its new square, just so.
.
In 'The Screw', designed to give an air of solidity and Dermanenee the piece is screwed firmly down into the square as if it will never be shifted (favored, it is said, by former World Champion Vassily Smyslov).
==========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nd.edu

Image: usuarios.lycos.es
.
CHESS QUOTES
.
Famous quotes from the experts:
.
"Black's reply to 1.e4 with 1..e5 leaves him always trying to get into the game."
-- STAUNTON
.
"After White's reply to 1.e4 e5 with 2.f4 the game is in its last throes."
-- STAUNTON
.
"I have never in my life played the French Defence... the dullest of all openings."
-- STEINITZ
.
"Chess is mental torture."
-- KASPAROV
.
"When in doubt -- play chess."
-- TEVIS
.
"Life is too short for chess."
-- BYRON
.
"The loser is always at fault."
-- PANOV
.
"Chess is a curse upon a man."
-- H.G.WELLS
.
"Chess is the art of analysis."
-- BOTVINNIK
.
"I hate anyone who beats me."
-- LISA LANE
.
"Chess was Capablanca's mother tongue."
-- RETI
.
"Let the perfectionist play postal."
-- SEIRAWAN
.
"A good player is always lucky."
-- CAPABLANCA
.
"There are no heroes in chess."
-- CORY EVANS
.
"One bad move nullifies forty good ones."
-- HOROWITZ
.
"The older I grow, the more I value Pawns."
-- KERES
.
"A wood-pusher overlooks the ranks."
-- RUSSIAN SAYING
.
"The hardest game to win is a won game."
-- Em. LASKER
.
"Actually, the hardest game to win is a lost game!"
-- DAVE REGIS
.
"There just isn't enough televised chess."
-- LETTERMAN
.
"Some part of a mistake is always correct."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"Pawn endings are to chess what putting is to golf."
-- PURDY
.
"There is no remorse like the remorse of chess."
-- H.G.WELLS
.
"You can't play chess if you're groggy from pills."
-- KARPOV
.
"All chess masters can play one game blindfolded."
-- KOLTANOWSKI
.
"When the going gets tactical, the computers get going."
-- HYATT
.
"Morphy was probably the greatest genius of them all."
-- FISCHER
.
"No price is too great for the scalp of the enemy King."
-- KOBLENTZ
.
"There are two types of sacrifices: correct ones and mine."
-- TAL
.
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing."
-- CARNEGIE
.
"The life of the American chess master is a `vale of tears'."
-- FRIAS
.
"Fame, I have already. Now I need the money."
-- an elderly STEINITZ
.
"It's always better to sacrifice your opponent's men."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"An isolated Pawn spreads gloom all over the chessboard."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"The first principle of attack--Don't let the opponent develop!"
-- FINE
.
"When you see a good move--wait--look for a better one."
-- Em. LASKER
.
"Chess is played with the mind and not with the hands!"
-- RENAUD and KAHN
.
"To avoid losing a piece, many a person has lost the game."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"The blunders are all there on the board, waiting to be made."
-- TARTAKOVER
.
"On the chess-board lies and hypocrisy do not survive long."
-- Em. LASKER
.
"Why must I lose to this idiot???"
-- NIMZOVICH
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nd.edu

Image: devilbunnies.org
.
CHESS HUMOR
.
Moments when you should sense DANGER in chess
(from David Letterman):
.
There has been a change in the pawn structure. Your opponent has 8 and you don't have any.
.
Your opponent begins to throw pawns at your eyes.
.
You have a position won but your opponent has a gun.
.
The Director tells you not to bother turning in your score sheet after the game.
.
Before the game begins you notice your opponents 1st initials are 'GM'.
.
After completing your development your opponent starts playing the endgame.
.
Just as you make your opening move your opponent announces mate in 11.
.
You don't control any squares at all.
.
Your draw offer sends all the people watching your game into uncontrollable laughter.
.
Your opponent has 3 bishops.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: faculty.msb.edu

