FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: network.nationalpost.com

SPORTS QUOTES

Shooting from the Lip

“If I ever love a man as much as my dog, the guy will have a real problem, because I am all over that dog.” — Australian Open winner Maria Sharapova, pictured, tells the German edition of Vanity Fair that the man she marries will likely have his hands full.

The Count 30,000

The number of dollars (US) allegedly offered to each player of the Namibia national soccer team to fix an upcoming match at the African Nations Cup taking place in Ghana this month.
That is no small amount considering the average annual income in Namibia is around US$1,800 according to the United Nations.

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This comes after Benin coach Reinhard Fabisch told a similar story of being approached by an unidentified man before the start of the tournament about the possibility of manipulating the outcome of games.

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"The players were offered up to $30,000 to lose the game. They were offered half in advance but told they had to be able during the game to manipulate the score on the instructions of the syndicate," said Namibia Football Association president John Muinjo.

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"I'm very proud that my players came to see me straight away,” he added. “I warned them about the impact accepting these sorts of offers could have on their careers. They are a team who believe in fair play."

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Officials form the Confederation of African Football told Reuters an investigation has been launched into the allegations.

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Theatre of the Absurd

Rodriguez to be removed from state if he shows face at hockey game

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Apparently the hatred of former West Virginia University football head coach Rich Rodriguez isn't just restricted to fans of the gridiron. The loathing has spread onto the ice as the West Virgina hockey team is hosting a "Shred Rich Rodriguez" night.

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While the school investigates into the disappearance of player and football program files from Rodriguez's former office, the Wheeling West Virginia Nailers hockey team will give away cheap seats for fans wanting to shred anything depicting the ex football coach.

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Discounted tickets will be given to any fan that brings in a newspaper article or picture of Rodriguez to “contribute to the industrial sized paper shredder that will be stationed in the concourse” according to a Nailers press release.

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The school alleges that Rodriguez destroyed all the paperwork he had accumulated on every player on West Virginia's roster over the last seven years before leaving to coach arch-rival school the University of Michigan.

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The Nailers will also give free tickets to anyone whose name is Rich Rodriguez when the Nailers host the Charlotte Checkers at 7:35 p.m. on Saturday. There are also discounts if your first name is Rich or your last name is Rodriguez. Additionally any fan who wears WVU apparel to the game will receive $2 off their ticket price. Ohio State fans will also receive the discount by wearing their gear to the game to demonstrate their mutual distaste for Michigan.

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The press release even goes as far as stating “any fan caught wearing University of Michigan apparel will be charged double in order to help Rodriguez pay his $4-million buyout to WVU” and “if you actually are Coach Rich Rodriguez then you will be barred from the building and escorted outside state lines.”

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The Wheeling Nailers are the Double-A affiliate of the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Philadelphia Flyers. Coach Rodriguez is credited as leading West Virginia to their first back-to-back top 10 finishes in school history, as well as four consecutive New Year's bowl appearances before taking the Michigan offer.

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: content-usa.cricinfo.com

STUART MACGILL

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CRICKET QUOTES

"Once the ball gets past me it takes me slightly longer than the Queen Mary to turn around, so that's not a good thing for a professional athlete."Stuart MacGill acknowledges his dodgy knee made Test cricket difficult in recent months
Jun 7, 2008

"If we could stop people smoking weed we would have triple the amount of players available. If you can't give up marijuana to play for your country and reach the pinnacle of your sport then you have a serious, serious problem."Bermuda's allrounder Lionel Cann admits to problems facing the national selectors
Jun 7, 2008

"I was very lucky to play under a couple of very good captains in Australia. I played under some average ones, as well. You can make your own mind up which one's which."Shane Warne was not always a fan of his superiors
Jun 6, 2008

"He would be better now to move on, do some more wine shows and things like that and pass a few bottles of red around to us."Terry Jenner isn't terribly excited to have Stuart MacGill continuing for New South Wales
Jun 6, 2008

"Gentlemen, don't believe all what you read in the media."Geoff Lawson has a message, ironically for the media themselves
Jun 5, 2008

"I didn't want to lose my membership for going against the spirit of cricket." Dipal Patel, MCC member, and the inventor of New Zealand's new "micro-shine" trousers, feared for his place in the pavilion
Jun 5, 2008

