FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cbssports.com

SPORTS HUMOR
A national sports writer gives as good as he gets in hate mail confrontations
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Click here to view ===> HATE MAIL HECKLES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message

Image: euroartmagazine.com

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HOCKEY QUOTES

Quotes about the most dominating NHL player ever, Wayne Gretzky

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Source:

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader

Sports Spectacular

by the Bathroom Reader's Institute

Publisher: Bathroom Reader's Press

Ashland, Oregon

ISBN 978-1-60710--034-8

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-------------------

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"Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40-mph chess."

- Journalist Lowell Cohn

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"Gretzky's got more friends in the media than the

guy running the free buffet."

- Journalist Fan Bickley

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'"The only way you can check Gretzky is to hit

him while he is standing still singing the national

anthem."

- Boston G. M. Harry Sindin

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: yahoo.com

Image: assets.sbnation.com
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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about Brett Favre's latest decision to return to the NFL
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Click here to view ===> I MEANT RE-TIRE MY SUV!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: askmen.com

SPORTS TRIVIA \ HUMOR
Askmen.com survey identifies the 10 worst sports logos
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Click here to view ===> 10 WORST SPORTS LOGOS
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fullthrottle.cranialcavity.net

Image: a.espncdn.com
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NASCAR \ AUTO RACING QUOTES
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"If I have a love-hate relationship with Martinsville, then we're missing the love part of the equation."
- Tony Stewart
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"If I died right now, my life would be complete."
- Tony Stewart, after winning the Allstate 400.
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"There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher."
- Murray Walker
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"Do you think you'll be driving a race car for the rest of your life?"
- Bob Nodolf, who was Matt Kenseth's driver education teacher in high school, relating a story that Kenseth once got scolded by his English teacher for skipping an English class.
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"With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is."
- Murray Walker
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"I'd like to say I'm ready to kick ass and show the guys how it's done. But I'm not here to prove anything about being a woman. I'm here to drive a race car and try to win a race."
- Lyn St. James
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"When I raced a car last it was at a time when sex was safe and racing was dangerous. Now, it's the other way round."
- Hans Stuck
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"I'm about 15 pounds heavier. I've got highlights in my hair."
- Tony Stewart on what's changed since his 2002 championship
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"That's baloney, man. That's what's wrong with America now. Every time somebody screws up, we tell them it's all right. You don't pay your bills? You can file bankruptcy. You kill somebody? Spend 10 years in jail, and we'll let you out. That's what's wrong with society now, man. If you do the crime, do the time. If you had the guts to do it, have the guts to take your punishment."
- crew chief Michael McSwain, telling the Richmond Times-Dispatch he was tired of hearing competitors whining after being caught cheating.
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"I love this kind of racing, (but) these guys sure change their personalities in race mode. They're like Doberman pinschers with a hand grenade in their mouths."
- road racer Boris Said speaking of NEXTEL Cup drivers.
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"I feel like I got a pile of cattle chasing my ass, and I'm peddling as hard as I can to stay in front of 'em. I'm looking behind me driving like hell."
- Rusty Wallace, prior to the July race at Pocono on being in the top 10 in points.
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"If you don't cheat, you look like an idiot; if you cheat and don't get caught, you look like a hero; if you cheat and get caught, you look like a dope. Put me where I belong."
- Darrell Waltrip
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"The crashes people remember, but drivers remember the near misses."
- Mario Andretti
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"When I started racing my father told me, 'Cristiano, nobody has three balls but some people have two very good ones."'
- Cristiano Da Matta
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"I closed my eyes, held my breath and then everything went black."
- Richard Petty - (About his 1988 Daytona accident)
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"The winner ain't the one with the fastest car, it's the one who refuses to lose."
- Dale Earnhardt
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"I make jokes about the fact that as a neuro-surgeon I shouldn't be required at a motor race because the drivers don't have any brains.... otherwise they wouldn't race."
- Syd Watkins - Formula One Chief Medical Officer
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"Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox."
- Ricky Bobby saying grace in "Talladega Nights"
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"Be born rich."
- Janet Guthrie's advice on succeeding in racing
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"Moonshiners put more time, energy, thought, and love into their cars than any racer ever will. Lose on the track, and you go home. Lose with a load of whiskey, and you go to jail."
- Junior Johnson, NASCAR legend, and one time whiskey runner.
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"It's his life, not mine. I'm sure if James Hylton could do it, I could. But I've got better sense."
- Junior Johnson, on Hylton attempting to make the 2007 Daytona 500 field
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"Oh, what a basket of junk," it drives like a station wagon, an old station wagon, like an old Oldsmobile station wagon, green with wood panel trim on the sides."
- Tony Stewart Speaking of the Car of Tomorrow
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"The astronauts got nothing on me."
- Cale Yarborough after getting together with Sam McQuagg in the final stages of the 1965 Southern 500. Yarborough went sailing over the wall and remark was made to ABC's Chris Economaki after scrambling back over the wall unhurt.
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"The competition, of course, is No. 1. Dale Earnhardt Jr., we have to remember, is Dale Earnhardt Jr. He could sell a chocolate popsicle to a woman in a white dress. It's easy. ... Kyle Busch, he wouldn't be able to sell a favorite candy bar to a kid, I guess."
- Kyle Busch, on whether marketing and sponsor demographics play a role in his search for a new team.
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"It was all about winning today because we want those extra 10 bonus points. If you're solidly in the top 10 right now -- settling for second, you might as well kiss your aunt with a hairy mustache. That's generally not something you really care about."
- Tony Stewart Comment after winning the 2007 Watkins Glen event.
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"That's the way race people are. If they think anybody's got money, we're all hookers."
- Kyle Petty
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"He's got a 10-foot ego, and a four-foot body, and it ain't working too good right now."
- Mike Bliss after being punted by Bobby Hamilton Jr.
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"Robby's got a little problem going faster under caution than he does under green."
- Jeff Gordon on Robby Gordon
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"Racing is dangerous, but I've been in a lot worse situations as a pipe fitter."
- Neil Bonnett
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"There are certain guys who you can race with, and they'll race you hard and clean. "[Earnhardt Sr.] is not one of those guys."
- Ricky Rudd about Dale Earnhardt Sr's driving style
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"There have been other tracks that separated the men from the boys. This is the track that will separate the brave from the weak after the boys are gone."
- Driver Jimmy Thompson speaking about Daytona International Speedway
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"I jumped out of the car to address this thing, knowing I had to address it right then or run from Cale [Yarborough] the rest of my life. And with that, Cale went to beating on my fist with his nose."
- Bobby Allison Speaking about the famous fight ending the 1979 Daytona 500
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"When I first came down here, I was accepted but I can't say why. I would say a lot of people were scared of me as I didn't care whether I was upside down or not."
- A.J. Foyt on his acceptance when first entering NASCAR
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"You've got to have at least two a day, or you're going to have bad luck. I think the most I ever had was 27 in one weekend. That was over a four-day weekend for a late model show; a little bit of competitive eating going on."
- Darian Grubb Talking about Martinsville Hot Dogs.
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