FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: emmitsburg.net

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SPORTS INSULTS

NCAA Football Team Insults

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What does the average Iowa player get on his SAT's?- Drool.

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What do you get when you put 32 Alabama cheerleaders in one room? - A full set of teeth.

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How do you get a GA Tech cheerleader into your dorm room? - Grease her hips

and push like hell.

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How do you get a Michigan State graduate off your porch? - Pay him for the pizza.

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Why do the Auburn cheerleaders wear bibs? - To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

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Why do they no longer serve ice at Wisconsin football games? - The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

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Why is the Indiana football team like a possum? - Because they play dead at home, and get killed on the road.

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What are the longest three years of a Michigan football player's life? - His freshman year.

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Why did Kansas State replace natural grass with Astroturf? - To discourage the cheerleaders from grazing during games.

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How many Ohio State freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? - None...That's a sophomore course at OSU.

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Why did O.J. want to move to Arkansas? - Everyone there has the same DNA.

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Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color? - You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash the rest of the week

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BONUS: NCAA Student Insults

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He or she is........

A few clowns short of a circus.

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A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

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A few beers short of a six-pack.

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A few feathers short of a whole duck.

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All foam, no beer.

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Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

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Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hehe.at

SOCCER QUOTES
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"Football today would certainly not be the same if it had never existed."
Elton Welsby
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"Those are the sort of doors that get opened if you don't close them"
Terry Venables
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"England have just scored their second goal from a penalty corner. This will add to their first goal."
Ron Jones
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"And again the game's turned round on it head."
Trevor Brooking
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"Oh, that's good running on the run."
John Motson
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"He put his body between himself and the defender."
Paul Sturrock
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"He has always played for Inter Milan, whilst his brother plays just across the city at AC Milan, who of course share the same stadium."
Brian Moore
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"George (Graham) will be happy with a draw - I know how ambitious and positive he is."
Terry Neill
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"When you think about it, there's three games per working week - Saturday, mid-week and Saturday again."
Jimmy Greaves
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"It was a bit like a game of chess; they kicked the ball from one end to the other."
John Monie
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"It's a good job I'm not colour blind because both teams are playing in black and white."
Harry Gration
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"...and tonight we have the added ingredient of Kenny Dalglish not being here."
Martin Tyler
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"I wonder whether Man United are missing the absence of Bruce?"
Trevor Francis
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"He's captain of Rangers and that's one of the reasons he's captain."
Walter Smith
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"Without picking out anyone in particular, I thought Mark Wright was tremendous."
Alan Shearer
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"As the ball came over, Speed threw his head at it."
Commentator

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wisegeek.com

SPORTS QUOTES
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Professionalism in tennis ... only resulted in making billionaires out of rude children, producing an onslaught of moody defectors, and a lot of guys with hair that looks as if bats slept in it... Meanwhile, my head swims with the thought that I have watched tennis progress from Don Budge and Alice Marble to Farrah Fawcett becoming John McEnroe's mother-in-law.
--Dan Jenkins Playboy (1985)
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When you say you're a Padre, people ask when did you become a parent. When you say you're a Cardinal, they tell you to work hard because the next step is pope. But when you say you're a Dodger, everybody knows you're in the Major Leagues.
--Tommy LaSorda
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I was young and fearless in those days, but always enjoyed riding at Cartmel. They used to call me 'Cartmellor', probably because I kept coming back on a stretcher.
Stan Mellor (1982)
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The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners - room service and goal-kicking.
--Beano Cook
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Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
--Ogden Nash