BOATING HUMOR
Sailing versus Powerboating
.
Click here to view ===> HUMOR
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imdb.com

Image: ukquad.com
.
BOXING QUOTES
Quotes from the movie When They Were Kings
.
Click here to view ===> ALI-FOREMAN
===============================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ithaca.edu

Image: clown-ministry.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes from baseball movies
.
"Smalls, Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player that ever lived. People say that he was less than a God, but more than a man. Like Hercules, or something."
- Mike Vitar as "Benny 'the Jet' Rodriquez" in "The Sandlot"
.
"So Horoshii 'Kamikaze' Tanaka, recently of the Tokyo Giants, knocks himself out for the second time this week. Maybe in Japan that's actually better than catching the ball. Personally, I think he's just trying to get out of the lineup."
- Bob Uecker as "Harry Doyle" in "Major League II"
.
"...I believe there should be a Constutional Amendment outlawing astro-turf and the designated hitter..."
- Kevin Costner as "Crash Davis" in "Bull Durham"
.
"Do you know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? That's 25 hits...25 hits in 500 at bats is 50 points...ok. There's 6 months in a season. That's about 25 weeks, that means if you get just one extra flair a week, just one. A gork, you get a ground ball, you get a ground ball with eyes! You get a dying quail, just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium."
- Kevin Costner as "Crash Davis" in "Bull Durham
.
"I coulda broke every record in the book..and then when I walked down the street people would've looked and they would've said 'there goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was in this game."
- Robert Redford as "Roy Hobbs" in "The Natural"
.
"Say it ain't so Joe, say it ain't so."
- Little Boy pleading to Shoeless Joe Jackson in "Eight Men Out"
.
"Ty Cobb wanted to play. But none of us could stand the son of a ***** when we were alive so we told him to stick it! HAHAHAHA."
- Ray Liotta as "Shoeless Joe Jackson" in "Field of Dreams"
.
"There are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary. And there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance."
- Susan Surandon as "Annie Savoy" in "Bull Durham"
.
"Excuse me. I hafta take my first steps toward the Hall of Fame."
- Wesley Snipes as "Willy Mays Hayes" in "Major League"
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: muse.jhu.edu

RICKEY HENDERSON

Image: padresnation.com
.
BASEBALL QUOTES
.
"Base-stealing has fallen into limbo and the thrills that go with it are no more.
But it’ll return, as surely as I’m writing these words."
Ty Cobb
.
“Some baseball is the fate of all of us.”
Robert Frost
.
“The Big Trouble is not really who isn’t in the Hall of Fame, but who is. It was established for a select few.”
Rogers Hornsby
.
“If you want to survive in New York, you better only read the box scores.”
Billy Martin
.
“The Dodgers are such a .... team that if there was a way to split a three-game series, they’d find it.”
Vin Scully
.
"I don’t know a lot about politics, but I know a lot about baseball.”
Richard Nixon
.
“I pitched ... Major League games in twenty-two years, and I never had a sore arm until the day I quit. My arm went bad in .... when I was in spring training, and I guess it was about time.”
Cy Young
.
“Only in baseball can a team player be a pure individualist first and a team player second, within the rules and the spirit of the game.”
Branch Rickey
======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: insidehoops.com

SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes from a basketball forum, 2008
.
NBA legend Charles Barkley has taken up boxing as a way to lose some weight, according to The Philadelphia Daily News.
.
He has been training at Joltin' Jabs in Manayunk. Joey "Joltin" DeMalavez recently trained Vai Sikahema prior to a fight against Jose Canseco, which the former Eagles' punt returner won impressively.
.
"My doctor told me I was a Happy Meal away from diabetes," Barkley said Friday. "I have to get my fat ass back together."
.
Barkley says he was 330 pounds but is now closer to 300.
.
I remember reading an article back in 92 in some health magazine that mentioned Barkley as an athlete with bad eating habits.
.
Charles said something in response but the best part that I have always remembered was when he said:
.
"Something has got to kill you, it might as well be chicken wings."
==============================================