"I'll probably go to Starbucks and waste a few hours." Ian Blackwell reveals how he plans to spend the day after Somerset's quarter-final against Kent is washed out
Jun 4, 2008

"I do believe that to the ordinary people of our country, games like hockey and football have [more] significance than the world of cricket." Is cricket India's national obsession? Not to the Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, it isn't
Jun 3, 2008

"Signing Kolpak players is like internet shopping. Instead of getting out there and doing the hard yards trying to find what you're looking for, you can just have it delivered to your door." England selector and Warwickshire director of cricket, Ashley Giles, on the overseas influx in county cricket
Jun 1, 2008

"Look, it's your nation, not mine." Kevin Pietersen, explaining in an interview that he gets sent pictures of naked women by fans, reveals the extent of his Englishness
Jun 1, 2008

"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar." Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai
May 31, 2008

"I want to thank the crowd for their support. It was pretty one-sided for Mumbai. Just don't forget some of the Punjab boys also play for India." Yuvraj Singh, the captain of the Kings XI Punjab, isn't pleased with the Wankhede crowd's behaviour
May 31, 2008

"We yearned for strong leadership for years and now Giles has come along and we are terrified." An anonymous county chairman reveals his fears to the Guardian, as Giles Clarke drags English cricket into uncharted waters
May 30, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ftl.pinecrest.edu

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Baseball Quotes

"When they knock you down, you not only have to get up, but you have to make it clear that you won't be knocked down a second time." - Carl Yastrzemski
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“If you're not having fun in baseball, you miss the point of everything.” -Chris Chambliss
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"Give me five players like Robinson and a pitcher and I'll beat any nine-man team in baseball." - Manager Charlie Dressen on Jackie Robinson
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"I am not concerned with being liked or disliked. I am concerned with being respected -Jackie Robinson (Dodgers Infielder 1947 - 1956)
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"The trouble with baseball is that it is not played the year round." - Gaylord Perry
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"That space between the white lines, that's my office. That's where I conduct my business." - Early Wynn
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"One of the beautiful things about baseball is that every once in a while you come into a situation where you want to, and where you have to reach down and prove something." -Nolan Ryan (Mets, Angels, Astros, Rangers Pitcher 1966 - 1993)
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"Good hitters don't just go up and swing. They always have a plan. Call it an educated deduction. You visualize. You're like a good negotiator. You know what you have, you know what he has, then you try to work it out." –Dave Winfield
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"Every great batter works on the theory that the pitcher is more afraid of him than he is of the pitcher." –Ty Cobb
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"If you don't think baseball is a big deal, don't do it. But if you do, do it right." -Tom Seaver
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"I worked real hard to learn to play first. In the beginning, I used to make one terrible play a game. Then, I got so I'd make one a week, and finally, I'd pull a real bad one maybe once a month. At the end, I was trying to keep it down to one a season." - Lou Gehrig, New York Yankees 1B
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"I don't know how anyone can put on a uniform and not care about winning." - Dave LaPoint
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"If you could equate the amount of time and effort put in mentally and physically into succeeding on the baseball field and measured it by the dirt on your uniform, mine would have been black." -Mike Schmidt
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"Different people, different backgrounds, different ideals... We walk in different doors at the beginning of the day, and we walk out of different doors at the end of the day. But when it is time to go out on that field, we all go through the same door." - Scott Rolen, Philadelphia Phillies 3B
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"Anything less would not have been worthy of me. Anything more would not have been possible." - Boston's Carl Yastrzemski
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"A good base stealer should make the whole infield jumpy. Whether you steal or not, you're changing the rhythm of the game. If the pitcher is concerned about you, he isn't concentrating enough on the batter." -Joe Morgan
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"Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put its failures behind and start over again. That's the way life is, with a new game every day, and that's the way baseball is." -Bob Feller
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"There are only two places in this league, First Place and No Place." -Tom Seaver (Mets, Reds, White Sox Pitcher 1967 - 1983)
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"If you've ever been around a group of actors, you've noticed, no doubt, that the can talk of nothing else under the sun but acting...It's exactly the same way with baseball players. Your heart must be in your work." -Christy Mathewson (Giants Pitcher 1900 - 1916)
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Quotes on Pitching “The pitcher has to throw a strike sooner or later, so why not hit the pitch you want to hit and not the one he wants you to hit?” –Johnny Mize
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“Nobody likes the ball low and away, but that's where you're going to get it from me. I been pitching it there 50 years, away from them. That way they can't hurt you. You keep the ball in the park.” - Satchel Paige
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"I'm working on a new pitch. It's called a strike." - Jim Kern
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“Pitching is the art of instilling fear.” -Sandy Koufax Brooklyn Dodgers pitcher 1955-1966
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“Believe me, I would much rather get three outs on three pitches than three outs on nine pitches, because that's going to make me that much stronger at the end of the game. My pitching philosophy is simpe. I believe in getting the ball over the plate and not walking a lot of men.” - Bob Gibson
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"I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it." -Sandy Koufax
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"Put the right pitching mechanics together with good health, and there's nothing surprising about lasting a long time." - Nolan Ryan
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“My job isn't to strike guys out; it's to get them out, sometimes by striking them out.” - Tom Seaver
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"A pitcher's got to be good and he's got to be lucky to get a no hit game." -Cy Young
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"A pitcher will never be a big winner until he hates hitters." -Early Wynn
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"One rule I had was make your best pitch and back up third base. That relay might get away and you've got another shot at him." -Lefty Gomez
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"It's no fun throwing fastballs to guys who can't hit them. The real challenge is getting them out on the stuff they can hit." -Sam McDowell (Indians Pitcher 1961 - 1971)

