SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: scigolf.com

DAVID LETTERMAN AND HIS MOTHER


David Letterman's Top Ten Caddie Comments

#10 - Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
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#9 - Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
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#8 - Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
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#7 - Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
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#6 - Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
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#5 - Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
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#4 - Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
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#3 - Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
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#2 - Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
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And the #1 Caddy Coment is:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: various joke web sites

SPORTS ONE-LINERS
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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you will realize why some people think golf is exciting.
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Rarely is the huntsman heard to complain of too many arrows in the quiver.
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"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: gettosoulclothing.wordpress.com


BOXING QUOTES
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Don King, on boxing’s rating system: “When we started, it was based on lies. It’s changing now. There are no secrets in the business. You’ve got to come with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It’s becoming very confusing.”
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Bob Arum, replying to a reporters question. “Yesterday I was lying, today I am telling the truth.”
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Muhammad Ali: “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.”
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Buddy McGirt, when he was asked by Gil Clancy who would win the up-coming fight between Maurice Blocker and Glenwood Brown he replied: “The black guy.”
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Harry Carpenter: “This boxer is doing what is expected of him, bleeding from his nose.”
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Muhammed Ali, after failing an Army intelligence test, “I said I was the greatest, not the smartest.”
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Brian London, answering if he would fight Ali again: “Sure, as long as he ties a 56 lb. weight to each leg.”
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Willie Pep: “I’ve got it made. I’ve got a wife and a TV set — and they’re both working.”
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Here is a conversation between George Foreman and Bob Arum in 1995, Foreman: “Bob, I can’t chase these guys anymore.” Arum’s reply: “George, I cant put it in the contracts that they can’t run.”
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Randall “Tex” Cobb: “If you screw things up in tennis, it’s 15-love. If you screw up in boxing, it’s your ass.”
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Bob Hope: “I was called “Rembrandt” Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.”
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Bob Arum, after his fighter, Iran Barkley, beat Darrian Van Horn: “If you think Barkley was mad before the fight, wait until he sees how many people are taking part of his purse.”
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Marlene Bugner, wife of Joe Bugner: “I don’t know what impressive is, but Joe was impressive tonight.”
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Muhammad Ali, on heavyweight boxing champion Sonny Liston: “He’s too ugly to be the champ!”
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Jim Watt, former WBC lightweight champion, when asked about his “white complexion” by a reporter said: “I’m like a bottle of milk with gloves.”
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Tony Sibson, on being beaten in a match: “I figured I’d find him sooner or later but I never did. I asked myself “Where did he go?” I knew he was there because he kept hitting me.”
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Mike Tyson, on fighting Lennox Lewis: “My main objective is to be professional, but to kill him.”
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Harry Carpenter: “He looks up through blood smeared lips.”
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Joe Frazier, talking to Ken Norton at a social gathering. Frazier: “Hey man, what you been doing?”; Norton: “My wife just had a baby.”; Frazier: “Congratulations! Whose baby is it?”
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Mark Kaylor: “I’m concentrating so much I don’t know what I’m doing half the time.”
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Willie Pastrano, when asked by the ring doctor if he knew where he was: “You’re damn right I do. I’m in Madison Square Garden getting the shit knocked out of me.”
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Henry Cooper, replying to boxing abolitionist, Baroness Edith Summerskill, about the brutalities of his sport. Baroness: “Mr. Cooper, have you looked in the mirror lately and seen the state of your nose?”
Cooper: “Well madam, have you looked in the mirror and seen the state of your nose? Boxing is my excuse. What’s yours?”
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Eddie Shaw, referring to Herol “Bomber” Graham : “He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem.”
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Mike Tyson, on writer Wallace Matthews: “[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse’. I’m not a recluse.”
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Harry Carpenter: “It’s not one of Bruno’s fastest wins… but it’s one of them.”
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Mark Kaylor: “I’ve only ever seen Errol Christie fight once before and that was the best I’ve ever seen him fight.”
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Randall “Tex” Cobb: “When I got up I stuck to my plan — stumbling forward and getting hit in the face.”
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Muhammad Ali: “I ain’t got no quarrel with those Viet Cong.”
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Blackie Sherrod, talking about a heavyweight contender: “He has everything a boxer needs except speed, stamina, a punch, and ability to take punishment. In other words, he owns a pair of shorts.”
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Max Baer, on Joe Louis: “He hit me 18 times while I was in the act of falling.”
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Harry Kabakoff, on Chango Cruz: “The bum was up and down so many times I thought he was an Otis elevator.”
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Terry Lawless: “He’s standing there making a sitting target of himself.”
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Mike Tyson, to the Nevada State Athletic Commission: “I’m not Mother Teresa. But I’m also not Charles Manson.”
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Nick Wilshire: “I can only see it going one way, that’s my way. How it’s actually going to go I can’t really say.”
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Muhammad Ali: “Howard Cosell was gonna be a boxer when he was a kid—only they couldn’t find a mouthpiece big enough.”
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Tommy Farr: “Every time I hear the name Joe Louis my nose starts to bleed.”
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Muhammad Ali, when asked about his golf game: “I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.”
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Dan Duva, on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: ” Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”
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Alan Massengale, after Don Zimmer got knocked down by Pedro Martinez in the playoffs and Evander Holyfield lost to James Toney.: “I felt sorry for Zimmer this weekend. Next time, if he wants to rumble, maybe he should pick on someone a little closer to his age. Evander Holyfield might be available.”
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Tex Cobb, responding to a reporter who said Cobb was a fat, cocaine snorting , drunk. Cobb replied: “I’m not fat.
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Max Baer, when asked for his definition of fear: “Standing across the ring from Joe Louis and knowing he wants to go home early.”
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Muhammed Ali: “There’s nothing wrong with getting knocked down, as long as you get right back up.”
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George Foreman: “The referee is the most important man in the ring besides the two fighters.”
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Image: gfg.com

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: basicjokes.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
by Mickey Mantle
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After I hit a home run I had a habit of running the bases with my head down. I figured the pitcher already felt bad enough without me showing him up rounding the bases.
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Hitting the ball was easy. Running around the bases was the tough part.
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I always loved the game, but when my legs weren't hurting it was a lot easier to love.
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I hated to bat against Drysdale. After he hit you he'd come around, look at the bruise on your arm and say, 'Do you want me to sign it?'
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It's unbelievable how much you don't know about the game you've been playing all your life.***
When I hit a home run I usually didn't care where it went. So long as it was a home run was all that mattered.
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You don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: basicjokes.com

SPORTS QUOTES
by Leo Durocher
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In the olden days, the umpire didn't have to take any courses in mind reading. The pitcher told you he was going to throw at you.
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Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill.***
You argue with the umpire because there is nothing else you can do about it.
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If you don't win, you're going to be fired. If you do win, you've only put off the day you're going to be fired.
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In order to become a big-league manager you have to be in the right place at the right time. That's rule number one.
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God watches over drunks and third baseman.
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How you play the game is for college ball. When you're playing for money, winning is the only thing that matters.
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Buy a steak for a player on another club after the game, but don't even speak to him on the field. Get out there and beat them to death.***
Give me some scratching, diving, hungry ballplayers who come to kill you.
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I made a game effort to argue but two things were against me: the umpires and the rules.
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