"The only time I really try for a strikeout is when I'm in a jam. If the bases are loaded with none out, for example, then I'll go for a strikeout. But most of the time I try to throw to spots. I try to get them to pop up or ground out. On a strikeout I might have to throw five or six pitches, sometimes more if there are foul-offs. That tires me. So I just try to get outs. That's what counts - outs. You win with outs, not strikeouts." -Sandy Koufax
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"I'm a Major League 3rd Baseman. If you want to go play in parking lot, I'm suppose to stop the ball." - Brooks Robinson, when asked before the first game of the 1970 World Series if he thought he'd have a problem playing on astroturf for the first time.
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"The test of an outfielder's skill comes when he has to go against the fence to make a catch." - Joe DiMaggio

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: etni.org.il

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SPORTS QUOTES

You can't climb up to the second floor without a ladder....When you set your aim too high and don't fulfill it, then your enthusiasm turns to bitterness. Try for a goal that's reasonable, and then gradually raise it."-- Emil Zatopek

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"Mind is everything: muscle--pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind."-- Paavo Nurmi

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"Hard things take time to do. Impossible things take a little longer."-- Percy Cerutty

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"The mastery of the true self, and the refusal to permit others to dominate us is the ultimate in living, and self-expression in athletics."-- Percy Cerutty

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"If you can't win, make the fellow ahead of you break the record."-- Unknown
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"There's nobody you'd rather beat than your good friend."-- Charles Barkley, about playing against Michael Jordan, 1993.

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"What a player does best, he should practice least. Practice is for problems."-- Duke Snider

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"We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon."-- Emil Zatopek

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"Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body."-- Lynn Jennings
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"When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less."-- Paul Brown

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: usatoday.con

KOBE BRYANT AND FAMILY

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SPORT CLICHES

'It is what it is'

By Gary Mihoces, USA TODAY

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The Sports Quote of 2004 is a simple, five-word line used by many athletes and coaches to sum up troubles of all sorts and send an instant message that it's time to move on:"It is what it is."

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The phrase is not new. Although the origin is uncertain, it has been around for years.
For three seasons as coach of the NFL's Carolina Panthers, John Fox has made it the favorite among his many short, sweet, motivational sayings. He's hardly alone.

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In 2004, in a sports world full of complexities, "It is what it is" has joined the ranks of familiar sports clichés such as, "We're playing them one at a time" and "There is no tomorrow."
"It is what it is" has become the all-purpose alternative to the long-winded explanation.

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What better way to sum up the November spat between the NBA's Indiana Pacers and Detroit Pistons that led to a brawl between Detroit players and Indiana fans in the stands? "Obviously, you never want to see something like that happen, but it is what it is," Pacers guard Reggie Miller said.

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What more can you say when you're an NFL player such as defensive back Robert Griffin of the Cleveland Browns and you have just lost 58-48 to the Cincinnati Bengals?
"It is what it is. We gave up too many big plays — deep balls, long runs," Griffin said after that November game.

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Don Powell, psychologist, sports fan and author of Best Sports Clichés Ever!, has a theory why the phrase has become popular.

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"I think this cliché is a newer sort of cliché. You have athletes becoming more philosophical than they used to be," says Powell, a resident of West Bloomfield, Mich., whose nickname is Dr. Cliché.
Powell says the phrase means, "It's happened. 'I'm going to forget about it. I'm going to move on. ... There is nothing that can be done about it.' "

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Like all popular clichés, he says, it is brief.
"It's almost like a form of shorthand. ... We all know what the clichés mean," he says.
In a stressful situation, it can be instantly comforting and positive, he adds.
"I think there's kind of a subconscious, psychological reason why we like clichés," Powell says. "It has to do with the psychological concept that familiarity breeds comfort."

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Powell describes Bill Belichick, who has coached the New England Patriots to two Super Bowls, as the reigning "king of clichés" among coaches.
He says Belichick makes frequent and effective use of sayings such as, "We're playing them one at a time. We play within ourselves. We're a blue-collar team. We just want to keep it rolling. ... We do all the little things. Each player has a job to do and goes out and does it."
It's no surprise to Powell that Belichick drops an occasional use of, "It is what it is."

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The phrase is not limited to sports.
On the November Tuesday when President Bush was re-elected, the early exit polls were not positive for him early in the day.
"Well, it is what it is," Time quoted Bush as saying.

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Another definition of what that means is in a song written by John Barlow, former lyricist for the Grateful Dead. His song is titled, It Is What It is. Some sample lyrics:
"If you need an explanation, there's a quick and easy answer
Stop thinking for a moment and give this one a try
'Cause it is what it is, what it is, what it is, what it is."
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In all sorts of situations, the same quote kept popping up in 2004:
"I didn't know we were scoring that much, but it is what it is, and we do what we do." —Shawn Marion, during a high-scoring streak by the NBA's Phoenix Suns. (Associated Press, Dec. 16)

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"It is what it is. We'll deal with it." —Bill Belichick, coach of the NFL's New England Patriots, on offensive coordinator Charlie Weis becoming Notre Dame's head coach. (AP, Dec. 13).

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"No Cincinnati questions. I'm not worried about that. It is what it is." — New England Patriots running back Corey Dillon, before facing his former NFL team, the Cincinnati Bengals. (AP, Dec. 12)

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"It is what it is, and I want to move on with the team we have here." — Kobe Bryant of the NBA's Los Angeles Lakers, in the midst of a controversy over the status of injured forward Karl Malone. (AP, Dec. 8).

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"It is what it is, and we've just got to make the most of it." — Claude Terrell, offensive tackle for college football's New Mexico Lobos, on accepting a bid to play in the Emerald Bowl against Navy. (AP, Dec. 1)

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"It is what it is. I can't control it. I can't think about it."— Skip Prosser, men's college basketball coach at Wake Forest, on his team's No. 1 ranking. (AP, Nov. 23)

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"We showed up and gave 100%, and it is what it is."— NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson, after finishing second in the Nextel Cup championship. (AP, Nov. 22)

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"Never in a million years did I think we would be 1-5 at this juncture, but it is what it is."— Mike Minter, safety for the NFL's Carolina Panthers, on his team's start this season. (AP, Oct. 24)

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"It wasn't pleasant, but it is what it is."— Shortstop Barry Larkin, after learning he would not be asked back for another season after 19 years with baseball's Cincinnati Reds. (AP, Oct. 13)

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"It is what it is. We'll make the best of it."— University of California football coach Jeff Tedford, on his team playing four of its first five games on the road. (AP, Sept. 3)

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"It is what it is and you got adrenaline and all that stuff."— Kerry Wood, Chicago Cubs baseball pitcher, on being ejected following a flap with an umpire. (AP, April 17)

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"Somebody sort of egged me on, and it is what it is. I can't take it back. You just learn from it."— NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon, on an exchange of words with a television cameraman after Gordon's private plane made an emergency landing in Cincinnati. (AP, March 20)

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